Icarus

Crrrrrraaaaackle… “We are hitting slight turbulence here folks. The pilot has turned on the fasten seatbelt signs and we recommend you return to your seats. Thank you.” Bailey opened his eyes suddenly to the rocking of the plane. The lull of the stewardess’ voice reassured him in his hypnopompic state but he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. He tried to settle back into the first class seat his family had been upgraded to randomly.

He focused on the clouds morphing before his eyes. They danced and changed without restraint. He had always wanted to be able to fly through them unencumbered by the need for a giant tin can hurdling thousands of miles in the air. He had to stop thinking about it and nestle the idea deep inside for a daydream when safely on the ground. 

He knew it was a silly child’s dream and that he was becoming a grown up. He had not long ago walked nervously up to the bimah to chant the parsha and deliver his D’var Torah. He talked about how his faith always was pushing him upward and onward. But he didn’t mean it literally…

“Are you okay?” He heard his mom ask from in front of him. Her apple cheeks framed her reassuring smile.

“Yea, everything is good back here.” He assured his mother. “Isn’t this so nice up here?”

“It was a nice surprise wasn’t it?” She chuckled lightly. “And look at the clouds!”

“They look amazing. I’m always a little scared up here.” Bailey admitted sheepishly.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of, I'm right here. Always will.”

They paused for a moment and both looked out to admire the clouds.

“I’ve always wanted to be able to fly.”

“Well, honey, we are flying!” She responded.

“I know, but I mean,” he hesitated, “I mean really fly. Like a super power! It’s silly…”

“It is silly! People don’t have super powers, darling. And you might be getting a little too old thinking about if you had super powers. But you’ve always had your heads in the clouds.” She sighed and turned forward. 

He wasn’t sure why, but as he settled back into his seat, still staring at the clouds, he felt slightly nauseated and agitated. How much longer until some kinda food? So he could take his mind off of it, whatever it was. 

“You’re looking a little seasick there, buddy.” He heard an unfamiliar voice from behind him. He looked between the seat and the window to find a young man about college age with deep brown eyes and chestnut colored hair. His jawline was square and Bailey could see that his shoulders were broad. His teeth were perfect.

“You okay?”

“Oh, yea! The turbulence just got to me a little.” Bailey responded after the gentleman had repeated himself.

“Glad to hear it. You know I get a little sick on these sorts of rides too even after all this time.”

Bailey was glad to hear that. Sometimes he wondered if he really was ready to be a man with all of the things that still made him frightened. This was a man, and he was afraid. So Bailey could be too, he supposed.

“This is my first time in first class.” He admitted to the man.

“Welcome! I’ve been a few times before. I travel all over for business.”

How exhilarating, thought Bailey. This man was the definition of upward and onward!

“I want to travel the world. And make movies!” He blurted out.

“I have no doubt you’ll be able to accomplish that.” The gentleman encouraged.

He asked what kind of movies Bailey was interested in and he expounded all this plots and characters he had come to love so much. Then Bailey asked endless questions about the fantastic places the businessman had been. Bailey was creative as well as organized so he wondered if he too could grow up to be a businessman. In his heart he knew he would have to parlay both skills when it came to creating. There was never an all or nothing.

Bailey was about to continue with more stories and questions when he noticed someone clearing their throat in front of him. He knew who it was instantly and his stomach sank. 

He excused himself from the conversation with the gentleman and turned to his mother.

“Honey, why don’t you leave that nice man alone?” Her tone implied that he had done something wrong. 

“Oh, um, well, we are just talking about movies and business. He doesn’t seem to mind!”

“Well, honey, it’s just…” she paused, thinking of a delicate way to say, “adults usually like to relax on planes. There is so much that goes into being an adult, they need rest. I’m sure he is a busy man with his business and travel. Let him alone, huh?”

He slouched and proceeded to look out the window.

A few moments later, after they had received their evening meals, the gentleman leaned forward, “Hey, what did you get?”

Bailey turned his head slightly and grinned, “The chicken.”

“Better than the fish. This was a total mistake.”

Bailey chortled. 

They resumed talking and Bailey was enraptured by the gentleman. He was soft and kind but he could tell that he was also decisive and shrewd. His strength of spirit was evident. Bailey could feel his stomach churn. It must have been the chicken.

“Ahem.” He heard again from in front.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Honey, you have to just please stop.”

“I’m just talking mom.”

“It’s just that,” he could tell she was searching for something to say but different from the way she took pause before. It was as if she was looking for something to say, not finding a way to say it. “It’s your breath, honey. Did you brush your teeth? You have a foul breath.”

Bailey cupped his hand and tried to smell his breath. She wasn’t wrong.

“So just try to keep to yourself. You wouldn’t want to blow that dragon breath!”

He thought instantly of the gentleman. A wave of shame went through him. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and keep conversing with him. He had never really been talked to like an adult. The gentleman encouraged his dreams without even really knowing anything about Bailey. He didn’t even know if he was a good writer or good at making movies. In fact, Bailey had never made a movie but he wrote scripts for his friends in his earlier grades. He even went so far as to call a number at Warner Bro. studio he found online to pitch his ideas. He remembered the pleasant woman on the other end - not in any way in charge of the movie making process - telling him to wait until he was older. He wondered how much longer he would have to wait to fly.

“Hey, Bailey,” the gentleman got his attention. Bailey’s heart jumped. He wondered about this feeling and how he wanted to giggle at everything he said. The gentleman didn’t say anything to warrant his giddiness yet Bailey couldn’t help himself.

After a moment, considering how to respond, he said, “Hey, I’m a little tired, I think I’m going to rest my eyes.” He wanted to keep talking but the words of his mother lingered. Then the crackle of the overhead speaker announced their imminent landing.

“Well, we are getting close to our destination, so I guess this is it.”

Bailey sighed and was suddenly sad. The gentleman smiled one last time and sat back.

The sun reflected off the water. Bailey squinted his eyes and wished more than ever he would have been able to keep talking. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed his mother’s gaze.

He felt something shift in himself. He marked the slight stomach fluttering when talking to the gentleman. He felt a singe of embarrassment at this but he didn’t know why. He wanted to fly like that gentleman. He wanted to believe in himself the way the gentleman had said he had. He wondered if he was ever going to be able to fly.

When I’m older, he told himself, but he could feel the wings he so longed for melt in the heat of this moment. He knew he was falling. 

Bailey stared into the reflection of the sun, trying to burn the memory of the gentleman into his mind.