Letting Go

THIS STORY MENTIONS DEATH OF A FRIEND, DRINKING, SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION. IF YOU THINK THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU PLEASE DON'T READ.

Zayden's hands were shaking as he rang the bell of the cherry-red

house 2 blocks away from his. His boyfriend, Samuel, called him a few hours ago and told him that there was a party just two blocks away from his house and that maybe it was finally time for him to get out of his house. Zayden got mad and told him that he wasn't ready. Yet, he was standing in front of the house. Gosh, why was he even here? He hasn't gone out in 3 months. Not since...

A boy, no more than 17, opened the door. He was wearing a green sweatshirt that had a big, brownish stain and black trousers. His hair was messy and he looked like he hasn’t showered in a week. In one hand he was holding a red cup and he was getting support from the door to stand upward, “Who are you?” he asked with a sloppy voice. That was when Zayden realized that he was drunk, “I- I am Zayden. You probably know my boyfriend, Samuel- you know what, forget it I’m not supposed to be here anyway. Thank you for-”

 “Zayden? Is that you?” someone asked but it was too dark for him to see who it was until she came a few steps forward, “Sam told me you might show up but I didn’t believe him! Let him pass, Nate, he’s with me.” Josie, Sam’s best friend said as she dragged him in by his arm. She was wearing a blood-red dress and a pair of matching heels. Her auburn hair was pulled into a beautiful french-braid and as always, she looked gorgeous.

 “ Long time no see huh?” She said as she hugged him tightly. The place smelled heavily of alcohol. And the music was so high, he could hardly hear Josie, “C’mone, everyone's upstairs. I just came to grab a beer for myself. Do you want anything?” she asked. Zayden shook his head. He heard her say okay under her breath as they walked towards the stairs. A blue-haired girl with a matching dress bumped into him as they were walking. She raised her hand as if to say sorry. And Zayden blinked at her. As they went up the old, creaky wooden stairs, the music got a little quieter and the smell of alcohol a little more tolerable, “We managed to get ourselves a whole room upstairs.” Josie said as she led him through the house. It was definitely bigger than his and it was designed perfectly, Zayden realized as they walked through the wide hallway that had an alcohol-stained white carpet. Gosh if this happened to his house… his mother would kill him. The halls were painted beige and there were family pictures on the walls. Judging from the pictures and the house, they must be very rich, Zayden thought. 

 When they finally reached the room, the 5th one on the left side of the hall, his hands started shaking again. He hasn't seen most of these people he called his friends in over 3 months. Not since… the funeral. When they finally entered the room, which was filled with the laughter of his friends he felt… calm. Like he was back in the old days. He had been friends with most of these people for as long as they could remember. They used to be a bigger group when they were younger. But some moved and… one died. He could still remember the days they used to sit on Sam's treehouse and eat ice cream while talking about their future. Or the day he broke the window of his house while they were playing football and how Jordan, Josie’s twin brother took the blame so his mom won’t get mad at him.

 Or when in middle school, how they stole the answer to their math test because none of them studied the other night. Of course, they got caught and were sent to detention, but at least they were together.

 These people were the first people he came out to, they weren’t just his friends, they were his family. 

 The light in the room was dim and the smell of alcohol almost gone. Or maybe he just got used to it.

 “You guys, guess who decided to show up?” Everyone slowly turned around to look at them. And, even though it was dark, he could see how their faces lit up, “Zayden?” Hanna said as she rushed to hug him “I’m so glad to see you. I missed you so much!” she said as she pushed his hair back, away from his face like she always did. Hanna was and always has been the mom of the group. Always trying to keep them out of trouble and handing them bandaids whenever someone got hurt. In these 3 months, he pushed everyone but Sam away, including Hanna. She tried to reach him for a while but after some time, she also decided that she should just leave him to grieve.

 Sam was standing right behind him now. He had a big smile on his face. And when Hanna finally let him go he took her place. Hugging Zayden tightly as if he hasn’t seen him in months, even though he was at Zayden’s house yesterday. “Hey” Sam whispered into his ear. Zayden was only a couple of inches shorter than him but Sam loved to tease him about it from time to time, “Hi” he whispers back as Sam lifts his chin and kisses him tenderly on the lips. After they managed to untangle themselves from each other, they sat next to everyone on the couches. The cushions are soft and comfortable. They were made out of silk which proves Zayden’s theorem. They really are rich,

  “So, Zayden, what made you decide to leave that house of yours and come here?” Celine asks as she takes a sip out of the cup she’s holding.

  Zayden looks down at his hands. Allie, his best friend, passed away when he was at a party. She called him right before anything happened and told him they needed to talk. Zayden told her that he was at a party with everyone else but he'd come over to her house as soon as it was over. When he reached her house… he remembers that moment like it was yesterday. When he reached her house, something felt… wrong. He rang the bell and Allie’s mother opened the door. She was crying and that was when he understood what happened. Allie struggled with depression since she was 12. Zayden tried to be there for her as much as he could. She attempted suicide 3 times before her last attempt. Zayden still blamed himself for her death. He thought that if only he talked to her… these wouldn’t have happened,

 “I- I don’t know.” He said as Sam threw a hand over his shoulders and held his hand, “Sam called me and told me I should come and… I don’t know what took over me but the next thing I knew… I was getting ready. And then I found myself here.” he held Sam’s hand tighter, “You guys know that I had a closer connection to Allie. She was very important to me. I loved her like a sister. You are all family to me but she was just... different” Zayden said as he let a tear fall down from his eye. He quickly whipped it away, “But let’s not talk about this. Tonight, let’s just forget everything and have fun.” He said as a smile, a sad smile appeared on his face.

 And they did. They talked about their childhood and how they were family to each other. And after 3 months, Zayden finally let Allie go.