The AstroNOT

Sensitive content: domestic violence and swear words.

“What do you mean you’re going away for a year?!” his wife yelled as soon as Michael stepped in the apartment. He managed to arrive late that day after work and his co-worker, Ted, had called to congratulate him for this new position.

“We’ve talked about this. It’s not a surprise” he responded while taking off his black boots. They hit the floor with a thump as powerful as his wife seemed to be hit by the news.

Michael Thompson was an astronaut. He had always dreamed to reach the outer space and look at the Earth from far, far away. This year was his year, as he was finally accepted to go on a mission not far from the moon; the very moon he used to examine through the telescope with his grandfather at the countryside house. In those nights, his grandmother would bake cookies shaped like stars and he would arrange them on plates in the pattern of constellations. Ursa Major was his favorite one as he thought he had discovered it when he was four. This aspect of his life made his classmates mock him at every turn, calling him Major Michael, but that didn’t upset him. He had even created a shout when he entered the room yelling “Ursa” to which his friends responded “Major”. This made him quite popular in the campus and gained him the reputation of a guy that knows how to have fun.

He has always been passionate with everything space-related, but he did not want to become an astronomer, he wanted to be another man to step on the moon. When he was a teenager he almost got a tattoo with “a small step for a man” on his foot, but his grandmother read about his plans in his journal and she started yelling louder than ever, scaring his heart away and therefore convincing him to never, ever get anything scribbled on his skin. Nor to ever write in a journal again.

He married Cynthia in the summer they both graduated from university. She was studying to become an astronomer, something he loved about her. They met before their first year as students ended, in a pub, at a quiz night. The theme was “The Mysteries of the Sky” and they both were so thrilled to join that competition thinking they would win the trophy that they had convinced some friends to be part of their teams. Cynthia had even promised to pay the 50$ entry fee for the team. Both of their teams lost in the first round, as the sky of that competition had no connection with astronomy whatsoever, but was an astrology and magic competition based on some novel neither of them had read. Cynthia was so angry at her terrible loss that she went on to fight with the organizer of the quiz night, but Michael stopped her and promised he would create a quiz night just for her. That’s when they met, with him smiling at her and her leaving the pub slamming the door.

A week later they went on their first date: a picnic under the stars; that’s how their romance started, around what they both loved and knew about. They ended up reading that novel on which the quiz was based around a year into dating and the hate for it brought them even closer together; close enough for him to propose and for her to say yes.

It turns out that becoming an astronomer was way too difficult for Cynthia, so she decided not to pursue a PhD, but she settled for a job in the observatory. Michael was fine with this decision, as he had decided to be a supportive husband a long time ago and thought that his wife should do what made her happy. This, of course, didn’t mean he had no negative feelings towards this decision. He fell in love with the idea of his wife being an astronomer and him an astronaut, so this new future they were building was different than what he had projected in his mind as he was proposing to her. However, at least a part of his dream became true, when more than 10 years after he began studying to become an astronaut, he finally received the opportunity to fly to outer space. He wasn’t going to step on the moon like he always dreamed he would, but at least he would live in the International Space Station to work on MISSE-16-Commercial and be part of developing future space explorations. And maybe, just maybe, he will fulfill his dream once NASA decides to take people on the moon again.

Michael was truly afraid to let his wife know about this. When he brought up this subject a few years ago, plates were thrown and tears were cried for days. Last year he received the very same reaction, alongside with a week of random reproaches and long conversations about how he had all he needed here. And those times he wasn’t even close to actually leaving Earth. Now, as he received and also accepted this job, he was about to face his angry wife for a third time and possibly get hit by one of those flying plates in the kitchen. That’s why he decided to let her know about it in the living room; she wouldn’t throw the TV at him would she?

Sadly, that was no longer the case, as Ted took care of the situation and threw his marriage into utter chaos and possible hatred from his wife by calling to congratulate him. Michael took a deep breath as he finished leaving his coat on the rack and looked at his wife. She looked like she had been crying for the past two hours, which she probably has. Her face was red; she had puffy eyes and her erratic hair was all over the place like she pulled on it while stumbling around the apartment wailing and howling. Michael chuckled at that mental image which only made his wife even angrier and made her scream at him.

