Play dead.

You look concerned, watching through the window for hours now, and more anxious than normal. That could only mean that you saw the news. It is there, isn’t it? Terrible news, absolutely, but everything would be okay, you know that. You had been planning it for so long, that there were no mistakes. You made sure of that, there would be no problem.

Could you stop? Why are you packing your clothes? Improvising in this kind of conditions is not good. You do not have a backup plan, when did you decide this? Was it today? After reading the news? You were certain that you would not be discovered, ever. This was going to reach the news any time, and it is fine, you do not need to rush.

So, you are thinking of running away now. Is this for real? Is that what would solve all your problems? Perhaps the fact of you gone makes you look even guiltier. On the other hand, you should not feel bad, he totally deserved it, but that is not enough in a trial, so, okay, it is completely understandable that getting the hell out of here should be the best choice, but what if it isn’t? Giving up life is never easy, that means starting over, starting from scratch, at least take some time to figure things out in a better way, make arrangements, and sell some stuff to have money… hey! Don´t look away! Consider it, at least, for your own sake.

Stop!

Do not cross that door, please.

Think!

Who saw you? Who could know about this? They will never find any evidence that links you to that man, so, why leaving? Just play dead, you know? Keep on with your life as customary, no one has to know, no one will ever know. Case closed. Period.

Put that suitcase on the ground; you are not going anywhere, okay? Have some dinner, and go to bed. Just relax; do you believe that you would be still here if they know you did it? That door, that very same door would be on the floor right now if they had a clue. Yes, the fair thing to do is facing consequences and paying for what you did, but this is your life, and you did what you had to do to protect it! For sure, you have no regrets about it, you are just afraid of being caught. That is reasonable, however, frightened people use to act mindlessly and erratically and end up messing everything up, it is like returning to a crime scene, that is exactly how people are caught. Calm down, analyze every detail of that night, and really think if you could be associated to that crime.

… There are not proofs, you have an alibi, nobody saw you there, you are the only one who knows, and you are the only one who can take you down. So, what is it going to be? What else could it take to convince you?

Not a step further, please!

Just stop already!

This situation is ridiculous. You are ridiculous! You are safe here; there is no way someone ever finds out.

Look at you, you are pale, you are trembling. You are hesitating. Why are you hesitating? Please stay! Please close that door! What are you doing? Don’t…

…

Okay, you know what? Get out! Flee! As you constantly do!

My god…

Such a stubborn. And stupid!

You are going to be the end of yourself, don’t listen, and just do what you want then… get out… get out!

Wow! Leaving town, what a great idea! Not suspicious at all! Fool!

For Christ’s sake…

Hey!

Hey idiot! Look back, nobody is chasing you and nobody is trying to stop you from leaving town either, that is just pathetic. Could someone be more alone? Could someone be more insignificant? That’s right, you are completely invisible, so invisible that they would never know you did it, you know you will never see a day in jail, that is absolutely guaranteed, but go ahead and mess it up like everything you do. Such a pathetic loser.

…

…

Wait…

Come back.

Sorry…

Please come back, let’s drink some water.

Sorry! You are not a loser, you are okay, you are normal… you are not insignificant, sorry, really! But please listen, whatever you do, escaping is not an option. That would put you right in the spot. Here is what you are going to do: you will continue living your life like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, keep going to work, keep the same routine, you are going to be fine, nobody suspects anything. He sure had some enemies, a lot of people despised him, it could have been anyone! And nobody saw the two of you together, you were very careful, the plan worked, right? You were very meticulous; they will not find that out. Do you see? You are safe, here.

Don’t cry. Just enter the house, leave that suitcase. That’s right, come inside.

Breathe!

Come on, inhale, exhale, that’s right. You are calm, you have to be calm. Breathe…

Let’s unpack.

Eat the sandwich. You have been so worried all day that you have not even eaten anything. Is it good? Just as you like it.

It is simple to know what you are thinking at this time, and it is funny, you know? You got exasperated today that it had become news, but not the day it happened… Do you see? You are not repented, you only fear of being locked. You fear the consequences but you don’t fear the deed, you don’t fear yourself, what you are capable of, and it is impossible to escape from it. Is it ironic?   

It is getting exhausting that you always go through the same process. This was not the first time, and it won’t be the last. Just accept who you are, it would make things easier.

Finish your meal and go to bed.

Rest.

Sleep tight.