Confessions From A Mythical Legend

“I had no idea that this small area of paradise existed in this library!” the skinny, spectacled, first-year student adjusted his glasses while handing a librarian assistant his student identification.

Lou, the library assistant, smiled. “Ah, I am happy to hear you say that. I have worked in special collections for four years at Shasta College and am about to graduate. I love this place.”

Lou scanned his student identification, confirmed his status, and asked, “How can I help you?”

The young man struggled to adjust his backpack on his right shoulder as his reading glasses started to slide off the bridge of his nose.

“I would like to check out The Life of Ishi.” 

“The Life of Ishi,” Lou echoed. “Hmm, I thought I had touched every book in this collection.”

“Moona Keith wrote it,” the young student interjected.

Lou typed in the title into the search engine of the library database. His eyes widened. “We do have it! I am definitely reading this, too! It’s one of this community’s most important historical events since the Europeans arrived in Northern California!”

Lou returned his gaze to the first-year student. “OK, this is in our vault. The rules are you can look at this while we are open, which, unfortunately, we close in 5 minutes. The Department of Special Collections has limited hours. Today is Friday, and we will reopen on Monday at 10:00 am. We are open from 10:00 am to 2:00 pm Monday through Friday.

The student nodded and replied, “No problem, I will be here Monday.”

Lou waited for the first-year student to exit. He mumbled while closing the entrance door, “I am about to receive a degree in anthropology and worked in this library my entire student career. I had no idea this treasure existed in our collection.”

He rushed past the rustic mahogany bookshelves encased with protective glass toward the vault at the far end of the collection. It was library policy to keep the vault open during operating hours.

Lou walked into the protected area and over to the anthropological part of the social science section and replied, “Keith.”

He held his finger out as he gazed through the books.

“Keith, Keith, The Life of Ishi.” 

The book was not in its rightful location. 

Lou stepped back and placed his hands on his hips. 

“It has to be in here somewhere,” he concluded.

Lou kneeled and scanned the bottom shelf. He finished the first row.

Nothing.

Lou finished every row except for the top shelf. He brought over the step ladder and continued his search. 

He placed his finger within inches of every book and called out each author and title.

The last book on the top shelf was a thick atlas leaning slightly against the shelving wall. He gently placed his hand between the wall and the center of the atlas binding and tried to reposition it. A chapbook-sized leather-bound book fell to the floor.  

“Ah ha!” he shouted enthusiastically. He jumped off the step ladder and reached for his newly discovered treasure.

A buzzing sound filled the room, and the vault door closed behind him. 

“Oh no! He cried. Lou panicked and searched aimlessly for the source of the sound.

The buzzing continued as the floor underneath the bookshelf opened and lowered the bookcase to reveal a spiral stairway.

Lou pressed his hands against his chest. “Oh my God! This can’t be

happening!” he screamed.

He quickly confirmed the book’s title, which rested in his shaky hands, then slowly leaned forward and peered inside the secret passageway. The stairwell was carved in limestone and ran at least ten flights underneath the university library.

“Unbelievable!” he whispered. “There is a light at the end of the stairwell!”

He heard a cork pop. 

Lou rushed back into the vault. He set the chapbook on a neighboring shelf and tried to open the vault door.

It was locked.

His heart raced. He reached for his cell phone. There was no signal. 

He heard a loud clearing of a voice. 

Lou paced. He stuttered, “OK, I can stay here and hope I survive or go downstairs and face my fears.” 

Feedback from an amplified speaker emanated from the bottom of the stairwell, followed by a playful laugh, “Well, you found me. Congratulations, you are the first to discover my hiding place. You have nothing to fear. You will understand why I live a reclusive life when you see me.”  

Lou clutched his temples. 

The voice from the bottom of the stairwell boomed, “Ha ha ha ha ha, really, I opened my best bottle of homemade blackberry moonshine. Come down the stairwell and meet a mythical legend.”

The sound of Just My Imagination by Smokey Robinson and the

Miracles filled the vault room.

Lou laughed nervously. “OK!, he shouted.

He cupped his hands around his mouth to amplify his message.

“I have warts!"

He could hear laughter at the end of the stairwell.

Lou again shouted, “And a huge parasite problem. I must taste horribly.”

The voice from the bottom of the stairwell continued to laugh.

Lou started down the stairs. It was dark and he could barely make out the next step in front of him. He held onto the wooden rail to keep himself from falling. 

“Sorry about that. I never have company,” the staircase lit up, revealing hieroglyphics etched into the stairwell walls.

The voice at the bottom of the stairs announced, “You are admiring the works of the Yahi tribe. Ishi’s tribe! I sure do miss them. Great people.”

Lou panicked as he stopped his descent. He shouted, “That’s impossible! He died in 1916!”

The voice at the bottom of the stairs replied, “Yes, it’s been long since I have seen my friend. Too long! I know it sounds crazy, but all will be revealed as soon as you reach the bottom of the stairs.” 

Lou slowly descended the stairwell. He stopped for a moment to keep from panting. 

