A BAD CASE OF APOSIOPESIS

What’s more confusing than Abbott and Costello with “Who’s on first.”? The Banters of course, especially when Martha comes down with a bad case of APOSIOPESIS!

Matthew! It’s happened again!

What’s happened again?

I’m…er…stuck.

Stuck? Stuck where? In traffic?

In my…ah…

In your car? 

In a …

Bar?

No…I can’t say it!

Say what?

What I’m trying to say.

What are you trying to say?

I don’t…um…

For heavens sake, spit it out woman. What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?

I wish…I wish…

Wish what? 

I wish I had more…um…more…

Money? We don’t need more money.

No, not money.

Then what?

I don’t know how to say it!

Well, if you don’t know how to say it, then how can I help you?

You can’t…

Can’t what?

Help me.

Honey, this sounds serious.

It is. It goes way back to…um…

Back to when?

When I was just a kid. Whenever I’d become distressed…

What distressed you as a kid?

Matthew! You, of all people, know what my life was like when I was a kid!

OMG, Martha! You are so frustrating. What are you trying to say? I’ve never known you to be stuck for words. Your mouth usually runs overtime.

That’s not…

What?

That’s not…nice.

No, I guess it isn’t. But this is like the dangling conversation. Are you ever going to get to the point?

Oh, what’s the point!

Uh-Oh, ok. Now you’re mad at me. I give up. Am I going to get the silent treatment again?

Should you?

Should I what?

Well if you don’t know, then I’m not going to tell you.

Tell me what?

Never mind. It doesn’t matter.

What doesn’t matter?

I don’t …um…

What?

I can’t say it.

Could you be any more evasive? For a woman who loves to talk and write, I have never seen you so lost for words! 

That’s it!

What’s it?

You just…

What?

Nailed it.

Nailed what? Are you referring to how I fixed the gate last week? I was pleased with how well that turned out.

How what turned out?

Martha, where’s your mind today?

I think I…

What?

Lost it?

Lost what? Your way? Use the GPS. That’s why we have it, silly! When are you heading home anyway? This call is eating up my cell phone data.

Silence.

Martha? Are you still there? You’ve gone silent. Have we lost the connection? Have you hit a dead spot?

That’s a good way to put it.

Put what?

Hit a dead spot.

Why do I get the feeling this is about more than you’re not telling me?

I don’t know.

Well, you called me Martha, and so far I have absolutely no idea why. We’ve been chatting for five minutes and I still haven’t a clue what’s on your mind.

You rarely do…

Do what? 

Know what’s on my mind.

Oh, for heaven sake, Martha. I told you decades ago when you first showed me your poetry that I’m not very good at reading between the lines. I need you to spell it out.

You can say that again!

Say what again?

Well, if you don’t know what, I’m not going to help you.

I thought you called me because you needed help…not the other way around. I’m starting to get confused.

Welcome to my world.

Martha, where are you driving back from anyway? 

You mean you’ve already forgotten where I went today?

Oh sweetheart, what do you expect from my 82-year-old memory? Besides, you know how bad my hearing is. Half the time I have no idea what you’re saying.

So, when you can’t hear me, you just pretend that you know what I said?

Well, sometimes it’s easier than watching you get frustrated, trying to explain to me over and over again.

Well then, this time I can’t explain because I just can’t say it.

Say what?

What’s on my mind.

That’s right. That’s what you called me about isn’t it? There was something on your mind that you just had to tell me?

Well, sort of…

So what was it? Did something happen wherever it is you went today?

Yes, but I can’t…

What? 

I can’t quite get it out. It’s like…

Like what? 

Like I’ve come down with something.

You mean like the flu…or covid?

Well yes, but no…

So this is one of your yeses that’s really a no?

I suppose you could call it that.

Call what that?

What I have…but I can’t say it.

Why? Did you do something you don’t want me to know about? Oh wait a minute! You didn’t have an accident, did you? Is the car all right?

Thanks for asking. The car is fine. I’m not.

Oh, so you have had an accident. Sheesh! Why didn’t you say so in the first place?

Because…

Because what? 

Because I just can’t say it…

Great. So where are you? Do I have to come to wherever you are and get you?

No.

Why not?

Because I’m at home.

At home? I didn’t hear you come in.

Of course you didn’t. You’re deaf, remember? And you probably don’t have your hearing aid turned on.

Of course it’s on, silly! How can I be talking on the cell phone with you if I don’t have my hearing aid on? Wait a minute! Why are we talking on our cell phones if you’re already home?

Because of what I’m suffering with right now…

And that is?

I keep trying to tell you but I can’t find…

Find what?

The words. There! I’ve finally said it!

YOU, Martha the loquacious…can’t find the words? Since when has finding the words been a problem for you?

I already told you. Since I was a child and when I’m stressed.

Look Martha, since you’re home, can we turn off our cell phones and get to the bottom of whatever is ailing you over a cuppa?

That’d be nice Matthew. Can you go put the kettle on while I get changed into my glad rags? That’ll help me relax and maybe then I can say what’s on my mind.

Sure. Big mug or small cup?

I think I need a big cup of tea … and sympathy…if you have any.

Any what?

Sympathy

And you need sympathy why?

Because I’m feeling…

What? 

Insecure.

Why? 

Because of what I came down with at my writers’ group meeting today.

And that was? 

I can’t quite say it.

Say what?

Aposio…aposio…

You were opposed to something?

Not opposed to anything. I have aposio…oh darn! I can’t say the word!

Well what does this impossible-to-say word mean? 

It means being unable to finish a sentence. Like I just can’t say what I’m trying to. I’m really trying…

I’ll say you’re trying!

What do you mean by that, Matthew? You’re upsetting me now…

Gees honey…I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just trying to…

What?

I can’t say it…

Oh no! You too? Don’t tell me you have this aposio thingy too. It must be contagious.

Did anyone else in your writer’s group have it?

I don’t think so. When Reed, who comes up with these writing prompts for each weekly meeting, suggested that aposio word, everyone started writing. Everyone except me! It was so…

What?

Humiliating! Stressful. I couldn’t think of anything to write. I’ve been trying to get rid of writer’s block for months and then…nothing! No thoughts. No words! Total blank.

Ah…here it is!

Here what is?

The name of your affliction. I just googled “stuck for words”. The good news is the word you’re trying to say is aposiopesis.

Yes! That’s it. What’s the bad news?

You won’t like it…

Tell me anyway.

Well, don’t get mad at me but it’s actually quite serious.

I told you it was serious when we were talking on the cell phones. So…?

Well, on this website called “Mapping Ignorance”, it says…and I quote: “Being stuck for words is one of the key symptoms for an array of acute and chronic disorders. These include delirium, stroke, depression, encephalitis, psychosis, head injury, brain tumour, metabolic/genetic disorders, and neurodegenerative conditions.”*

Martha? Did you get all that? Martha? Please say something. Martha, are you mad at me now and giving me the silent treatment again? Sheesh! Martha…TALK TO ME!

Shush, Matthew! I’m calling 911.

* (Please note: website referenced and quoted below is located at https://mappingignorance.org/)