Wendy, the Home Security Alarm

WENDY, THE HOME SECURITY ALARM

The home alarm system went off. Again.

That's it! She shook her head. She was going to get a dog.

The alarm kept up its shrieking! Sheila didn't even bother wheeling around the house and checking the doors and windows this time because it sure to be another a false alarm.

She'd come to hate it in the past few days even though it came with the property and promoted as a giant selling point to keep her safe. And it did.

But the alarm panels were so much higher than the ADA's now-required 48 inches off the floor that she couldn't comfortably reach the controls from her wheelchair.

So she stretched up as high as she could in order to reach the panel, and using just the tips of her fingers, entered the code to instantly silence the deafening siren because its loud wail was giving her a headache.

Next, she snapped up her cellphone, correctly anticipating a call from Acme.

“Ma'am, is everything okay?”

“Yes, thank you. I'm fine.”

“You're sure this is a false alarm?”

“I'm sure.”

“Okay. Have a goodnight, ma'am.”

“You too. Thank you.”

She shook her head, tried rolling it about to stretch her neck and shoulders, but nothing really helped. It was second nature for Sheila to be stressed, it seemed.

She thought these repeated episodes of the alarm being triggered were due to its connections on the old wooden sashes being blown loose by the unusually blustery wind.

Every time there was a gusty breeze, she raced to check the locks on the windows and doors, but frequently lost the footrace – chuckling at the dark humor, but “wheel race” didn't sound the same.

Sheila was divorced, restarting life alone. She'd used the bulk of her divorce settlement to buy this house, falling in love with it at first sight.

It was a beautiful, rustic farmhouse sitting on 100 acres of land with two barns, a silo, and – bonanza! – an indoor riding ring. She'd dreamed about this kind of a setup all her life. Of course, then she could walk around it. Now, since the accident, she couldn't walk anymore.

Oh, she could manage one or two shuffling steps while leaning on something or someone, and she could stand up enough to pivot and transfer from bed to wheelchair and back. But that was it.

She did exercises daily with her aide's help, and she hoped and prayed that someday she'd be able to walk to the corral and sit on a horse again. Wouldn't that be something!

She counted herself lucky to have hired a wonderful barn manager, Gordon, to oversee the stables, boarder horses, and rescue livestock.

Gordon loved the apartment built as a barn add-on just five years ago. He lived there alone with his two beloved cats, Pitch and Jet, who were giant balls of black fluff.

The cats earned their keep by diligently exploring the farm buildings, maintaining them free of unwanted critters. They then relaxed, purring, as their daddy brushed their long fur.

Sheila thought that Gordon looked like the picture-perfect outdoorsman, rangy and wiry, with weather-worn skin and callused hands.

Everyone Gordon met trusted him.

It was nice to see the animals loved Gordon, and he them.

Sheila rolled into her upstairs office and went online with the feed & grain store to place an order for some fall/winter rations Gordon could take care of tomorrow.

Then she returned to her bedroom, ate a sandwich Alice had left for her, and went to bed.

The next morning, after showering, Sheila caught a glimpse of herself in the bedroom mirror and instantly felt dismayed. She saw an overweight, middle-aged woman with damp brownish hair pulled back in a ponytail, slumped in a wheelchair. Grousing to herself, she pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt.

At the top of the stairs, she pushed herself up standing precariously,and ready to shift over into the chairlift when the home alarm shrieked.

Startled, she sat back in her wheelchair, hands shaking. “Oh, no! What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm lucky I didn't fall down the stairs.”

She answered the cellphone. It was Acme. Again. She replied, “Yes, I'm still fine” again. “I need someone to come out, though, to help change the batteries and check the connections. This siren keeps screaming.”

“We'll be happy to help you, but if you need a technician to come out, ma'am, you'll have to call back during regular business hours, 8:30 to 4:30, Monday through Friday.”

“So you can't assist me?”

“No, not with that, ma'am. I'm sorry.”

“Me too. I'll call back.”

Again,she didn't bother looking through the house for the source of the alarm, instead continuing to the kitchen.

Just then Gordon knocked and came in in one familiar movement. “Good morning,” as he poured them two mugs of coffee.

He made it a habit to pick up a To-Do list from Sheila every morning. He glanced at it and said, “You're up early, Boss. Did the alarm go off again?”

“Of course.”

“Do you want me to do a walk-through?”

“Thanks, Gordon, but it's not really necessary.”

“What if we're not alone?”

“What if aliens have landed in the back pasture? As far as I know, there's no crop circles out there.”

“One of these days, Sheila, the alarm will go off for real. I just pray you don't ignore it then.”

“Oh, Gordon. Who would skulk around here and why?”

“A sicko doesn't need a reason.”

“Don't be silly,” Sheila said, shaking her head, spraying a wet mist about.

“Well, I'm gonna check out the house for you anyway. Okay?”

