I, The Prankster

   I, The Prankster

Suzanne Marsh

“Oh, those three! I have survived a great many students but these two have got to go NOW!!!”

The nuns suffered a great deal at my hands in the two years I was at The Mount. Watching television late one afternoon I had the most scathing brilliant idea of my entire career; as a prankster. It was simple yet brilliant. It was so brilliant that I knew it would finish my stay at the Mount and convince my Mom that I would be much better off at Kenmore East Senior High School. I had tried all sorts of pranks; in general being a pain in Sister De La Sales backside. Sister De La Sales was the principal at the Mount; she was also a nun with a mission. I had a cousin who was three years ahead of me, she was my nemesis those two long years. It wasn’t her fault that the nuns thought I should be like her, after all we did look very much alike. That might have worked to my advantage if she had not been so studious.

I began to hatch my coup de ta when I realized how quickly rumors spread. I was going to have fun with this project eventually. I had to first pick out the classmates that I knew would go along with any idea to disrupt the nuns authority, that was simple. What I needed was to find a patsy who was a blabbermouth, and loved rumors. That was not going to be easy but I was not one to be deterred either. I began to run through the names and things I thought about my fellow students. There were several sophomores that I hung with that would absolutely love to make the nuns suffer especially those from the Riders Club. Sister De La Sales heard through the rumor mill that several of us from the Riders Club had been drinking beer. Yes, we had been drinking beer, it was a Saturday; although we were all underage.

That was when the pranks on the nuns began. Sometimes we would substitute salt for sugar. Itching powder in their beds. The third floor of the Mount was the cloister and obviously a very tempting target. Detention was one cure for our crowd: as the nuns referred to us. There was the time that I did not have my collars and cuffs starched. I had to go to the Home Economics Room and wash the collars and cuffs, starch and dry them. Then iron them and return to class. That required retribution. The PA system and dirty joke worked quite effectively. The nuns didn’t see it that way but; oh well. The prankster in me just could not resist; a guided tour of the cloister. My cohorts Roz and Debbie decided that three tours a day would be sufficient at fifty cents per person. It was amazing how many girls wanted to see the cloister.

One in the morning during Mass, one at lunch break and one right after school. Heck at fifty cents a tour we did very well. That of course would have been great, if I had not been late for World Economics taught by Sister Ursula. She took the same route to her classroom every day. I was late finishing the cloister tour. I was just rounding a corner when there stood the living breathing dragon Sister De La Sales. I still to this day say; that she had fire coming from her nostrils. I stood there, hoping against hope that she would not call my parents. Pleading with Sister was like pleading with rattlesnake not to strike.

Sister Marian, was the General Science teacher and all around pain. She would sneak up and stab you in the back with her bony finger if you were slouching. I decided one morning to bring one of my Mom’s frying pans. She poked me and she would no doubt break a finger. True to form Sister did not poke me in the back that particular time. It is rather difficult not to sit up with a frying pan under your uniform.

These pranks were just a prelude to the plan the I was conspiring with my three other cohorts. Our first meeting after school at Your Host suggested that this would take a lot of planning. We had a year until April First. We began to plot our strategy very carefully. I had just the person in mind to blab whatever information we gave her. Her nickname was blabbermouth Cotton, her name was Mary Cotton. She was always seen hovering near Sister De La Sales office. Once a day she would come out of the shadows and tell Sister about various activities. She would be perfect for spreading the rumors. We decided that the school should close on April first of the following year. Debbie wanted to know how we would spread the rumor.

“Simple, we use Blabbermouth Cotton. She is always hovering in the shadows near De La

Sales office. The first set of rumors should start just before Christmas vacation. The second set

of rumors should begin right after Easter vacation. Then the final culmination the third rumor

March thirtieth.”

“That sounds like a plan to me.”

“I also plan to have fliers printed with the Letter head. This will make the rumors more

plausible. We should use colored paper to be sure it catches the attentions of the students.”

Roz, sat quietly taking it all in until the part about the attention of the students..

“How are you planning to distribute these fliers? Are you going to plaster them on everyone’s

locker?”

“No, on March thirty first we will hand them out on the buses.”

“Now it sounds like a plan!”

Debbie, Roz and I waited patiently for Christmas vacation. We watched Blabbermouth Cotton carefully so we could use her to our advantage. The opportunity came the day of Christmas vacation. We were all coming out of chorus. The three of us made sure we were standing as close to Blabbermouth as was humanly possible without getting caught. Roz began:

“Hey Debbie, did you hear that the Mount is closing April first for good?”

“No I had not heard that Roz. If they close in April where are we supposed to go to school?”

“Got me, I have no idea.”

We backed away, the seed had been planted. We watched Blabbermouth head straight for Sister De La Sale’s office. We kept right on walking to our lockers. That should make people nervous over the holidays. I told my Mom about the rumor I had heard:

“Yeah Mom, they are going to close the Mount, so I guess I should have my transcripts ready.”

“Not so fast, if you leave the Mount you go to Sacred Heart.”

“Awe, Mom, I belong in public school, with what it cost for tuition.”

“Sacred Heart is better, the nuns are better teachers.”

I thought: ‘oh crap I am really going to have to do some talking if the rest of my plan is going to work. I hate the thought of another two years with any nuns.’ I would no doubt be stuck with the nuns, once Mom made up her mind it was law.

Our next meeting involved the fliers we were going to hand out on the bus. It had to short and to the point. I already had the letter head for the Mount tucked safely in my locker. I had borrowed several sheets from the mimeograph machine. We sat in “our” booth, debating:

“How about attention students as of April first the Mount will be closed forever.”

“Yeah or how about: April first the end of the Mount?”

“No, that is to pointed. How about: April first is the end of our days at the Mount.

We are closing out doors forever.”

“Yeah, that sounds much better.”

“When do you want to print these off?”

“Sister Mary Ann gave me permission to use the mimeograph machine next week to print

some business with our Riders Club. It is a perfect time. Roz, can you and Debbie keep

a watch out while I do the deed?”

“Count me in.”

“Me too.”

Things were coming together, finally. I had been preparing Mom for weeks about the school closing. After all no Catholic school would take me, she had to do a great deal of talking to get me in the Mount.

The middle of March we printed the fliers on blue and white paper. They looked authentic, I forged Sister De La Sales signature at the bottom of the flier. Finally the day arrived March 31^st. All the students looked dour almost solemn as they walked the halls for what they thought was the last time. I was really pleased with myself. If nothing else the entire school would have off for a few extra days as the nuns scrambled to bring most students back to the Mount.

I went home that afternoon and showed Mom the flier:

“Mom, see there is Sister De La Sales signature, it is official.”

The telephone on the mahogany desk rang:

“Hello, yes this is Mrs. Harper.”

“Sister really can you prove that my daughter forged your signature?”

“I see. Yes we will be there tomorrow.”

I gulped, I knew I had gone to far this time. Mom gave me one of those withering Mom looks:

“You are grounded for life do you hear me? How could you possibly have thought this

idea up? Who helped you? Roz and Debbie?”

The following day three sets of parents sat quietly as Sister De La Sales began:

“I have been a nun for almost fifty years. I served in a great many capacities, but

never in my career have I met three students like your daughters. They are expelled!”

I had achieved my primary goal, I began public school April 2^nd.