Just Breathe, John.

    The water seemed endless, but I breached the surface after what felt like an eternity of struggle. The air eases the ache in my lungs as each breath reminded me that I was alive and I was going to be okay. Almost every moment up until now felt like a fever dream, the dancing, the alcohol, and the lights.

    The water bit my skin causing shaking that I felt in my bones. I saw no signs of the people I was with, although I barely remembered their faces in all fairness. I had no idea where I was or how I got here. I was far out from the island. The lights from the floating cabanas filled the air. A massive building in the distance dwarfed them in comparison. They seemed like ethereal lanterns beckoning me back to shore. I began to remember that that was my hotel and needed to get back as soon as possible. 

    I began to swim towards the lights, unknowing if this was where I was before the blackout, but dry land seemed like the best option. I did my best to swim to the shore. I was clumsy as I had never enjoyed swimming much in my life, but I managed. Memories began to invade my thoughts, ones that I never wanted to think of again. Memories that were best left alone. I heard Katie's voice in my head. The words are almost as clear as the day she said them, almost like she was there beside me swimming toward the lights.

    John, I don’t think we can do this anymore. The words made my heart clench. I pushed harder, forcing myself to move as fast as I could. The gentle breeze made the parts of my skin feel numb. I clenched my teeth at the pain. I must have hit it on something. 

    Pull yourself together John, I am trying my best here, and you don’t seem to care. It had been a month since the breakup. I was ashamed of the low I had fallen to, overworked and too tired to pay attention, drinking myself to sleep to take away from the pain as my life wasted away in front of me. I was thirty and still as a bank teller, both of my businesses failed, and I was in debt. Katie didn’t understand. Her parents fed her whatever money or gifts she wanted. I paid for everything for her, and I was still not good enough. 

    My lungs began to burn as the air that felt like pure bliss was now my enemy. I paused and turned my attention to getting my breathing in check and ignored the sting and ache in my muscles. I was too out of shape for this. 

Ryan convinced me that a vacation was what I needed and brought me to the hotel his uncle owned. 

    Forget about her man, all she had was money, and she was not worth any more of your time. Ryan punched me in the arm. I agreed to go and get drunk and do drugs. It had consumed my entire time here. I don't remember one second that I was sober besides now. I regretted it all because now I would freeze to death in the middle of the ocean.

 I started my trek forward again. The sky seemed to get darker as I swam toward the shore. I heard a sky boat horn and looked up. I belonged to the hotel, waving my arms in an attempt to flag it down and screaming until my throat was raw. Hoping for it to stop and save me from what seemed like over an hour of swimming. The boat carried on toward the hotel, leaving me to wade cold and alone in the frigid and dirty water. Trying not to overthink, I began to push again, my arm still felt like lightning was shooting through it, and the soreness in my back got worse, but I would not let myself die out here. 

The pain returned in my lungs, and I slowed my swimming down. I turned over onto my back and began to glide backwards. I was easier on my body and didn't feel as difficult, but I knew I was going much slower. My toes felt like they had fallen off, but a quick look reassured me that they were still there, the same effect I began to notice in my finger as I became aware of my body once more. The cold began to cause pain, and it radiated throughout my body, the movement helped, but it still wasn’t even to keep me warm. 

I hate you! You seriously thought flowers would fix everything! You know what, John, I’m tired of this. I’m going to my parents and don’t you dare text me! The slam of the front door still rang in my ears.

    If I got out of this alive and didn’t end up another missing person, I was going to change my entire life. I was going to move to Central and pursue my designer career. Get a massive house on the hill and spend time with the people I love. I was wasting my life, and it took a drug trip and a bad party to realize it. It is not too late for me. 

The water bit into my belly as I turned back over, the island seemed closer now, and the hotel seemed much larger. I had no way of telling how much time had passed, and I tried not to focus on it too much. I thought about the girl from college that was super into me. I remember her name being Emilia. I chose Katie instead, for the stupid and selfish reason that it was good for my image. I hope she wasn’t mad still. Maybe she would give me a chance if she wasn’t taken or married.

