239 comments

Fantasy Kids

The sun shone brightly on a fine Sunday morning.

A large meteor had impacted Earth. It had been years since a meteor had attacked Earth. It caused a lot of damage. Scientists had come to examine the meteor.

There was a man inside the meteor. He was dying. The police took him out of it and admitted him to the hospital. 

Miles, the thin sub inspector of police, came into the hospital room and looked at his patient- a muscular man with black hair and tattoos on his hands and feet. He checked the eyes- brown. He read the file on his mystery patient and called a nurse.

"It says here he was found inside the meteor which fell this morning. We need to keep him for observation and we need to have police in case he's hostile when he wakes up." The whole police force was called.

Miles was very cautious. Not that he was afraid, just he wanted to be safe. His brow furrowed as he wondered what to do next.

*****

The strange man who had been in the meteor woke up suddenly and was very confused. 

“Where am I? Who are you all?” he asked.

“Don’t panic. You are in good hands. We are the police force. Here to help you,” the handsome senior officer, George told the confused stranger.

“Okay. But I want to get out of this weird place and go to my planet."

“You get cured and we will talk about it,” George said.

After a few days, the stranger started to live in the police station. 

“Tomorrow is my birthday,” the stranger said.

“Okay,” George said.

“But, where am I?” the stranger asked. He was still a stranger and the police didn't care to know about him.

“You are on earth. Would you mind saying your name?” George asked.

“I am from Dragon planet. My name is Flame. I am known as the dragon warrior on my planet,” he said sadly. 

“We have never seen anyone from a different planet. Welcome to Earth. Why are you sad?” George asked.

“I can’t celebrate my birthday with my family and friends,” Flame said. 

“Okay. Don’t worry. I am George, the senior here,” the policeman said and went out of the police station leaving Flame alone.

George went out and started talking to Miles.

“We should throw a surprise party for Flame. He doesn’t seem like a bad guy, Miles,” George said. 

“Okay, Sir,” the sub inspector, Miles said.

That night Flame saw the stars with a sad expression. It brought back the memories of his family.

The next day when he woke up, he was surprised. The police station was full of balloons and ribbons.

The police had executed their plan. This made Flame happy.

When the cake was going to be cut, the knife was nowhere to be found. 

Flame took out a small keychain and said,”I summon you, dragon.”

The key chain became a big, shining white sword. The police were terrified.

“Let’s cut the cake, George,” Flame said. 

“Can you please make that sword into that key chain and give it to us?” George said. 

“No way. It does harm only if I attack. It is my favourite sword and I am not going to give this sword to you,” Flame said. 

“Okay. We can cut the cake with a small knife, Flame,” Miles said.

“Okay. I will keep it inside. It is the sword that gives me the name Dragon warrior,” Flame said and made it back into a keychain. 

“Thank you, policemen. I will never forget you, George. But, there will be a day when I have to leave you,” Flame said, sadly.

“Don’t feel sad, Flame. Enjoy the moment,” George said, patting Flame. He gifted a phone to Flame.

The policemen and Flame enjoyed the party. They became exhausted after tidying up the police station. Everyone went to their houses and Flame stayed in the police station.

 He knew that day would come. He started practising with his sword. He knew that his enemy would be powerful.

It rained that night. But, it was not water; it was fire. Everyone was scared.

Next morning, the space scientists decided to identify where the fire rain had come from.

The scientists used telescopes to see into space. But, what they saw had shocked them.

The police were called. Flame had come too. 

Many spaceships were approaching Earth. They had many weapons. 

The scientists zoomed into the spaceship. Flame was very impatient. He was terrified too. He decided to talk to George and the scientists.

“I know them, ”Flame said.

“What are you saying, Flame?” George asked.

“They’re the worst aliens in the universe, the Kaals,” Flame said.

“What do you know about them, Flame?” George asked.

“It was a peaceful morning on my planet, the Dragon planet. My family was living in the outskirts of Phoenix City. The Kaals were always waiting for a chance to attack our planet. We had powerful warriors, and I was one of them, The dragon warrior,” Flame said, wiping away his tears. 

“Don’t cry, Flame. But, with so many powerful warriors, how did your planet lose to them?” George said. 

“The Kaals said that the warriors from my planet were betraying our planet. When the warriors fought they caused a lot of damage. The Kaals told me that they were going to destroy the planet. I believed them and killed all the warriors. I was a fool,” Flame said. 

“Don’t worry, Flame. We are with you. Then what happened to your planet?” Miles said.

“Then they used nuclear bombs to destroy our planet. Not even a single soul remained. The Kaals killed them all. They released me into zero gravity space,” Flame said.

“Then how did you escape, Flame?” George asked. 

“Luckily, I fell onto an asteroid which saved me by bringing me into the Earth,” Flame said.

“Now, what are we going to do?” the scientist asked.

“I have a plan,” Flame said, donning his Dragon warrior suit. It was bright red with a fire symbol on the shoulder. He took out his key chain and made it into his sword. 

*****

After some time, Flame said, “I am going to fight them and save this planet.”

