THE CREATURE AND THE CLIFF OVERLOOKING THE SEA

Bella sat in a small hollow carved out by the wind. It was just a small sandy place but it felt right, it felt like it was home. She came here often when she was troubled and she was troubled more often than not, and it was getting worse. The answers never came, the questions were always there but she suspected  that is life. 

The waves were high today crashing on the rocks, she could feel the pounding vibration as she sat, even through the sand. This was how she felt sometimes, like something was crashing on her and vibrating through her all the way to her deep center.  She felt she was becoming a drama queen but how do you keep from being a drama queen when it never stopped. At least she had stopped sharing these thoughts, that was the first step, keep them inside,  keep them private.  Sharing her thoughts with others just caused raised eyebrows or a flood of suggested solutions, which had they “really” been listening to her,  they would have known were too simplistic.  The depth of her sadness went beyond a thing or a moment,  the sadness had become her and she had become the sadness.  The two could not be separated!

Looking out across the water,  the movement is mesmerizing,  for whole minutes she ceases thinking and is just lost to the present and becomes part of the whole.  Feeling the pull of the waves,  brushing bits of froth and sea debris from her skin,  feeling tossed about in the weightless way water made her feel.   The sea made her feel tiny and helpless and yet she loved this feeling,  it would be easy to give herself over to it.  Feeling a chill now,  she realized the spray has reached her and her clothing is damp,  she is shivering.  Gathering her shoes,  she stands and knows in her heart today is the day,  this moment, she must stop the sadness!  The gulls are screaming overhead!  She is screaming inside!  Are they calling her to fly with them off this cliff top?  Do they offer her a way to stop the pain?   

Bella inches closer to the rock edge,  beyond is just wind and air, below, sheer cliff face and crashing waves.   Yes!   This is the way!   

She steps lightly into vast nothingness, the wind and air,  the gulls  are frantically screaming, like cheering her on!  Blessed answer!

The impact, the shock, the turmoil, the coldness it requires unconsciousness!  Bella is lost,  Bella is gone!

~~~~

Awareness,  there is awareness,  or at least hearing.  Bella awakens to blackness so intense it feels like it closes in on her from all sides.  She tries to make herself smaller, she folds  her arms around herself,  she rolls up into a ball and through it all she hears the sea, waves crashing on rocks, a hollow drum like sound reverberates through the solid rock.  She realizes she is crying!

A voice from the darkness startles her,  it is deep and foreign sounding, “Why do you weep?   Is it not what you wanted with your heart and soul?”  There is a raspy breathy sound to the voice as though it was not often used.  Then just silence!

Finally in desperation, Bella asks, “Please, am I in hell?  Or am I dead?  Or am I just mad, crazy, insane?”  “I wanted it over, this doesn’t feel like over!”

The voice again…”I could show you light, and you would think that would help, but in reality you would see you are deep in a cavern,  you are surrounded by the bones of those who wanted it to be over, those are your terms,  mine would be much different.”

“I keep it dark until we understand one another.”   “This has been hard for me too,  the water is not my natural element!”  “This place is just a place of the final reconciliation….only one brief moment to confirm your wishes or to turn another corner!”   “If you are certain, it will be painless and immediate!”  “If you are no longer certain, tell me now!”   “Do not hesitate!”

Bella screams, “Wait, you are going to fast!”  “ Who are you?  What are you?  How am I here?  How can I decide if I have these questions?”  “Answer me, WHO ARE YOU.”

The voice responds,  “I am from the past, the future, another place, a different world.”  “I am not human, as you think of humans,  I am more animal, but I feel, think and can form words.”   “I try to help desperate souls either to find ultimate peace or another way if they so desire it, BUT time is very short, my powers are very temporary,  I must again deal with the sea and it is not my natural element.”

Bella is frantic,  “I must see you!”   I must see this place!”   “I must see the bones!”

Gradually the darkness lightens from ink black to gray mist,  a large form is reclining on the slabs of stone that form the cavern.  It sits perfectly still, gazing at me intensely.  “Now you see me, are you any better off?”  “Now you see the caverns, are you any better off?”  “And look around,  the bones of those with clear purpose!”

Bella rubs her eyes,  again and again!  What she sees before her is a creature that cannot exist.  It looks like a goat with beautiful green eyes that match the green of it’s long graceful tail of a fish!  “What are you?” Bella asks,  she is very close to hysteria.

The voice cautions again,  “Time is important, you must decide, NOW!”

Bella breaks down sobbing,  “No, I am not sure!”  “There must be an explanation!”  “Reasons for you and I to be here!”   “I don’t want to end up in this cavern as bones!”

~~~~

“I am Capricorn,  I am as you can see, a sea goat!”  “I would not seem to be very attractive or even efficient, but I have powers beyond those known to mortals such as yourself.”  “I have the means to scale rocky shores such as these as a goat or when necessary my tail and I become as a fish?”  “I have been this way for myrioi ,”   “It is my place to assist if the subject is worthy and willing, someone or something has interceded on your behalf.”

Bella believes her mind has left her,  she feels empty,  this is not possible!  What or who?   Intercede?  Dreaming, I must be dreaming!  Yes, that’s it, a dream!  Her mind is racing, her thoughts a jumble of confusion.

Once again the voice….”No, this is no dream,  you and I are both real as is the contract we will now  make together, you and I.”  “Your thoughts are visible to me so you may as well speak them,  it is much more direct.”

The voice of the Capricorn is soothing, it calms Bella’s racing heart.  “Contract?” Asks Bella, “what is this contract?”

The voice ..“This day you chose to end your mortal existence,  is this true?”

Bella responds, “Today I wanted to stop the pain and that was the only way I knew!” 

The voice…”Is the pain gone?”

Bella closes her eyes, breathes deeply and realizes she is at peace, she feels content and willing to continue to learn her future.  “Please go on, what must I do now,  what is expected of me,  I must know my future!”

The Capricorn’s voice is wavering,  “I haven’t much time left to be with you, others in need are on the brink somewhere.”   “Your future will be near here, at least in the beginning, the gulls that fly and wheel around the cliffs are on constant vigil for souls in pain, who wish to end it all.”  “That is your job now, you will join the gulls, if in the future there are other skills you demonstrate, there may be other forms to take, other jobs to do!”   “Do you understand me?”

Bella reaches inward again trying to find the pain,  there is none,  she searches for confusion but finds only contentment, yes, she is at peace!

Looking now at the Sea Goat, she sees the image of him is becoming less and less, he is fading.

“Wait,  Will I see you again?”

And the voice responds….” No more need of me!”   And he is gone!

Bella walks to the mouth of the cavern and looks out at the waves breaking so fiercely on the rocky shore.  How could I have survived this fall?  How can I be standing here now?

Above she hears the crying of the gulls and opens her wings and joins them in the sky.