But I Don't Like Coffee or Tea

But I Don't Like Coffee or Tea

Story By Jai Herz, Written By Bunni Reed

My family has a long-standing history of being coffee drinkers or tea drinkers. My Mom drinks both with delight. Best gifts for her are a new blend of coffee or a box of exotic herbal teas.

I cannot stand either beverage. Hot chocolate is a Yes from me, but no whipped cream on top. I actually feel ill when I smell freshly-brewed coffee. Tea just smells weird. I do like Coke. Ginger Ale is another choice, but lately I have begun to prefer watered-down Gatorade. I prefer the sugar-free ones, but only orange and lemon-lime. I water it down so I get better hydration, but the Gatorade has electrolytes that my body really needs.

Mom shudders at my choice as she cradles her cup of coffee, taking loving sips. Then she grins and says how proud of me she is that I have been able to break from tradition and find what works for me. She took up drinking coffee because her Grandma drank it, and it makes her feel like her Grandma is with her again when she has a cuppa.

I am grateful that Mom understands my choices and does not judge me or reject me for it. Breaking from tradition has made my life happier and more fulfilled. Mom likes doing things the familial way, but opens her heart to my being happy. Bless you, Mom.

This story leads to my other life choices that break from family tradition.

I always felt different, and thought I had to pretend to be like everyone else. I had boyfriends because that was expected of me. But it felt fake. I never seemed able to muster up the feelings everyone else talked about having. I thought something was wrong with me. I didn't talk to anybody about it, for fear of rejection.

Life was hard, and my parents were divorced. Due to circumstances I ended up living with my Dad and his new wife for quite awhile. They forced me to go to church, where I was forced to prepare for a future I did not want. I did not want to be a Susie Homemaker. I did not want to get married and have children. I did not cherish the thought of a loving (?) marriage because I never felt the attraction to guys that I was raised to believe should be there.

My generation began a phase of bisexuality that felt a little more like it was okay for me. I still had occasional boyfriends, but no physical intimacy. I was too shy to try a relationship with any girls, but the thought was enticing.

I was in my 30's when I finally decided to talk to Mom about my sexuality. I had been living with her for quite some time by then. I told her I did not know how she would react, but that I really needed to open-up to her. I said Mom, for years I have tried to be like everyone else. I'm not trying to be a problem, but I have realized that I like girls, and I am gay. Mom smiled and said she was so glad that I finally realized it. I said wait, you mean you knew? Why didn't you say anything? Mom smiled again and said she was patiently waiting until I realized it for myself. Telling me might have caused me to fight against it and never accept that part of myself. Figuring it out for myself allowed me to learn to embrace it.

After a time I decided to tell my Dad, who I have never had a very close relationship even though I have tried so hard. I braced myself and went to see him. His reaction was one of disgust. He told me I was wrong and needed counseling. I needed to heal from this disease. I was not allowed to bring it to his house. It was all my mother's fault, and she is never allowed at his house again. He shut down completely and I left, both sad and angry.

Mom held me tightly when I got home. As a single Mom she really did fill both roles of mom and dad most of my life, and continues to do so. She reminded me that she will always support my decisions. I thought long and hard that night, and had something else to share with Mom.

I said that I have never felt "right" and that I really want to explore becoming a male, which I have been feeling for most of my life. Her response was in perfect mom mode. "What can I do to help?"

She talked to people and found a community resource where they had sessions in transition. She got a schedule for me, and I went. She would have gone with me, but I needed to do this by myself, for myself. There were attorneys there to help guide through the legal process. I went home that night with all the papers I needed to take to court for name and gender change. So far I did not have to spend any money, and I had the fee waiver paperwork for court.

Mom insisted she needed to come with me to the courthouse. I appreciated that very much. I was scared the judge would say no. We went to file the paperwork. The clerk who helped us was also transgender! I was amazed that we were able to get the decision right on the spot! I am officially, legally male!

Now comes the hard part, the lengthy part. I have an amazing therapist who helps me face my fears and address my issues. Surgery to remove my mammaries has been approved. I am looking into different ways of taking male hormones. I am not certain if I will have the lower surgery, but have a lot of support.

I am so grateful to my Mom for being my staunchest supporter in all of this. By accepting me for who I am, instead of who she would want me to be, she has given me wings!

I still don't like coffee, and I don't like tea, but that is perfectly fine with Mom and with me!