ELIM CIVOLUDAR'S MEMOIRS - EMOTIONAL SEAS

Submitted into Contest #255 in response to: Write a story about someone finding acceptance.... view prompt

28 comments

Inspirational


We offer guidance to others as if we hold all the answers to life's challenges, yet when darkness clouds our own path, and fear grips us tightly, we find ourselves in a corner, our own advice forgotten.


Isn't it remarkable how perspectives shift when faced with the situations we once advised others on? Everything feels different, nothing quite as we hoped, and we find ourselves navigating life's labyrinth, grappling with uncertainties we thought we knew...

Sound familiar? Oh, indeed.


A friend goes through a breakup, and it feels like the world's end to them. But fear not. I am here—a beacon of hope, armed with the power to rescue. I know precisely how to lift their spirits, what words to offer solace, and how to reignite their zest for life because I have been there, too. I have felt the same heartache, the same despair. I'm not just their superhero but their fellow traveler on this painful journey.


When I found myself in the same predicament, suddenly, I was on the Titanic, plunging into the depths of despair, drowning in self-pity. Where did that superhero vanish to? Why? Do my powers only work outwardly? Are my own words not potent for me? They hold truth, yet who listens to himself in such moments?


Every fear draws forth anguish and every ache births tears. Through weeping, truth emerges, for lies do not dwell in tears. We relish being saviors, enjoying the notion of leaving a lasting impact.

Seize the day! For it may be your last.


I know how to remind myself amidst the desolation of the counsel I've imparted to others in similar straits, but it doesn't always suffice. Then, my superhero—a friend—appears. Echoing the very sentiments, I tell myself they suddenly attain significance. They become believable, as though we require external validation of our inner monologues to find credence. Even superheroes, it seems, require rescue at times.


It strikes me that we're akin to voyagers on tumultuous seas in moments of hurt, sorrow, and despair. Battling waves intent on engulfing us, winds eager to whisk us away, fears longing to ensnare us—all with one aim: to rediscover ourselves, to reclaim our superhero mantle. To find our way home. And in this journey, we find strength we never knew we had and learn to be our own superheroes.



At what juncture shall fortune favor me to finally lead me home?


We're superheroes at that moment when we aid another—be it through lending an ear or extending a hand. We all need a savior.


<<>>


“…I needed you to weep, to cleanse my pain with your tears; I needed you to usher in a rebirth; in you, I found a path and left my imprint upon it; you guided me toward emancipation. I yearned for you so desperately that warmth flushed my cheeks. For I was already too frail from anguish. I needed you, and you came, soothing wounds with your touch. Revealing a world concealed beneath the skin. I needed you, but no longer, for I have replaced necessity with love. This love for the world propels me now. Thoughts of you bring smiles, and love imbues them with newfound radiance. Nothing shall wrest it away.


It has been so long since you have been by my side. Those days have slipped away, leaving only a few flashbacks as a reminder of your presence. And it's been ages since I've been with you, years passing by, with just a few tunes on the radio to trigger memories.


Separated—that is what we are now. I still dwell in solitude, while who knows where you are? Do you ever think of me? Do you shed tears, too?


Separated—this is our reality. Yet, sometimes, memories intertwine our paths. I often ponder what might have been had we not parted.


Would he still hold you close under the summer stars? Your azure eyes used to drive me wild. Would you still love me as fervently as you once did? Would our love endure, or would you find solace in another's arms?


Separated—this is our fate. I am alone, and you're with him. Will you ever love him as deeply as you loved me? I will never know.


Separated—this is where we stand. There is no turning back. But if we could, would you want to? Do you ever wonder?


You linger in my heart as if you never left. In the darkness, you're the only beacon, baby. You don't realize how much you mean to me now, even more than before. Your smile lights up my world, warming my soul. And every glance of yours.


