The Aliens

THE ALIENS

            It was pitch black that night so the distant lights we saw from our campsite glared brightly.  We joked that they could be aliens since a beacon formed the head of each of the three bodies that stood atop the hill. Weapons were held in their hands to feel their way and perhaps paralyze their prey.  It brought to mind what my mother used to tell me.  Don’t go into the woods after dark…

            “Let’s ask them down for dinner,” I suggested.  “Chances are most aliens haven’t had hot dogs and beans as a meal, with beef jerky the dessert.”

            “Who do you think invented beef jerky?”  Jason smiled, glancing up toward the phantoms. 

            Isaac went along.  “How do you know that, Einstein?”

            “Easy, bro.  Just look at the back of the wrapper and you’ll see.”

            “I don’t see anything, you moron,” Isaac insisted.

            Jason was quick to reply.  “Do you see where it says, ‘Made in Tennessee’?”

            We all snickered, at least until the aliens began their descent and approached from the side of the cliff.  As they came getting closer, Isaac pulled out his rifle.

             “Don’t you think aliens would be able to counteract a rifle?” I asked

            “They’re not aliens, chump,” he stated.  “I’m just taking precautions.”        

            Once the three entered the circle, illuminated by our fire, they raised their arms, a long rod-like appurtenance in each hand.  “We come in peace,” the tallest one spoke.

            We looked closely as they approached us.  They were aliens!  Or, at least some type creature that had lights built into their foreheads.  Isaac raised his rifle.

            “I thought I said we were coming in peace.  Did I say it wrong?”  The speaker turned to each of the other two aliens who assured him that he used the appropriate terminology.

            “Who are you and where are you from?” I asked 

            “I’m Roderick, the short person is Emerick, and the other is Derrick.  We are from a planet not far from here, maybe two to three of your light years.  It is called Antarus.”

            I extended my hand.  “I’m Peter. The fellow holding the gun is Isaac. Jason is preparing the meal, and there’s one more of us, Danny, but I believe he’s off in the woods dropping a deuce.  What brings you to Earth?”

            Roderick seemed to be the spokesperson.  “Usually a bottle of whiskey and good night’s sleep,” he chuckled as did the other aliens.  “No, seriously, we came here for vacation.  It’s close to Antarus, the climate is similar to ours and they had a special deal on round-trip flights on what your society calls UFO’s.”

            Isaac lowered the rifle.  “You speak and understand the language very well,” he exclaimed.

            Roderick again.  “We studied before we came.  I mean, it’s not rocket science!” he chortled again with his alien friends.  “We have been here before.  Not ‘here’ here.  I think it was Orlando, the place where they have all the distractions.  Right, Derrick?”  Derrick nodded then sat on a log in front of the fire.  “We loved Space Mountain!”

            “Disney World!” Jason blurted out.

            “Yep, that’s it, you got it,” Roderick confirmed, pointing at Jason with the stick.

            “So, what are those sticks you’re holding?”  Isaac wanted to know.

            “These? We found them where the UFO left us off.  We thought they looked cool.”

            “Well, they don’t,” Jason gibed, and everyone laughed after a brief silence to see how the aliens would react to sarcasm.

            “Would you like to have dinner with us?” I added when the laughter subsided.

            Roderick turned to the other aliens who all agreed it would be nice.  

            Isaac did have one request.  “Any way you could turn off those lights.  They’re a bit annoying.”

            “No problem,” Roderick answered.  All three blinked their eyes and the lights went out.  He turned to Isaac. “The blink.  It’s like a toggle switch.”

            Everyone found a place to sit around the fire, the three aliens together.  Danny hadn’t returned yet so I knew there would be some explaining to do.

            Once all had settled in, Roderick looked curiously at the items around the campfire and suddenly asked “Is that beef jerky?”

            “Why?” Roderick’s observation had piqued my interest.

            “Well, I recognize it since, I don’t like to brag, but we invented beef jerky,” Roderick proudly announced.

            “Come on,” I said in disbelief.  “How could that be?”

            “Oh, it be, my friend.  It definitely be.”

            I ladled out the beans for everyone and asked, “Could you explain?”

            Roderick began as we all listened intently.  “Many years ago, my father came for vacation and ended up in a place called Tennessee.  He became friends with a fellow named Davy Crockett who gave him a hat with a tail on it as a gift.  Before Crockett left for Texas, he and my father were sitting around the fire and started chewing on some rawhide.  They thought how great it would be if the rawhide was dried meat and, voila, beef jerky came to be.  Luckily, my father declined Crockett’s invitation to join him in Texas.  He had to return to Antarus since he only had two weeks of vacation and he still wanted to get to Washington to see if he could rub elbows with the President.  You know, tell him he knew Davy Crockett.”

            I sat back, trying to digest what Roderick had said.  “That’s quite a story.  But, you say your father met Davy Crockett.  How is that chronologically possible?”  I thought I had put him in quite a predicament.

            “This was around the year 1834 according to your way of dating time,” as Roderick looked at me, shaking his head in disgust.  “My father is still alive, Peter.  We live long lives, much longer than your abbreviated mortality.  I mean, I can contact him and you can ask him.”

            I stared ahead in disbelief.  “No. No. I’m, well, I’m amazed.  Meeting Davy Crockett, inventing beef jerky, and all along I didn’t think aliens existed.”

            “Well, we do exist,” Roderick replied, turning toward Jason, “and this alien is ten-dollars richer.”  Jason handed Roderick a sawbuck and turned back to me.  “You see, we had a little wager that I could convince you that aliens invented beef jerky.”

            Again, I was befuddled.  “How did you come up with such a convincing story?”

            Roderick smiled.  “Let’s face it, we have a complicated light sensor system built into our foreheads.  You have to know, then, that our hearing is developed beyond what you might imagine.  We heard you talking before we came down from the mountain, with Jason’s words in our memory, and the rest was a piece of cake.”

            I became angry.  “Why, that’s no way to treat a guest,” I blurted.

            “We’re the guests,” Roderick corrected me, “and you being unhappy and a dollar will get you a lottery ticket,” he smiled a broad grin and put his hand on my shoulder.

            We finished the meal with a degree of jocularity.  The aliens enjoyed the hot dogs and promised to take credit for their invention at some point.  I asked if they would like to spend the night in our camp and they declined, saying they do their best traveling at night and needed to head back to the UFO pick-up site.  We all shook hands, even Danny who had returned and fell easily into the conversation since he had also done a couple bowls of weed while in the woods.  As the three aliens walked away after toggling their forehead lights, I asked, “Will we ever see you again?”

            Roderick turned.  “What’s your address?” he wanted to know.

            “Can’t you just find us with your telepathic powers?” I asked

            “Probably,” he grinned, “but having the address would make it easier.  Just say it and I’ll remember.”

            I spoke my address and waved good-bye.  “When might you return?”

            “Believe me, amigo,” Roderick looked back and pointed his stick at me.  “I will visit 

again if I am ever back this way.”