Contacts

I know I should have been excited about this opportunity...but all I feel is this nauesous mix of anguish and trepidation with the slightest flicker of guilt. Although I have been told numerous times by my parents, siblings, colleagues...and even the head of the Elvish court that I deserve this and that I am a hero to our nation, I cannot help but feel undeserving.

So what that I was injured in combat? So what that the unnatural and barbaric weapons of the mortal world had injured another Elf? Hundreds of elves are injured everyday on the front lines as we fight to defend Gaia...as we challenge the humans to stop their incessant destruction of their own planet. The only reason that I was getting special treatment was that because my father was on the Elvish council and because my injury was quite...well for want of a better word flamboyant in nature, at least in the Elvish world. 

Although the humans see the Elvish as a supernatural race with ' magical ' abilities, we really aren't that different. The only difference between us...at least physically is our incredibly efficient metabolisms and enhanced healing abilities. The fact that the slightly radioactive shrapnel shards currently imbedded into my eyes couldn't be healed by our advanced healing abilities or technologies as of yet made my condition even the more interesting to the general public. The luminant lime green shade of my eyes, brilliantly unique compared to an Elf's normally dark pupiless ones also sparked unwanted attention.

Sitting in the medical centre in front of dozens of medical professionals, several scientists and my entire family...you can understand why I was uncomfortable. I had always hated technology...not technology itself per say but the nasty ways it was utilised. I was a living example of how technology changed peoples lived forever...and not in a good way. 

After seeing not only the damage the human's technology had on the environment, but on my colleagues as well...I feel like my hesitation towards actually wearing one of these inventions was perfectly justified.  

Yes, I was blind...and had been for 5 years now, 5 years and 3 days to be exact. Yes, this was seen as something to pity apparently...but I had accepted this now. I had adjusted to life without one of my senses, I had adjusted back to my life before my stint in the army...so why was everyone trying so hard to get my vision back? 

The device was quite simplistic in nature...which was quite ironic compared to how it worked. Although the technology had been explained to me by the medical and scientific professionals currently looking at me in animated excitement...I refused to even pretend that I understood their complicated educated jargon. All I knew, was that these contacts would act as a catalyst to help me regain my sight...not only this but they also would cover the current supernatural shade of my eyes so I would appear somewhat normal to society. Everyone knew who I was by now anyway...a medical spectacle so I didn't really care about the vanity side of things. 

At the subtle clearing of someone's throat, I pulled myself out of my thoughts and back into the present moment.I didn't want to sound ungrateful...but I really didn't care about getting my vision back and I sure as hell didn't want to live with some 'inventive' new medical device for the rest of my life. However, a lot of people were behind this invention and I refused to be anything but the polite, obediant and loyal child and soldier that I was. 

Swallowing back the slightest hints of bile that tickled at the back of my throat, I nodded slightly with a small...albeit forced smile as I watched the several medical and scientific professionals come forward who were going to assist me in putting the contacts in. 

A few uncomfortable yet not painful minutes later and my entire view of the world had changed...quite literally. For the first time in half a decade I could see the world around me...and honestly, it was quite disappointing. Ones external circumstances should not affect ones inner peace...regardless of what senses were available. The only slightly alarming factors to me...was seeing how my youngest sister had aged...and realising how positively ill I looked.

The once shy and moody 13 year old that had once dyed her lightly blonde hair a jet black was now a friendly looking 18 year old woman that had her naturally light hair pulled up in a ponytail and was actually smiling at me as she leant on her twin brother's shoulder. Although I had heard her voice deepen over the years and her perfume tastes morph from sickly sweet into a gentle floral scent...seeing her visually older proved to be a shock, like being in a time capsule although I had been here the whole time.

Looking at myself in the hundreds of mirrors covering the labratory walls, I couldn't help but cringe at my appearence. Although I had thought I had been doing pretty well in regards to hiding my emotional trauma at my defence force experience...clearly it was easier to fool oneself without vision. No wonder my family and medical personnel had been borderline obsessive over me since I was injured...they could see that I wasn't completely stable internally...something that I thought that I had been hiding, even to myself. 

So now here I was, exactly the same as I had been minutes ago yet now I could see...and let me be completely honest...ir was kind of disappointing. I wasn't suddenly happy or excited...I didn't suddenly feel fulfillment or serenity.

All this proved to me...all this whole experience had demonstrated that peace truly did come from within...not without. I was surrounded by my family, I had made a lot of medical professionals and scientists happy by proving that their invention works...and I was a living example, a pure symbol of the genorosity and goodwill of the Elvish court. At least I had some purpose to others...I was helping them achieve their goals, even if I wasn't sure what my own personal purpose was yet.