He whispered, “It’s OK. You are going to be alright. Nothing to fear.”

He reached the bottom of the stairs, peered into the room, and fainted.

A few moments later.

Lou opened his eyes and let out a silent scream. A giant, hairy, ape-looking man was wiping a wet cloth across his forehead.

The creature tried to reassure his guest, “Relax, my man. You fainted. I am just trying to help you.” 

The ape-man lifted his guest to his feet and helped him into a massive chair made of reeds. The giant must have stood 8 feet tall with feet the size of a skateboard.

He poured Lou a drink into a glass goblet engraved with the Freemason crest.

Lou looked incredulously at the goblet and then at the giant ape-man. 

“Don’t ask me how I acquired that glass,” the ape-man laughed. “Drink it slow. It’s my homemade blackberry moonshine. It has a kick, but it will settle you down.”

Lou took a swig of the blackberry moonshine. It did calm his nerves. The ape-man sat across a table made from the burl of an old black oak tree. An inscribed peace sign covered the center of the table. 

An awkward silence filled the room while the ape-man smoked from his pipe.

They were in a long, narrow cavern made of limestone. The stalactite’s majesty ornamented the ceiling. Chartreuse-colored beaded curtains fastened to the stalactites with mechanical wire hung across each end of the passageway. A rolling table with two lower shelves rested behind “Bigfoot” against the cavern wall. A 36” smart TV, a remote control, and a cordless microphone were on the top shelf, a phonograph occupied the middle rack, and a chessboard that appeared to be in adjournment rested on the bottom.

A loud cough filled the room, and the ape-man pounded his chest while he handed me his pipe. The smoke smothered him with a pungent, skunky smell. A turquoise pony bead band with gold-plated charms adorned his wrist. 

He struggled with his words. 

“Northern California’s finest.” He clenched his free hand and covered his mouth.

Lou chuckled, “OK, cool,” he reached for the pipe and searched his pocket for a light. 

Ape-man slid his zippo lighter over. Lou admired it momentarily and said, “A gold-plated zippo lighter engraved with a Bigfoot wearing sunglasses.”

Lou shook his head with admiration, put the pipe to his mouth, purposely crossed his eyes, and said, “I am about to enter the rabbit hole.”

Bigfoot stood up from his reeded chair and turned the record over. Soon, the room filled with Marvin Gaye singing, I Heard It Through The Grapevine. 

He snapped his fingers. His long brown lochs swung lightly across his shoulders while he shuffled his feet. He clapped and thundered, “I know you have many questions. I will start.”

He lifted his goblet and extended his arm toward Lou, “Cheers!”

Lou clutched Bigfoot’s pipe, his mouth opened, and he was rocking back and forth in his chair.

The hairy ape-man set his goblet on the table. He looked at his guest for a long moment and laughed at the student’s facial expressions.

“You ate the cake, didn’t you?” Bigfoot joked.

Lou pulled on his pipe again and replied, “I ate the cake, the worm, and the rabbit.”

Bigfoot clutched his stomach and let out a hysterical laugh. The ape-man’s eyes began to water. 

Lou leaned in and laughed with him. He passed him the pipe and said, “Sorry, man, nothing left.”

Bigfoot immediately gathered himself and waved him off, “Ah, no problem, I have more.” He winked while he smiled, “And I have a guy.”

Bigfoot placed a silver platter filled with smoke and papers on the table. 

Lou took a long swig from his goblet. The homemade blackberry moonshine was smooth.

“This is good! You will have to give me the recipe,” Lou chimed.

The ape-man started, “I have many names. I have been called Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, Yowie, Almas, Wendigo, Mapinguary, Yeren, and many other unflattering expressions.”

Bigfoot continued to roll his smoke. 

“What should I call you?” Lou asked.

“My name is Aph’el Illumine,” Bigfoot finished rolling his smoke and handed it to Lou. It was the size of an aerosol can.

He continued, “You can call me Aph’el.” 

Lou took a deep breath and inhaled Aph’el’s skunky smoke. He passed it back to him, “You can call me Lou.”

If I Were A Carpenter by the Four Tops started. Aph’el howled, “Oh!” He shut his eyes and began to rock in his chair. He snapped his fingers while his smoke hung off his lip. 

Lou whispered, “Oh my God, yes! I can’t make this up!”

Aph’el pulled on his smoke and handed it back to Lou. The young student waved him off. 

“You play chess?” Aph’el asked.

“Sure, why not?” Lou smiled. 

Bigfoot refilled Lou’s goblet with the homemade shine. He then pulled the rolling table closer to him.

Aph’el set a chessboard made of limestone with pieces carved from stalactites painted with turquoise and gold at the center of the black oak table.

“Made it myself,” Aph’el boasted. 

Lou admired the chessboard, "Nice!"

They repositioned the pieces.

“I am playing someone online,” Aph’el commented, “I like to place the pieces on an actual chessboard to see the game more clearly.”

“You said you know, Ishi. How old are you?” Lou asked. 

