Wild and Curious

Submitted into Contest #60 in response to: Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.... view prompt

2 comments

Fantasy Funny Science Fiction

David Spencer and Marcus had voulentered to to go out into the dark grainy very unpleasant night to search for life and food.

And being as none of the other occupants of the dim little bunker had put their hand up to take on the task.

"I guess were off then you all ok with that?." David sarcastically bowed down to them. "Nothing then quiet as the grave in here it is and it will be if we don't come back with anything. "

They set off into the post apocalyptic night. And yes it was that time, deadly viruses and global warming had taken its toll on this floating rock we call home.

They were very much hand in front of them trying to find their way through the dense night.

"Do you suppose their is much chance of intelligent life left out here?." Spencer sarcastically questioned.

"Who knows not much of it before. "Sniggered David.

Soon they came upon a fence with a gate and they could vaguely make out a few buildings in the grey.

"Should we give it a try, might be a farm?." Marcus said ."Worth a try might at least have some grain or something else." David replied.

So they headed towards the buildings.

They found a large barn mostly broken but still standing and attempted to go inside.

"Excuse me can i help you at all?." A booming voice questioned from the barn. "Sorry!!." Said David" "Did not think anyone would be in here to be honest "

"Well there is actually and we live in here and have for sometime, this is after all a barn where else would we be living?." "In a house possibly?."Spencer replied.

"Why would we do that?."

There was a pause between the three friends and they just looked at each other and shrugged. "Obvious reasons I suppose, anyway could we come in and introduce ourselves formally?." Said David." Why not it's the formal thing to do."

As they pushed open the decrepit door and stepped further In, their eyes became a little more adjusted to the darkness .

There was very little inside the barn, some hay stacked up in the corner and a little in the hey loft and in the back in a stall was a cow and a couple of sheep all together in a corner.

"I am afraid we can't see you at all there appears to be only a cow and some sheep, are you hiding?." Said David."

"Well actually you just said you seen me, I am actually a cow that is what I am a damn cow, and know what your next question will be , something like why in the name of all that is holy is a cow talking, good question and my answer to that is, I have no idea just happened, one day quite happy mooing away then the sky turns black smoke comes down and you lot broke everything and here we are."

The three friends stood where they were somewhat stunned.

"Right ok must be something in the air we will be off because I think we have gone mad." David replied as they started to back out of the barn.

"Don't be like that I presume your looking for food and here we are as much as I would rather not be eaten that's what you do."

"We can't eat you your talking to us that would be unforgivable your quite friendly and frankly very amusing. "

"Well pleased to hear it that has never happened before your food giving you a conscience, I dont suppose you could find us food then hey has become boring?."

"Not much else I'm afraid the planet is a bit dried up." David replied shrugging his shoulders.

At this moment the friends decided to call it a day and carry on in search of food elsewhere as the thought of eating such an amusing cow was not at all reasonable. At least not without an amusing little house wine.

And as they started to leave the friends wished the cow and the very quiet sheep good luck and hoped they would be ok .

"Did that actually happen or are we being affected by whatever is lurking in the air, I think we are losing the plot?." David asked as he walked off with the others following with an absolutely baffled look ontheir faces.

They now decided that this was probably a futile mistake and they should return to the bunker as soon as possible before anything remotely as crazy happened again and things got worse if that was at all possible.

On the way back they all decided that they should make a plan to not speak of this to the others as they would likely be regarded as mentally unbalanced and be thrown out of the bunker as something of a risk.

"Well what are we going to do about the food situation the cow was in fact quite willing to submit herself to our plates, and I think that was very noble of her?." Spencer pointed out.

Marcus and David turned and looked at him shocked.

"And what about the sheep they never said a word we could have eaten them their personalities were definitely lacking?."

"No not happening we will head back and stand our ground as the cow did with us, besides she needs someone to talk to even if it is the sheep."

So they made their way back to the bunker and once back inside they just reported that there was nothing outside and they should wait until there is more convenient time to head out for food.

Time passed and things got a little bit awkward after Spencer was letting slip stories of the talking cow.

There were murmurs of craziness.

"What should we do about this I am feeling a bit like they are wanting to throw us out and I am not to keen on living out there?." David was getting worried and anxious.

"So let's go and visit the cow again frankly the conversation was definitely a step up from here."

So they headed out into the grey yet again to te kindle the friendship with thei bovine buddy.

They arrived back at the barn and entered, it was quiet and as they opened the barn door a familiar voice boomed out at them.


"Well hello again friends good to see you all how have you been?."

" Not so great as it turns out unfortunately with have been holed up with a bunch of brain dead zombies and become essential that we leave for our own sanity."

David explained.

So they came in and sat down in front of the cow.

"So what is your plan now you are welcome to stay here if you like ,not very comfortable but it does at a push." The cow explained.

They were talking amongst themselves when there was a rustling from where the sheep were last time they were here .

Then they turned around to see a face in the hey appear it was a top of a human head,but that was where the human resemblance finished the the rest of the the face was just slithers of flesh hanging off of the skull, there were no eyes and the teeth seemed to protrude out of the skull gnashing together like a rabid dog,

The three friends jumped up rushing and screaming towards the door, but they were cut off by two more of the flesh dripping zombies.

As they were held by the rotting gnashing generally unpleasant creatures. They looked over to the cow and Spencer asked "Why did you do this to us I thought we were friends?."

And the cow then started to shake and her head seemed to start to fall apart it split right down the middle and out of the middle came another fleshy dripping skull with one eye protruding and sitting on its cheek like marble attached to elastic bands.

"So you guys are back" it chimed through its snarling teeth.

They recognised the voice of the cow.

"Surprise not what you thought then haha "it was laughing and holding its head back and you could see in the sinews in the the throat dangling .

"Honestly only humans would have the audacity to assume a animal with a supposed consciousness would offer itself up for a meal willingly."

"Good point I suppose Marcus said as he watched his foot disappear down the zombies guttural throat.


September 20, 2020 10:15

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2 comments

Sara Wingshow
06:59 Oct 03, 2020

Great story! Try not to cut every line into a new paragraph and also try to make the first line of your story more intense and catchy. Apart from that, this story was good!

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Wendy Duncan
14:42 Oct 04, 2020

Thank you I really appreciated the feedback.

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