Werewolf in Oklahoma

It was quiet. 

Well… quieter. That was an important distinction. If it had been a question of sheer desire, Selena would have been well past the Canadian border, deep in a thicket where the only noise was her own breath and the rustle of pine needles in a brisk breeze. Most importantly, away from people. All people. But that required a different set of circumstances, along with a more suitable form… 

And she couldn’t do that now. Especially now.

So instead, she was here. Somewhere in Oklahoma, if she remembered correctly. Or maybe Kansas. She’d stopped keeping track. It didn’t matter. Not really. This place fit the criteria. Pleasant enough and wonderfully boring, with plenty of eyes to get lost in plain sight. 

Most importantly away from that town and from that invisible compulsion. 

A buzz vibrated her back pocket. Selena didn’t need to look to see who it was. Her eyes fluttered for a second with a sudden ache in her chest. A longing to hear that voice. 

Her voice.

But it would weaken her resolve. Besides, she already knew what that voice would say. Selena had forced herself to listen to the 13 voice messages Rose had already left, asking all of the questions Selena couldn’t answer. Where are you? Why did you leave? What the fuck happened?

All valid questions. After all, Selena had been the second in command of their pack. She had a responsibility. 

The woman chuckled at the irony. Responsibility. What a useless word. Even if that was exactly why she left in the first place. Resposi-fucking-bility. Or perhaps ‘loyalty’ was a better word for it. 

Not that Rose would see it like that. Granted, Rose didn’t know the half of it, even if she was Alpha. Selena never told her, but what was more amazing was the fact that she could have kept it from Rose at all… What with that ‘shared consciousness’ detail. It was one of the few things the Twilight series had gotten right: being able to hear the thoughts of the others in your pack when you were changed. However, that hardly took into account everything else the books got wrong. 

Selena shook her head as she thought about it. 

Let’s make the werewolves the size of grizzly bears. Because that would be real subtle, she thought sarcastically. What would the evolutionary benefit of that be? Answer: none. 

Selena hadn’t started out bitter about the franchise. It was only on the fourth time that a new member seemed disappointed that the entire thing started to urke her. It had created a false precident that there would be more “pizazz.” Like morphing into a fanged creature wasn’t enough for them.  

Selena took a slow breath, fighting back the irritation. This was why Rose was so good at leading them all. She was patient with that shit. Everything rolled off her shoulders, not to mention that she was willing to handhold in a way Selena never would, or never could. Selena wasn’t a coddler. So when it came to the tears, or the screaming, or the occasional blaming (because somehow a newbie’s strange genetics could suddenly become her fault?) she would just stare blankly until they wore themselves out. It wasn’t exactly a nurturing response, but to be fair, her method worked. Certainly more efficient than indulging in the nonsense with meaningless assurances like Rose did. 

Before she could shake it, a familiar whisper crept from the shadows of her mind: if you had taken your rightful place as-

No, she thought, stopping that train of thinking before it was fully fleshed out. This was exactly why she had needed to leave. 

And exactly why Rose couldn’t know. Because really, how would that conversation go? 

‘Oh hey. So, you know how you’ve been in charge of the werewolf pack since we were kids? Figured everything out, found us a place to live, trained everyone, protected us, and all that? Well, it turns out that it was actually supposed to be me. Crazy, right? So, I’m just gonna swoop in now and take your place as Alpha. But we’re cool, right?’

It was enough to make Selena laugh. She couldn’t even believe it and she knew it was true. Why did bloodline matter anyway? It was some medieval bullshit, if you asked her. 

Except that Selena could feel the pull. Like a physical clawing in her chest whenever Rose gave an order that she didn’t agree with. A whisper in her ear telling her that she didn’t need to listen. Not like the others. 

But Selena forced it down, obeying like every other member of their pack. Rose was a great Alpha. Teaching newbies, being fair and honest, and trying to keep the pack dynamics as close to a democracy as possible. 

Not to mention that she and Selena were best friends. And recently...

Selena closed her eyes, wracking a hand through her thick, blonde hair as her jaw clenched. That’d been a particular detail she couldn’t handle right now. She paced. The empty living room was cloaked in almost total darkness, save for the side window. Even with the blinds down, the light from the streetlamp burrowed its way in. Too bright to be comforting. Too intense and artificial to be ignored. It bounced off the empty confines harshly, as if rattling in a room that was both too big and too small at the same time. Small enough where Selena almost felt as if the walls were creeping in on her, while too big to justify only holding a slender woman and a backpack.

The rental listing had warned that the floors had just been redone and the furniture hadn’t been put back in. But Selena hadn't cared. It was cheap, and it was here. 

Wherever here was.

Another buzz tingled in her pocket. This time, Selena couldn’t help herself and took it out. She watched the name light up the screen. The empty room amplified the sound. 

She waited until it went to voicemail, before bringing it to her ear. 