“NOT A SURPRISE?! It is not a surprise to hear from a random person that my husband is going away for A WHOLE YEAR?!” She started crying again, stepped closer to him and crumbled down into his arms. He could feel her hot forehead and knew she was going to run a fever had she kept this on.

“I’m sorry you didn’t find out about this from me. Ted wasn’t supposed to call, but I think he wanted to surprise me, as he’s on a vacation.” Michael said all these things that made Cynthia suddenly stop crying and he knew that he made a mistake. “Anyway, that’s not important. What’s important is that I’m sorry… But I am going. I’ve already signed the contract.”

“You’ve taken this decision without even talking to me!” Cynthia punched his chest, but hadn’t removed her face from it. “How dare you show your face at home after you did this to me?!” She pushed him away and walked to the living room at a fast pace. She threw herself on the couch as he touched the front door with his back, losing his balance after the push.

“You want to be away for a year because you cannot stand me anymore, that’s the truth! I’m just a failed astronomer that never rose to your expectations.” She threw these words at him, knowing they would hurt him. A sigh left out his chest as he started walking towards the living room.

“I don’t think that about you”, he replied, sitting down on the chair situated face to face with the couch.

“Okay, then. It means that you want to be able to cheat in peace with that astronomer colleague of yours! You did grow closer together, haven’t you? Close enough for her to post a picture with the two of you!” Cynthia frowned at him, throwing a pillow at his face. He caught it and hugged it, looking at the floor.

“I’m not cheating on you. There’s no need for you to become jealous.”

“That’s easily said than proven,” she commented looking away.

“I can’t be cheating on you with Nicole because she’s gay,” Michael replied. “I did spend a lot of time with her recently, I admit. But that’s because I think I’m bi, ok?” He started looking at her with a deeply hurt gaze. The room went silent. She got up and turned her back at him.

“You’re bi? Only figuring that out now?” muttered Cynthia. “How exactly do you only discover that about yourself now, after we have been together for 10 years?! Are you having a crush on some guy?”

“No, I’m not having any crushes. I only have feelings for you!” Michael stood up and walked to Cynthia, grabbing her arm. “I only have feelings for you.”

“No, I’m sure you started falling in love with one of those guys,” spitted Cynthia. “That’s why you want to go fuck knows where for a year without me. Surrounded by some random strangers,” she scoffed.

“They’re not random, I have been working with them for more than 5 years. You know all of them, Cynthia; don’t be like that,” he begged.

She looked at him with utter disgust on her face. “If you want to cheat on me for a year in space, then I want a divorce!” She yelled at him, took their wedding picture off of the side table and threw it on the floor. It shattered in so many pieces that left Michael speechless. He thought that the glass looked like his heart when she uttered the word ‘divorce’. He felt like throwing up.

“Alright,” he said with no emotion in his voice whatsoever. “I will call in sick tomorrow and we can file for divorce”. He calmly looked back at her. Cynthia, the woman he had been in love with for a decade, the woman he proposed to under the stars, the woman who would soon be his ex. He remembered all the fights they had during these years together, how she can be so petty it made him wonder why he fell in love with her in the first place. How she was always jealous of his friends, his career, his life, and she was never supportive of anything he wanted to do. He remembered how he wanted to raise some money for a new telescope for the school in their neighborhood by baking his grandma’s cookies and she mocked him the entire time saying that he can’t bake constellations when he barely managed to study to be an astronaut. All these memories, her walking down the aisle, them watching a documentary about black holes, them studying until 4 A.M., all of these moments went flashing in his mind and disappeared like a falling star. Except this time Michael did not wish to be here.

He left her stunned expression behind as he walked to the bedroom. He grabbed his backpack and threw a bunch of clothes in it – mostly stuff he didn’t want her to destroy once he left the apartment. He took a few more things, a mug his grandmother would drink coffee from, a wooden horse his grandfather had sculpted, his rocket model and some other small objects and put his shoes on.

Cynthia was still in the same spot. She looked like she forgot how to breathe and Michael could see the regret in her eyes. He wasn’t going to take it back now. Her green eyes sparkled of uncertainty as she looked at the door.

“Are you serious?” she cried.

He left without answering.