Squabbledash

Squabbledash sat on a lawn chair and watched over his garden. The breeze blew through his hair, which was a tangle of ivy.

Had he forgotten to brush his hair again? Work was just too overwhelming these days. They kept sending him on missions left and right. Always along the lines of “There’s a gnome turning into a tree. We need you to get the medicine,” or “A gnome accidentally stayed in one place too long and is rooted to the ground. We need you to get the remedy.”

It was always a fetch and deliver quest. He was bored of it.

Another breeze rolled through his garden, rustling the leaves bringing the sweet scent of peonies along with it. He closed his eyes and laid back. He was drifting off to sleep when suddenly one of the mushrooms with blue dots lit up.

“Work again?” He sighed as he slowly stood up and pressed one of the dots. A holographic screen lit up in front of him.

“Squabbledash, come in! It’s Palooka. It’s an emergency.” (pronounced Puh-loo-kuh)

“Another emergency? Just like when Kerfunkle let his hair grow out too long and he got tangled in it?” he thought sarcastically, but replied, “Yeah what is it?”

“No time to explain now! Head to base! Kerklump is waiting for you and will fill you in.”

Then the image disappeared. Squabbledash stood there for a while. He should go… but he was just so done with all these so-called emergencies. Still, he lugged himself over to the headquarters.

“Squabbledash what took you so long? This is of utmost importance!”

“What is it this time Kerklump? Just get on with it.”

“Hrumph, fine be that way! The gnomish race could be in terrible danger, and you're complaining.”

“What do you mean we could be in danger?”

“Well some of the gnomes up at the lab found out that the humans might have caught on to us!”

“What makes them think that?” Squabbledash asked. Was he actually going to get a real quest?

“Nu uh that's classified information,” Kerklump replied.

“I bet you don’t know,”

“Be that way. Anyway they are sending you into the human world to make sure our race isn’t in trouble.”

“Me?! But-but nobody has been to the human world since Blurkdorf, and he didn’t mean to.”

“Yes, but this is important. We are all counting on you. You always wanted a real quest. Well here you go.”

“Alright! Let’s do this!”

“Follow me.”

Kerklump led him along a twisting path, behind several hidden doors, and to a room with a huge tree in the middle. The branches were rough and twisted and the leaves were bushy and wild.

“How-how did you know about this?”

“Shhh classified information,” Kerklump replied as he winked.

Squabbledash was practically bouncing with excitement. This was his first real mission!

“Here take this,” Kerklump said as he handed him a mushroom ring.

He slid it onto his finger and instantly his hands changed. The bark disappeared and in its place he had human hands.

“What the?” He muttered.

Suddenly long curls tickled the back of his neck. He gasped as he saw a strand of orange hair hanging in front of his face.

“What did you do?” Squabbledash asked.

“I made you look like a human. You didn’t really expect to be able to go into their world as a gnome did you? The humans would freak out.”

“Wh-what I mean no of course I didn’t.”

“Alright time to go,” Kerklump announced.

“Yeah but where do I– whoooooaaaaaaaa,” He cried as Kerklump shoved him into the tree.

Instead of hitting bark like he expected, he passed right through the tree. Then plomp, he landed face-first onto a black thing with yellow dashes down the middle.

“It was a good thing I studied humans.” he declared, “this here is a road. What they are used for I’m not sure, but I must be going” He dusted himself off, stood up and walked down the middle.

“Where should I go?” he wondered.

Suddenly a loud noise startled him. He glanced back and there was a car behind him. He knew that the cars hurt to get hit by so he dashed away. When he caught his breath he glanced about looking for anything about gnomes. Instead he saw a person pressing a button on a round metal thing. Water came out and the person took a sip. He stepped towards it closer and closer. He pressed the button and the metal cooled his skin. Water flowed from it.

“I could use a drink,” he thought.

He closed his lips around the metal piece spewing the water and sucked. Nearby humans stared at him in disbelief. He didn’t know what they found so confusing. The water tasted dirty and gross so he stood up and walked off.

“The only way I will be able to find something about gnomes is to ask someone.” He decided.

He slung his arm around a passerby’s shoulder and leaned in close. The person tried to inch away but Squabbledash’s grip was firm.

“I need to learn about gnomes. Where can I do that?” He asked as he leaned in even closer.

“Uh-uh well you-you can uh go to the uh library.” The man stuttered.

“Where is this lie berry?”

“Uh just keep straight then uh take a left at the light.”

“Thank you!” Squabbledash cried as he let the man go and patted him on the back. The person took off as quickly as possible.

He kept straight, and before long he reached the light. There were more of those car things stopped. Across the street from him there was a red light shaped in the form of a hand.

“It must be beckoning me to come over,” he decided.

He crossed the road. Cars screeched to a stop right before hitting him.

“Be more careful!” He cried as one car got particularly close.

“Get out of the road dummy!” A driver shouted back.

He reached the end of the road and instantly spotted the “lie berry,” though it was spelled library.

“Whoa I guess humans aren't that smart if they can’t spell things right” he thought.

He stepped inside. The lights were dim and he had to squint to make anything out. He gasped in astonishment. There were so many books. He dashed over to one shelf and started talking to himself.

“Oh my goodness, do they really have the Frog Bride here!” He yelled.

“Shhhhhhhhh” Everyone in the library exclaimed.

He glanced around curiously. Maybe it was a weird human tradition? He carried on.

“Ah and they have Lily Wonders here too!”

This time a liberian came over to him.

“Can I help you with anything?”

Her hair was back in a tight bun and her smile looked plastered on.

“I need to find all these books first The silent… oh wait” He stopped, he had a mission and he needed to complete it. “I need to find a book about gnomes.

“Well we have one in the children's section,” the librarian offered.

“Yes that will do! Where is it?”

“Stay right here and I’ll be back shortly with it.”

The librarian dashed off, returning seconds later with a book with a short man with a red pointy hat on the cover.

“Thank you,” he said as he walked out of the store.

The librarian let out a sigh seemingly happy that he had left. Then a moment later they jumped after him.

“Wait! You need to check that out!”

But their voice was lost in the drone of cars. She ran after Squabbledash, but she wasn’t catching up. Before long Squabbledash had quite a lead on her. She tripped over a rock and came tumbling down. When she got up Squabbledash was nowhere in sight. She sighed.

“I’m done with this job," she mumbled as she walked back to the library.

Squabbledash went back to the spot he had landed and glanced around. How was he meant to get back? All of a sudden a tree caught his eye. It looked just like the one he came through. So he closed his eyes and dashed into it. He landed flat on his face in the gnomish world, the book was cradled in his arms. Kerklump was standing over him along with Palooka.

“Well did you find anything?” Palooka asked.

Squabbledash held up the book triumphantly. Palooka and Kerklump scanned through the pages.

“Wow” Kerklump murmured, “They know nothing about us”

“Well congratulations Squabbledash you completed your mission.”

Squabbledash was practically beaming with pride. He had completed his first real mission.