New Year Tango Daylight

(Note: Contains references to surgery.)

Herr Arthur Shaupenfrauf, I have compiled a list of your New Years resolutions for the year 2024. Listen very carefully. It might not matter too much, as so much as happened. But I want you to be cognizant of the fact that not everything that we have been through these past few years has been that bad. Ultimately, we have survived. Though we may not have the ability to achieve all ten of the things on this list within a sufficient period, I want you to know that life is still good. I have been watching you, Herr Arthur Shaupenfrauf.

Eins: This next year will be the year that we finally get that Porsche. We’ve been scrimping and saving for years to get it. It was a good bit of happenstance. We worked tirelessly, opened new business. We swung through those business deals. In the end, it was just a demonstration of all the efforts that we have placed into this enterprise. That burgundy color. It goes good on a Porsche. Especially on one of the model that we have our sights on. Oh my God! What should happen if we should get to the dealership, and it is gone?

Zwei: Don’t forget mein maza turns one hundred in 2024. She was the fairest fraulein in all of Germany, and now she’s going to enter a new age. Remember all those years, as a child? Remember all those years of a child, when I would come home from school – just a little lad with my lunch pail - and there would be mein maza with a special gift, a special meal, whatever I wanted. Whatever it was, I wanted it. If it came from her. And do you remember my graduation from finishing school? Such a beautiful experience that was.

Drei: Don’t forget, you get to meet former F1 driver Lewis Hamilton on Easter Sunday, as part of the professional development program at your company. Oh, Lewis Hamilton. So many great races he has had over the years, yes? So many awesome memories. So many wins from pole position. I remember mein pepe used to take me to the races as a boy. So many changes to the cars through the years. I loved being able to see myself as a race car driver, and I even got to do some go-kart racing as well. I had an eventful childhood.

Vier: Don’t forget. The designs for your company’s newest private jet are going to be sent to the fabricators in a few months. Planes are such a beautiful thing. They fly this way and that, never having a mind of their own. I love to see myself flying, just flying through the sky. No need for wings. They have the jetpacks, now, that let you do that. Pretty soon, humanity will be able to fly based purely on thought. But which thought? What thought is there in a human mind that could make him or her fly? So many mysteries.

Fϋnf: You are supposed to lose thirty pounds this year, about 15 kilos. You’ve been eating quite a lot, “Herr Obershurer”. Now it is time to pay the piper. What do you think you should do? Go to the gym? Get some salads? Drink some water? Do Yoga? All the above? Laubin. You’re going to be a new man once you drop the weight. But I’m sure that you’ve already got some sort of celebration planned that I am unaware of. Don’t forget: if you party too much, you could end up putting all of the weight back. Or worse.

Sechs: I’m thinking I need to paint the interior of the house. It is becoming a little claustrophobic in here. So restricting. I think a new, brighter coat of paint should cure what years of stoic understanding could not. Although I am sure that a new coat of paint is not the only thing I should be considering. This will be the best opportunity for me to check out my new brushes. And, as always, I must make my painting signature in the corner somewhere. What was it? A horse with a shield and a scabbard? I forget sometimes. Anyway…

Sieben: Oh, my brother. We were supposed to spend more time visiting with Minxi. Minxi Shaudenfrauf. Such a pleasure. What did he say he was doing? He said he had a dairy farm. Oh, I love milk, and cream. Maybe I can get a discount. It is hard to keep up with all the comings and goings. Though I know that I have been neglecting him especially over the years. It should come as no surprise that we are twins. Almost. He was born a minute before me – “on my mother’s side”, as I like to say. He’s so silly.

Acht: I must also remember to have mein false hip replaced. There is nothing wrong with the one that I already have, but the newest models have up to a twenty-five percent increase in speed. I would be able to walk to the convenience store in under ten minutes. It should give a boost to my mood. Surgery used to be my greatest fear. Now, when I go under the knife, I just think of a hot knife through ice cream. It always helps me. I don’t know how much it’s going to cost my insurance. But I’m not paying.

Neun: I want to visit the Observatory again this year. Last time, they had the bratwurst laid out with the sour cream. That was an experience. Although the planets were fun as well. It’s always good to see one’s one space in the universe. I especially like the comfortable chair that they have. If I could have an observatory chair in my home, I would. I just wish that I had held on to that coupon. Where did I put that coupon. Two free admissions with a crushed can of coke. I must have some cans of coke somewhere, too.

Zehn: In addition to all these wonderful things, I would like to visit the Eiffel Tower again. I’m getting old, and I want to climb the tower while I’m still young and strong. I don’t want to waste time. Maybe mein maza will come with? It is tough getting older, but at least I know where it is. At least, I think that I do. I want to see as much of the world as I can. Herr Arthur Shaupenfrauf, this will be the year that changes everything. I will be going in style from now on. Just don’t forget…