Free Beer

‘How about another round, Bill?’

‘Sure, why not Angus? And this one is on you.’

‘No argument, there mate,’ as Angus waves to Millicent behind the bar for two more glasses.

‘Listen, this is my last one Angus, the missus is going to kill me. It is after midnight and I got to work in the morning.’

‘OK, Bill, this is the last one for tonight.’

Bill smiles, knowing the last beer is always the nicest.

‘Great, but I am not leaving here until you tell me the story you told Tony last week. He said to me it was a true story about how you met your wife, but I do not believe it. So, Bill, I am all ears. Tell me the story and let me decide.’

Millicent overhears the conversation and tells the boys; ‘Wait, you are the last two, so I am going to lock up and I also want to hear this love story as well. Go over that table and I will join you as soon as I can and bring you the last round.’

‘Great mate. Will do,’ says Bill as he heads for the table. ‘I’m going to the loo, back in a second,’ says Angus.

Bill sits at the table to wait for them and starts remembering.

Yes, he was looking for love but could not find the right individual, that woman that would be a superb partner, a good listener, an excellent friend. His friends suggested taking a trip, travel overseas, meet new people you never know. So, without thinking much about it, he booked himself on a tour group to Vietnam.

That was the first time he saw Munchie.

He was on the riverbanks of the Mekong River in the province of Can Tho Vietnam getting ready for a routine sightseeing trip and he saw her. Munchie, he gave her she that name the same day. She was munching on something and looked up at him as he waited for the boat to get ready. She stopped and came to him and just jumped on his lap where he was sitting. Bill was not really an animal person, but this cat was different. She had something, so he grabbed her and placed her on the boat as they shoved off.

Munchie had no issues being on the sightseeing boat as it leisurely travelled along the river with the guide pointing out the sights. Munchie even looked at the people in the boat, especially at the ladies, but Bill never thought much of it.

This routine went for a couple more minutes when Munchie runs off and Bill chases her just to bump into an attractive woman also on the sightseeing boat from another tour group. It turned out and almost knocks her down.

Exchanging apologies, Bill sits next to her to make sure she is OK, and Munchie comes back and sits next to him, which startles the woman, but when Bill picks up Munchie, the lady relaxes, and a nice conversation begins between Bill and the attractive woman.

They seemed to get along just great when Munchie arches her back and bellows like a cat from hell and out of the blue, the boat hits a sand bank and tips overthrowing all the passengers into the river. During all this excitement and confusion, Bill somehow grabs Munchie, and he swims to the shore and so do all the passengers, but he never sees the lady again. She must have gone to the other side of the riverbank.

Everyone in the boat congratulated Bill for saving Munchie, but he wondered where the attractive woman was, but he never saw her again.

Weeks later, he experienced the second time that he met a woman with Munchie in toe. In the last week of his holiday in Vietnam, the heat was unbearable, and while Bill carried Munchie in his backpack, he had something to cool down.

He had heard of a local drink called cà phê cốt dừ which was a concoction that could do several things for you. I said that the coffee drink could be a pick-me-up, a fill-me-up, and a cool-me-down, all at once, and Bill was ready for it. He was also told the coffee blend was a traditional drip coffee with coconut milk, fresh milk, and condensed milk. Then the concoction is spooned into a glass and served. It was like a fun tropical twist, kind of like a coffee cocktail, and when Bill found a poster with one displayed on it, he stopped for one.

As Bill waited for the coffee to be made, he took Munchie out of his backpack and started rubbing her neck like she always liked and looked around the café.

Busy was one word that came to mind, along with full. That is how the café was this scorching morning. The café is full of locals and tourist alike. When the coffee arrived looking marvellous, he asked for a small bowl and pour some for Munchie. Placing Munchie on the ground next to him, he watched as she enjoyed her share. Bill was not sure if coffee was good for a cat, but it was extremely hot, and Munchie just lapped it up.

 A few minutes pass and Bill was savouring his coffee when Munchie jumps on the table and begins bellowing. She arches her back and hisses loudly. Bill is alarmed by her action, but all he sees is a Vietnamese lady standing in front of him and motioning if she could sit next to him on the empty chair.

Bill places Munchie back on the ground, gets up and holds the chair for the lady to sit. She has a wonderful smile and, in broken English, starts speaking to Bill, asking him questions about his stay in Vietnam.

Before you know it, an hour passes, then two and they order lunch and then coffee.

As Bill is entranced with Bian, he found her name had a wonderful tone to it, and as the coffee arrives Bill reaches out to hold Bian’s hand, but Munchie hits the server’s hands and the freshly made cà phê cốt dừ spills all over Bian who jumps off her chair.

Bill quickly takes out his handkerchief, but it is not enough to clean the mess Munchie had created, and he tells her to wait that he will get something from the maître d’hôtel to clean her up and leaves her standing there.

It takes just a minute or two for the maître d’hôtel to realise what happened, and he comes out to help, but Bian is not anywhere. She left, and all Bill has is Munchie sitting on Bian’s chair, patiently waiting for him to return.

