Senior Superpower

Doris opened the door and welcomed her guests, waving at Mr. Hodges, her neighbor, who was trimming his hedge. He blushed and averted his gaze as Hortense, an ample Jamaican lady, blew him a kiss. Doris covered her smile.

“Nosy old coot. He’s out there chopping that hedge every time we come. It’s going to be down to a nub soon,” said Hortense.

She settled herself on the couch next to Judith and Maude. Lillian sat down primly in the armchair. Doris wheeled in the hostess trolley and began to distribute teacups and pour tea. Doris was famous for her afternoon tea and conversation was limited to compliments on the refreshments and requests to pass the sugar for a while. They settled back with sighs of contentment.

   “This is hardly our typical book club meeting after what happened last week,” said Doris. “How are you all feeling?”

   “You can say that again,” said Hortense. “So much for the Senior Ladies' Country Garden Bus tour. We didn’t see as much as a marigold before that darn bus went off the road. I’m still sore all over.”

   “We are too,” said Judith. Maude nodded in agreement. “Does anyone know what caused the accident? It all happened so fast. I remember a big flash like lightening, even though the weather was fine.”

   “The weather was nice,” said Maude.

  “I was told that the driver was not speeding, and he had no drugs or alcohol in his system,” said Doris. “He has no recollection of the accident. I had a little whiplash, but I’m feeling better.”

  “My bruises are fading,” said Lillian. “It’s fortunate that no one was severely injured.”

Doris got up and checked that the heavy lace curtains were drawn. She turned to face the others.

  “Ladies,” she said in a low voice. “I am so glad you came today. Some very odd things have happened since the accident. I have felt that someone has been watching me, but when I turn around, no one is there. A Dr. Bell called from the hospital to see how I was after the accident. I pretended to be quite confused and hung up. You can’t be too careful these days with all these phone scammers. I called the hospital back and was told that no Dr. Bell works there.”

   Silence fell. Judith and Maude looked at each other.

   “Now that you mention it, Maude thought someone was snooping around our house last week. I thought her imagination was running away with her because she tends to be nervous,” said Judith.

   “I get nervous,” Maude said, vigorously nodding her head.

   “I’ve had some strange phone calls,” said Hortense. “I thought they were telemarketers, so I hung up.”

   “Some man showed up at my house saying he was there to check the gas meter. I hadn’t called anyone, so I sent him away,” said Lillian.

   “So, it’s not just my imagination,” said Doris. She took a deep breath. “Nobody has been able or willing to tell us what caused the flash that sent the bus off the road. They’re making us out to be a bunch of senile old biddies with over-active imaginations. But there is a very mysterious military base in that area. What if something exploded and exposed us to radiation or chemicals?”

She paced around the room.

  “Have you had any unusual occurrences since the accident?”

There was a long pause. Hortense shrugged.

   “A drunk teenager threw a beer can at me on my way home yesterday. I looked at it and I swear it boomeranged around and hit him on the head.”

  Judith and Maude exchanged glances. Maude nodded.

“Maude leapt forward and lifted a stroller, child and all, out of the way of a car. The mother was hysterical. Of course, if she hadn’t had her eyes glued to her phone, it wouldn’t have been necessary.”

   “Not necessary,” echoed Maude.

Lillian cleared her throat.

  “My neighbor’s son likes to blast that rap music at all hours. I have been able to silence it by concentrating hard and staring at his house or car. His reaction is most amusing.”

  “My neighbor nearly killed himself trying to cut a rotten branch off the oak tree in his back garden. I caught that branch with one hand. Thank goodness he was so flustered he didn’t notice,” said Doris.

   Hortense grinned.

  “I believe we have acquired superpowers, like super senses, telekinesis, incredible strength, object manipulation... I must have watched every superhero movie and read every comic with my grandson, so I know all about it. I always thought only muscle-bound hunks in tights and capes, or slinky females with big busts had those powers. But maybe old ladies can utilize them too.”

    Judith recoiled in horror.

   “Like the green Hulk character? Or that Spiderman?”

   “Green spidermen would be awful,” said Maude.

“Lillian, you’re very quiet,” said Hortense. “Daydreaming about muscles and tights?”

Lillian blushed. At that moment, the snipping of hedge shears resumed outside. Hortense shook her head.

  “Let’s try an experiment.”

She pulled back the lace curtains a fraction, narrowed her eyes and fixed her gaze. There was a startled yelp as the shears flipped out of Mr. Hodges’ hands and landed in the road.

They laughed. Wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, Doris became serious.

   “The authorities are following us because they’re suspicious that we’re not just harmless old women. Except in emergencies, we must use the powers very carefully. I have no wish to end up as a guinea pig in some research facility.”

   “We can start small,” said Hortense. “Like teleporting the excess items back to the shelves from the carts of those people who try to sneak into the express checkout lane.”

   “Turn popcorn into marshmallow so people can’t crunch all the way through a movie,” said Lillian.

   “I’d like to try levitating up the stairs when my arthritis is acting up and my knees are killing me,” said Judith.

    Maude giggled. “Levitating sounds like fun!”

Doris frowned.

  “Levitating must be like learning to drive. It’s probably going to be tricky to control speed and direction at first. You’re the expert, Hortense. What do you think?”

   “Some superheroes are indestructible, but we may not be at that level yet, so I’d be careful,” said Hortense. “We should all try our powers out over the next few days and get together next week to share results. Meanwhile, let's tidy up.”

   The teacups and plates began to tremble, then rose and sailed towards the kitchen. Hortense followed; her gaze focused on them.

  “My good china!” said Doris, clutching her chest.

There was a crash from the kitchen. Hortense poked her head round the door.

   “Look what you made me do. Don’t startle me like that. Never mind, it was just one cup. Give me a moment and I’ll regenerate it.”

She returned, brandishing the cup triumphantly.

  “Good as new. Now, one more thing I’d like to do before we leave.”

She went to the window, took a deep breath and stared with concentration at Mr. Hodges’ stubby hedge. It began to shiver as if in a breeze. Shoots sprouted, twined and grew into a tall, luxuriant green thicket. Hortense smiled with satisfaction as the others clapped in delight.

   “A wonderful way to end,” said Doris. “Same time next week, ladies!”