Sixteen is No More Than Fifteen

For my sixteenth birthday, my mom brought me to our little cafe. We go there every Sunday, and have breakfast and I listen to her slip in stories about Dad. This is the only place she will talk about him, so I always shut my mouth real quick when she begins so I don't scare her off.

Dad left when I was little. No, not left. He's a free spirit, Mom said once. If you lock up a wild bird, don't be surprised when it breaks free.

When I was little I always answered that with, "Yes, it might break free, or maybe it's spirit would break and it wouldn't sing no more," and Mom always ruffled my hair and said that at any rate, she didn't want to cage up Dad. So he left, and she let him go. When you really love someone, you don't hold on to them, she always tells me. You just understand that you love them and feel lucky while you're loved by them.

Sixteen is a big birthday, so I was surprised when Mom just took me to the cafe. We do that every Sunday.

But then I saw him.

"Dad!" I cried, and ran up to him.

He hugged me, and I crushed his ribs. "Hey, Sophie."

I might live far away from him, but Dad always feels like home.

We all ate breakfast together, which was already the greatest present ever, and then they presented me with a plane ticket and school permission forms for the end of year trip. To Hawaii.

I am not ashamed to admit I screamed.

So yes, being sixteen is already better than being fifteen.

I didn't feel the flight at all. I got to sit by myself, and I just slept and watched Netflix, mostly. And then I got to Hawaii and checked in to my hotel room and-

No.

I figured I would share a room with Hazel or Ali, my two best friends. They normally put friends together, but as it turns out, the decided to alphabeticalize us by last names. Ranrevre, Sophie. Rao, Chloe.

I hate Chloe. I'm not doing my "judgemental thing" that I do (according to Hazel). Would you like a girl that swooped in and took it all from you? I didn't think so.

The group. I was The Girl in the group. Gavin was The Boy. I've been in love with Gavin since I was seven. And we were best friends. And I was going to ask him to the big Spring Fling dance, and then Chloe moved here, all pretty and sweet and cool with here color streaked black hair and pretty, almond shaped brown eyes and he asked her to the dance. Because she was new, he said. He didn't want her to go alone, he said. I almost said how I felt, but the words choked in my throat and poisoned my mind and I couldn't any more. So I left the group and being The Girl just in time for Chloe to move in after dancing with future Homecoming King.

Yes, no hard feelings there.

And now I have to spend three weeks with Chloe Rao in Hawaii.

I almost ran out of the room right then and there, I was so close to asking Ms. Tracey for a different room, but then I thought of all the trouble Mom and Dad had went to to scrounge up money for me to go on the really expensive end of year trip our high school does every year, and I took a deep breath and walked in.

She didn't even look up from painting her nails. "Hey."

Argh!

There are all-costs-covered-by-the-school-board surfing lessons, according to one of the younger chaperones. How she manged to say that in one breath is astonishing, but I sign myself up immediately. Free lessons. Who would turn that down?

Apparently, Gavin and Chloe. They're sitting close together on a small beach towel. She looks kind of breathless and her cheeks are flushed. She says something so him and he grins back at her. Who am I to get in the way of the "cutest high school couple", at least according to Ali and Hazel when they are in full gossip mode and not entirely conscious of my feelings.

And when they forget the fact that it's not official.

At least the lessons were fun.

When I return to my-excuse me, our room that evening, Chloe is lying on her bed, reading a book. As I take off my flip flops, her phone pings! She picks it up and blushes.

"Who's that?" I blurt out.

"Oh, uh, no one," she stammers, noticing me for the first time.

Right.

I resolve to spend every ounce of my time enjoying Hawaii. I scuba dive, swim with a variety of awesome sea creatures, savour the food and most definitely do not think about Chloe. Ali and Haze start hanging out with Naomi, who I like, but they're more interested in playing Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle by the campfires in the evening with the group.

I refuse to face Gavin, yet somehow they rope me into it.

When I shuffle up discretely, my presence goes nearly unnoticed.

Nearly. Soon I am roped in to singing loud lyrics from some new one hit wonder, and now it's my turn.

I turn to Chloe. "Chloe," I begin. "Truth or Dare?"

She shrugs. "Dare. I can take it."

And my trap is set.

"I dare you... to kiss Gavin."

This is big. They are obviously a couple, but no one has seen them kiss. This would make it official. Everyone whoops and cheers.

"Chloe! Chloe!"

She looks around a bit uncertainly, then back to Gavin. He smiles at her and leans closer to whisper something in her ear. She nods, and he kisses her.

It is short, but it shatters something to me. I was still hoping... well, I was hoping maybe I still had a shot.

When she breaks away, I swear I caught her eyes looking glassy, but I must have been imagining it, because when I blink she looks fine. Then she turns on me.

"Sophie. Truth or Dare?"

I will not fall for my own trap, Chloe.

"Truth," I reply confidently, and while maybe I didn't fall for my trap I apparently...

"How long have you been in love with Gavin?"

Fell for hers.

Tears spring to my eyes, and I turn and run. I knew I shouldn't have listened to Ali and Hazel. I've ruined everything.

When Chloe gets back at an early 10:30 pm, she slams the door behind her.

"You know, you're such a brat, Sophie."

"What!" I whirl on her. "You humiliated me in front of someone I have loved for my whole life!"

"You ruined my chances with the only girl I ever thought I had a shot with!"

"Wait, what?"

She crumples. "I'm in love with Ali, Sophie. And Gavin is in love with you, you realize! Sophie, you're selfish. You're so caught up in your dumb problems that you don't care who you hurt. I bet if you weren't so unreasonably jealous of me, we would be good friends. I've done nothing wrong, I was the new girl, you ought to know. Gavin and I are just friends, don't worry about that." She turns to me venomously. "And if you weren't so focused on Gavin, you might have been able to tell that Ali is gay and her family is giving her a lot of crap for it!"

My mouth forms a perfect o. "I... Chloe, I am so, so sorry."

It is the last day of the field trip. After a thorough apology to Ali for not being their for her, and sly poking to find out if she likes Chloe, I tell her to meet "me" at the end of the pier at six o' clock. Then I make sure Chloe is there and Hazel and I (with our secret Ali inside knowledge) help her prepare a picnic.

Sitting on the beach that night, I see the silhouette of two girls kissing in the sunset, and for once I'm not thinking of Gavin or myself or anything but how grateful I am to have one more friend.

Sixteen really is the same as fifteen.