The Keepers of St. John's

To Ms. Danton, 

A hearty congratulations on the success of The Scottish Play! I have to admit, after the Katie Davis kerfuffle we were all a bit nervous, but after the curtain went up, the production went so smoothly it could have been professional. Little Michael Monmouth Jr. was entrancing as Banquo, and let’s not forget how our Gretchen swooped in to save the day… what a wonderful actress she might turn out to be! The show might have been better for it. 

What a marvelous directorial job on your part! On behalf of all the thankful parents of St. John’s, attached is a $200 check towards financing the next school play. Perhaps it will help patch up some of those shoddy costumes…

Thank you for all you have done for our children!

Regards, 

Mr. Robert Windbeak, Esq. and Mrs. Amelie Windbeak

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Sandra, 

I have been praying for Katie’s healthy recovery at every spare moment. 

I must thank you for remaining calm. You have every right to be infuriated! Those Windbeaks on their snooty, high-fucking-faluting asses (please mind my language) need to be humbled. It’s mainly Mrs. Windbeak, but I doubt her husband has done anything to stop her. 

I assumed they’d keep it between the parents, but they’ve already written to me, referencing Katie’s accident as a “kerfuffle” and whining about how her absence may impact the play. They were all too happy to volunteer Gretch in her place, though… 

I am so, so thankful that you’ve not lashed back out at them yet, and I’m begging you not to. The last thing St. John’s needs is a PTA war, especially if the Windbeaks are heading up the opposition. 

I hope Katie is recovering well, and please send her my love. Did they ever catch that awful bicyclist that hit her? She’s just a teenager, for God’s sakes!

Love, 

Sadie Danton

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Mr. and Mrs. Windbeak, 

Thank you so much for the donation. Gretchen was a wonderful alternate Lady Macbeth. 

Best, 

Ms. Danton

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To Mr. Michael Monmouth and Mrs. Rachael Monmouth, 

Much thanks for your urgent message regarding Ms. Danton. We agree completely. We must rid St. John’s of that bleeding-heart creature at once. If the shoddy play wasn’t enough—Michael and Gretchen were the only saving graces—we sent her a very generous donation, and she sent back a catty, ungrateful, two-sentence response. 

And, she called Gretchen an alternate! Our little Gretchen out-acts that mousy, pimply Katie Davis at every measure, and it’s common knowledge that the poor, paraplegic thing only got the part because her mother is engaging in an extra-marital affair with that cadaverous Ms. Danton. If that fool Trip Davis had any wit to him, he’d have left that awful, adulterous woman by now. She’s not even attracted to men, you know. 

How shall we melt the witch? 

Regards, 

Mr. Robert Windbeak, Esq. and Mrs. Amelie Windbeak

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Sadie, 

Thanks for the kind words—and thanks for checking in on Katie. She’s steadily recovering, but I’m about at my wits end. Rachael Monmouth, Cassidy French, and Jeannie Price have all contacted me individually and accused me of having an affair! With you! Even if I was attracted to women, that would be a ludicrous assumption. 

All that aside, I think it’s best if we don’t speak for a bit. Feel free to reach out to Katie separately. 

Sandra Davis

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Michael, 

My mom finally gave me my phone back. It made my heart flutter to see how many missed calls I had from you!!! Thanks a million for caring so much about me :). I should be back at school on Monday and I have to be in a wheelchair for a little bit but it’s not permanent. Then, we can finally see each other again. It was so fun sneaking around with you. 

I know it sucks that our families hate each other, but hopefully soon we can make our relationship PUBLICLY official…

XOXO, 

Katie

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AMElie…

THANK YOU FOR INFORMING US ABOUT MS. DANTON’S SEXUAL PROCLIVITY!!!!!!!! I certainly did not know and am ASHAMED that I allowed Michael Jr. around her. St. Jhon’s is a CATHOLIC SCHOOL for the love of God! She certainly shoudldn’t be allowed to gallivant about and convert our children into SANTANIST devil-worshhippers. MS. DANTON HAS GOT! TO! GO!

