Purple Eyes

“look up at the stars” he says whilst looking up at the night sky. “Make a wish with all your heart and soul... when you do, truly honestly believe it will come true.” It was about 5 years ago, the day before he left. His eyes so intently looking up at the starry sky as if it where his own paradise, lost in the world of the night and left being concealed and hidden. Trapped in a moonlit stance. Foolish really, I was. As I sat there perched on the edge of the window to my second story apartment, looking up at the night sky, truly honestly wishing he would come back. 

 I wish I could cry, the tears from that day swelling in his deep purple eyes. But I can’t and never will, that’s the problem with promises. My head falls into my hands as my breathing becomes shaky, I hear his voice returning my empty screams “I wish I could see you,” he says, his eyes like waterfalls “ I wish I was real “ he shouts. I desperately covered my ears, but the word continued again and again in my head. My nails dig into my scalp as clenched hands yank at my hair, my eyes dart from side to side, up and down until it finally stops. Leaving me shaking, my stomach upturned.  

I can neither sleep nor eat not now nor the past week as I tiptoe to my bedroom window shakily and unsteadily. My head is filled with the sweet memories, cascading into my head and ringing in my ears. I fill my lungs with the sweet scent of cotton candy, just like the smell of his cologne sprayed on the collar of his shirt, the nostalgic feeling making my body tingle with warmth. I hate that. “Or maybe it’s because I hate you,” I said aloud yet in a soft shaky tone “I hate you but love you, and I hate that.” I exhale as the warmth leaves my lungs alone to let shiver, the cloudy sobs falling on my pale shoulder. They roll down my skin leaving the trail of a salty stream, continuously gushing down my arm to join the small ocean on my bedroom floor. There not my tears, they're from somewhere above me, from someone who seems trapped in a moonlit stance, his purple eyes shining just like the stars he seemed ever so enchanted by. 

 His face seems crushed and crumpled as if it were a piece of paper thrown in the trash, wincing in the emotional pain and screaming in the emotional panic. Desperately clinging to every emotion and clutching every fear. “Stop,” he whimpered in fear, “STOP TRYING TO FORGET ME!” he yelled in anguish, the tears still pouring down his face. My head immediately sank into my hands as the world around me began to spin, as if I was tipsy but instead aware that I was perfectly sober. “you're not real, not real... not real” I murmured again and again and again as the sobs and screams continued in my head. Helpless and unable to drown out the noise, I sat there in a state of external panic. Everything around me was washed into a slow-motion meanwhile I felt an icy hand grab my wrist.

“I’M NOT REAL?!” he yells at the top of his voice; I can almost see the strain implicated onto his vocal cords as if they were about to break. Another icy hand emerges as he places them both on my shoulders. His nails dig into my back and I scream in pain, the blood staining my spotless white shirt. The pair of trembling hands send a shiver down my spine, as they vigorously shake my whole body back and forth, back and forth. “IF I’M NOT REAL THEN WHAT AM I TO YOU?” his voice’s pitch escalates, straining his throat even further “JUST ANOTHER RANDOM STRANGER YOU DENY EVER KNOWING?” he cries bitterly “WHAT IF I WANT TO BE REAL... WHAT IF IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU!” 

Eire silence fills the air. The guilt rises inside of me as both our eyes, now drenched with water, are left shuddering. He heads for the window, which usually would've been locked but was left ajar since this evening. The starry sky made my whole-body shake, my legs felt glued to the cold, hard, laminate floorboards as my stomach began to churn. In a rapid, unexplainable movement my hands began to twitch and tremble, my nails barely grazing the palms of my hands as I stood there unable to fully portray my emotions.  

He leaps, my body following within a spilt second, unable to realise how this has doomed my fate. I desperately try to grab his wrist, but my hand seems translucent as it passes through him, a pair of purple eyes stare deep into my soul with pure panic. They get smaller and smaller and smaller. My body almost seems to ricochet as it hits the ground my eyes turning my surroundings black and white, all except his eyes and the silver sparkling stars above us. My life flashes before my eyes as I begin to recall what he had said. 

“Look up at the stars,” he whispered in his soft, gentile and canorous voice “see how they dance across the sky.” My eyes glance upwards as I continue the brief flashback. “when they fly across the sky, that’s when you can wish the strongest.” he hesitated “wish on a shooting star for me... I’ll always be waiting.” A single tear drop runs down from my eye as I break my promise. I see the stars flying across the sky, almost as quickly as blood gushes out of my head. Staring deep into his purple eyes, I clench my fists and wish with all my heart and soul. “Be real,” I strain my voice using my remaining strength “Be real... for me..." i drily weep "meet me in the next life..” I plead, my eyes unable to produce tears.

Deeply inhaling, the shining stars become nothing more than a blur. I can’t see anything, all except a pair of purple eyes, almost in a moonlit stance. Staring directly down at me in a state of immense panic. “I’ll miss you” I can swear I almost heard him say, or maybe that was just what my heart yearned him to say as i gave him the same response "I'll miss you too." As those purple eyes continued staring and my icy body and deep into my lingering soul.