“Well, Lou, believe it or not, I am not kin to your kind as some of you yahoos would like to think. We live to be several thousand years old. I am 353 years old.

Lou became excited, “353 years old! That means you were alive when...”

Bigfoot interjected, “Yes, when you yahoos first arrived. And you don’t want me to talk about that! You are the first human other than the Yahi tribesmen I have spoken to.”

Aph’el cracked his knuckles, “Your move, Lou.”

“Before I make this move, Aph’el, I have to ask you,” Lou looked around the cavern, “where are we?

“Oh yeah, of course, my bad. You are in an ancient cavern where the Yahi lived and thrived for thousands of years. The U.S. calvary detonated the entrance with dynamite, sealing the passageway. I was in this very room that day. It pissed me off! You know how far the next exit is?”

“I have no idea, Aph’el,” Lou replied. He kept very still.

“Two miles. Do you know how long walking two miles in a cavern takes?” Aph’el moved a pawn. 

Lou shook his head, “Sorry, Aph’el. For our kind being so ruthless and evil. Just know that my heart doesn’t want to hurt any kind.”

Bigfoot crossed his legs and softly stared into his eyes. He soon interrupted the silence, “Well, we will see, Lou.”

“Tell me, Big,” Lou was feeling the smoke and the shine, “What was that all about upstairs?”

He snickered, “Oh, that!”

He turned on the monitor, and the screen filled with a still image of the special collection’s vault room. 

“I have a switch in the other room that activates and deactivates the floor beneath the bookshelf, the bookshelf, and the vault door.”

Aph’el relit his smoke. He smiled proudly. His chin raised, “I forgot to deactivate the switch. I haven’t been up there in a while. I have plenty of books to read right now, but when the switch is activated, the motion sensor I installed on the top end of the bookshelf closes the vault door, sounds the alarm, and opens the floor, revealing the stairway that returns me to my home. If I forget to deactivate the switch downstairs, it does close the pathway after one hour, but apparently, it does not deactivate my switch in this room.” 

He shrugged, “I need to log into my Arduino compiler and figure out my error.”

“Wait! Big! You know how to code?”  

Lou placed two hands around his goblet to steady himself.

Aph’el nodded, “Yes I do. Big is always in school, Lou.” he slurred.

“Tell me about Ishi, Big.”

Aph’el became quiet. He breathed deeply and exhaled through his nose. “Ishi was an artist. He painted many of the walls in this cave. This area of the cavern was his room. I remember we used to travel to the river and fish for salmon. The forest was his home, and the creatures were his family.”

Aph’el started to ache, “What a beautiful boy.”

Tears fell from his face, “When your people arrived. They hunted the Yahi and my people until your kind murdered every last one of us into mythology. Yes, I had a tribe, too. But your forefathers decided to eliminate us from history. All my people from these mountains are gone. I am left to die alone.”

Aph’el turned off the monitor and turned on the phonograph. 

He played I’ve Got Dreams to Remember by Otis Redding. 

Big turned his head away and held his forehead in his hands. 

Lou started to cry, “I’m sorry, Big. I wish I could take it all back. I don’t understand what kind of people would elicit so much suffering in any of God’s creatures. Not to mention to humankind.”

Aph’el removed his hands from his face. He grabbed the towel from the table and blew his nose. 

“I tell you, Lou, it takes all my restraint to keep me from enacting revenge on every one of you.”

Aph’el stared directly into Lou’s teary eyes and drank from his goblet. 

In the Midnight Hour by Wilson Picket changed Big’s countenance. He grabbed the microphone from the top shelf of the rolling table and handed it to Lou. 

“Sing for me, brother. Calm my heart,” he asked.

“I don’t know the words, Big,” Lou replied.

“Oh, no problem, Lou.” Big turned on the monitor and changed the input to karaoke.

“I’m going to wait until the midnight hour!” Lou moved his head back and forth and sang the words for Big.

Big got up from his chair and started to shuffle his feet. 

“I do love me some Motown. Those dudes would have been cool to have around during our ceremonies,” Aph’el claimed.

“Yeah!” Lou chimed to the lyrics. “Alrighhhht.”

The night went on endlessly. They drank more of the blackberry moonshine and took turns singing karaoke. Lou eventually tired. He laid his head on the table. 

Big looked over at Lou, laughed, and teased, “Rookie!”

Aph’el entered the other room and activated the switch for the upstairs vault. He turned off the music and removed the goblet from his guest’s hand. 

Aph’el lifted Lou from the table and carried him up the stairwell.

He reached the reception desk and laid Lou in his chair. He leaned in and looked at the young humankind. Aph’el thought of something he had once read from Clarence Darrow. 

He murmured, “The love of nature comes with maturing years and is one of the few compensations for growing old.”

He gently rubbed the top of Lou’s head. 

“You, my new friend, possess a very old soul,” Aph’el admired.

Aph’el turned off the light in the office and closed the vault behind him. 

A familiar message on the cavern wall made Big pause. 

“When your soul senses the majesty in everything, you have found Heaven - Ishi.”