Thoughts of you, of us, whirl through my mind. Sometimes, in the stillness of the night, they remind me that you're now with someone else, that you're not alone. How painful these thoughts are, mingling tears with sweat. It hurts knowing someone else holds you now, forever out of my reach. I cast roses into the mud.


But one day, I will love another without shedding tears. The memories of you will fade, and happiness will find me again. I eagerly await those brighter days, for these are too dreary. Those happy days alone keep my heart beating. Living on and hoping. And I promise you, dear reader, that you will find that same hope and happiness one day. Healing is possible, even when it feels impossible…”


<<>>


It seems love can't survive separation, after all. It's not difficult that we're no longer together, but it's challenging to erase everything I feel for her, especially when there are so many emotions. How does one heal a broken heart?


You'd think I'd have the answer, having experienced heartbreak several times, but I do not. Unfortunately, there's no magic formula to overcome loss overnight. It's a lengthy and painful journey during which you need as few prying questions and sympathetic remarks as possible.


Thankfully, I find solace in being a writer and penning books. Immersing myself in writing distracts me from dwelling on the pain. Some may see it as escapism, but for me, it's a coping mechanism that truly helps. While some drown their sorrows in alcohol or break things, I pour my emotions into writing books. We all find our own ways to let off steam.


It's easier for me to process it this way, and when it's written down, it feels more real. After so much searching, I thought I had finally found my soulmate, but it seems I was careless again, and now I'm paying the price. I don't regret anything between us, and I would go through it all again – I suppose that's what love does to you.


Yet here I am. Free once more, and for the first time, I'm not celebrating it. I used to boast about my love for freedom (like Mel Gibson in Braveheart), and now I'd trade all my freedom to have her back.


But you can't force someone to love you how you love them. All you can do is stand beside them and hope they feel the same. And you should cherish every moment because you never know when it might all vanish.


The post-breakup emotions are the worst. Especially when you realize how much someone means to you once they're no longer by your side.


Is it better to leave someone or be left by them?

Honestly, I think it hurts just the same on both ends – either way, it's not painless. Considering the weight in my heart, it seems I have a long road to healing, but I'm trying to focus on the positive – I'm back on the market.


Secondhand goods may be damaged but still usable. If I keep this up, I may become a superhero. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and considering how much I've endured, I should be like the Hulk by now (except when I'm angry, of course).


Farewell to old loves and greetings to new ones. That's how I (perhaps deluding myself, but okay) will bid farewell to love and turn my gaze in another direction (away from the blinding sun).

June 16, 2024 10:53

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28 comments

Martin Ross
19:40 Jun 26, 2024

When I read inspirational works, my yardstick is, am I spurred by fresh insights and perspectives that might help bring me solace. This is thoughtful, perceptive inspiration, and reminds me how writing provides such catharsis for me, even if I frame it in my usually more frivolous tone. Thank you — words that can benefit many.

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Darvico Ulmeli
19:52 Jun 26, 2024

Thank you, Martin. I'm glad you liked it.

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Carol Stewart
22:59 Jun 24, 2024

Some truly poignant lines which are bound to strike a chord with so many. The opening put me in mind of a friend who is so good at helping others and giving them sound advice but the absolute opposite when it comes to herself.

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Darvico Ulmeli
23:18 Jun 24, 2024

That's all of us. Thanks.

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Daniel Rogers
12:18 Jun 23, 2024

"It's a lengthy and painful journey during which you need as few prying questions and sympathetic remarks as possible." If only I would remember this. Well said. Your story is very open and honest. I had to watch my son go through an unwanted divorce. I like to think I helped at times, but I discovered I'm no superhero.

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Darvico Ulmeli
12:35 Jun 23, 2024

Depends what your perspective of superhero is? I grow up without a father. Your son - wasn't. In my eyes you are Superhero. At one point we all have been Superhero for someone.

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11:24 Jun 23, 2024

Powerful writing here and relatable in lots of places. Thanks for sharing this Darvico

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Darvico Ulmeli
12:36 Jun 23, 2024

You welcome. Thanks for read.

