'Cause I'm Here All Alone

I was lying there in my bed in utter numbness. I was praying, hoping, and wishing that this whole tragedy would be over soon. Anxiety possessed me like a demon. I was constantly in a state of impending doom, wondering if this panic attack was just a panic attack, or if I would go to sleep and never wake up due to the tightness in my chest. It always felt like my body was too small for my chest, and it was constantly getting smaller and smaller and smaller until I just couldn't breathe anymore. At first I would weep until I fell asleep, but weeping was no longer a cure for a case of anxiety this bad. Then I could just feel it following me like a predator, waiting to catch me at a moment of escapism and then strike when I least expected it. But I knew it was there. I couldn't get away there was no escape I couldn't leave my house; even if I did I knew I would just be followed.

 Like every other day, I did the same thing. I woke up, made a toddler-like attempt to make my bed which I would just crawl back into after about five whole minutes of me trying to pretend like there wasn't a worldwide pandemic trying to chew up the earth until there was nothing left. We all had to pretend.

 After crawling back into bed after a successful few minutes of being awake and trying my best to pretend, I found my phone in my hands and my thumbs rubbing against the screen. Everyday it was a gamble as to whether or not I would remember to eat; it honestly just depended on if I saw someone post about food on their story or timeline. If not then, I would merely just exist and sometimes gobble down a few sips of water just because my water bottle was right next to my bedside. If I did end up eating it meant I would experience a whole new room that day, which was obviously very exciting. On occasion when leaving my bedroom I would maybe talk to my plants that I had been forgetting to water for the past month while waiting for my top ramen to cook.

 On this day in particular I had come back from my trip to the kitchen, steaming top ramen in hand, ready to not wait for it to cool down and burn my whole entire mouth. I see my phone screen lighting up. I set the top ramen down on my dresser and picked up my phone to scroll through the gmail notifications. It was all seven of my teachers sending out an email about assignments we had to do during the "vacation." So we have to write a five page paper in Times New Roman font, 9 point, not double spaced while the world is in the depths of doom by Monday, sounds good to me.

 Naturally I threw my phone onto my bed, disgusted by all the work that I had now magically acquired out of no where and opened my laptop to watch something that would hopefully take my mind off of the deteriorating state of the world.

 As I was deciding on whether to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, or Disney Plus, I heard a strange tapping noise coming from inside of my closet. It sounded like rain plummeting onto an old rusty pipe, infrequent and metallic. At first I ignored it. I don't know why or how my brain decided that it was normal for that to be occurring inside of my closet because I had no animals, and it obviously wasn't windy because last time I checked, I was inside and so was my closet. But eventually the sound persisted like it had gained a consciousness and was trying to get my attention.

 Reluctantly I tossed my laptop to the side and shoved my blanket off of me to investigate, my sweatpants noticeably sagging on my underfed body.

 I tiptoed over to my closet, slightly frightened; but because of my state of anxiety and depression, I was on edge constantly regardless so it didn't really matter what was inside of my closet, I just wanted the noise to cease. My closet was the kind of closet that you had to slide over; it was a full bodied mirror closet. I slammed it open at an immense speed like I was playing hide and go seek with my anxiety, waiting to say "Ha! I knew you were in here." And shake my head and then I would continue to live. I opened my closet expecting to see clothes and nothing else because my closet had only had clothes in it the whole time I had been alive and I wasn't expecting it to change.

 Yet here I was looking through my closet at anything but clothes. At first I had wondered where they had gone, but then remembered that I was suddenly not in my bedroom anymore. My closet door had disappeared behind me and I was standing , it appeared, in a forest. It was the most breathtaking forest even though I had found my lungs filled with sweet air every time I took a breath. Must I be dreaming? Why else would my closet have opened up into this secret world? And what was that noise?

 I had been too distracted by the gentle trees that towered above me as if to protect me. I wasn't too warm or too cold, my body temperature was perfect and I was completely contempt. The soil beneath my feet grounded me. This whole place felt so vast.

 After I felt I had daydreamed about every aspect of the forest, I figured out that the strange noise I was hearing in my closet had to be this figure hiding amongst the trees. It appeared like a man, about my age perhaps a bit older. He was wearing vines for covering. Truthfully I felt sort of nostalgic looking at this man because he reminded me tremendously of Peter Pan. I almost giggled at the thought.

  His piercing blue eyes peeked out from the long stump of a tree. I slowly and carefully took a step towards him to which he responded by flinching.

 "You can come out from behind there. I won't bite if you won't." I said sort of chuckling. He reacted with a similar chuckle and soon I could see his whole head.

 "It's okay," I spoke to him again. This seemed to lure him out completely from behind the thick tree stump and I could see him completely. I almost gasped. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I felt oddly attracted to him. He had hair that should have looked unkept but rather it was perfectly rolled into curls. Even though he had darker hair the sunlight followed him down and showered upon his hair so that the light reflected off of it. His skin was a toasted cinnamon color which made his blue eyes stand out so much more.

 "Did I disturb you?" He asked me, his voice was deep and strong for a fellow that looked my age. I took a moment to respond as I was still admiring his beauty.

 "Was that you knocking on my closet door?" I asked him, still wondering how we had shifted so drastically from a closet door to the middle of a magical looking forest with a magical looking man.

 "Um," he scratched the back of his neck, his curls wiggling around on his head, "This is embarrassing but yes. I couldn't help but notice your striking beauty."

 I was quite taken aback by this remark as well as confused still by the idea that he was in my closet and now somehow in a forest but regardless, my striking beauty? This Greek-God looking boy thinks I am beautiful? I almost laugh after thinking about the fact that I am wearing extremely baggy sweatpants and haven't washed my hair in a few days.