“Sure, Gordon. If you want the exercise, go for it. But I'm sure it's unnecessary.”

“Yeah, well. You can't be too careful.”

Gordon walked through the house and tried all the doors and windows. He noticed a pair of windows that weren't closed tightly or locked and took care of that.

He found a couple of empty cans of Diet Coke in the spare bedroom at the far end of the upstairs hall and brought them to Sheila.

“When did you start drinking diet soda?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I found these in the guest bedroom.”

“Oh, now I'm getting freaked out, replied Sheila. “What, do you think there was someone in here?”

“If it wasn't you and it wasn't me, then who else is there. Alice?”

Sheila disclosed, “She doesn't drink diet soda.”

Shrugging, Gordon responded, “Oh, I don't know. Are you seeing somebody?”

Sheila's response was to burst out laughing.

Deadpan, Gordon pronounced, “A serial killer.”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“I just felt a chill up my spine, Boss. You do need to pay attention to this stuff.”

“I know.”

“And you should get a dog.”

“I know.”

Just then the great room windows blew open, and once again the Acme alarm wailed.

“I'll be so happy when this wind dies down.”

“I think the forecast calls for a much quieter remainder of the week.”

“Hooray,”

“I'll make you a deal. I'll go close the windows if you'll talk to Acme,” Gordon offered.

“Deal. Thank you.”

Gordon completed his walk-through and headed for the barn just as Alice came in.

Pouring herself a mug of hot coffee, she considered her boss's damp hair and cautioned for the hundredth time, “You've gotta be careful. If you slip and fall on wet tile, you're in trouble. Can't you just picture calling 9-1-1, naked and wet?”

“I know. I know. You're right,” Sheila wearily replied.

“You sure don't act like you know.”

As Alice began cleaning the kitchen, Sheila finally called Acme to schedule a technician's visit.

She heard, “Your call is very important to us, but all our operators are busy helping other customers. Hold just one moment, please.”

She sat on hold, listening to terrible Muzak, while she waited for a human to answer. Then she waited still longer while the alarm company reassured her her call was important to them and that she would be answered as soon as possible.

In the meantime, she was treated to a recording repeating that Acme Home Security Alarm was thankful for her patience. What patience?

They assured her that they would be with her as soon as possible. She was Caller No. 4 and wouldn't be waiting too long.

Sheila was losing her mind over Acme. “Too long” was anything longer than 15 seconds to her.

Thirty minutes later, she had been on hold for as long as she could stand it. Disgusted that she was now only Caller No. 3, she grumbled inarticulately as she stabbed her cellphone's call disconnect button.

“I just can't wait any longer.”

Alice disagreed but didn't waste breath arguing because she knew it was a lost cause.

The rest of the day passed quietly but for the alarm sounding off again in the early afternoon, shrieking.

Sheila answered Acme's call; reassured them it was a false alarm.

While cleaning the great room, Alice found the patio door ajar and told Sheila, who chalked it up to the wind, again.

“The wind doesn't open door latches and leave mud on the floor.”

“A muddy footprint?”

“It was too blurred to see what it was, but it was something.”

“Alice, unless we get to where the police won't laugh, I refuse to worry.”

Alice sighed and reminded Sheila to call Acme again before they closed. Sheila groaned but hit redial.

After lunch, the two women carried out Sheila's prescribed daily regimen of range-of-motion, stretching, and mobility exercises all designed to help her get around now and better in the future.

Alice finished up by going upstairs, where she left a foil-wrapped chicken salad sandwich, dill pickles, and a small bag of chips next to a flavored seltzer water on Sheila's bedside table.

“Do you need anything else?”

“No, thanks, Alice. I'm good,” Sheila replied, as she hugged Alice goodnight.

The minute Sheila got to the top of the stairs her phone rang again. This time it was Gordon, who assured her he'd completed everything on his list and asked, “Is there anything else you need?”

“No, thanks. Goodnight.”

Right after disconnecting, the house alarm screeched. “I knew I relaxed too soon!”

Acme called her and she reassured them she was fine. Again!

Before she ate dinner, Sheila decided to get some work done. Once inside her upstairs office, the hall door shut behind her, but she paid that no attention.

She went online, paid some bills, and then ordered bags of sand and shavings for the horses' bedding. She heard the floorboards creaking but didn't pay them much attention. It was an old house that was always making noises.

As she hit 'Pay Now,' she muttered, “I wish I was rich.” She copied the order onto the next day's To Do list for Gordon.

Sheila got into bed, and as she reached for her dinner, she was surprised at how little Alice had left her.

“Huh! What the . . .”

Sheila found only half a sandwich and her seltzer with just one pickle. She wondered if she'd agreed to go on a diet or something.

Without notice, the alarm began an ear-piercing scream until Acme called and was told it was a false alarm. Again.