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Helen A Smith
08:21 Jun 23, 2024

There’s so much here Darvico. We can never forget our lost loves, but the way you write this shows how one can gradually move forward and then the past - painful though it may have been, or happy as it may have been, is something we can work through, as we hopefully learn from it. There’s some great lines here - especially how we like to think of ourselves as “beacons” armed with the power of rescuing our friends going through similar misfortunes. We all feel the pain of loss and heartbreak and yet each heartbreak is unique. Writing helps ...

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Darvico Ulmeli
09:13 Jun 23, 2024

Thanks, Helen. Understanding and aseptance were the best tools to use after brakeups.

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Beverly Goldberg
07:28 Jun 23, 2024

My but you have a way with descriptions. Lines like, "akin to voyagers on tumultuous seas in moments of hurt, sorrow, and despair. Battling waves intent on engulfing us, winds eager to whisk us away, fears longing to ensnare us," are dynamite. They blast away the platitudes we offer ourselves for comfort. Incredible writing!!!

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Darvico Ulmeli
07:59 Jun 23, 2024

Thank you. It's from the heart.

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Nick Denning
16:48 Jun 22, 2024

Thank you for that eloquent exploration of our more complicated emotions. You've provided just the right words to help me understand some of my own past feelings too.

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Darvico Ulmeli
16:53 Jun 22, 2024

I'm glad to read that in comments. It means a lot.

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Trudy Jas
15:18 Jun 22, 2024

Great narrative. How MC was finally able to take his own advice.

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Darvico Ulmeli
16:10 Jun 22, 2024

That's true. Thanks, Trudy.

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10:38 Jun 21, 2024

A very emotional and profound piece. Many comments you make are so true and meaningful. An interesting read. and profound. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You seem to be expressing this. And the pain you feel after a love is lost, means you loved them deeply. With your whole being. Basically, we can't really trust anyone but God.

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Darvico Ulmeli
11:47 Jun 21, 2024

That's a lot of truth in what you said. Thank you, Kaitlyn. That lost love is my wife now. I was persistent and didn't want to lose her. Some loves are meant to be... :)

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Audrey Clark
02:28 Jun 21, 2024

You did an amazing job at conveying emotion in this piece. Not only was I certain what was being felt but it also felt real and true the entire time. I absolutely loved reading this, great job!

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Darvico Ulmeli
05:10 Jun 21, 2024

Thank you for your comment. I apriciate that.

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Trudy Jas
18:46 Jun 19, 2024

Many, many true lines. From beginning to end. It's easy to see the splinter in someone else's eye, but impossible to see the tree branch in one's own. (hence therapy. LOL) Writing is an excellent form of self-discovery, if only, again, the author can take his/her own advice. Great story of acceptance and growth.

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Darvico Ulmeli
18:55 Jun 19, 2024

Thank you,Trudy. Those was hard days in Elim's life.

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Daniel R. Hayes
16:18 Jun 17, 2024

This was incredible! I think you really captured something special here. From the very first paragraph, I was blown away! Indeed...we all need a savior and broken hearts are never easily repaired. There were so many great lines here packed with emotion and heart! I have my fingers crossed for a win this week, this was really amazing!!! Great job and thanks for sharing! :)

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Darvico Ulmeli
17:13 Jun 17, 2024

Thank you for such a kind comment.

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Mary Bendickson
19:16 Jun 16, 2024

May your heart stay brave.❤️‍🩹

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Darvico Ulmeli
19:59 Jun 16, 2024

Thank you, Mary. That was troubled years in Elim's life.

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Mary Bendickson
20:01 Jun 16, 2024

Oops. See how convincing you are?

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Darvico Ulmeli
20:09 Jun 16, 2024

Elim endure so much that he put everything on the paper. Reminders when life wasn't good as is now.

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