“We will help you,” George said.

“Your weapons will be no match for theirs,” The Dragon Warrior said and walked out confidently. 

As the spaceships entered the Earth, many people locked their houses. 

Even the police force was afraid. There were too many spaceships and the sky blackened out. 

But, the dragon warrior stood there fearlessly.

“See the warrior who killed his planet’s warriors,” the Kaals laughed.

“I have been betrayed once. But, not again,” Dragon warrior said, getting ready to fight.

”What are you going to do alone, Dragon warrior?” the Kaals roared in laughter.

“He is not alone,” George said, taking out his pistol.

“Whatever it takes!” the police force shouted.

It was the start of a war. The Kaals looked furious and ugly. They took their weapons and formed the army. They had a huge army. But, the dragon warrior was not afraid. 

He was ready to fight. But, suddenly something struck him.

The dragon warrior started laughing. 

“Hi Kaals, thank you for coming to help me. I am also going to destroy this planet, Kaals,” the dragon warrior said. He slashed his sword on some buildings and made them collapse.

“Yea,” shouted the excited Kaals who had no work to do now.

Then the dragon warrior said, ”it is a waste of time destroying this planet. There are no warriors here.”

“Yes, you are right. There are no warriors here,” the Kaal leader said.

The dragon warrior got into one of the spaceships of the Kaals. 

He gave a large grin to police officer George. George was surprised and sad.

“We will come again to destroy this planet,” The Dragon Warrior said to George.

“You are a cheater, Flame!” George shouted.

The dragon warrior texted to George,“Don't worry, my friend. This is my idea to save your planet and destroy Kaals at the same time. I am not a cheater. I will come back here whenever I get time. I am also sad for the Kaals.” 

The dragon warrior got a reply from George, ”you have done the greatest help to the planet. We are awaiting your return. Destroy the Kaals.”

The Kaal leader had a plan to kill Flame. But, the dragon warrior had a different plan.

The dragon warrior took out his large sword and grinned, ”Sorry, Kaals. I am going to have a feast now.” 

*****



August 24, 2020 17:41

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239 comments

Kristin Neubauer
16:33 Aug 30, 2020

I love this story, Sahitthian! What an imagination. My favorite moment was when the dragon warrior produced the sword to cut the cake. I also really liked, toward the end, how we weren't sure which side Flame was on. You kept me reading. Looking forward to reading more!

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The Cold Ice
02:40 Aug 31, 2020

I am glad you loved the story. Thank you for reading.

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Jonathan Blaauw
09:26 Aug 29, 2020

Interesting story and solidly presented. You’ve got all the elements of an engaging tale – a mysterious hero, evil aliens, etc. And you’ve created some nice misdirection at the end there, making the reader think Flame is a bad guy. Those are the things that make stories worth reading, and yours definitely was. I know you’re a young writer, and your work is great, but it might help you in future to highlight the key parts of your story and focus in on them. For example, the build-up to the action is quite slow, and the surprise party, while ...

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The Cold Ice
13:54 Aug 31, 2020

Thank you for reading.Thank you for taking mistakes.

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Jonathan Blaauw
14:07 Aug 31, 2020

Mistakes prefer to be called by their full name - learning opportunities. I think someone famous said that. Otherwise, I'm going to claim it :) It was a pleasure to read and I love that you're open to feedback. Let me know when the new one comes out.

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The Cold Ice
14:20 Aug 31, 2020

Definitely ,mistakes are learning opportunities. I am glad it was a pleasure for you.I will definitely tell when I write the next story.

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I like the title of your story. I usually don't like fantasy stories too much but you did very well with this. Great job.

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The Cold Ice
05:01 Aug 29, 2020

I am glad you liked the title of the story. Thank you for reading.

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Deborah Angevin
22:04 Aug 28, 2020

This is such an interesting story. As others have mentioned, it is very imaginative! P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "The Purple Sash"? Thank you :D

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The Cold Ice
02:48 Aug 29, 2020

Sure I will read,thank you for reading.

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Lily Kingston
14:18 Aug 28, 2020

Nice twist on the prompt! I like how the dragon warrior remains true to his friends on earth. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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The Cold Ice
15:36 Aug 28, 2020

I am glad you enjoyed the story.Thank you for reading.

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Anja Z
11:44 Aug 28, 2020

Great story I just feel like the story needs body like its is the right bone, but some meat are missing.

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The Cold Ice
17:57 Aug 28, 2020

I will add some meat. Thank you for reading.

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Naomie K
09:50 Aug 28, 2020

I like your imagination and the way you developed your story. I not a Fantasy fan, but I enjoyed reading your story all the way to the end. Keep it up.

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The Cold Ice
09:53 Aug 28, 2020

I am glad you liked my imagination and enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading.

