Emojti

Dogos Facility M-39 Qaltozz

Kaybok System

Jutrogol Planetoid

Please excuse writing, I was in a hurrah. I gotta get up at the asscrack of dawn.

12/31/2322

Dear Pal,

This here's a shit way to start out the New Year. This horseshit is not what I signed up for. Don't ever work for no dam alien company unless you really like rocks, and wanna live like fucking Yoda and Luke Skywalker on extra terrestricle walrus milk, this is for the birds.

I failed the examnations. Too many dam questions about alien currancy, marrage laws and time zone restriction. So they say they're sending me home, but it's too expensive, Ive all that training, so they do the nest best thing and drop me off at this Godforsaken rock in the literal middle of fucking nowhere - they've got some crap special project I can sposedly do by myself. The aliens call this "Work at home," but it ain't no home I'd want to stay at!

I'm out on Jutrogol, a satalite of a ice planet named Vowuma. Its part of the Kaybok soler system. I can watch Kaybok rise and fall through the cameras.

Hell of a place. The outside looks like the moon, `cept robins egg blue. Ain't nothing to see for mi's except rock. No air or atmosphere, either, and they diden give me no good space suit. The thing I have only works for a short jog to a spaceship or the supply drop. Lord knows what should happen if the inside air system fales.

I'm gonna work, eat, sleep, shower in one tiny cavern. The place looks like the kind of setup they'd have at some science station in Antarctica, if they'd chiselt it outa rock. Up front I got my call drum, a holografic moviestudio phone rig that ensurs nobody gets to see what kind of hovel I'm rilly living in. I have a ruff sort of bunk bed to one side, with far too few blankets for my taste, a sad excuse for a kitchen...I have a sort of interactive movie box thing powered by a solar battery, but it's all alien shit. I try to lern the language by watching and doing the educational module, but I just fall asleep. If I knew what I'd be doing with my time I sure as hell would have brought more to entertain myself.

They melted the icecap somehow, so I always have a water supply. Not sure how it worx, it comes from underground somehow, but it's dam cold and it takes the water heater awhile to warm up.

My air comes from a tank fulla algee in the another chamber. I can't see in very well, but Ive seen enuf. It's just plant lites and gallons o' pond scum in there. I think there's something moving around in there, machine or living, I don't really know.

My bathroom has a shower, but I only have a sink in the kitchen, and the toilet here's just a vacuum pump with a hose and cup atachment. Ain't no walls or door for privacy neither.

I don't have windows. You cain't therefor tell if its day ore nite unless you look at the camera feed, and that's spotty due to varyous tech problems.

No dishwasher, no clothes washer or drier. If I want my things washed, I have to put them in the shower and hangdry. Cheap basterds. 

Well, there's your grand tour. Nothing else much to say about the place, except it smells like melted plastic and old cheese, and my feet are never warm. My thermostat seems to have only two settings - unbearbly hot and off.

Today was my first day. I didn't have to do no work on account of me getting settled into my new digs. This big hairy squirrel looking cyclops thing named Dobaruc showed me around the place and helped me move in. It took all of twenty minutes, and then he was gone, leaving me alone in this shithole.

O yeah, I can send BS like this across space, but no pictures or video for some reason. Guess it's like how you can use static to send morse code on a phone, as if anyone uses phones anymore. 

There's no autacorrect on this thing - it's not actly bilt fore no English at all, and I'm not riting a term papers.

Happy New Year. Ha.

1/1/2323

This is hell of a job, like some boring fagoty video game were yore standing all the time. 

I'm reqired to wear a shiny PVC sort of leotard, big orange logo embazoned across the chest like some gay superhero. Sorry excuse for a uniform, if you ask me. I guess they don't have washers because your expected to wear it all the time. There's no one around to smell me, and if I spill food, it wipes right off.

Not enough room in that little pod to dance - I bet they'd make me if they could.

Right now I'm just a transfer agent. I got this vibrating dog coller/ID badge thing that goes off every time someone from a nearby planet calls about clothing orders or financial producs. I tell them to wait and push a button to send them elswere. Those "someones" are alien, of course, but they're always the same type, and we don't talk.

Yellow, half human bird monsters, that's what they look like to me. One was fat enough to be a stunt double on Sesame Street.

I'm too work 14 hr shifts every day, basically enough for a quick shower and sleep before the next shift. At least they count the meals as "breaks," or I'd end up starved and exhasted. 