Sheila called out, “Is someone there?”

Silence. It was quiet now. Nobody answered her inquiry, but there was no further noise.

In the quiet, Sheila heard the grating of the antique windows scratching against the house and the groaning of the flooring, but she didn't pay much attention. After all, it was an old house, and it was always making noise.

In the middle of the night, Sheila was awakened suddenly by the sound of a toilet flushing, and then the alarm screeched, again!

Oh, God, no!! No! Toilets don't flush by themselves. Damn!

She just managed to squeak out, “Hello?” as she scrambled for her cellphone.

“So is anybody going to answer me, or do have the home alarm company call 9-1-1?”

But there was a groan.

The alarm's outcry continued until her cellphone rang. She said loudly, “Please come out and show yourself.”

As Acme inquired, “Ma'am,” Sheila asked, “What do I tell them, 'Send the police' or not?”

Acme asked again, “Ma'am, are you all right?”

“It's now or never.” Sheila shouted

A teenage girl appeared in the doorway to the bedroom and said, “I'm sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to scare you.”

Sheila felt safe enough to finally tell Acme, “Yes, I'm fine.” The alarm's howl stopped.

“Oh! Has it been you this whole time?” Sheila asked.

“I guess so,” the girl said in a quiet tone of voice just louder than a whisper. “I didn't mean to be such a problem, ma'am, but I have nowhere else to go.”

“Why?”

“My mother threw me out.”

“Why here?”

“Oh, I love horses, and those goats are so cute. But the donkey, he's a real heart breaker.”

Sheila nodded in agreement. Eeyore's need to have everybody love him was beguiling for sure.

Both women jumped as one of the old wooden sashes was blown open just enough for the alarm to squeal.

The girl ran over to close the window and said,I'm sorry, I left the window open, that was me!”

Sheila answered Acme's call,again, “I'm sure we know what's caused it this time.”

Sheila continued, “Well, one good thing is I can finally stop wondering if Jack the Ripper is waiting in the wings. The other is I've met you – almost. What's your name?”

“Oh, ma'am. I'm Wendy.”

“Hi, Wendy. Please call me 'Sheila' because 'ma'am' ages me.”

Wendy replied, “Thank you, ma'am – sorry. Sheila. I guess I'd better get going.“

“Going where?”

“I don't really know. I just figured . . .” Wendy trailed off.

“That doesn't make any sense. Stay here for the night. We still need to talk come morning.

“But if you promise to check the doors and windows if the alarm goes off again so I don't worry about it, you can stay the night at least.”

Wendy sighed in relief and agreed readily.

They talked further and then said goodnight. Sheila closed the door to her bedroom suite and locked it.

The next morning found Sheila in the kitchen sipping her coffee when Gordon came by. As usual, he made himself a mug and topped Sheila's off. Gordon jerked in surprise as Wendy came around the corner.

As Gordon looked questioningly at the young woman, Sheila laughed and said, “This is Wendy, a/k/a Acme Home Security Alarm.”

Because his boss was so relaxed, he said, “I'm Gordon,” followed by, “Want some coffee?”

“Hi. I'm Wendy. Yes, Gordon, black, please. You must be the stable manager.”

“Wendy needs a place to stay, and I have a mind to give her one if she can work for it,” Sheila said.

“Do you have enough to do with the livestock to keep her busy?”

“Sure,” Gordon exclaimed. In fact, since our last stable boy moved on a few days ago, I've been scrambling to keep up.”

“I have 'Talk with Sheila about new barn worker' on my list to discuss with you today.”

Sheila hummed, “De-do-do-do, da-dun-dun-dun.”

“The proof is out there, right?”

The three chatted companionably until Alice came. She studied the group and then asked, “So is she working undercover for Acme?”

Successive days passed peacefully since Acme had come out finally and adjusted the alarm connections and replaced batteries. Also, the wind died down.

Gordon assured Sheila that not only was Wendy a hard worker, but she showed the animals love. They gravitated easily to her.

Since some animals preferred men and some, women, this made for a happier barn. Eeyore seemed particularly taken with Wendy, braying and running to her the minute he saw her.

When Gordon didn't need her, Wendy offered her help to Alice. Sheila trusted their opinions, and they were definitely “pro Wendy.”

Sheila offered Wendy room and board in exchange for work, and Wendy eagerly accepted.

The two spent many quiet evenings commiserating with each other over their respective losses of mobility and home; however, each was content with how things were progressing.

In fact, all four became fast friends, growing to care for and trust each other.

Just before Christmas the four friends were chatting in front of the fireplace, having finished decorating, playing with Charlie the rescue puppy. Suddenly, the alarm system went off!

First, they jumped, suddenly unused to the alarm's loud wail. Then, looking at each other, they laughed uproariously as the alarm continued to shriek. The phone rang; it was Acme.