WITCHCrAfT

(Foul language warning)

“Hey Doc.”

“Kevin. Come on in.” Doctor Burd made the gesture with one hand while he held the door open with the other. “I see you brought your… cat… with you?”

“Yeah, sorry. She’s not really mine, though. I just… I had to bring her.”

“Well…” The Doc didn’t disapprove enough to disallow it. “Okay then.”

Kevin carried the cat with him to the sofa and set her down beside him. The Doc took his place in the chair opposite, crossing one leg over the other. He looked at Kevin, and then the cat, and then back to Kevin again. But he didn’t speak. He just sat there, with that suggestive look on his face, as if to say I’m ready when you are.

“Yeah, so…” Kevin shifted from one cheek to the other, doing his best to find some kind of calm as he started with his story. The cat just sat there on her butt, staring up at him, tail slowly curling itself up and waving. “I don’t really know how to say this without sounding like a crazy person.”

The Doc shrugged. “Crazy is kind of what I do, Kevin.”

Kevin nodded. “This is Stephanie. She’s a… well she’s a cat. Now. But… she didn’t used to be.”

Stephanie meowed beside him. 

“She used to be a… witch? I think?” Kevin sighed as he said it. 

The Doc cocked his head, trying to find his patient’s eyes as they avoided his own. “Is that a question?”

“No.” He shook his head. “She used to be a witch.”

The Doc nodded. “Well, my wife would love this.” He chuckled to himself. “She studies that witchy stuff all the time. Salem, etcetera.” He brought himself back to the conversation. “And you know she’s a witch because?”

“She told me.”

Stephanie meowed at him again. 

“Well, she didn’t tell me. I mean she can’t talk. She…” It usually took him a while to spit out stupidity. “She answered me, ya know?” The Doc didn’t know. “Like… I ask her quesions, and she answers me.”

“So you asked her if she’s a witch and she said… yes?”

“She meowed.” Kevin shrugged as he said it. He wasn’t getting any feedback from the Doc. “She meowed!”

The cat meowed at him again. Kevin gestured to the cat with both hands, as if to say see what I mean!? “She’s listening to everything we say right now. She can understand us.” Now he was looking at the Doc who was looking at the cat.

“Kevin…” The Doc took a big breath before continuing with his patient. “Are you high!?”

“She’s a fuckin’ witch, man!” Kevin couldn’t hold it in. “And no, I don’t do any God damn drugs!”

The Doc put both hands up as if to hold him there on the sofa. “Okay.” He nodded at his patient. 

Kevin cooled off a bit. The cat meowed at him again. 

“So why are you here? With the cat? What do you think I can do to help you?”

Kevin welcomed the question. He sunk back into the sofa and trapped his hands beneath his thighs. “I don’t know. Isn’t that your job?” He was rocking himself back and forth. “I just need to know I’m not crazy.”

The cat meowed at him again. 

“Okay.” The Doc took a breath, measuring his words. “Why don’t we try talking to the cat? If she can understand us, maybe she can shed some light on what’s going on?”

Kevin took a big breath. He didn’t want to, but he did want to. Knowing he was either crazy or knowing a cat was a witch were both fucking crazy. But it was progress. “Okay, I guess.”

“Okay.” The Doc nodded at him again. “So…” He turned his attention to the cat, and then quickly brought it back to Kevin. “Sorry, what is her name?”

“Stephanie.” He pointed at the cat. “It’s on her tag.”

The cat meowed at him again. 

“So…” The Doc turned his attention back to the cat. “Stephanie. Hi.”

The cat meowed at him.

“Can you understand us right now?”

The cat meowed at the Doc again. 

Doctor Burd straightened up in his chair, glancing at Kevin before disallowing any notion that the cat was communicating with him. “Stephanie… are you a witch?” 

The cat meowed at him.

The Doc nodded. “If you’re a witch…” He almost didn’t want to go on. But he did. “Can you meow twice?”

The cat meowed. Twice. 

“Oh fuck.” The Doc looked at Kevin. Kevin stared right back at him. The Doc shook his head, as if shaking it would erase the mental history. “Where did you find this cat?”

“At my door. She just… showed up one night.”

The Doc nodded. “When I was a kid, I used to pray that a horse would show up at my door. It was always the girls, I remember, that wanted horses as a kid. But… I wanted a horse too.” He was lost in the memory. “I prayed so hard.”

Kevin just blinked at him.

The Doc snapped himself out of it and turned his attention back to the cat. He didn’t know what to ask or what to say. Really, he didn’t want to ask or say anything. But you can’t turn your back when crazy shows up. That’s what his mentor used to say. “If this is real… If you’re really a cat that used to be a… witch… then… can you walk to the window?” He shrugged at Kevin as he said it. It was the best he could think of in the moment.

The cat picked herself up from the sofa and padded to its end, leapt to the floor and walked with her soft tail high until she found the window above and jumped to the sill.