Mangment knows a human being cain't take more than 16 hrs without fuckin everything up, even with caffeine. That being said, it's gonna be a lot, and you don't even get piss breaks, I'm lucky to get a time out for meals. The lower half of my man bikini is like a diaper with tubes in it. I hook the vaccum hose to it when it gets full. Its best to rinse it out every day. Again, nobody around to smell me.

Ive got a good two months worth of TV dinner type rations in the freezer. They pretty much all look the same though they say theirs more than one type. This one tastes like dog food.

Well, gotta finish up and get back in call pod.

23:00

Can't sleep. Couldn't sleep the night before either, but I thought it was just me not being used to a new place. Now I'm startin' to think it is the place.

You'd think working on a dead rock would mean abslute silence, but I can hear rocks cracking all the time, like there about to colapse. I hear the water system gargling, and swear I hear wind, and scratching. There shouldn't be no wind at all, no atmosfere, you see.

Wish I had some beer, but aliens don't have no alcohol, they have caffine to do the job, whitch means I get shipment of the shit to drink and it does nothing but make me alert and jittery. Wouldn't be surprised if they started giving me curdle milk like Alien Nation.

No smokes, either. At the maincenter, they had addiction counselor, but I guess they figure its easy as pie to quit cold turkey if no one gives you shit. Thank God I'm not fat ore I'd proly be stuck with a years worth of tofu and salad.

I diden have time to splain what's in my call pod earlier. Honestly, not much to tell, they got soundproof walls, and a screen that does like that old Peewee's Playhouse show, and make you look like yore on the beach or in an office or on the moon when yore rilly not. Boss says I can't bring any food ore drink in the pod, `cept if I put it in the ginny pig bottles stuck to the wall. I put my water and alien coffee in em. We got a bench to sit on, but I hardly ever use it on account of bean reqird to stand when ever a new customer calls me.

It has a heater, but it only warms from my legs up, my feet are still freezing.

We have a sort of texting app in their whitch I can use to talk to my boss and asociates from the training place. Cain't see there pictures as all the bannwith has to go to the calls, but that's about all I have for a social life rite now. You can send basic stuff like that emotejis, but that's it.

My main purpose of this job is to keep customers on the line until a senior agent picks up. My station also keeps the customer linked up with the main station so's the signal don't get lost on the way over. That's the theory anyway. We do have extra satlite dishes and relay eqipment that don't seem to have no other purpose, so I gess its for that. Mgmt says they're going to train me sometimes, so I can do more than just connect calls. Well see.

Ive had some language training, and they got a translater system in the pod, so I can ans a few basic questions, I'm just afraid that one is gonna start arguing with me about a product and a bill and bobody connex me in time. Hasn't happened yut but if one of those relay system decide to brake...

Guess I shouldn't worry. I have a script to read, am always saying the same things, so I don't communicate as much as re-gurgitate. Don't know when that'll change, if ever.

Since I stare at bird things all day long, I get to wondering about them and their lives. Ive seen some pretty interesting scenary, and a lot of weird getups. Its really to(o) bad that I cain't speak their language enough to ask them a few questions, tho I suspect in doing so I might find myself outa a job.

I'm gonna try sleeping again.

1/2/2323

Twas a rough nite. I had to overcompsate with alien Buvca coffee stuff, had to get up to pee last nite, and when I laid back down, I could swear I heard mice or something scampering in the walls. Course their aint know mice on this dead moon, just my imagnation probaly, and the rocks settling in. Hope this sthing doesn't fall in on my head, ain't know one out there to help me if it did. Had a nice dream, though, about back home and the tranning center.

Speaking of whitch, a lot of my classmates passed and got to stay ay the station. A couple diden, and there out on rocks like mine. They keep us to(o) busy to use the chat, mostly so I don't get much detail, and when I reach my bed break time, I'm not allowed to go in their and use the chat system. Big Brother monitors the thing anyway, so cain't say nothing that important.

25:00

Bladder interrupted sleep. I don't know, something might be wrong with my prostrate. 

Twas a long shift today, but I don't mind. Takes my mind off the lonesomeness. Won't get another supply drop til the 12th of next month.

What kind of sex parts to them aliens got? I cain't help but wonder, on account of staring at them all day long. They wear these harness things that conceal it, but from the outlines, I get some strange ideas.

The women things (we went over some basics about the Zirront speesy in training) dont have no breasts, and their crotch is only slitely flatter than the male's - heck of a camel toe - you mostly tell the sex based on their comb and tail feathers. 

