Natural Justice

The room was so dark that it hurt my eyes to look at it. I was kneeling in a child's pose on the cold hard unforgiving floor, some type of marble or stone, polished, but coloured jet I imagined. I was bowed down, eyes shut, my breath wheezing. 

“Please state your name,” croaked a voice. I slowly lifted my head up and looked in the direction from where I imagined the voice came. I could discern nothing, and so my eyes made up an image of the voice's owner, a small green frog came to mind and this prompted a giggle which I half repressed. “You find this funny?”

“No, no. Not funny. It's just I do not know who you are. Is there any light that you could turn on so I can see.” My question was met with a silence that seemed eternal.

“Please state your name.”

“My name is Horace de Mostra, if you must know. Can I ask, why am I here?”

“Horace DeMostra. Is that all one word?”

“No, Horace, and then “de” with a small letter, and Mostra, M, O, S, T, R, A.”

“You have been brought before this court on several counts of misconduct and abuse. How do you plead?” A thin slither of light split the darkness now, or was it my eyes getting accustomed.

“Look, who are you?” I vomited, “I mean I cannot see who you are, and since I cannot see you, how can I answer the charges you set before me, and by the way, where am I and on what authority do you put these charges on me and about what?”

My outburst prompted some murmurings from my surroundings. I could now discern a crowd of faces around me, familiar, but also different in ways that I could not entirely identify. 

“Lack of sight is not a defence for your crimes, do not believe that it is.”

This voice was different, more of a smooth baritone than the croaking voice of a frog. My mind conjured up the image of a wildebeest.

“I must protest. You have me here in front of you, and I have no clue why.”

“The defendant will answer when spoken to, and not before.”

“I was just minding my own business, and now you have me here in this kangaroo court, trying to accuse me of things that I have not done, to people, who I do not know.”

“Silence, or I will have you gagged.”

“You are already gagging me then. Unless you start coming up with some information then I have no alternative.” 

More murmuring came but now rising in crescendo and with what sounded like the stamping of some feet in a cattle shed.

“This is not a kangaroo court. It is however the court of public opinion, and you do well to respect it. The public to which this court refers should be well known to you and If it is not then I will enlighten you shortly. Please read the full writ of charges, and then we will proceed.”

Another voice, this time with the shrill sound of a cuckoo took up the narrative.

“The charges are: One: Fifty two counts of wanton destruction; Two: A thousand and three counts of pollution; Three: Six counts of mistreatment; Four: Ten thousand one hundred and three counts of cannibalism; Five: One count of disorderly conduct.”

“How does the defendant plead,” back to the deep baritone.

“How do I plead? I plead for mistrial and injustice, that is how I plead.”

I heard a gavel tapping on what must have been a bench made of oak, but with more of an echo than is usual.

“Order, order, order,” came the baritone again, “I will have order in this court. This court has been convened under the laws of natural justice, you are the defendant, and therefore are ordered by this court to give a plea. This is not the time nor the place to ask for a mistrial, and if such an attitude is taken in the future then we may add to your various misdemeanors the charge of contempt of this court, so behave yourself.”

“Then with protest, I plead NOT GUILTY!”

The murmur was now an angry mob, and I could feel, even if I could not see, what felt like a thousand eyes looking at me.

“Okay, take the defendant away. He is to be bound over till tomorrow, when we will hear evidence.”

The next day I was brought back to the same place, although I felt as though I had never left it. A night sleeping on the hard floor was not good preparation for what was about to hit me.

“This court is brought to order. The defendant gave a NOT-GUILTY plea yesterday and so we are now into evidence. I understand the defendant has not asked for counsel, is that correct?”

“I have not asked your honour, but then neither was I asked if I wanted counsel”

“This is irregular, most irregular. Well then, do you want counsel?”

“I don’t know. Your honour I have no idea why I am here and so I suppose that I do need counsel if it is on offer, for nothing else than to find that out.”

“Okay. We will appoint counsel for the defendant, in which case we cannot start proceedings immediately, we will leave one hour from this time for counsel to meet with their client. Court dismissed for one hour.” I lay there feeling helpless about my situation and a little sorry for myself. I then heard a rattle and looked around my space until my eyes set on a rattlesnake hissing and moving in my direction. Startled, I backed away from it.