‘You’re scaring the actual fuck out of me,’ Rose’s voice said. It was angry. Hurt. Selena bit the inside of her cheek, but couldn’t turn it off. ‘I’m thirty seconds away from calling the cops.’ An empty threat. Rose wouldn’t risk that. Not when they were what they were. There was a pause, before Rose’s voice grew soft. Vulnerable almost, which was something she never allowed. 

‘Look, if this is about what I said… or the kiss… That was my fault. I just thought- Well, maybe I wasn’t thinking. But we can forget it. I-I take it back, okay?’ Rose said through her ear, her voice breaking. Selena pressed the phone closer to her ear, her hand trembling to keep it steady as she fought the tears stinging her eyes. The message ended abruptly. Like Rose had hated how fragile she sounded and decided just to hang up. Selena could practically hear the stream of curses she knew Rose was growling. She almost smiled, which made her heart hurt that much more. Aching, until it was practically unbearable to stand. 

Before she could stop it, the memory of that night flooded back into her consciousness. She was transported away to the small, cramped house that she had shared with the other eight members of the pack. The place was small and homey, no thanks to her, filled with soft carpets, lived in furniture, and soft glowing lamps. The walls were overcrowded with smiling pictures crammed into mismatched frames. 

Selena had come back from the bar first, unable to stand the useless chatter for another second. Her nerves were frayed enough already. The voices in her head were getting louder and louder with each passing day. Screaming at her to fulfill her ‘destiny.’ Warning that it was inevitable. The internal verbal abuse was starting to have physical consequences. Her head throbbed constantly, making even the simplest tasks impossible. She could hardly hold a conversation, let alone sleep or eat. Dark circles clung around her eyes, and her once perfectly fitted jeans hung loose around her already thin frame. Everything in her body hurt, as if her muscles themselves were demanding that she listen to some invisible obligation. Sometimes, it felt like the blood running through her was burning, trying to brand the insides of her veins with a role she was destined to have. 

Even if she didn’t want it.

“Stop,” she had begged to the invisible force. The house was empty, save for those photographs that watched her. She paced the carpeted floor, normally warm and comforting. But now, it just felt constricting. Cold, somehow. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering.

“Please,” she begged. “Please, stop.” Finally, something inside her snapped. “LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”

“Woah,” a voice said from behind her. Selena whirled around. Rose stood there, hands up and eyes wide. “I just wanted to come back and check on you. But I can leave-”

“No. S-sorry,” Selena breathed. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

Rose opened her mouth, a clear question hanging around her dark red lips, but seemed to think better of it. She just nodded, a surprisingly soft expression on her face as she crossed the room. Rose was tall, with a powerful presence and an almost permanent smirk playing on her lips. Her olive toned skin looked pale only when you compared it to the darkness of her long, black hair. She was pretty, in a striking and borderline abrasive kind of way. Always confident, with a sarcastic wit and sharp tongue that veiled a tenderness only a select few were allowed to see.

She approached Selena carefully, her eyes taking in the woman’s appearance. Selena’s beauty was more delicate than hers, what with her willowy figure and impossibly long legs. Her eyes were a brilliant green that seemed to glow in the low light, and her face was practically angelic, even if it was serious and slightly deranged at the moment. 

“Are you okay?” Rose asked carefully, noting the woman’s haphazard appearance. Her wavy blonde hair looked windswept and wild. Her clothes were wrinkled. Her complexion was pale, and almost sickly. It was all extremely out of character for the anal-retenttive, perfectionist. Selena was normally the embodiment of control and order. Usually, too much so.

But this?

“I’m fine,” Selena snapped back, her voice on edge. She watched Rose carefully as if ready to bolt at any moment. 

“You’re not,” Rose muttered, keeping her hands up as she took yet another step. Like approaching a frightened deer. Slow and methodical. “Something’s going on. You can tell me.”

Selena laughed as she shook her head. It was a harsh sound. Dark. 

“You can’t do anything about it,” Selena breathed, more to herself than anyone else. “No one can.”

“Well, I’m not just anyone,” Rose said, risking another step. She was close to her now. If she reached out, she could even touch her. “I mean, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m kinda a badass werewolf, remember?” Rose tried a smirk, and for a second she could have sworn the corners of Selena’s mouth twitched.

But just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished. 

“I’m fine,” Selena said, trying her best to sound convincing. It would have worked on anyone else. Anyone who wasn’t Rose. 

“Don’t pull that bullshit,” Rose warned, sounding more scared than exasperated. There was something unsettling in Selena’s eyes. A growing panic that had invaded her well before tonight. Despite how well Selena had plastered on a stoic front, Rose had caught it. The pained grimaces that Selena allowed when she thought no one was looking. The hidden demons lurking behind her expression. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Selena said, a barely detectable shiver running up her spine. 

Rose noticed.

