Author's Folly

Once upon a time...Just kidding! I have always wanted to say that!

This is a true story that is happening...RIGHT NOW! Four and a half years ago, I published a book called Paradoxical Enigma. It's a murder mystery that is also laugh-out-loud funny in between horrific gruesome murders. Hey, I enjoyed reading it! I was going through something with my child's father and decided I would pour my heart and soul into writing a book and put all my anguish into it. I was dumb, okay! I thought that if I based the story loosely on my own life and created a character based on my child's father, he would read it and be so impressed that I wrote a book, get absorbed into the story, and would ultimately see the error of his ways and fall madly in love with me. I also thought I would get rich, seeing dollar signs from "selling 65 million copies." I was a complete idiot!

Fast forward, two years later, I started to feel embarrassed about the book because I got over the "baby daddy," there was so much rambling in it, and at least a hundred typos! There was even a sentence that was half-backspaced! I am not sure how that happened, but it is what it is! I had completely moved on with my life, and with Rob, the man who is now my husband. Two years ago, he was my new boyfriend who was truly in love with me and worshipped the ground I walked on. He was very intrigued that I was published author and wanted to read my book. I was a bit shy about it, given the subject matter, but I was so flattered by his support, that I finally ordered him a copy.

Note, there were SEX SCENES in my book! I warned him about this but he reassured me that it was in the past and he wasn't jealous. The sex scenes did not bother him. However, remember when I said there was extensive rambling in Paradoxical Enigma? Yeah, much of that was the telling all the bad things my ex did, and all throughout the story, it was obvious the ex was forgiven because he was the "husband/co-protagonist" in the story.

Rob enjoyed the story, at first! He laughed at all the funny parts in the beginning and made fun of my typos. Then he got to the rambling and emotional parts, then it started going downhill from there. The further Rob read into the story, the more his blood boiled. Not only was this ex of mine a horrible excuse for a person, but in the story, he was FORGIVEN, yet, this ex that my new boyfriend was reading about, WAS WORSE THAN THE SERIAL KILLER! Rob really wanted to show up at my ex's house and beat the crap out of him! Instead, he made it two-thirds through the book, then casually walked outside, tore the book to pieces, and set them on fire.

Burning the book didn't bother me, but the fact that my sweet new boyfriend did not read it entirely really hurt my feelings. I was already embarrassed about the story, anyway; but the love of my life refusing to read it is what did for me! I decided right then and there, since I sold a whopping six copies of the book...four of which, I bought...at I was going to take it down from production and rewrite it! (The only remaining original copy is at a prison in Florida, where the female inmates love it, but they probably love the sex scenes.)

On December 21st, 2019, I had married Rob and after my honeymoon was over, I finally started rewriting Paradoxical Enigma in January of 2020. I completely gutted the story and almost started from scratch, keeping only a few elements of the original. I invited a few friends who read the original to read the new version. I consulted with a real cop about interrogation scenes that were cheesy in the original. Yes! Let's get this party started! All was going well until...wait for it...My Microsoft Office EXPIRED! This completely DERAILED ME! I will remind you that Microsoft Office is ridiculously overpriced and I DON'T HAVE INTERNET! I tried downloading Office Libre...Surprise! IT DOESN'T WORK! I went on eBay and...JACKPOT! I found a year-long subscription to Microsoft Office for FIVE DOLLARS! YAAAAAY! I am saved!

So, I bought it, but lo' and behold, IT EXPIRED AFTER 30 DAYS! The eBay seller was a SCAM ARTIST who sold me a free trial! NOOOOOOO!

However, that was not the only obstacle. After all that, I moved, then I had a baby, and everything got extremely complicated. I was so busy that I didn't even know where my laptop was in my house for MONTHS! But every single time I saw the title of my book on Facebook, it made me sick to my stomach! I felt trapped and I could do absolutely nothing except give birth to a serious hatred for Bill Gates for being so greedy. Microsoft Word used to come free with the computer and Bill Gates is already filthy-stinking rich! Jerk!

Rob encouraged me to try other writing apps like Note Pad and Word Pad. I did try them and researched more. They didn't work the same and were not as easy to use. I felt time getting away from me because I started in January with hope of having it finished by New Years' Eve because it was my New Years' Resolution for 2020...oh, wait...It's 2020! It is driving me crazy because it only took me two weeks to write the original and I am so mad at myself! I finally found out that I could get a free trial with each Hotmail account I have but my family keeps me on such a short leash, that it was hard to get away to a Wi-Fi hotspot in order to re-download it. In the first week of December, I FINALLY MANAGED TO DO IT!

WAHOO!

I hoped against all hope that I would have it finished by December 31st, but here comes Santa Claus! I have to do my daily mom and wife life, then on top of that, children getting sick, children getting in trouble at school, there is dealing with my husband's disability...I have almost no time. So, almost every day, I begin by starting the writing at 8pm, when my kids go to bed, sometimes I stay on it as late as 7am the next morning, and other times I stop after two hours. I am now on Chapter 5, and I have FOUR DAYS LEFT!

Usually in stories, there is the goal, problem or conflict, then there are the obstacles that hinder the protagonist, then comes the inspirational pushing forward, then there is the climactic moment where the main character beats the odds and succeeds!

But sadly, this is not one of those stories. This is a cliffhanger!

Will I or won't I meet my goal? Your guess is as good as mine and the race is on! Happy New Year!