Lights

Across from where he lay, Maxie looked up towards the light, square and bright, sometimes there would be passing figures of blur like firm dark mists, the blurred forms move from one end of the bright squares to the next . 

From memory he knew this was once a favorite place where he used to rest. He would always sit by that window cross his paws and look outside. Like a don surveying the land he owned, he would find lazy comfort staring outside looking at the people passing by. He could smell the different scents and mostly can tell the time of day from the smell of the people’s comings and goings. 

The front yard wasn’t that big. There was an over grown fortune plant the size of a tree by the right side of the house shading the small yard. Its wizened branches reaching over the fence wanting to touch the people passing by, within its thick core of branches and tangled leaves, it protected a nest of sparrows finding a safe place to birth their young. On the ground, near the fence, were tangles of weed and mound of forgotten construction sand, its remnant spread over the place lending a greyish sand coat over the untended yard, the scattered weed grass pushing through the mask of dust. The yard was in desperate need of attention.

The chirping of birds finding refuge at the plant that has grown into a tree was a morning musical. As the day slowly creeps in, with the sun’s arms opening its reach, the morning would turn from a cool quiet somber cover, lifting to welcome the warmth of day. It was his favorite time, the welcoming of the day, coming from under the sofa where he usually sleeps, he would amble towards the window, bound its height with a swoop and lay on his stomach to watch the view of his favorite world outside. It was time for people and event watching. 

Now, everything looked like lump figures of what they’re supposed to be. Where once was the sofa became a big brown rectangular box, below was a space, yes, under the sofa he feels safe. He does not have to contend with the other things that was going on inside the house, and he whined his painful cry again. 

His head would bob uncontrollably, his jaw would involuntarily open and then close. The right front leg would twitch in waves, slowly at first, then a bit faster then more forceful almost raising an inch then forcefully down, the same would happen on his left hind, he can’t control it, it just happens, as much as he could not control his twitches, he could no longer control his hind legs, he was betrayed by them, they would not listen when he willed them to move, he can only drag himself using his front limbs and he is confused as everyone else. 

He feels dizzy now, the room is spinning, he thought he was running around again chasing after his tail, then he bumped his jaw down on the floor only to realize he was still on the same place as he was before, under the sofa, his ability to smell seems muted as his nose had acquired a thick skin, he feels that awareness of his surroundings was being filtered through a cotton ball. As he looked up, everything was like broken puzzle pieces, his eyes could not focus, though his irises were in full dilation, he can only see outlines, he whined again in pain and confusion. 

Something from the corner, coming from the muted outlines of the squares of light, he could hear his master’s voice, the soft cooing, gentle and lifting. He could hear her reassuring human voice once more, a figure bent down down near him.

“I love you Maxie, how are you baby, how’s my good boy, I love you baby…” she was scratching his head, softly twisting his ear that would end up in head scratching again.

“aammm woffe youu ” Maxie whimpered. Then he cried, “haruuurhhf”, and he laid his head once more on the floor, let his master scratch his head. Something wet dropped on his nuzzle and a sniff came from his human, he was hugged tightly. 

 She would always caress his mane, scratch him under the neck, then ran her hand and fingers like comb down the length of his body. Any other normal day, he would be wagging his tail, butt shaking and so excited. In his hysterical confusion, he would always never know whether to stand on his hind legs and slober his human, taste her salty skin while they both balance, or her, trying not to fall down from the attack of the fur and paws, or, should he run around her legs, wrapping himself trying to fuse his being, wanting to be part of her, stay with her forever and ever. 

 He lives for that, the attention, the love, but now, all he can see is his masters outline, and only know her from her smell and voice. Now, not even his tail could wag. He whined, with a deep sigh he placed his head down on the floor once more, find security in his master’s caresses. It would only be seconds before his jaw would snap involuntarily, as if he was chewing gum. He raised up his head looking towards the square light, though he could not understand what it really was, it surprised him to have that feeling of respite, that place, that familiar place was his comfort place.