Saw the same female 3X today. She started out looking mad, but by the third time, its like she's glad to see me, and only gets her beak twisted up when I get ready to xfer her.

It'd be nice if I had some real people with me to talk to.

1/10/2323

Haven't seen that female with the orange belly and speckled purple beak for over a week now. Guess she got her business taken care of so I won't see her evar again. That's generally how jobs like this work. Git them of(f) the phone and on there way.

One thing I can say about all this isolation: I'm raser focused on the job, `cause that's all I have. Might paint a face on a volleyball and start talking to it tomorrow. Ha.

26:00

Dam prostrate acting up again. Normally I wear comfortable clothing to bed instead of that man bikini, but maybe I should keep it on so I dont have to keep getting up to piss.

8/12/2323

Diden bother to rite. I do the same thing every day, but we did get a supply drop today. 

Ms. Speckle beak came back. Only saw her once today. 

Wouldn't mind seeing her again. She's kind of cute, I mean, for an alien. I smiled real nice for her. I think she almost looked disappointed to be xfert this time.

I diden know they made so many varieties of dog food. This one is worst than those Banquet slice turkey lunchmeat meals.

25:30

It sounds like there's rats inside the walls. I've been hearing the noises for days.

I know it's fisicly imposible, but what if they have some cold blooded silicone base life that don't come up in scans? I swear I can hear them scampering up in down inside those rocks. Makes it hard to sleep, even with the man bikini.

9/26/2323

That speckly bird chick keeps calling. Her name is Quebkis. She's got to be there best customer or something. Or maybe she buys a lot from them on account of me. I swear I see her getting hard every time she sees me. I looked in my entertainment box last night to reserch the biolgy, but they ain't got know documentries or porn or cyclopedia entrees about it. The Zirront always got close on. It'd help if I could read the language, I spose, but I think they got stuff like that blocked so I don't ruin the uniform. Ha.

Still, they don't seem to understand how maginative a human bean can get. Knowing my luck, if and when we ever meet, she'll just rip my head off like a black widoe or something, so I'm probably better of(f) just imaging. Ha.

24:12

I swear I saw something moving inside one of the cabinets. That one's been empty for a while. Small surpise if something bored its way through the back. Could be magnation, but whose to say it ain't a silikone alien wanting to take a bite outa me?

I'm going to leave those cabinet alone.

10/14/2323

Had a supply drop today. They said they cain't bring me no X-Box or video games.

I dreamed that Dobaruc the delivery guy dropped in and had a chat like Mr. McFeely on Mr. Rogers. "I was just flying by the Neighborhood and wanted to show you this really swell alien turtle that changes colors and pisses sticky crap on you." Must have been all that dog food I've been eating.

The nite before it was people from the station dropping in. They gave me a device so I could chat with them outside the pod. Too bad it weren't real and I woke up.

11/12/2323

Its getting colder on this rock. I'm circling an ice planet, and about this time of year, I'm completely out of line with Kaybok. I've got leggings and two layers of warm socks on, but I'm going to get frostbite on my feet, I'm sure of it. It feels like there's a draft, with a negative twelve windchill.

Last night I dremt of reuniting with friends I only spoke too in the chats.

32:00

I swear I hear raccooons in the walls.

There's something called `pardoxal undressing,' when you strip to your underwear inside an ice cream freezer. That's what I feel like now when I go into the call pod. It's like I'm a stripper on a cold pole. 

Screw it. Tomorrow I'm gonna wear layert cloths and blankets in there.

12/31/2323

It's been awhile since I've heard from you. I'm dam cold.

For some reason the heating system isn't doing a dam thing. I can feel it a little, but then this bitter draft comes in, so I have to walk around bundled up and sit on my feet on the bed to get them to warm up.

It was fucking freezing in the shower this morning. The water heater still works, it's just taking off all the layers and stepping out of the warm shower that's a bitch. I'm seriously considering not bathing at all - nobody can smell me anyway. Think Ide still have to keep my hair looking good, so maybe a rinse off, I'm not sure. 

Tried to use the sink, but the hot water knob won't turn and the other spigot only gives you ice water.

23:00

Cain't wear layers or blankets in the pod. Theres a heater system, they said. I tried it, but its shorted out.

When I told everyone about it, they sent me animated "care" emojti.

I actually cried when I saw it.

I can't stop thinking about that face.

God, it's been so long since I've seen a human facial expresion that Im actually forming emotional attachments to emohis.