Long Walk Back

She could have gone straight to the house, but the last thing she wanted was for the one she was visiting to find out how she got there, so she parked a reasonable distance away. It wouldn’t be a far walk, and as much as anyone else might find this part of the woods terrifying, she knew it well. The sun hardly peeked through the leaves around her, casting a playfully shimmering patchwork on the ground as she walked. She plotted what she would say when she arrived. “Alright, I’ll walk in, make up something to be furious about, tell her I never want to see her again, and then go home”, she thought. It wasn’t her first choice for a plan, nor remotely the most foolproof, but most other plans either lacked the required subtlety or risked ripping apart the space time continuum, so this was what she was working with.

She considered knocking on the door, but remembered how much the occupant hated the formality, so she slowly opened the door and stepped through. She was immediately embraced by the smell of bacon and pastries. The house was packed to the brim with thousands of trinkets: a small cuneiform tablet surrounded by notes and translations, a freshly flintknapped stone spear, and a CD signed by Black Francis, to name the first three lying in the entryway. Through a gap between two of the numerous piles peered a familiar face that she hadn’t seen in far too long. “Oh, Dolores!”, she called. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today!” Dolores froze. She’d had a plan, but now that she was face to face with Valeria, did she really have it in her to do this? “Come on in, breakfast is almost ready!” She still wasn’t sure what she would do, but she knew it started by walking into the kitchen. Valeria looked just as she remembered: messy hair, big smile, humming a tune, and frantically flying between stovetop and pantry.

“Sit tight a sec, I’ve just got to finish up the eggs and – oh.”

“Oh?”

Valeria had done a double take, seemingly shocked at the first proper sight of Dolores. She had dropped her smile out of sheer surprise, but now it returned. It was slightly more subtle this time, but no less warm.

“It’s you.”

“Of course it is. You already said my name, dummy.”

“No, I mean, it’s…you. From the future.”

Dolores’ jaw dropped. She had gone through so much effort and planning to hide it from Valeria and she figured it out with a single glance. That was just like her.

“How do you do that?”

Valeria snickered.

“Haven’t you figured out that my special time powers let me see what time any given person is from?”

“Wait, seriously?”

“No. You’ve just grown your hair out.”

Dolores was in complete shock. Now not only had Valeria seen through her master plan in an instant, but it had only happened because of some minor detail Dolores had missed during her hours of planning. That was just like her.

Valeria returned to her cooking, scraping half the eggs onto one plate and half onto another. She took a hearty amount of bacon and bread from the first and loaded it onto the second, handing it to Dolores. The two ate heartily, sipping freshly squeezed orange juice and talking about nothing like the old friends they were. Just like they used to. Once they were finished eating, Valeria leaned back casually in her chair.

“Mmm, nothing beats bacon and eggs. Except, of course, bacon and eggs and pastries. So, may I assume you’re here because I’m dead?”

Dolores was taken aback. That was the one thing she absolutely had to make sure she didn’t tell Valeria about. It hadn’t been a hard task, it was easy to forget with how lively a morning the two had just shared. Still, as if waking from a dream, Dolores had to remember. The grin vanished from her face.

“Seriously, how do you do that?”

Valeria only laughed.

“The only way you could get back here was with the car, which I always planned to give you, but I never would have let you use it to find me or yourself in another time. The only way you got here is if you did it after I was gone.”

She said it so casually and so matter-of-factly that she might have been talking about a fun puzzle she had just solved. Dolores responded, deadly serious.

“If you already know all of that, then I might as well tell you the real reason I’m here. From now on, you have to stay far away from me.”

For the first time this morning, or perhaps for the first time since her and Dolores met, Valeria’s face wore an expression of true shock.

“Stay away from you? What on Earth are you talking about?”

“That’s all I can say.”