The smell of dog was distinct and have already been part of the house, it meshed thru the faded curtains, worn out coverings of the sofa and armchairs, though clean, its seats has already turned to pitted firmness, much like sitting on a wet biscuit. On the opposite wall was a dark varnished bookshelf, giving accent to the old uncharacteristic room. Across from where Maxie lay, a bay window was strategically located to front the house. It was two feet off the floor and two feet deep made comfortable by a line of throw pillows and seat cushions. The area made itself distinct from the rest of the living room, though structurally it is a part of the wall, it is also the living room’s main feature. Glass sheets were laid out in square panels, awning type panes opening to the outside, allowing the cool breeze to come in, yet keeping other elements out, it was made for looking outside. It was a cove of comfort made for willing away the hours in a world of its own, one looks outside but sees more, one is inside, yet have already traveled beyond the confines of the house. 

The generous rays of the sun streamed through the bay window and as it peered inside, basking the small living room with rays of light, outlined with shadow squares from the window, dog and master was found in the middle of it. The girl’s arms was wrapped around the furs of brown and grey, her light sobs mingled with the soft whining of the gentle mutt. There were twitches again, she reached out to the hind legs to comfort him, but he would whine, she’d then withdrew her hand.

In her small frame she bodily picked up the dog from his torso, although he was struggling to pull free from the uncomfortable carrying position, the girl was successful in laying her love on his favorite place. She knew this was his spot. He loves to watch the people outside. Although the yard was not the most scenic view, she knew like her, they both would travel beyond the space of what they see.

Maxie snuggled more into the cushioned window, each movement were like pins and needles to his limbs, he turned his head to look outside, there was a person walking towards him, he lifted his head and perked his ear. He barked, his big octave bark, 

“Whorf you?” he raised his head in alert, his tail slightly raised

“I’m your neighbor” his voice was like a cool wind, the person in a blue shirt and faded jeans answered him. He couldn’t make out his face. He’d seen all the people in the neighborhood, he’d know if he was a neighbor. Implicitly, his mind tells him the person has a face but he could not distinguish it, ‘must be my sickness’ he thought. 

“Wanna come and play?” the person said

“I can’t walk”, Maxie bowed his head. 

“You look fine to me” 

Just then Maxie saw himself already standing up, he was outside his house.

“Oww..” His eyes widened and his floppy ears perked up. He can see everything clearly now. His nose picked up the crispness of the air. 

“Woofff!” he barked his start up, like released spring he bursted out, he ran back and forth, leaping bounds over a rock, then a shrub, then a tire, the yard was an obstacle course and he was conquering it. All the aches, pains and confusions from the past month have fallen away and he was back to being himself again. He was so happy now, he can walk, he can run, he can jump, he can smell, he can hear, this was pure bliss. He ran his excitement through with his leaps, bounds and circling’s until his breath could no longer cope then he slowed his energy down. Breaking from the burst, he sat a distance away facing his neighbor person. Maxie was panting now, the length of his tongue fell out so he could swallow more air. Even the breeze outside was fresh and as he inhaled, he allowed every molecule of it to pass inside his body. Implicitly, he knew that his neighbor person lined his mouth like a smile looking at him, although he still could not see his face. He pointed to a small landscaped fountain. Maxie could hear its welcoming trickle of freshwater, ambling towards it, he lopped his fill, then turned around and sat, again facing his neighbor. 

The neighbor person came over and stood beside him, this time they were both looking towards the window of the house, Maxie’s girl was sitting there, her head was bowed her shoulders slumped. Her half visible body was curved over something on her lap, her sadness was overwhelming and Maxie felt it from where he sat but what broke his heart was his girl’s face, she was crying. Her sobs were soft, she looked like she was trying to control her anguish as her tears were streaming down, she sniffed and bowed lower, laying her head on what looked like a pillow on her lap, she whispered, 

“I love you…” her face fronted the window, her tears flowed more freely now, even with eyes closed. He could see her face clearly, wrinkled with anguish, he can hear her soft sobs of despair. 

“Would you like to go back inside now?” his neighbor person asked.

