My Ten New Years Resolutions

1. Stop cursing as much

This one was a total dud. Cursing's like my curse, as my friend Lucas would say. I can't shake it off. So of course it was number one on my New Years Resolutions list. And it was obviously the first one I broke.

First, I'll tell you my plan. Then I'll tell you how I broke it.

So, here's my plan for numero uno.

I have a chart on my phone. And every day, I am permitted a single curse. So when I curse, for the day, I log it onto the chart on my phone. At the end of every week, I check if I logged more than once a day. Seems easy enough right? 

Guess what? I broke that resolution 3 days in. I said the f-word, then said the b-word.

So. . .yeah. 

These resolutions are going to be harder than I thought. That's what I thought then. But on to numero dos.

2. Learn to cook

Ok, this one is just as important as the first one. When I tell you why, please don't laugh.

I don't how to cook. Literally. I order take out half the week, leftovers the rest of the week. Except on Saturdays. That's when I come over to Lucas's house for dinner. 

His Abuela loves me. And she also loves cooking. Put two and two together, you get her inviting me over, so she can cook for me. She always tells me that I'm better than her niños pequeños, or her little boys. She also pinches my cheeks with her wrinkled hands and tells me Saturday is her favorite day of the week.

But I still need to stop ordering takeout and start cooking meals that are healthy and don't use up as much money.

But you know, the last time I tried to cook scrambled eggs, I burnt them, got them stuck to the pan, and set the paper towels on fire.

So you can imagine how it went.

If I could, I would stamp a big, red, giant FAIL sign on this piece of paper.

On to numero tres.

3. Try yoga

Lucas said his friend, Alex said he heard a guy say his girlfriend did yoga, and she loved it.

So I did some research, and it turns out yoga is really healthy. So of course I had to try it out.

5 minutes later, I barely managed to call Lucas for help. I had heard so many cracking noises in the course of a few seconds, and I had managed to get myself into a tangled knot.

After that, I swore never to even think about yoga again.

On to numero cuatro.

4. Read 10 books in a month, the books have to be at least 100 pages.

No. I refuse this one.

I mean, I made it to up my stamina, but when I finally started, I refused. I still had to do it though.

It was torture. (Did I mention Lucas got to pick them all out?)

Here are the books I read, to all you book-lovers out there *shudder*:

Look Both Ways by Jason Reynolds

The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

Divergent by Veronica Roth

That's as far as I got. Then I gave up.

Next!!!!

On to numero cinco.

5. Learn a new language.

I already know Spanish. Done.

Lucas doesn't agree, and because he has the final say, he marked this one as FAIL. With capitals. But to prove it here goes.

Yo hablo español. Ese es otro idioma, ¿verdad? Quiero decir, mi amigo Lucas no está de acuerdo, pero como sea. Todavía marco esto terminado, hecho, desaparecido. Pero no Lucas, no estoy de acuerdo. Me explotará en la cara.

If you don't know what I'm saying, use google translate.

Te odio, Lucas.

On to numero seis.

6. Keep a house plant going for a year. All by yourself.

Fail. I mean, I kept it alive for a month, but then I forgot, and it withered and died.

Sorry, Liam.

Yeah, I named a house plant. Don't stare! It's rude!

Fine, I actually, kind of paid attention to Liam for the first month. I didn't think I'd forget, so I named it. Searched popular names, and randomly picked one using a random number picker.

Turn out it's harder to lose something if it has a name. My deepest regrets to Liam.

On to numero siete

7. Walk around the block five times, every morning, at 8:00 sharp. 

And I sleep in. So you can probably guess what happened

The first day, I walked around the block at 8:00, with Lucas in his car, following me around. 

Lucas wakes up at 6:00 every morning. Even weekends.

So I went around the block.

The next day was a weekend. And I am hard-wired to sleep in during the weekends.

Lucas claimed to have tried everything to try and wake me up, but I don't trust him. I know he wants me to fail.

And fail I did. Waking up at 10:00, checking the clock, rolling out of bed moaning, and shuffling to the bathroom because of my midnight snack. In the middle of peeing, I suddenly realized I had failed. So my pee stream missed.

Real mature me. Real mature.

On to numero ocho.

8. Write at least one page in the journal Lucas gave me, every single day.

Yeah. . .

I lasted longer on that than most.

I lasted 3 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days. Not that I'm counting.

. . .Okay, I am counting!

But I have a VERY good reason for forgetting. It was Lucas's birthday. He specifically invited me and forced me to stay for the whole day, partying. I fell asleep in my clothes.

Real funny Lucas. Real funny.

On to numero nueve.

9. 10,000 steps a day.

Lucas basically bought me the Fitbit.

Half to spite him, and half because I hated exercise, I failed on the first day.

Ok, we are almost done. And my hand Is cramped

On to numero diez. The last one

10. Finish at least one of your resolutions.

Isn't it obvious. I failed every one of the resolutions above.

Sorry Lucas, but I'm telling everyone it was your fault. And that's actually true.

¿Por qué, oh, por qué pensé que podría terminar el número diez? Lucas lo tenía amañado desde el principio. Lo planeó todo. Sabía que perdería. Lucas, si estás leyendo esto, será mejor que te escapes. Muy muy lejos. Si no lo hace, nada se comparará con la paliza que recibirá. ¡Mwahahaha!

OK, my hands cramped, I'm just squeezing this in before I go collapse on my bed.

On to numero once. Yeah. There is actually a number eleven. You know what? It's the best one ever. Because I made it.

11. Write at least 10 words of Spanish.

This means I also finished numero diez! YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two out of eleven! I rock! That's the most resolutions I've ever completed In my whole entire life!!!!!!!!! 

Na na na na na ah yahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh yeeahhh baby!!! I rock!!!!!

Now gotta go nurture my hand back to its regular state. My wrist is totally destroyed.

Bye,

Me