She got up to leave, making her the door. She wanted desperately to stay, to spend more time with her, at least to see her face for a little longer, but she couldn’t let Valeria see what she was feeling. If it was only that Dolores knew that this would be the last time she saw Valeria, she might have been able to handle it. She might have been able to say goodbye with a straight face and go on with her life, but this was different. This was the last time Valeria would see Dolores. The past had been altered. She was going to forget. All of the time spent together, going on adventures, recording history, making stupid little inside jokes that only they would understand. It would all be gone the moment she drove away. Dolores wasn’t just mourning someone she loved, she was mourning a piece of herself before it was even gone.

“Are you stupid?”

Valeria spoke up, freezing Dolores in her tracks. She still didn’t understand. How? Why? She was supposed to stay away from Dolores? She didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t think Dolores did either.

“I can’t tell you. You just have to stay away from me from now on.”

“Dolores, you’re in this deep. Just please, tell me what’s happening and we’ll get through it together.”

Dolores couldn’t hold it in anymore. First her chin trembled. Her breathing shallowed. Then the warm tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Valeria, please…you just have to let me go.”

Valeria looked to the floor. She still didn’t understand what was going on. “Stay away from Dolores? Why would she ask me that? How would I even be able to do that? She’s still hiding something that she knows but I don’t yet. Something must have happened in the future to bring this on. What could possibly…”

“Oh.”

Valeria spoke softly, just barely audible. It was less like talking to Dolores and more like trying to rationalize it by explaining it to herself.

“Dolores…do you think that you caused my death?”

Dolores was silent. Her hands trembled, clenched in tight fists hanging by her side.

“Darling, you can’t feel guilty. I don’t know what happens, but I know you can’t blame yourself for it.”

By now, Dolores was sobbing. She could barely speak, clamping her hand over her mouth in an attempt to hide her feelings.

“Val, please…”

“I can’t.”

“Please!”

Despite never turning to face her, Dolores begged harder than she might have for her own life. The only word for it is agonizing, but she knew that this was the only way to keep Valeria safe.

“I’ve already told you too much, you just have to trust me now. I can’t stay any longer. I can’t talk anymore.”

“Then stand there and listen.”

Valeria spoke gently, but firmly.

“This isn’t a decision you get to make. We’ve known each other for years now, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. I wouldn’t be who I am if I’d never met you. We have a long story left ahead of us, you don’t get to cut it off just because you don’t like how it ends. I decide what’s worth what, and I know you’re worth it all. I know you’re sad, darling, but time passes the way it’s meant to. If I get to die with you, then that’s all I need.”

Valeria approached her, holding her from behind. She rested her chin on Dolores’ shoulder, giving her one of her world famous smiles. Dolores still wouldn’t look at her, but her knees buckled, crumbling into her arms.

“I love you, Dolores. I’m right here with you, until the end. It’s going to take a lot more than death to take that away from me. So don’t worry so much, okay?”

Dolores wouldn’t take her hand from her mouth, but nodded slowly. It wasn’t what she had gone back to the past to do, but as always, Valeria knew exactly what she needed to hear.

“Come on. You can’t stay much longer, but I’ll walk you back to the car.”

It was a long walk to where they were going. Valeria rubbed Dolores’ back until she stopped crying, and the two were able to talk about nothing again. Where they wanted to go, when they wanted to see, who they wanted to meet. Time seemed to slow, right up until Dolores spotted the dreaded shine of a windshield. She climbed into the front seat and stared straight ahead.

“You could come with me. I could take you anywhere, anytime. We can keep exploring together, just like-”

“You know I can’t. You can’t bring me with you. You can’t come back to visit me again. But you’re right, we’ve got plenty of adventures left ahead of us. I’ll always be waiting for you, some time or another. When you’re done, you can come find me, okay?”

Dolores nodded.

“Goodbye, Valeria.”

Dolores put her foot down and pressed hard on it. She had to go back fast, or she might never leave. She turned to her left, taking one last look at the world quickly disappearing into pure light. The last thing she saw was a peace sign, along with Valeria’s biggest grin yet.

“Bye-bye, my love!”