That one where some guy sends a dickpic to his Grandmother

Johnson Peck is what he thinks is a normal man, which means that of course despite understanding that most women do not want to see his penis, let alone women who do not already know him, he sends them dick pics anyway.

In situ and in verse he also wanted to see them naked, though for some reason be it for the sake of his personality, ego or otherwise he assumes that his penis is equal in value to her entire nude form. Which given that she likely does not want to see his penis, and he really wants to see her naked seems to imply a deep misunderstanding about currency, let alone social currency, in any context. Even the presumably casual and sexual.

This does not explain how by accident he sent this particular dick pic. Somehow flipping between apps, and not really paying attention to the differences between the text apps that he was using he sent a picture of his phallus that was, as it were, less than appealing. That's not the problem, penises look a way and while he was certainly proud of his, it wasn't exactly something that was easy to make engaging as the subject of a grainy phone taken photo.

No, the problem is that in switching between apps he did not notice that his open conversation with his grandmother was the app in which he sent this particular pic.

His grandmother, Caitlyn Peck, was of course a grandmother and therefore she had thoroughly witnessed at least one penis in her life, and given the sexual habits of people before the Advent of free condoms, likely more than one penis. And likely to all the consequences that most people try to avoid in the modern era.

She'd also been a professional. Of sorts. A urologist.

Which as a hazard of the job meant she'd seen much more penis then the average woman, and with even less Fanfare than with other similarly genitally focused professions.

Caitlyn Peck was not somebody that took dick pics lightly. This wasn't because of some kind of actual value system in regards to the privacy of one's body, no no, this was because, unlike most women who ended up with unexpected penises thrown into their faces, her first response as professional as could be expected of a doctor, was to assume that Johnson was concerned over himself.

And she, having a half-Frank understanding of the insurance system understood that any medical assistance, no matter the price, was better than nothing. Looking intently at the grainy photo of her grandson’s dick, she expected it to be better resolution, but then again, given that he was apparently in such Financial Straits that he was asking his grandmother for this kind of assistance, she thought better of that stance. And so with her response at the ready asking, “what are your symptoms?”

And going on to point out what she could regarding his Anatomy, before poor Johnson tried to delete the picture on instinct, because last time he was okay with his grandmother seeing his penis he was in diapers like most boys. And had needed changing like most boys that age.

His grandmother of course didn't notice because she'd already taken it to memory what was up, and in her second text to him after this deletion she pointed out, “you seem to have a wart, the picture is grainy so I can't be sure if it's not just a shadow, but that can be a sign of trouble if you have had the chance to catch anything. Even worse if you haven't, since many cancers appear as such.”

And in the third, “I can link you up with a free clinic in your area if you like? I might be retired but I still make a point to know these things.”

At this point Johnson X’d out of his conversation with his grandmother being thoroughly unhappy with the realization of what exactly he'd been sending to complete strangers. Did other women make the Assumption of a wart in the picture? Was that why he wasn't getting call backs even to say “gross”, were they concerned and just too polite somehow to say anything?

He did eventually reopen the app to ask his grandmother for the link, and to never speak of this to anybody. Which she obliged because of doctor patient confidentiality, or in this case the common understanding that your grandmother is not going to reveal your secrets, at least the ones you share with her as an adult.

Unless you for some reason avoid taking care of yourself. As while it is understood that gossip is a shitty thing to do, your grandmother being old and aware and having experienced much more penis than you will ever understand, was not going to let you die of cancer or some kind of warty STD just because you were embarrassed for once about your penis.

And as such when she asked after the event, and realized that Johnson had neglected his health in such an obvious way, making the illogical conclusion that “it's not gossip if it's for the person you're talking about” And telling every other woman in the family.

Cause that was the thing, it would not help to tell his grandfather, or his father or his uncle or even his brother, because none of those people were going to be as incessant as every female relative that now knows “you're poor and have warts on your dick and need to go to the doctor but you’re just not doing it.”

Johnson Peck for his part was completely mortified, he was halfway prepared to fake his death just to avoid the onslaught of every female relative in his family trying to shame him, not into reversing his ways as far as being the kind of guy who sends dick pics, but into taking even a crumb of care for himself before potentially passing on some kind of warty junk illness, or dying of some horrible dick-destroying cancer.