The water began to churn around my creating waves, I began to struggle to keep afloat. Water invaded my lungs before I had the time to stop it. The current threw me around like a ragdoll, and I was hopeless to stop in. I imagined that this was what it was like to be in a washing machine.

My body slammed into the ocean floor a few times. I knew I had cut myself on a rock or a piece of coral from the burning feeling on my leg. The current slowed down enough to force me back to the surface. Every one of my body screamed for air, and I pushed hard for the surface, and when I breached, that familiar blissful feeling filled my lungs.

Slow down, John. An unfamiliar voice rang in my head. I realized that I was hyperventilating, and It was making me nauseous. I slowed down my breathing, and honestly, I felt like a mission dollars.

In the distance, I saw a large boat speeding away and around the side of the island.

The island, to my surprise, was much closer. The current had pushed me much closer and in the matter of about a minute. The sting radiating in my leg told me that I really had to go before it got infected.

My muscles began to protest as I swam harder than I ever had in my life. The shore began to get so close I felt like I could touch it. I could almost feel the sand on my feet. My back began to hurt so bad that I almost couldn't straighten it out. I ignored it and kept pushing. Everything was going to change.

Everything in my body told me to stop, but my heart and mind told me to go. If I was going to live, I had to try. Giving up now for sure would kill me in every literal sense of the word.

My foot touched the muddy ground under the water, and I knew I was home free, the beach still seemed far, but I knew that I was going to make it. My brain spinning with the thoughts of possibilities.

I'm going home and see my parents. I'll go to work and pick up a second job. I'll get out of debt, I'll find Emilia, I'll work hard and make myself the most well-known designer ever!

I was able to begin walking on the sand below me. The feeling of the sand between my toes made me cry. I began screaming for help. My voice was hoarse from seeing water and my prior yells for help. I felt light-headed, and I wasn't sure why everything seemed faint and mute. I was sure no one would hear me, and I would be stranded on the beach like a whale. A bartender on the beach actually looked up at what felt like barely audible yells. The water around me began to turn red and lap up onto the beach.

The bartender grabbed something and began running toward me. Holding what I assumed to be a phone up to his ear. The relief I felt almost made me give in and fall into the water, but I kept pushing forward promising myself on more step was all I needed to take.

The farther I got out of the water, the heavier I felt. I fell to my knees in the water. It was just under my chin, I crawled forward, and even then, once the water was below my hips, I began to feel so heavy again—the ache and strain of my muscles caused me to collapse. The bartender ran through the water and began dragging me to shore. I closed my eyes as exhaustion began to take me.

I could smell the blood in the water. I didn't know people could smell blood, really. I never had before. Maybe it was because there was never enough abundance of it to be fragrant. The air around me felt colder than the water, and I almost wished for the embrace of the water once more. The sound of the bartenders' voice began to fade into my reality.

"He's really pale, and he's bleeding a lot.......... Yes, but it is very shallow.......I"m already putting pressure on it........I don't know. Maybe he fell off an airship........Okay....." The bartender stopped talking. My lungs began to feel tighter than before, so I began to try to take more air in, and it seemed to make it worse. The world felt like it was moving around me.

Just breathe, John. Everything will be okay. Chose her or me but know that I know who you are and you are better than this.

I heard voices in the distance. The air seemed to come easier now as the warmth swept over me. If I could breathe, then I would be alright. All I would ever need to do is breathe.

I felt the need to open my eyes. The strength was there all of a sudden. I looked up at the dark sky and the stars and satellites that floating inside of it. One star shone the brightest and caught my attention. Part of me felt like it was an angel watching over me, giving me one more chance to be better.

I smiled at the star. The warmth began to lull me into sleep. I silently thanked the star. I will not waste my life, And the world faded to black.