“Oh shit.”

“I told you!” Kevin picked his knees up into his chest and held himself tight. “I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.”

The cat meowed.

“Can you…” The Doc had to gulp before he finished. “Can you come back and sit on the sofa?” He watched Stephanie leap from the sill, hurry back across the floor and jump up onto the sofa again, sitting on her butt beside his patient. “Holy shit.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.” Kevin was rocking himself again in his own arms.

“Kevin?” The Doc’s words didn’t pull him away from wherever he was.

“I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.”

“Kevin.” This time, he tuned his voice to cut through whatever noise was going on inside the young man. “You’re not crazy.” He shook his head when he said it. “Or maybe we’re both crazy.”

The cat meowed.

“Are you feeding her?”

“Yeah.”

The cat hissed at him. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m fucking sure!”

“Okay, relax.” The Doc did his best to keep the young man calm.

“I can’t do this. You need to keep her.” Kevin was still rocking himself.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You need to keep her! Bring her home to your wife, or something! I can’t do this!” Kevin let himself go and stood to his feet. “It’s a fucking cat, man!”

“Well, wait!” The Doc couldn’t do it either. He put his hand up in protest. “You can’t leave her with me!”

“This is fucking crazy!” Kevin was up with a nervous energy that was getting the better of him. “It’s a cat! It’s a cat, man!”

The cat hissed at him again.

“Shut up!” Kevin was yelling at her. “Shut the fuck up!”

“Kevin, easy…” The Doc got to his feet now, hands out to calm his patient. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not! I can’t do it!” He was frantic now. “I won’t do it!”

“Alright.” The Doc had his hand up again. He was trying to cool him off. “You don’t have to.”

Kevin wiped his face with his hand. He mumbled to himself, to the Doc. “It’s a fucking cat, man.”

“I know.” The Doc didn’t really know. I mean, how could anyone know what the hell was going on? “I know, Kevin. It’s okay.”

“Fuck this, man.” With tears welling up, Kevin rushed to the door to make his escape.

“Wait… Kevin!?” But he couldn’t keep him there. Not without physically holding him there, pinning him there. “Don’t go! Let’s talk about this!” But Kevin wasn’t going to stay and talk. 

“Hell no, man! Fuck this!” He ripped the door open and slammed it shut in his retreat. And then it was just the Doc and the cat, still sitting there on her butt on the sofa, waving that soft white tail about like a calm little kitten. The Doc just stared at her, knowing what to do but also not knowing what to do, wondering if he’d just found his own crazy after years of therapizing it.

He sighed at her. “Are you coming home with me?”

The cat meowed.

"No funny business?"

The cat meowed again.

“Shit.”

***

The Doc got home later than usual that night. Under one arm, he carried a grocery bag and popped the lock at the front door with his free hand. He heard his wife call out from the kitchen when he stepped inside. 

“Honey!?” 

“Hi. I’m home.” Stephanie padded in through the door and into the foyer. She ran the length of her body up against the leg of a high table. The Doc threw his keys in a dish on top of it and shut the door with his foot. 

When he got to the kitchen, his wife was sitting at the counter on a stool, sipping a cabernet and reading a paperback.

“You’re late. Where have you been?” She threw her head to the side with a curious grin when she caught the grocery bag beneath his arm. “You went grocery shopping?”

The Doc sighed at the gentle ribbing from his wife. “Not really.” 

And then Stephanie walked in, back arched high, careful to keep to the walls for whatever kind of safety she was looking for. 

“What the hell is that!?”

The Doc set the bag on the counter and started pulling out tins of wet cat food. “That… is our new cat.”

His wife laughed at him. “Ummm… What did you do with my husband? And who are you?”

“Haha, very funny.” He kept pulling out tins of cat food. “I had a… patient today. And he brought me a cat. And then he left. Without the cat.”

His wife just nodded. She closed the book on the counter and set her glass down with it.

“So. It was either leave the cat, or bring the cat home. And I thought, I guess I’ll bring the cat home.” He set the last tin of cat food on the counter, all stacked neatly in a pyramid.

“You know, there’s plenty of cat ladies out there who would just love another one to add to their collection?”

The Doc sighed. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He wanted to say more, but he didn’t know how. “This one… I don’t know. Maybe she’s kind of… special… or something.” 

His wife picked up her eyebrows, clearly intrigued by whatever nonsense just came out of her husband’s mouth. “Special? Oh do tell.” She picked up her wine again and swiveled in her seat to give her husband her undivided attention.

Stephanie leapt onto the counter and meowed at the woman. The Doc’s wife giggled at her, unsure if she liked the cat or hated the cat.

“I don’t know how to explain it.” He didn’t. “She’s kind of like… a dog?” 

Stephanie hissed at him. 

The Doc’s wife’s eyes went wide, as if to say who is this bitch?