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04:18 Aug 28, 2020

Great story and well narrated Sahi. There are quite number of events and twists in the story. Never expected such an end, I was also got angry with the dragon warrior like George and could not guess warriors game plan Well done...Keep writing

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The Cold Ice
04:21 Aug 28, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Skyler Woods
03:24 Aug 28, 2020

A very cute story! I loved Flame. He was very cool!💛

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The Cold Ice
03:41 Aug 28, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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21:54 Aug 27, 2020

Good narration I was reading very enjoyed 👏🤝👏 keep it up.

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The Cold Ice
01:44 Aug 28, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Jane Andrews
18:42 Aug 27, 2020

Hi Sahitthian. First of all, I was amazed to realise how young you are - I think your story shows real promise for your age and I look forward to seeing more of your stories on Reedsy. You have an interesting storyline with twists and turns to keep the readers involved - yes, there are some grammatical errors or places where things could be worded a little better, but these skills will develop over time; what's impressive is your imagination here and that you have a carefully thought out and coherent story. (I see lots of other people have o...

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The Cold Ice
01:46 Aug 28, 2020

Thank you. Yup, I have changed it. Thank you. I didn’t see that. Thank you for reading.(please like my story)

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Jane Andrews
13:44 Aug 28, 2020

I’ve clicked ‘Like’ for you.

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D. Jaymz
04:54 Aug 27, 2020

A great first story. You have the basic structure of a beginning - middle and an end 👏 This structure is as old as Aristotle's Poetics and is the basis for all stories. Many people have given you excellent help and I see that you are willing to work with those suggestions when you feel that they help make your story better. That is a good quality for a writer. Every story that you write will improve. The most important thing is to keep writing. Revisions are needed to fix grammar, internal logic, and those other parts of writing tha...

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The Cold Ice
05:24 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you for reading, Jaymz. Thank you for taking your time in typing such a loooooooooooolooooooooooooooooooooooooooong comment. I have changed it a bit. I will go through again. I love your way of ignoring the age and seeing me as a writer. I will keep up the good work. Thank you for reading.

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D. Jaymz
06:46 Aug 27, 2020

You're welcome.

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Lynn Penny
04:50 Aug 27, 2020

This was super fun and quite creative. I believe this is an amazing job for your first story on here. I guess my only critique Is the dialogue is a bit stiff in some places. That is a skill that is developed over time as you right more. If you want to work on it, try saying the words out loud as you write them and rewrite them to flow fluently.

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The Cold Ice
04:52 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you. I will try to rewrite some of the dialogues now. I still have time to edit. Thank you for reading.

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Lynn Penny
04:54 Aug 27, 2020

You should feel proud, This was truly lovely.

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The Cold Ice
05:19 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you.

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Rajesh Rajendran
04:46 Aug 27, 2020

Very nice story Saihiten Adapted from some sci-fic movies

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The Cold Ice
04:49 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you for reading.😁😁😁

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Lonnie Larson
00:25 Aug 27, 2020

It was very good. It was fast paced, but that was still good for a first submission story. Keep writing and i'm sure I'll be seeing your work in stores.

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The Cold Ice
02:07 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you for reading, Lonnie.

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Thom With An H
18:08 Aug 26, 2020

This is a very entertaining story. I think you should work to expand it to a longer story and work a little more on character development. I can tell you love to write and tell stories. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

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The Cold Ice
02:04 Aug 27, 2020

I had in mind to make the story longer. Thank you for reading.

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Peggy Gerber
17:35 Aug 26, 2020

Great first story. Keep on writing.

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The Cold Ice
02:03 Aug 27, 2020

Thank you for reading.

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Kathleen March
16:31 Aug 26, 2020

One thing: "The police were terrifi" - typo. Now I wonder if you have tried to put too much into the story. It might work for YA readers quite well, but for adult readers there is a lot bubbling around. Maybe just tell one part of the story here and other parts for different prompts. You have worked hard on this story and say you are a young writer. Sit back, tighten things up, and see what you get. Good luck.

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The Cold Ice
03:37 Sep 25, 2020

Okay, thanks for the suggestion. Thank you for reading.

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02:45 Nov 29, 2020

Astonished at you skills writing short story at your age.Your imagination, handling language with ease adds flavor.As you grow in age and improve your talent you will attract more readers.Blessing& wishing you to write more stories looking forward for your imagination yet to come.

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The Cold Ice
02:49 Nov 29, 2020

Thanks. I will improve.Thanks for reading

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Phebe Emmanuel
05:30 Nov 24, 2020

Hey, imma upvote you. Try to get back some of those points the downvoter stole. Let's go on a spree!

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The Cold Ice
05:49 Nov 24, 2020

Ok

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Phebe Emmanuel
05:54 Nov 24, 2020

Alright, I got all of your comments! Might have even raised you up a spot... Could you do the same?

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The Cold Ice
05:57 Nov 24, 2020

Congratulations on going to 100 place

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Phebe Emmanuel
05:58 Nov 24, 2020

Thank you! I think you're up a spot or two also!

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The Cold Ice
05:58 Nov 24, 2020

Thanks

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The Cold Ice
05:58 Nov 24, 2020

I have one wish you can upvote roshna

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The Cold Ice
05:56 Nov 24, 2020

Yes I finised

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