Grabbing the cat, Bill pays the for the meal and looks down the street for Bian but no luck, she is not to be seen. ‘Man, what luck? First the lady on the boat and now Bian,’ Bill puts Munchie in his backpack and shrugs his shoulders as he hoists the bag over his back and starts walking back to his hotel.

Getting Munchie back to Australia was one big hassle involving a lot of paperwork and vaccinations against feline enteritis, rhinotracheitis and calicivirus. These vaccinations need to be valid through the quarantine period, which runs between ten to twenty days, but it was worth it because Bill always thought Munchie was special and she became quite a splendid companion.

Life was good for both Bill and Munchie. He left every morning for work, leaving her at home with plenty of food and water and each night, unlike most cats, she would wait for him by the front window to see his car pull up the driveway. Every time Bill saw her from his car, he would say to himself that Munchie was one special cat indeed.

One of the first things Bill did after getting Munchie out of quarantine he ordered her a special collar with her name and his address printed on it as well as his mobile phone in case Munchie got lost which he always thought was a possibility even though she seldom left the house.

Being a cautious man proved to be a blessing, for as luck would have it, Munchie did one night jump over the back fence and disappear for two days and nights.

Bill walked around the neighbourhood, left posters on trees and light poles offering a reward, but no one rang him. Maybe she got hit by a car? Thought Bill. Maybe animal control picked her up? If so, I should get a call soon, or so he hoped.

After two weeks, Bill felt that something had indeed happened to Munchie and he better accept the fact she was not returning home when his front doorbell sounds.

Opening the door, Bill sees a gorgeous woman in her mid-twenties holding Munchie in her arms.

‘Hi,’ she says, ‘I believe this cutie belongs to you.’

‘Yes, indeed she does, and thank you so much for finding her. I was looking for two weeks to no avail. Again, thank you so much.’

‘My pleasure. I would have brought her sooner but somehow, she got her collar off, and I did not find it in the back yard until this morning when I saw all your information and I decided since you were close, I just drive up and return her to you.’

‘So, kind of you, please come in. May I offer you a coffee?’

‘That would be lovely, and my name is Sally,’ as she hands Munchie over to him.

‘Nice to meet you, Sally. My name is Bill…. Well, you know that.’

‘Yes, I do,’ as she giggles to him.

As Bill places Munchie on the floor, Munchie rushes to the lounge and sits herself in the centre of it and watches Bill and Sally.

She is friendly and quite a conversationalist and Bill quickly is taken up by her. As he walks the two coffees to the lounge, motioning to Sally to sit next to him, Munchie quickly arches her back, bellows loudly and jumps straight into Sally, who stumbles onto Bill, spilling the coffee all over herself.

‘Why, this is one bitch-cat, Bill! She is mean. She just ruined my dress! Look at me!’

‘Í am so sorry Sally. I am not sure why she did that. Let me pay for the cleaning.’

‘I am out of here. Damn bitch-cat,’ and she heads for the front door, opens it and without looking back at Bill, she slams the door behind her.

Bill runs after Sally, but she is gone.

He is now pissed at Munchie and as he turns to give her a big scolding, Munchie is not there but a tall, dark-haired woman in her thirties in a long black gown.

‘Hi Bill, my name is Minerva, and I have chosen you to be my mate.’

‘What the hell? How did you get in here? Where is my cat?’

‘Bill, I am she and I am also Minerva, Queen of Cats and I have been looking for my soulmate for the past three-thousand years and I found you in Vietnam. Here I am now, just for you.’

‘Wait a minute, you are Munchie? How is that even possible?’

‘Anything is possible when you look for love, Bill, as I have and as I know you have.’

‘This is not right. This is wild. You are telling me you can turn from a cat into a woman?’

‘Yes, Bill, I can and back into a cat. Do you want to see?’

‘Yes, I would.’

Minerva waves her hands above her head and instantly she becomes Munchie, and she rushes back to the lounge and with a slight purr transforms herself back to Minerva.

Bill is stunned.

‘Well Bill, how about you come and sit next to me and let’s talk about us for a bit?’

Bill goes and sits next to Minerva and spends the next six hours conversing with her and sharing their lives stories.

Three months later they married and are happy as peach.

‘ÓK Bill, I locked up,’ says Millicent, ‘and here are the beers. Come on, Angus. Let Bill share with us his love story.’

Taking a sip of his beer, Bill starts his story for them.

‘Well, I’ll be damn. That is one hell of a yarn, Bill. Tony said it was good, and it was very entertaining. True, I do not think so, but certainly worth spending a few dollars on a pint for you.’

‘Agree,’ said Millicent. ‘These are in the house, Angus, so do not worry. I also enjoyed this farce. Now Bill, Angus, get out. It has been a long night.’

As Bill goes home, he wonders how lucky he is.

He is married to a wonderful woman and, to boot, who would have guessed at all the free beer he is getting by simply telling his true love story.