Because I said So!

I stood by the sink, hands in hot soapy water looking out as the rain poured endlessly down. The Devon hedge was full of beautiful spring growth, bluebells glistening and in a quiet daze, I pulled myself back from the calm countryside to the shrieks, shouts and screams. Thinking to myself I hope everyone is Okay but I didn’t dare ask. The noise was my children Ronny 5 the quiet wind up merchant, acting like Perfect Peter and the Butter wouldn't melt one etc and Jemima 10, the loud easy to wind up, you always blame me, no- one understands me and extremely stubborn one.  If I stay quiet they might make up or kill each other, I thought to myself with a smile. Either way if I intercept and goodness I am tempted. The monsters could turn on me. In a minute I’m sure I will hear the incessant familiar, one word whine beginning with the M sound. I am a strong single parent but some days I don’t want to be, Today was one of those days. I wanted to hide, bury my head in a pillow and cry, no sob big,huge tears. I love my darlings to the moon and back but sometimes……….  I want to scream, have tantrums, make a mess, be childish, have fun, not care the list is endless. I was tired of life, money, work and everything, there was to be tired about.

             Ronny wanted to play! Jemima, didn't! I guess too cool, I proceeded to announce the plan for the day, attempting in a joyful fun tone “Come on, let's go for a lovely walk” hoping neither had heard or seen the now torrential rain loudly hammering down the window. Our beloved rather naughty, scruffy, black, smelly Patterdale terrier named Bob, who loved us devotedly and secretly was adored by each of us, looked up from the warm, snuggly sofa horrified. “I'm not walking” Jemima defiantly shouted, with Ronny mimicking in the same tone, doing a little rain dance”I’m not going”. “Come on, it's not too bad and we will all feel better getting out” I said, trying to keep my voice light,  fresh air and nature was my cure for everything. Jemima, with a cold stare back at me, scooted quickly upstairs, Ronny tipped out all the pens in glee and started to draw and with that the dog dug even more tightly into the sofa. “See even the dog doesn't want to go out.” Ronny giggled, “Of course he does,“ I calmly said. My thoughts were, do I go into battle now and have a thoroughly miserable walk with two incredibly grumpy, wet stubborn children or do I clean up, play music, lull them into a sense of smugness thinking they’ve got out of it and start praying that the sun will come out. By that time even the dog might start hassling them! 

         Here goes, I decided to choose the latter plan. Step 1, Get Jemima on side, Ronnie would always loyally follow his sister. So I carefully choose her favorite Hannah Montana video, put the kettle on whilst humming,  I will survive, by Gloria Gaynor. Ronny started happily humming too. I quickly tidy, make a couple of delicious hot chocolates. Favorite mugs of course with the ultimate treat,  marshmallows on top, perfection. Feeling pleased with myself I gave one to Ronny, “ here you go Ronny” “ooh marshmallows” he exclaimed with delight.  I smile to myself and call up still keeping the perfect mum tone “Jemima, fancy a hot chocolate” there was a silence, I call up again “ with marshmallows” I hear movement, My beautiful daughter appears, Yes I’ve hooked them in!  “Thanks Mum, I’m still not going for a walk though” says Jemima in a matter of fact manner, we will see about that! I thought to myself, I am the queen of stubborn! I put the film on and we all snuggle in, dog included. This tiny moment is what the tears and feeling of despair is for. “Love you guys'' I squeeze them tightly “Love you mum” says Jemima with a hug. “Love you Mum” squeaks little Ronny, gently resting his  head on my shoulder. “Love you bob” we all say together at once, laughing. This is why I adore these horrors with all my heart,  completely, good or bad.  

The film ends and thank goodness the rain has stopped, “Right everyone, Lets go” I breathe,  waiting for it. “Mum” they both shout realizing they had not got out of the walk, “No way, I‘m not going,'' screams Jemima, starting to stomp off again “Yes you are” I mutter “Why should I” Jemima whines, “Because” I answer.  “Why mum” squeaks Ronny. I take a deep breath, the red mist has come over my eyes and in my deepest, booming voice “Because, I said so, that's it plain and simple, shoes on! let’s go” Without looking back I chuck their shoes at them slip my wellies on, scurry around after the now cowering dog. Open the door, breathe and smile, the sun is out and birds are fluttering around. I can smell sweet Mother nature, I can hear the newly born lambs baa-ing like babies crying. Their Mothers not answering. Yes,  I think to myself even the old ewes in the field can't be bothered sometimes.  I can hear gentle laughter, little footsteps behind. I carry on still humming the I will survive tune in my head. I get to the old rickety metal gate, turn around and once again my world is complete, big beaming faces chattering away to each other like the little sparrows flying around us. Is it worth the battle? I Ask myself. Most definitely, I tell myself as I shut the gate. As I turn back I see, my two wonderful, gorgeous monsters have scuttled off to dissect with broken sticks the mashed up, squished dead frog on the road with squeals of delight. Suddenly the dog start’s and a baby rabbit makes a bid for freedom, the kids skip up the lane captured by the magic of Mother Nature. I skip after them belting out” I will survive, ooh as long as I know how to live I know I will survive”.