“Tell me,” Rose said, a note of authority peeking through the worry. Selena’s eyes narrowed when she heard it. Felt it rather. The order. 

Rose was pulling rank. 

“You’re really going to play that card?” Selena asked through clenched teeth, betrayal clear in her expression. Rose felt her throat tighten, but she schooled her face. 

“I need to know what’s going on,” she reasoned. Since it was an order, Selena would have no choice. It was a line Rose rarely crossed, but she was out of options. 

“No,” Selena hissed, a glow in her eyes that Rose had never seen before. “You don’t get to do that.”

There was a commanding sort of quality in Selena’s voice that neither of them had heard before. Rose felt herself nodding, accepting defeat, even if she was unsure why. Fortunately for Selena, Rose wasn’t one to dwell when she was focused on something else. She would chalk it up to a change of her own heart, completely separate of any power Selena had over her. Any power that was anything other than human at least. 

But Selena knew exactly what had just happened. It was accidental. Unintentional. And yet she’d forced Rose to submit to her. 

With that realization, fear flashed across Selena’s face. Raw, primal terror. 

“What?” Rose asked, closing their distance within a second and grabbing the blonde’s frail shoulders. “What is it?”

“This can’t be happening,” Selena rushed, trying to pull free of Rose’s grasp. But the raven-haired woman tightened her grip. 

“What are you talking about?” Rose asked, panic creeping into her tone. “Selena-”

“Make it stop,” Selena pleaded, tears beginning to stream down her face. “I can’t do this. I can’t. Take it back. I don’t want it.”

Selena shuddered under a weight that only she felt. An invisible force closing in around her. She couldn’t breath. Rose could see the turmoil in her face as she spiraled right before her very eyes. 

Rose needed to make it stop. Now. 

Before she knew it, Rose was kissing her. Later, Rose might rationalize that it was to shock Selena out of whatever episode she was in. But in truth, her body acted on its own accord. A need to take some of Selena’s pain away. A last ditch effort to hold onto the person she loved most, while also making Selena feel that love. That care.

With a gasp, Selena stiffened in Rose’s arms. The rational part of Rose’s mind told her to pull away. That there was still plausible deniability. ‘A heat of the moment,’ kind of thing maybe? An innocent kiss between friends. But instead, she found herself moving a hand and cupping Selena’s cheek. Stroking away the worry in every tear.  

And before Selena could think about it, she was returning the kiss. Deepening it as she melted against the woman before her. For a second, she lost herself completely, giving into something that she had never admitted she wanted or needed, but had always yearned for. Because somewhere along the way in the years of friendship, a new emotion had crept up on them both. At first, it was a quiet crush. Admiration more than anything else. 

Until it turned into something so much more. 

“I love you,” Rose heard herself say against Selena’s lips before she could stop herself. The truth taking advantage of the moment of vulnerability and launching bodily from her mouth. 

It was those words that forced Selena back into reality. 

As if burned, Selena leapt back as far away from Rose as the small space would allow. Inside, all she wanted to do was to scream it back. To cry and laugh and be happy. 

But she couldn’t. Not if she wanted to protect Rose. To protect Rose from her. And there was only one way to do that. 

“I-” Selena started, looking at the shock on Rose’s face. Shock and fear. Was it because of the words she had just let slip? Or the reaction those words were met with? Selena didn’t have time to find out. 

Instead, she bolted, flying past Rose as fast as she could. Barefoot, she took the stairs four at a time, leaping in a way that was only possible because of the beast living inside of her. Distantly, she heard Rose calling her name as she ran after her. But while Rose might be bigger and stronger, Selena was faster. 

She ran the entire night, riding a fierce combination of terror and determination. She changed forms into a beast that was designed only to run. She tore through trees on all fours, fast and light. But this body wasn’t a suitable option for long. The others would be able to track her scent this way. 

The next morning, she rented a car instead. She bought a backpack’s worth of supplies, and was gone. 

The further she went, the quieter the voices in her head became. Away from a pack, the pull had weakened to a dull twinge. 

But something else had taken its place. An ache rooted deep her chest from something entirely different and so much worse.

Heartbreak. 

But what choice did she have? She knew what Rose would say if she told her the truth. The woman would smile and pretend that it didn’t kill her inside. She would try to be happy, despite her sole purpose in life taken by another. She would even be encouraging and helpful.

Except quietly, Selena knew that Rose would resent her. At first, Rose would be able to rationalize it away, but the contempt would grow and fester like an open wound. Inevitable and just as deadly. 

To make matters worse, hating Selena would eat Rose alive until she loathed herself even more. It would destroy her. Break and shatter everything that made her who she was. 

And being responsible for that would unravel Selena faster than anything else could. 

So instead, Selena vowed to stay away until she could fight those voices. Until she figured out a solution. Even if it meant staying away forever. 

Even if it meant never seeing Rose again.