Become a Superhero in 10 Easy Steps

Good evening, mortal. What’s it like to be a nobody? Your robotic 9-to-5 job doing nothing more exciting than tapping on keyboards or writing on Post-its may seem cozy, but inside, you know you want more. Come on, admit it. You want more. Have you ever wanted to overcome your powerlessness and leave a bold legacy of epicness? Have no fear, mortal. Fate is in your debt today.

Step 1—Find Your Power: The first thing you need is a power. What makes you different from the rest? Do you want to have control over the elements or simply fly? Have super strength or the ability to teleport? Of course, Fate often picks the power of its clients, so you may not be able to choose being bitten by a radioactive racoon or being cursed with superhuman strength since birth. All that matters is you contribute something—anything—to the weak world that mortals can turn to for hope.

Step 2—Brand Yourself: Along with superhuman abilities comes the coveted superhero branding. You need a name; what powerful words will your gold-plated statue and marble-floored museums read? You need a costume; will you look to nature for an iconic tornado theme, or will you stick to a few tertiary colors that look nice? Lastly, you need a catchphrase; will you go with something bold, like “Justice is here,” or something more public-friendly like “You can always count on me”? Compiling who you are as a superhero is essential to start putting your abilities into action.

Step 3—Get to Work: Congrats! You have changed from mortal to superhero potential. You’re forgetting one thing, though: a hero can’t exist if he/she uses not his/her powers for good. Through your action alone, you must get the word out that your city is finally saved from evil! Hey, you see that guy being robbed in the alley over there? No, the one by the warehouse. Well, what are you waiting for? Go stop him! Yes, you! What better way to introduce the city to its new hero than by triumphantly ushering criminal by criminal to justice?

Step 4—Take a break: Great job! You stopped twenty-three robberies, put out seven fires, and saved four tree-residing cats in just two weeks! I bet you’re tired, right? So tired that you're sick of using your abilities to benefit society. In an exhale of frustration, you travel to the nearest desert island with your flight and decide to wait out the world indefinitely. A well-deserved vacation is okay from time to time, right? Besides; they all did fine without you weeks ago. How much do they really need a hero, anyway?

Step 5—Realize They Needed You: While you were lying in a hammock of palm trees and sipping from a coconut, you realized something was off. Sure, you were relaxed, but happiness was as far away as the next town. Not because you forgot to bring your television (although missing “Undercover Detective Kid” is still an inconvenience), but because your powers no longer have purpose in this desert world. You may just as well be mortal.

Maybe you think the town is better off without you. On the contrary! The horde of rats infested the baker’s shop again, the shopliftings have increased tenfold, and vandalism is as rampant as your electric powers when you first discovered them. The citizens don’t know how much more of this they can take, and every passing hour blares the aching fact that you aren’t coming back.

Step 6—Heroic Comeback: But wait…what’s that blob in the sky? The disheartened residents turn skyward, and see…no, it can’t be…You! Triumphantly soaring back into town, you salute the kid by the lamppost and make your way toward the town hall. The dark powers within the thundering clouds cease and a path of sunshine is shone into the streets to illuminate your unprecedented entry.

“I’m back!” you shout to the citizens, who quickly turn their lamenting to cheering. They missed you, you know. “Let’s get super work done!” (You should have spent more time on your catchphrase, but whatever.) Now is the time to put your abilities to use and show the citizens their fervent trust in you was never in vain.

Step 7—Find Your Arch Nemesis: Your quest is just now beginning. Remember that villain with the big head at the beginning? Yeah, the character so minor I didn’t write about him? Well, it turns out he has been working on a lethal invention, the “Destroy Ray 5000,” with enough power to vaporize the city. If you don’t work fast, all you ever cared about will disintegrate in the blink of an eye. This enemy will be tougher than all the rest, for a superhero never grows if his arch nemesis is nonexistent.  

Entering the lair, you realize it was a trap! Your enemy was expecting you, and had plenty of time to set up a cage lined with your weakness to conceal your abilities and give you a front-row view of the city’s obliteration.

Step 8—Beat the Villain at His Game: All is lost, it seems. But wait…what’s that in your pocket? Oh, it’s a vial of metal-dissolving poison from a previous mission! It always helps to be prepared, and this liquid allows you to melt the lock with ease. Your arch nemesis will never see it coming!

Evil laughing soon turns to shocked gasping as you tumble through the air and set the Destroy Ray 5000’s control panel on fire. Your enemy frantically searches for a way to put it out, and this gives you just enough time to rope him up for the police to take care of. This was your trickiest and most dangerous job as a superhero, but you did it!

Step 9—Celebrate! Unless... : So, now what? A medal? A banquet? The key to the city? Forget about it. You didn’t save your town just for the prizes and accolades, did you? The safety of the town you love most is all that matters. You fly away into the sunset, ready to beat crime and save humanity the next day too, one challenge at a time. You can’t help but shout, “I love my job!” as your silhouette shrinks into the horizon.

Step 10—Find Your Real Power: Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking. Epic missions like these are impossible to a mere mortal like yourself. You may be right. But the powers that you have extend far beyond the supernatural, and may be strengths that are hard to come by. What can you offer a world of chaos? Knowledge? Service? Talents? No matter what you have, it is only a matter of time before it defines your legacy. Be the hero that one person needs, and you can never go wrong. So, what are you waiting for? It’s about time you put on your cape and mask. Your world is counting on you.