A Trick for a Trickster

Dimnos comes to stand before the immense glass doors and hesitates. He can't help but wonder why he has been summoned so suddenly. It's completely out of the ordinary and not a good sign of things to come. Laomedon, one of the highest-ranking gods within the Pantheon of Ojal, turns to see Dimnos standing at the door and gestures for the young god to enter. Dimnos stows his emotions and moves to stand before Laomedon, stone-faced.

“It's Lugh. He's escaped.” Laomedon announces, getting right to the point.

“Shit, not him,” Dimnos curses, then quickly regains his composure, “how'd he do it? I thought it was impossible.” Lugh, the problematic trickster god, has been contained for well over a thousand years. Dimnos cannot think of a single scenario that would have allowed him his freedom.

“We don't yet know how he did it, but we want you to take care of it,” Laomedon replies. Beads of sweat start to form on Dimnos's forehead. “Just be smart about it,” Laomedon adds with a stern look, “you know how he can be.”

“Yes, sir.” Dimnos turns and walks out the door with a look of deep concern on his face.

***

Lugh sits on a wooden bench at a bus stop next to a beautiful, sandy beach somewhere on the coast of southern Florida. A breeze blows through his long, silky brown hair, offering some relief from the intense heat. He's wearing the cool, confident smile of newfound freedom, with an arm casually draped over the backrest and one leg crossed over the other. He appears without a care in the world. An unending crowd of human beings passes in front of him and he scans them as they walk by. He has a unique talent for reading people. Far beyond body language and other visual cues, Lugh can glimpse their very soul; down to their innermost thoughts and desires, ones that even they aren't aware of. It's what makes him so good at what he does. Well, that and his sense of humor. Anyone can play pranks, but no one can do it with his special flair.

Standing out from the crowd is a boisterous young man who seems intent on proving himself dominant to everyone in earshot. His behavior begs for a reality check and Lugh imagines showing him the scared, whimpering child hiding inside. Tempting, but no. Lugh turns his attention to a hot-headed husband with a beer in his hand who is yelling at his increasingly vengeful wife. Now that has potential, but a bit too dramatic, at least for now. He stands up from the bench, straightens his shirt, and crosses through the passerby's to head into a small burger joint. He walks past the counter, glancing for a moment at a large, untouched burger sitting in front of an empty stool before moving to sit at an open booth on the far wall. When a waitress comes for his order, Lugh lists something at random, then asks for a bottle of their special fire sauce, which, according to a sign on the window, is the hottest in the south. The waitress reaches into her apron and sets a small bottle of the sauce on the table before heading into the kitchen. Lugh palms the sauce and in a blink makes it appear as a bottle of ketchup. He strolls over to the counter and trades it for the ketchup bottle next to the burger and then returns to his table. He then disguises the ketchup as sauce, places it on the table in front of him, and waits.

A middle-aged man named Kenneth comes out of the bathroom and then saunters towards his seat at the counter. His face lights up at the sight of the burger waiting for him, his stout body and short legs quickly shuffle across the floor to sit down and eat. His mouth begins to water in anticipation as he reaches for the burger with both hands. His excitement is heightened by the fact that he isn't supposed to be eating burgers. Red meat is not allowed in the strict diet he must follow for his stomach condition. But today, Kenneth impulsively threw away the boring, tasteless lunch that his wife packed for him and came to the boardwalk to indulge in his favorite burger- just this once. He takes an enormous bite to start, chews, then grunts, and sets the burger back on his plate. Lifting the bun, he reaches for the ketchup and applies a generous layer. Lugh watches from his booth as Kenneth picks up the burger and takes another big bite. He barely bothers to chew before taking another, and then another. He makes his way through half of the burger in seconds before his eyes suddenly bulge and he freezes mid-bite.

Lugh purses his lips, the corners of his mouth twitch in an attempt to hold in his laughter as he hears a guttural groan come from deep within the man's throat. Kenneth's face and neck have turned red and he is sweating profusely. He drops the burger to clutch his large gut. The fire sauce has met with the peptic ulcers lining his stomach. Lugh leans back in the booth and watches the man suffer one of the worst pains that a human being can endure without dying as though it were a Broadway show. The man's screams grow so loud and desperate that people filter in from the street to investigate. When Kenneth starts spitting blood, they scramble about helplessly, and the waitress calls for an ambulance. Lugh slips out of the restaurant with a satisfied smirk.

