Don't Let Go

Climbing up the final rung, I reached the roof. The stars shone over me, fading out into early morning. I held out my arm and my owl, Nova, landed on my forearm. I looked over to where I normally sit in the morning but was surprised to see there was someone else waiting for the early morning rays. I walked over to them. To my surprise, the man who was sitting there was somehow familiar. I couldn’t place from where, but I knew that I had met him before. He looked up and smiled.

“Hello. Have you come to watch the sunrise too?” He asked. His voice was so familiar. How could I not remember where I had met him before?

“Yes. Whenever I wake up early, we like to come watch the sunrise,” I replied, nodding to Nova.

“Well, don’t mind me,” He said, turning back to the horizon. I sat down a few feet from him and turned my head to the east. After a few moments, the bright orange hues broke through the deep navy of the night sky. The man gasped beside me. I looked over at him. The orange light shined in his blue eyes and illuminated his dirty blonde hair. Nova shifted from my arm and took off into the morning sky. She liked to stretch her wings in the cool morning air. 

“I’m sorry for asking, but what is your name? I feel like I know you from somewhere,” I asked. He turned to me and that same smile returned to his face. He laughed for a moment before answering.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m Dash. You do seem familiar. What’s your name?” 

“I’m Amaya.” A flash of recognition flashed in his eyes but then he looked away. The day begins to brighten as the stars fade into the sky. I look up and close my eyes, feeling the soft morning wind brush back my hair as it rolls over the roofs of buildings. I almost forgot that I wasn’t alone, but then Dash got up and turned to leave.

“See you around, Amaya,” He said before turning and walking towards the stairwell. I had never seen him in the mornings before, but maybe he just moved in. Somehow he seemed familiar though, like an old friend who I had lost touch with. But I couldn’t place where I knew him from. When I heard the click of the door closing behind him, I waited a few more seconds to make sure that he wasn’t coming back. Then I stood up. Nova swooped down over my head, looking back at me as she passed. I took off my lightweight jacket and felt a chill run down my arms as the wind wrapped around them. I felt and heard the rustle of feathers and caught the tawny brown and white in the corner of my eye.  I took a step closer to the edge of the roof and leaned forward, closing my eyes. Gravity grabbed me by the head and I fell. I remembered the first time I had done this off a tall building and the same rush of fear and freedom flooded my senses. 

About halfway to the ground, I tightened my shoulder blades and was yanked upward, gravity lost its grip as the wind caught me. I shifted to the left, weaving through buildings as the morning light crept down them. I broke through the line of buildings and shifted so that I was over a small forest of trees. I beat my wings, gaining altitude. When I was a few feet higher than the tallest building, I relaxed and the white underside of my tawny brown feathers curled around me. I began to drop again, the feeling of gravity’s pull returned. I looked over my shoulder and when I was almost to the tops of the trees, I spread my wings once again, breaking my fall, and let my feet brush through the topmost leaves. I found a clearing and dropped down to the ground. A chill ran down me again and the feathers retreated behind me. 

This was my favorite part of the day. I would watch the sunrise, fly out of the city, then take a walk through the woods to get to work. I got to be myself for just a moment before going into work. Nova was off flying her way to the zoo. I enjoyed getting to bring her with me. It allowed her the freedom from the apartment as much as it did me. It let me be myself, for the most part, and do something I loved. I could never show my wings in public. I walk in silence through the forest and listen as the birds begin to chirp. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of deer or rabbits. 

My job was at the zoo. I worked with about half of the owls on a regular basis. I worked from 8:00 - 4:00, but got there a little early to pick up some stuff from the main office that had arrived for the animals. Nova used to be one of these owls, but after some complications, I ended up adopting her. 

After a day’s work, I went back into the woods. The even air sent a shiver down my spin and the tawny brown feather extended out from my shoulder blades. I walked for a while, letting them be out, without them having to hold up my weight. Finally though, I had to turn back and go home through the streets. My wings folded in and I emerged from the woods. 

I walked down block after block, before finally reaching my apartment building. I walked inside the main lobby and went straight to the elevator, avoiding eye contact with anyone who was in there, not taking the time to even see if it was empty or not. I was glad when the elevator arrived with no one in it and no one else waiting to get on. I let the doors hide the main lobby from my sight and I watched as the floor number steadily rose. At floor 6, the number lingered and the doors slid open. I quickly lowered my gaze.