“Horace de Mostra?” slithered the snake. I nodded my head. “Horace de Mostra. Hello I am your counsel.”

“You are a snake.”

“Yes I am. Ben Cobra. Pleased to meet you. I would shake your hand, but you know.”

“What?”

“No hands.”

“But, you are a snake, and you are talking.”

“No, you are hallucinating. I am indeed a snake, but I am unable to talk. What you are hearing is my aura.”

“Your aura?”

“Yes. Well, anyway we do not have much time. Is this your first offence?”

“Yes, I have never offended before,” I said, stuttering, “in fact I am not sure what offence I am supposed to have done here?”

“The charges are pretty plainly laid out on the docket. What words are you struggling with?”

“Any of them. More than a thousand counts of cannibalism. I mean it's just absurd….”

I awoke. “What a strange dream,” I thought through my grogginess, and then decided to stand and stretch a little. After several moments of this vital revitalising work I heard the deep baritone of my imagined wildebeest.

“This court will come to order.”

I looked at the pantheon around me and it seemed to be as though I was caught in a herd of beasts that were shifting and mauling like a sea in turmoil. Each moment that passed the light increased, until my unbelieving eyes discerned shapes and shadows that stretched out around me to the horizon.

“This court is now in session. The accused has now had one hour with his counsel. Does he wish to change his plea at this point?”

“No," I replied, believing that the question was addressed to me, but I was interrupted by a familiar voice from behind me.

“The defendant has consulted with me, and I have here in my hand an affidavit from a trained professional, that the defendant cannot be tried for the crimes stated owing to a condition of diminished responsibility.”

“This is most irregular.”

“We believe not sir. Natural law clearly states that a defendant cannot be held culpable for any acts if a trained professional is of the opinion that the defendant has not understood that they have done a crime. This is in keeping with the law of natural destruction based on incompetence.”

“Your argument from insanity is a poor one.”

As the judge and my defense counsel continued to talk back and forth the light in the room increased, until I could see a vista of animals surrounding me. There was the dodo, the mammoth, several species of birds, all rare and exotic breeds, that seemed to share one thing in common, they once were, but were then hunted to extinction. 

“Are you telling me that this human is not culpable for the extinction of all of these animals, and that therefore this human need not pay reparations?” The judge uttered through his antelope mouth.

“He is neither culpable, nor knowledgeable, your honour. For whereas he may be human, he is not humanity. Where would we be if we took all of the “crimes” of all the animals in the same way. Where would lions lie, and tigers, and whales, and any animal that has preyed on any other?”

As the light continued to increase, I looked around, and saw more animals, the golden toad, the quagga, the ibex, the passenger pigeon, the desert bandicoot, the auroch, the red gazelle, and the large sloth lemur.

“So, am I to believe you are all the species that have become extinct from human hands?”

“That is right,” the wildebeest said. “Finally you admit your species crime.”

“That is as may be,” interjected the snake, “but even though as a species Homo sapiens are culpable for the destruction of all of these species, no one individual can be held culpable. Humans have diminished responsibility, they have no understanding of the destruction they do, and so I ask that the case be dismissed.”

“So, who should we try for these crimes, for crimes they are?”

“Judge, it is not for me to say,” the snake lisped.

“I see no alternative than a class action. We will convene a hearing of the wide diversity of life and then put proposals forward to Humanity at large. I ask the defendant, who is your leader, to whom should we put this action?”

“No idea. I am just a humble human. You could try the United Nations, or whatever company you may perceive to be the worst offender, be they oil companies, or logging companies, or farming, or mineral extraction. You may choose your target, but good luck for I doubt that you will get a response. For if you consider me to have diminished responsibility then I fear it may be the label to attach to my species as a whole.”

And so I was let free from the darkness, but I found those events disturbing. Was it a dream I had, I will never know, but shortly afterwards I awoke in my bed in a cold sweat. It was 5 am, and after a 5 minute moment of pause I got up and went to work.