If you orgagnize a protest, I shhall be the first to make a sign!

Rachael Monmouth

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Mom, 

Thanks, I guess??? for sticking up for Gretch, but you and the other moms have GOT to leave Ms. Danton alone. She’s a great teacher, and it’s fucking embarrassing and homophobic and weird. Some of the other kids have caught on to what you’re doing and they’re making fun. It’s not a good look. 

Michael

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Dear Mrs. Windbeak, Mrs. French, Mrs. Monmouth, and Mrs. Price, 

I am extremely thankful for your efforts to maintain the sanctity of our children’s experiences at school, a place where they should certainly remain safe and shielded from activities like the things you have accused my wife of performing with Ms. Sadie Danton. 

However, these accusations are damaging not only to myself and my wife, Sandra, but to my daughter Katie, who you know is in hospital, and to Ms. Sadie Danton, who has been nothing but a paragon of virtue during her eight-year tenure at St. John’s. I would hate for her to lose her position over such silly rumors when she has been an excellent role model for our children. 

I must share with you an anecdote that I feel captures Ms.Danton’s pure intentions. When Katie arrived at St. John's at age 12, she was a shy little thing. She had a difficult time making friends and often ate by herself in the toilet cubicles. Ms. Danton, upon discovering this, encouraged Katie to participate in the theater club, where she gradually opened up and allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of her peers. With Ms. Danton’s guidance, Katie was able to develop a few good friendships and eventually transformed into a sunnier version of herself. 

I would deeply regret it if I did not step in here and urge you to reconsider your vendetta against Ms. Danton, however it came to be. I assure you that Ms. Danton is a decent, upstanding member of our society, and that she has had nothing to do with my wife. 

Regards, 

Francis Daniel (Trip) Davis III 

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Hey Ms. Danton, 

Thanks for checking on me, I really appreciate it!!! My mom and dad have been telling me what the other moms have been saying about you, and it’s really something nasty. Rachael Monmouth is a total bitch. I’m totally on your side and just so you know, if you’re a lesbian I totally don’t mind! 

Will you sign my cast after class on Monday? I wanna tell you something juicy! 

Luv, 

Katie

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To: The Parents of St. John’s Catholic School Email List

First and foremost, I would like to thank all of you for your concerns. St. John’s would be nothing without the watchful and discerning eyes of our parent community. 

I understand that recently, there have been rumors surrounding the sexual orientation of one of our beloved teachers. Let me make it clear—the teachers at St. John’s are there to teach your children and to do nothing more. St. John’s Catholic School is an equal opportunity employer. For those who don’t know what that means, please refer to this link for an in-depth understanding. 

We will not terminate a teacher unless that teacher has proven that they cannot do their job to full capacity. This is an umbrella statement that includes student health and safety. We certainly will not terminate a teacher based on rumors. We pride ourselves on being an open-minded institution with the focus of instilling faith into our students. Unless this teacher’s rumored personal life has hindered any student’s ability to receive a faith-based, Godly education, we will not be pursuing this matter further. 

Please reach out to my secretary, Amanda Grainger, if you have further questions. 

All the best, 

Elisabeth Richards, Principal, St. John’s Catholic School

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Mom, 

Thanks for fucking ruining my life. Everyone at school’s being awful to me, Gretch, Jackie, and Will, and you’re definitely not helping. I am not telling Principal Richards that Ms. Danton tried to turn me gay. That’s fucking weird as hell and you need to get a hold on your emotions. Just because Dad’s been on his bullshit again doesn’t give you the right to terrorize one of my teachers. Leave her the fuck alone. 

Michael

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Dear Robert and Amelie, 

Thank you for reaching out about organizing a protest, but I shan’t be participating, and will be stepping out of this dispute right about here. Jackie has been getting bullied at school, and she’s not even involved with theater club or Ms. Danton, so I don’t see why I should participate in this any further. Please remove me from any text threads discussing this matter. 