“Well hello again,” A familiar voice said. I looked up to see Dash stepping onto the elevator.

“Oh, hello. I wasn’t expecting to see you,” I said.

“Well I was just going up the to roof.” He held up a book and a water bottle, “I like to read after work and wait for the moonrise.”

“Don’t you mean sunset?”

“No. Moonrise,” He said with a smile. I giggled mildly at this. My floor was next and the bell chimed as the doors slid open, “See you around, Amaya.” I stepped off the elevator. He was so stinking familiar. I walked to my apartment and unlocked the door. Nova was waiting for me on the open windowsill. I took a warm shower, before getting Nova and myself some dinner. I was midway through my dinner when I gasped. Dropping my spoon, I ran out of my apartment, only having enough sense to grab my key so I wouldn’t be locked out. There wasn’t any time to take the fire escape like I usually did when going to the roof. I sprinted to the elevator and hopped from one foot to the other until the door slid open. I went inside and pressed the topmost floor. The elevator seemed to be moving in slow motion, but finally it arrived and I bolted out, skidding on the floor as I turned to the stairwell. I took the stairs two at a time before bursting out onto the roof of the building. I took a moment, hands on my knees as the pigeons flapped into the air, startled by my sudden appearance. 

Finally I looked up and saw him sitting there, book in his lap and water bottle right beside him with the sunset turning the sky a thunder of pink and orange. Slowly he looked up from the pages and his eyes met mine. Those striking blue eyes. How could I have forgotten?

“Didn’t want to miss the moonrise?” He said pleasantly.

“Dash…” I breathed, still slightly winded from my run up the stairs. 

“That’s me.” I looked down and laughed at his response. 

“I can’t believe it. After all these years… you’re here.”

“It appears that way, yes.”

“Do you know who I am?” I asked, my heart pleading for him to remember me. He smiled, the same smile that had been implanted into my mind, that somehow had been forgotten. 

“I recognized you from the moment I saw you this morning. The owl was new though,” He replied, tilting his head slightly to one side. My eyes widened in surprise.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, “Not about the owl,” I added. He laughed and my heart skipped a beat as the memories of it came flooding back. Nova flew up from the side of the building and landed on some piping. Closing his book and setting it beside him, he stood up. He turned around and walked to the edge of the roof. The moon was creeping into the sky as the light faded, “Dash?”

“I didn’t want to alarm you. I remembered you but wasn’t sure if you would remember me. It has been so long…” He trailed off, staring into the sky. I walked up next to him, “I’m surprised that it took you this long. You never did back down from a mystery.”

“I’m surprised too. You were so familiar, I just couldn’t place it…” He reached up and gently tilted my face upward. My eyes widened as they took in the scene playing out before them. The stars were blinking in and out of the ever darkening blue sky. He lowered his hand and I caught him smiling out of the corner of my eye.

“The sun is at the right position so that the sky is beginning to be dark enough for us to see them, but not quite yet. That is why they are blinking in a sense,” He said turning his gaze up to the open sky. A strong gust of wind flew at our backs and I braced against it, not wanting to look away from the wondrous scene taking place. But then the moment shattered with the calling of my name. I looked down and saw Dash reaching up as the space between us grew wider and wider by the second. Without thinking, I pushed off the roof and Nova flew after me. His eyes widened as he saw me falling.

“Are you crazy?” He yelled, eyes full of fear.

“Trust me,” I called back. I angled myself so I fell faster and soon caught up with him, but we were more than halfway down the building. He grabbed me and I held on to him.

"Don't let go," I commanded. I flexed my shoulder blades and felt my wings creeping out of my back. Dash’s eyes widened even more. 

“What in the…?” He stammered. But as I spread my wings and gravity slipped off of us, his question stopped short. I flapped my wings, trying to get us above the buildings. I had never carried anything besides myself before so it took me a moment to adjust my flying. Dash clung to me and I held him back. I got us above the buildings but didn’t return to the roof. Dash was now looking down at the city below as we flew over the tops of the buildings. 