He understood. This was what it felt like to be free. Dogs were made for running, and barking, and sniffing. Making a mess on whatever their curiosity held them. Paw and tumble over trash bins, play bite, chase birds, growl over cats & mice, gnaw on tissue rolls and furniture legs. He could run free, be a dog, out here, if he comes back… will he be able to walk again?

“She’s sad.” Maxie harumpff his concern,

“She is isin’t she,” his faceless neighbor replied, still looking towards the window, standing, again his voice flowed with a cool wind.

“Will I go back to where I was before, when I go inside?”

“If you decide to go back, its really up to you, but what you will be is not for me to tell,”

“But if I come back, it will be hard for her, taking care of me, but much more harder for me, because everything is painful, and seeing her like that, the pain is more unbearable with my heart.”

“I cannot decide for you,”

He was a dog, he was meant to run free, but he also knew he was meant to be with the humans they love, even if it means giving up on part of themselves, to let their master’s know their devotion go past the measures of their lifetime. 

Maxie padded forward near the window, his neighbor friend followed by his side. It was a good measure of height from the ground if coming from the outside, but he knew he can jump through easily. He looked up to his companion and grinned, 

“Thanks,” 

His friend nodded imperceptibly, and with that he jumped in. In his mind, the images of running wild and free, barking after trespassing cats, the usual play of catch the ball he had with his master were like a roll of movies. He suddenly remembered a fallen baby sparrow from a few days before, it kept chirping, must’ve fallen from the tree. 

Then he remembered his sickness, the aching numbness on his hind legs, the pins and needles on his front paw. The way he cannot smell anymore or cannot see clearly, he cannot move that much and he knew his girl will be burdened by his sickness, but he wanted to come back, he can bear all that pain just to be with her, then maybe lick her goodbye. He will stay as long as she wants, then maybe not whine too much so she wouldn’t worry too much also. He’ll stay, for the smell and the voice of her and the love of her. He pressed his eyes closed, knowing when he opens it, he will see only light and shadows again. 

“Oh you shmuck!” He was lopping his girls face, his drool was all over her. She didn’t mind, she kept laughing and shrieking and telling him to stop. Instead he lifted his front paws on her shoulders and lunged his weight on top of her, butt wagging together with his tail, he was still lopping her and she was struggling to get up. 

“Ok, ok, enough Minnie… hahaha” when she found her footing she got up, “you crazy dog!… I’ll get something to eat, wanna come?” she padded her right thigh twice. 

Minnie? Whose Minnie? He thought, he looked down on his parts, ‘whooaa, I’m a girl?!’ but that was not only what he saw, his brownish grey coat with furry bangs has now become black and brown. Where before he was proud of his shaggy hair, now his black brown coat was close cropped to his skin. He had a white line running from below his chin down towards his belly, “hhrrrmmphh” he plopped down again inside the window cove.

Thinking her dog wasn’t in a mood to join her, the girl proceeded to the kitchen. Maxie looked around. He can see the whole living room, the blurred visions of light and shadow was gone. The old bookshelf was gone too, instead there was a built in bookcase lined with the wall. In place of his old brown sofa was an amber greenish one, that smelled like her and still has a space underneath. Yaayyy… there was a flat TV he could watch dog shows. He shifted, stood up then laid down again on his stomach. He can feel his legs now, he lifted his nuzzle and tested the air, his girl was cooking hotdogs.

‘Oh my..’ The smell was delicious, he nearly bounded out towards the kitchen when he remembered something, he looked outside the window, he saw his neighbor friend staring back at him. He still could not make out his features, yet, also he felt his halfway attempt on a smile before he turned his back and walked towards the gate. 

Maxie barked, he wanted to say something, a cool chill of air blew.. It was replaced with the smell of hotdogs cooking, he barked once more and focused his eyes, his neighbor was no longer where he was but the sparrow that fell from before was now hopping in the newly mowed lawn. It was the same yard, same tree, only the weeds were gone and there was manicured grass and a water sprinkler. ‘Wow.. Theres a water jump rope!’ he thought to himself. 

‘Can’t wait!’ he barked again. He didn’t care much if he was a girl, excitedly he bounded down from the window and followed the smell of hot dogs.