Regards, 

Cassidy French

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To Mr. Andrew Price, Mrs. Jeannie Price, Mr. Michael Monmouth, Mrs. Rachael Monmouth

Much thanks for your continued support and renewed vigor. Cassidy French is a fool and a fucking half-wit. However, this fight remains a steep hill, and we expected to lose numbers along the way. 

Regards, 

Mr. Robert Windbeak, Esq. and Mrs. Amelie Windbeak

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Mom, 

Thanks for the spa coupon you sent, but nothing is helping. I can’t do it anymore. It’s crushing my spirit and soul. Not to mention, I found something horrible out today about one of my dearest students, and I don’t know who I can tell. It’ll just look like I’ve been deflecting the rumors about me. Oh God, mom, I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a horrible teacher and a stupid person. I’ve spent the last hour crying in my classroom. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I can tell. 

Sadie

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To: Mr. Andrew Price, Mrs. Jeannie Price, Mr. Michael Monmouth, Mrs. Rachael Monmouth

We must thank God for intervening on our behalf! Earlier, the sheriff was dining at our house, and he was called away to attend to a hit-and-run victim a few miles out of town. Well—you won’t believe it, the sheriff called from the scene, and it was Ms. Danton! Now, I shan’t ever rejoice in someone else’s death, but it truly feels like a divine intervention on behalf of our beautiful children. We shall all take a sigh of relief and sleep peacefully tonight. 

I wonder, since she is dead, if we could get that check back?

Regards, 

Mr. Robert Windbeak, Esq. and Mrs. Amelie Windbeak

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WHAT DID YOU DO???????? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO????? DID YOU THINK I’D BE HAPPY? DID YOU THINK I’D THANK YOU????????? I’m calling the fucking police. 

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Trip and Sandra,

THANK YOU for keeping my name out of this AWFUL MESS. God bless your lovely Katie, and I’m here to support ANY way I can. 

Rachael Remington (formerly Rachael Monmouth)

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Dear Ms. Remington, 

Thank you for your well wishes, but kindly, stay the fuck out of our lives.

Regards, 

Francis Daniel (Trip) Davis III and Sandra Davis

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To: The Parents of St. John’s Catholic School Email List

First and foremost, I would like to thank all of you for your concerns. St. John’s would be nothing without the watchful and discerning eyes of our parent community. 

Recently, one of our St. John’s parents was discovered to be unlawfully consorting with one of our underage students. When that student spoke about the illegal relationship to a teacher, the teacher confronted the perpetrator, who then struck that teacher with a car. The teacher did not survive. 

I am telling you this because reporters and other writers may reach out to you, eager to get their hands on the story first. Please refrain from speaking to anyone without consulting with myself and the St. John’s school board first. 

Please reach out to my secretary, Amanda Grainger, if you have further questions. 

All the best, 

Elisabeth Richards, Principal, St. John’s Catholic School

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Dear Katie, 

I’m sick as I’m writing this. Sick for poor Ms. Danton, sick for you, sick for myself and my mother. I know your parents don’t want my mom and I anywhere near you, and that we’ve both moved away, but I just wanted to thank you for your bravery. Without your courage, Ms. Danton wouldn’t have gotten justice, and my mom and I would still be living with a psycho. 

I’m really sorry about what my dad did to you. The police said it wasn’t against your will, but it still wasn’t okay. It was still fucked up. And I’m so sorry about what he did to Ms. Danton. I know you were close. I liked her too. I’m really proud of you for speaking up, and I thought you might want to hear that from me. I’m not mad at you, and neither is my mom. He’s the disgusting one. I hope you know we’re never going to speak to him again. And I’m here for you, if you need anything. 

Wishing you the best, 

Michael Remington (formerly Michael Monmouth, Jr.)

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