“Sorry.” The Doc apologized to the cat. “Okay, watch. I’m going to ask her to do something, and she’s… probably going to do it.”

His wife found a way to laugh at him behind the oddest expression.

“Stephanie?” The cat meowed at him. “See?” His wife didn’t see. “Okay. Which can of cat food do you want to eat?”

Stephanie put her paw on one of the blue cans. 

The Doc’s wife looked at him as if to say have you gone totally fucking nuts?

“Okay.” He tried again. “Stephanie. Meow twice if you want to eat the blue can for dinner.”

The cat meowed. Twice. 

The Doc’s wife did a double take. “John?”

“It’s okay.” The Doc didn’t stop there. “Stephanie. Do you see that crystal on my wife’s neck?”

The cat meowed.

“She likes to study witches.” He looked at his wife, who took the crystal into her fingers. “Kevin said that you were a witch. If that’s right, then… meow twice for yes.”

The cat meowed again. Twice.

“John. What is this?”

“I don’t know exactly.” He didn’t. “But I thought maybe you could figure that out?”

She didn’t know what to say. 

“You’ve told me so many stories, Jane. And I know I rarely listen. But somehow…” He wasn’t sure how to tell her. “Somehow this cat used to be… a witch. And that kinda terrifies me, if I’m being honest. But… I hope it doesn’t terrify you.”

She still couldn’t spit out any words. They just wouldn’t come. It wasn’t for fear. It was for disbelief.

“Please tell me I did the right thing?” He was searching for something, anything from her. 

His wife nodded, over and over again, trying her best to wrap her head around the night. Finally, she answered him. “You did the right thing.”

The cat meowed.

***

“Are you ever coming to bed?”

“In a bit.” Jane was scribbling in an old leatherbound book.

The cat meowed at her husband.

“You know this is crazy, right?” He didn’t get an answer. “Hello!?”

“Sshhh… I’m almost done.”

The Doc threw up his hands. “Okay. Well… goodnight.”

“Goodnight, honey.” She kept on scribbling, her face still in that book. The Doc left her there, left her in the study with the cat, and he knew he’d be sleeping alone. Again.

In the weeks leading up to that night, Jane had found spells in old books that came from different corners of the world. She and Stephanie were working on reversing the spell that had gone wrong, that had turned her into a cat. But Jane had never worked with witchcraft like this. She was a student. She wasn’t a witch. Stephanie was pacing the study, rubbing her body up against the sofa, tail held high as she went.

“Okay.” Jane set the pen down and studied her work. “I think I got it.” She looked at the cat. Her back was arched high and her legs were tall. “Yeah, I’m nervous too.” The cat meowed. “But… it’s not like we have a choice though. Right? I mean, unless you want to be a… pussy for the rest of your life.” Jane giggled. The cat hissed at her. “Sorry.” 

The cat meowed.

Her husband came padding back in. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He was standing there in his panamas, both his wife and the cat staring back at him without so much as a purr or a yes. “This isn’t a game!” He wasn’t getting anything from either one of them. “What if you turn her into a lion or something!? And she eats you!? Then what!?”

Jane shrugged. “What if I turn into a lion and I eat you?” 

The cat meowed.

“Oh fuck it!” Her husband whipped around and left them there again. He called out from the stairs as he ascended to his bedly throne. “This is crazy!”

“Love you, honey!” Jane smiled at the cat. “Okay.” She picked herself up from the floor, picked up the book from the coffee table, and shut the door to the study. “You stand over there.” She pointed to the floor. “And I’ll work from here. And… if you turn into a lion… please don’t eat me.”

The cat meowed.

***

When the Doc came downstairs in the morning, he ate fruity cereal in his pajamas and sipped the leftover milk from the bowl. Saturday morning cartoons were on and it was a much better watch than the news. At least for him it was. Jane was usually up, making coffee and in a book by this hour. But this morning, she wasn’t. When he reached the door to the study, he put his ear to it. Not a peep. And as anyone would be with real witchcraft going on in the house, he was careful when he opened the door.

At first he only cracked it. He saw Stephanie sitting there on the sofa, tail softly waving about. He tried to peek inside the study, but he’d have to open the door further to get a look. And so with a bit of courage he did. And standing there in the middle of the room, a large mare stood, brindled and majestic, and whinnied at him when she saw him.

“Okay then.” The Doc carefully shut the door and stood there in fading disbelief. He called out to the horse on the other side of the woodwork. “Ummm… Are you my wife?” The horse whinnied again. He put his forehead against the door in defeat. “You know we’re having the Stewart’s over for dinner tonight?” She whinnied again. “Maybe I’ll cancel.” The horse neighed. The Doc sighed, not knowing what to do next. “I think I’m going to get a shower.” The horse whinnied. “Love you.”

The cat meowed. 

“Aww, fuckin’ hell.”