Out of body

Out of body by Emonie Smith

Trigger, transgender and death

1k words 

It's 3AM and all I can hear is loud vibrations coming from my phone. Lazily, I swipe my arm to my nightstand to retrieve the still buzzing phone. Without looking at the caller ID, I answered. Still reliving my dreams before I heard a man's soft cry. He's crying and trying to get his voice to reach across the phone.

   "Hello, is this Olivia Jones?" I cringed that the Male voice is using my dead name. With a sigh, I replied yes. 

 "This is on the behalf of your Aunt Barbara's will, You have inherited your aunt's fortune along with her several smaller properties around the world. She requested that you use these properties for good use-" Before he finished his sentence, I hung up. I mean come on! I don't even know an 'Aunt Barbara'. In our family we only have uncles. All of it sounds like a scam. I been lying to myself for a long time, but I'm not a fool. Besides I have 3 other siblings that they could had chosen. Why me? After tossing my phone on to the bed, I stared at the ceiling. Willing myself to go back to sleep but I can't. I cant stop thinking about Olivia and how we can never be one.

My name was Olivia Jones, I'm no longer her anymore. I go by Oliver now, I stopped using Olivia 3 years ago. We, Olivia and I, never fit. She was the mold I was born with. The mold that I wanted to change everyday. The more I think about her, the more I want to change. I got up from my bed and walked to my mirror. In the reflection, I see a tall dark skin girl with a big brown curly fro. She had a wide button nose and full lips. I can see the reflection touching her chest and frowning. I can see the reflection's face and it's not who I wanted to see. I still see Olivia. Quickly, I grabbed my chest bind and trapping the very thing I hated. I'm no longer thinking about the call. All I can think about is how I don't want to be her anymore. 

I stared at the reflection with my chest bind on. I can see a pair of scissors on my desk. Before I can fully think it though, I'm already cutting off my curls. Seeing the curls fall to the ground, hearing each snip, feeling the breeze on my scalp. I'm freeing myself. By the time I'm satisfied, I had piles of hair by my feet. This time when I looked in the mirror, I saw a short haired boy. I mean it's a pretty bad haircut; it's not even and it's choppy but I'm smiling. It's strange to see on my face. 

The room lights up from a call coming from my phone. I don't have many friends so I honestly don't know who would be calling me. I answered. 

 "Hello" I said into the cellphone. Still looking at my reflection, trying to process who this is before me. I grabbed a few strands of hair that fell in my face debating on cutting these too.

 "Hello, Olivia it seems that we been disconnected during our last call! To finish what I was saying. Your aunt Barbara wants you to use your inheritance to find your own happiness. Your aunt, She was a good woman. She lived her life to the fullest and now she wishes the same for you. She had no children so we selected you on her behalf." To find my own happiness? What type of joke is this? I ponder to myself. 

"My name is not Olivia anymore. Please refer me as Oliver for now on. I don't have an 'Aunt Barbara', I only have uncles! If it was true then out of all the children my mother had, why me?" I exclaimed to the man on the receiving end. I'm exhausted and I just want this prank to be over with. "If you are done with your joke, can you tell me the real reason for this call?" 

"My apologies sir, Oliver. But I'm afraid this is not a joke. Mrs. Barara has left her fortune and properties to you and only you, my dear. Her only request is that you find your own happiness first." 

"I don't have an aunt Barbara, I'm sure you got the wrong person, sir." I said snidely. 

"Oliver, I can assure you that you do have an aunt Barbara. If you dont believe me, come by my office in the morning. Please, it's not everyday you get a call about inheritance. If you don't accept it, it will go to her cats. That would be a total waste. You see, your aunt and I had a special relationship. We were so close that people would had sworn we were dating. She wasn't much different than from you actually, if anything you guys were the same." The man says. So aunt Barara was a cat lady, that probably explains why she's rich. We all know how that story goes, but what does he mean that she's the same as me? He doesnt even know me. How can he? I dont even know myself.

"Fine if I accepted the inheritance, will you stop calling in the middle of the night? You know not everyone is a night owl, asshole." I said. Then I heard this airless laughter, it was sudden and kinda cute I dare say. 

"My name is Marco, I was your aunt Barbara's lawyer and close friend. I promise not to make a habit of calling at night. We will be in touch, Oliver. Also, I'm proud of you. It's not easy doing what you are doing. Your aunt Barbara definitely knows how hard it is to find yourself. She always used to say: 'I have a religion that works for me, love yourself first and everything else falls into line'. Oh, before I forget, her name was Stephen. " He said with a laugh. After that the line went died and I'm left feeling confused and somewhat happy. 

"He said my name, my real name. I also had a transgender aunt." I really dont know about all this inheritance stuff but I'm one step closer to being who I want to be. I looked at the mirror one more time. I know that what I'm feeling is right. I have someone to show me the way. I pictured what uncle Stephen looked like as a woman and how happy he must have been. I bet he looked fabulous. I think about what my happiness looked like. I pictured a more masculine person with no breasts. I pictured a beard or maybe a mustache. I rubbed my hand across my belly, maybe I can get a six pack? The more I imagined Oliver, the more I smiled.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Oliver. I waited so long to see you. " I said breathlessly. I got back in bed and dreamed. I dreamed that I'm on T-shots and I'm in love with a girl who loves me for me. I dreamed that I'm traveling around the world. I dreamed that I can finally be me. 

THE END