 "How did we get from my closet to here though?" I asked him. As soon as the words slipped from my mouth he gasped like I had admitted a deadly sin.

  "That I must not tell you the magic of for it is forbidden here. However, I can tell you why you have been chosen." He says. I have been chosen for what?

  "Chosen?" I ask him, now more confused than ever and wondering if I could just maybe go back and sit in my bed again. He nodded his head and took a step closer to me.

 "What have I been chosen for?" I asked him more clearly this time. He looked up through the high tops of the trees and then looked back down as if seeking guidance from something.

 "The cure." He said those two words and somehow I knew.

 "How am I the solution to all of this?"

 "You will come with me and we will travel out of the forest and retrieve the cure and you will bring it back with you. You will then drop it off at a hospital and all will be saved."

 I laughed thinking that there is no way I am not dreaming right now. It can't be. But I went along with it, this was a very exiting dream no doubt if that was what it was.

 "All right. Sounds sick." I said.

 "Oh no no no, " he said shaking his head, "Not sick, in fact it is the cure."

 "Oh no that's not what I meant--" I waved it off, "Never mind, let's go get the cure."

 He finally walked up close to me. This was the first human contact I had had in five weeks that wasn't six feet apart. I guess this thing didn't exist here.

 "Let's go," he said and grabbed my hand. Suddenly I felt a horrible pain as if I was being stretched into rubber. My stomach was churning, I could feel bile rising up in my throat. I could still feel the comforting grip of his hand. I no longer felt I was being stretched out thin because we seemed to be in a new location. However, all I cared about at that moment was throwing up.

 "Are you all right, you look a bit ill." He said. If I wasn't about to throw up I definitely would have been very sarcastic and said something like, "Yeah no duh." Instead all I did was nod my head and then turn around and start violently throwing up. He made a disgusted noise, which I understood, and then said, "So sorry, I didn't know that could make you sick." As soon as I was done throwing up everything in my body I turned back around and said,

  "What do you mean you don't know how that could make someone sick?" I realized as I said it that it came off a bit rude so I apologized immediately after.

 Now that I wasn't preoccupied anymore I noticed that we seemed to be in some sort of science lap. There was all different types of bottles filled with different colored liquids all with different lengths of labels on them. The boy walked up to the bottles and began inspecting them. Eventually he said, "ah this one," and handed it to me. It was a translucent liquid that resembled the consistency of syrup and it had tiny little air bubbles existing within it.

 "This is it, huh," I said holding the bottle up to the light.

 "Yes but the true quest starts now." He said. I felt annoyance flutter in my chest.

 "What do you mean?" I said, desperately just wanting to go back to bed. I had forgotten the possibility of this being a dream because it felt so real.

 "We cannot travel at light speed with this. That is what we did to get here and what made you," he gagged, "Sick." He continued after taking a deep breath, "You have to travel by foot back to the forest. There I will meet you again and soon you will be back in your closet safe and sound with the cure, ready to give it to the nearest hospital."

 "You're not coming with me?" I said.

 "Afraid not."

 "Well, do I at least get a map or something?" I asked him. He scratched his chin like he was trying to remember something.

 "Ah yes." He reached into a small pouch he had around his waste and pulled out a piece of notebook paper like we were in middle school and he wanted me to check yes or no if I liked him or not. I eyed him suspiciously as I took the notebook paper and opened it. Indeed it was a clear map. We walked outside of the lap.

 "Hey this doesn't even seem that far away." I said. Not even after the last word left my mouth I found he had disappeared and been left alone. I looked back at the piece of paper where shining gold ink read, Before sunset. I looked up at the sky where it was starting to get dark. I didn't know exactly what that meant but I assumed that if I wasn't back in the forest before sunset, something weird would probably happen like in the movies.

 I began walking and following the map, about to run because it seemed to be getting so dark so fast. Before I knew it though I was back in the forest and there stood the boy waiting for me.

 "Hey took you a while did you get lost?" He asked me sincerely to which I found I could not respond like a normal person who has normal conversations.

 "What do you mean? I got here in like record time." I laughed a little bit. He appeared very serious.

 "You have to go right now it is going to get dark soon and you cannot be here after sunset."

 "Why can't I be here after sunset?" I asked cautiously.

 "If you do not leave here before sunset the cure with cease to work."

 I understood the seriousness his face gave away and looked up through the trees. It was continuously getting darker by the second.

 "You need to go now." He said.

 "Wait--" I yelled at him but he had already ran behind the tree where I discovered him before. I heard that same metallic noise I had heard when I was laying peacefully in my bed where I did not ask for this.

 With the blink of an eye I was back standing awkwardly in my closet, one foot in my closet and one foot in my bedroom. I ran to get my shoes and put them on so I could get to the hospital. My shoes weren't even all the way on and tying them had gone out the window. I rushed to get my keys and sprinted to my car.

 "Siri, take me to the nearest hospital." I screamed at my phone. Once again there was another map I had to follow for such a short distance.

 "Taking you to the nearest hospital." Siri repeated at me in her robotic voice.

 After running red lights and braking hard when Siri said, "Arrived." I hopped out of my car and ran into the hospital doors. Everyone was wearing a mask and gloves and I felt slightly inconsiderate but then remembered that I had the cure for this whole thing. I went up to a lady at the front desk who had curly red hair. The curls reminded me of the boy I met in the forest and I felt saddened for a second, wondering if I would have ever seen him again.

 "Hello, do you have an appointment?" She said in a delicate tone of voice.

 "No, I have the cure." I said calmly, set down the cure on her desk, and walked away.