He heads back to the bus stop and then looks around, taking in the scene one last time before snapping his fingers, and, in a blink, is at a bus stop in San Francisco, California. Almost immediately he picks up an intoxicating sense of a nearby prank. It is calling to him and he follows it, drunk until he comes to see a young couple in love. Standing beside the lovebirds is a third-wheel, the young beau's best friend, from the look of it. As the couple kiss good-bye, Lugh watches as the young man glares at his friend and knows that he is in love with the young woman too. The woman goes off to run an errand while the two men move into the sports bar behind them. Lugh follows them inside. The young lover is led to a table where he zones in on the football game playing on the large screen above the crowded bar. His friend heads down a quiet hallway to make a call. Lugh trails behind him, silently.

With a wave of his hand, Lugh makes himself appear as the young girlfriend. He giggles, replicating her voice perfectly, to get the young man's attention. When the friend turns around, he sees the object of his desire smile at him playfully. He can't believe his ears as she declares her love for him. Lugh kisses the man tenderly and then whispers in his ear. Taking him by the hand, Lugh leads him to face the boyfriend at the table. All it takes is a nudge and an encouraging smile for the young man to pour his heart out. It doesn't go over well. The two best friends begin to argue and things quickly get out of hand. They start to wrestle and Lugh takes the opportunity to fade into the background where he resumes his normal appearance. Moments later, the young woman walks into the bar to rejoin the men. She races over to pull them apart, only for the boyfriend to turn his anger on her. Lugh slips out of the bar just as the boyfriend denounces both of them, leaving all three bitter and broken-hearted.

With another snap of his fingers, Lugh is brought to a small town just outside of London. He picks up a sense and follows it into a small internet cafe, where he spots another compelling victim- a lonely soul on the brink, one that only needs the smallest boost over the edge. Lugh is anxious to oblige when, out of the corner of his eye, he spots a familiar face. It's Dimnos, one of the youngest gods of the Pantheon of Ojal. He hasn't seen Lugh yet but is clearly on the lookout. They expect little Dimnos to catch me? Is this a joke? What's become of the old Pantheon, anyway? It seems they've lost all sense. Lugh scowls and heads for the exit. On his way out, he scoops up a large set of keys from one of the tables. The keys belong to an overworked tech who set them down absentmindedly instead of clipping them to his belt when he went to fix one of the computers. They are his work keys; losing the set will cost him his job, which will, in turn, lead his wife to take their son and move in with her parents until he can find another. Lugh slips out of the building and drops the keys in the nearest garbage before heading back the way he came.

He storms down the busy sidewalk in a huff. Turning into an alleyway, Lugh raises his arm and is about to snap his fingers when he feels a firm hand grab hold of his wrist. He looks to its owner and sees Dimnos glaring at him.

“Not this time, Lugh,” Dimnos hisses. Lugh studies the lesser god's venomous glare with pleasure, knowing that it serves solely to hide his overwhelming anxiety at the task at hand. The little baby is terrified. Lugh's the corners of his lips twitch as he tries not to laugh. “I'm taking you back,” Dimnos spits, tightening his grip on Lugh's wrist. Lugh offers a sly smile as he attempts to snap his fingers from within Dimnos' tight grasp. The young god sees red. He grabs hold of Lugh's fingers with his other hand and they both disappear in a flash.

The two gods are instantly transported to Lugh's old cell. Dimnos stands outside, peering at Lugh through a small window in the thick, impenetrable door. A small group of the highest and most powerful gods within the Pantheon of Ojal has made a few upgrades while he was away and is confident that it will not fail again. Dimnos can see that Lugh's arms and legs are bound in stone and there is a large, painful-looking muzzle covering his mouth; unable to move or speak, his eyes are filled with rage. Laomedon comes to stand beside Dimnos to offer his congratulations.

“Good work, Dimnos. Your ability to handle this delicate situation has been most impressive,” Laomedon studies the young god's demeanor as he praises him.

“Thank you, sir” Dimnos responds with obvious pride. Laomedon's gaze lingers on him for a moment longer before he leans over to check in on Lugh. Pleased, he turns to walk down the hall. Dimnos looks through the small opening one last time before reaching forward to slide the window closed. The corners of his mouth twitch to hold back his laughter as he turns and starts for the exit. As soon as he steps into the fresh air, he shifts back to his original form. Lugh stands soaking up the sunshine with a cruel sneer on his face as he pictures Dimnos in the cell, serving out his life sentence. His celebration is interrupted abruptly when the earth rises around him and his legs and arms are entrenched in rock. The rock locks his fingers in place, he can't snap them to escape. Laomedon appears before him.

“You couldn't help yourself, could you, Lugh?” He asks and with a gesture of his hands lowers the rock so that Lugh is moved to his knees. “I was counting on that.” Two other gods join them. Laomedon turns to address them, “get him in the cell and let poor Dimnos out. He must be going mad by now.” Lugh lowers his head in defeat. Laomedon has turned his trick against him, there is nothing more painful. As Laomedon walks away, victorious, Lugh swears an oath to get revenge, even if it takes him another thousand years.