“Amaya…” Dash started. He looked up at me, but I didn’t meet his gaze. I kept my eyes forward as I flew towards the edge of the city. I could sense that he was terrified but I wanted to take him to the woods, where I knew that we could talk without anyone hearing or disturbing us. Finally, we reached the clearing where I always landed. I angled myself to lower Dash to the ground first before putting my own feet on the ground. I folded my wings into my back and Nova landed on a tree limb on the edge of the clearing. I waited a few minutes before looking at Dash. His eyes were wide. I couldn’t tell if it was out of fear or surprise. We waited in silence, neither of us knowing what to say. After a few minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t just let you fall.” He didn’t respond immediately, but did nonetheless.

“Did you have those… did you have those before?” He asked. I shook my head, “What… how did you… when did you get those?” 

“Long, long ago, there was a group of people who were called the formlings. They were these people who each had an animal partner. These animals would give a trait of themselves to their human partner. If something happened to the animal counterpart, the human would lose the gifted trait of their animal. Eventually, the formlings began to become less and less common until there were no more of them.

 I work at a zoo and work with the owls. There was one owl who would always greet me, but one day I overheard some other bird caretakers talking. They said that this certain owl was going to be sent to another zoo, one that did not take care of their animals properly. I went to my superiors and pleaded for them to keep the animal a little longer and that I would get the proper paperwork that I need to continue taking care of her. Finally they agreed and I adopted her. You met her this morning and she is flying ahead of us right now,” I explained. Dash nodded. He seemed interested in my story and at this point we began walking through the woods, “A few weeks after I brought her home, I decided to take her up the roof to fly. I had been taking her to work every day and letting her fly around in the flight zone, but I wanted to give her a bit more freedom than that. She would fly around for a little bit and then we would go to work. This went on for another few weeks. One morning, I was sitting a little closer to the edge of the roof than normal. I was standing up to leave when a strong gust of wind caught me off guard. I lost balance and fell. I saw Nova swooping down after me. I wondered what she was going to do, seeing that she couldn’t very well carry me back to the roof. She caught up to me and grabbed my shoulders. She opened her wings but my weight pulled me from her grasp. She tumbled under me and cut me down my back with her talons. I grabbed her and pulled her to my chest, trying to make her fly off and leave me. But when I curled in on myself, my shoulder blades shifted. I saw feathers curled around me and I freaked out.” At this point, Dash started laughing. 

“I can imagine that you were,” He commented. This made me start laughing, but soon resumed my story.

“Yeah, well Nova pushed off of me and spread her wings, as if showing me what to do. I flexed the feathered limbs coming out of my back and I flipped over violently. I shot forward and Nova flew up beside me. She led the way and showed me how to flap my wings to gain enough altitude to get back to the roof. I rolled onto the roof and shuddered with adrenaline. I felt the wings fold back under my shoulder blades. I reached behind my back to feel the cuts Nova had caused, but nothing was there, only short scars over my shoulder blades. Apparently, some of my ancestors were the last of the formlings. Nova shared her wings with me when she saw me falling…. Don’t ask me how it works. I don’t have a clue.” Dash just stared out over the lake. We sat down in the grass. We had come to another clearing deeper in the woods. The moon and stars reflected off the smooth surface of the water. 

“That is incredible…” Dash muttered, then he spoke a little louder, “I mean, I knew you were always an animal person, but I would never have imagined this. Especially not in high school.” My thoughts clashed with the mixed memories of high school. I remembered the last day I had seen him before we parted ways for college. I nodded at his words, maybe a bit delayed. 

We sat in silence for a long time. Neither of us moved, both of us lost in thought, deep in our own memories. I don’t know how much time had passed, but it was nice to be with someone I had known for more than half my life. Someone who had grown to be a close friend, who had gotten lost by time. Someone who once might have had my admiration. Now, he was an old acquaintance, who had somehow found his way back into my life. 

A startled at the sudden weight on my shoulder. I looked down to see Dash’s eyes closed, his head now resting on my shoulder. I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not, but after a moment his eyes opened and looked up at me. Our gazes met and he smiled. 

“Il appuie sa tete sur ton epaule,” He said. A smile spread across my face. He had always been one of many languages and that familiar phrase in French warmed me. His eyes closed again. I looked out over the lake, watching the moon shine out of the water. In my head and in my heart, I knew that this is where I was supposed to be.