Confession of a Vampire

Content warning: Strong Language and Sexual Themes

          “I have a confession to make.”

           “Okay?”

           Francine grimaced. “You know how I never eat my lunch?”

           I eyed the sandwich that sat untouched on her plate as I choked down a bite of my own. “I can’t really blame you, to be honest. The food here’s nasty.”

           “That’s not what I mean,” she sighed. “I wouldn’t eat it even if it were a meal at a five-star restaurant.”

           “Oh. Vegan, huh?”

           “Will you stop? You’re not going to guess it.”

           I swallowed the snarky comment that leapt to my lips. “Sorry. You were saying?”

           “I wouldn’t eat it because I can’t… uh. Eat solid foods.”

           “Okay, I’ll bite.” I set down my sandwich and rested my chin on my hands, giving her my undivided attention. “If you can’t eat solid foods, why do you bother wasting money on school lunches every day?”

           Francine rolled her bright red eyes. “That’s what strikes you as strange?”

           “Look, all I’m saying is that it’s very financially irresponsible of you, and just wasteful in general.”

           “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.” Francine folded her arms across her chest, biting her lip with an unusually sharp incisor.

           “I just have one of those faces,” I replied with a smirk. “So you don’t eat solid foods. Cool. So are we talking applesauce? Protein shakes? Blood?”

           Her already pale face turned white as a sheet. “What?”

           “I’m kidding,” I assured her. “Applesauce is like, 99% sugar. Only eating applesauce is a death sentence.”

           “You know already, don’t you? What I am? That’s why you’re making so many jokes.”

           “I’m making so many jokes because this is a fucking weird conversation, Cine.” I took another bite of my rancid sandwich, grimacing as it turned to ash on my tongue. “I half-expected you to come out as a lesbian or something, not brag about your eating habits.”

           “Jean, you’re my girlfriend. You know I’m a fucking lesbian.”

           I gagged. “I’m a girl?!”

           “I can’t do this with you right now,” Francine announced, rising from her chair. “You’re impossible.”

           “Babe, wait.” I reached out and snagged her hand before she could pull away.

           “Are you going to listen or are you going to keep making fun of me?”

           “Can’t I do both? Hang on, wait,” I sighed as she made to leave again. “That was the last one, promise. Please stay.”

           “Okay.” She sat back down, still holding my hand. She seemed to be struggling with whatever it was she wanted to say.

           “So you don’t eat solid foods,” I prompted. “Are you on a special diet?”

           She nodded.

           “Is it a weight loss thing?”

           “No.”

           “Meniere’s disease?”

           She snorted. “No. I can… what you said earlier, you were right.”

           “Which part?”

           “About what I can eat.”

           “Applesauce?”

           “Blood.”

           I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank the big guy in the sky.”

           Francine raised an eyebrow at me. “Didn’t you hear me?”

           “Yeah, babe, listen. I’m just thrilled you aren’t downing applesauce by the bucket.”

           “You… don’t think it’s weird I drink blood?”

           “Is it human blood?”

           “Usually.”

           “Fresh?”

           “Yes.”

           I whistled. “That’s pretty metal.”

           “You would think so.”

           “Does that make you a vampire or something? Because that’d be really hot.”

           Spots of color appeared on her sallow cheeks. “It might.”

           “Cool. Can I ask you a question?”

           “I—yes.”

           “How old are you?”

           “Eighteen.”

           I narrowed my eyes at her. “How long have you been eighteen?”

           Francine glared back at me. “I was only turned a few months ago. Do you really think I’d spend my immortal life hanging out in high school looking for a girlfriend otherwise?”

           I raised my hands defensively. “This is my first time meeting a creature of the night, babe, cut me some slack here.”

           She sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. All things considered; you’re taking this a lot better than I expected.”

           “Did you expect me to go straight for the stakes and garlic?”

           “The thought may have crossed my mind.”

           “Trust me, babe, the only time I’ll stab you with a long rod is—”

           “Jean! We’re in public!”

           “Oh, but admitting to drinking people in public is fine.”

           “Grow up,” she snapped. “It’s not like I kill them or anything.”

           “Grow up,” I echoed in my most childish voice. “You first, vampire.”

           “Fuck you.”

           “Please do.”

           “But why doesn’t it bother you?” The fire was gone from her voice; she seemed more vulnerable than I’d ever seen her. “I’m a monster.”

           “So’s my dad,” I countered. “My mom stayed with him.”

           “That doesn’t exactly make me feel better, Jean.”

           “I know.” I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I’m just teasing.”

           “You promised you wouldn’t.”

           “I did,” I admitted. “Sorry.”

           “You deserve so much better than I can give you," Francine whispered. "You should be with someone who can grow old with you, who can experience the joys of a normal human existence with you. Not some thing that’ll burn up in the sun.”

           I ran my free hand through the frizzy red hair that framed my freckled face. “Now who’s teasing who?”

           She chuckled softly, unconvinced.

           “Besides,” I continued. “I don’t think I’m really cut out for an ordinary human life, Cine. And if I’m not going to have one of those, I might as well spend it with another super-hot vampire babe, you know?”

           Francine released my hand with a frustrated huff. “How can you say that? You don’t know what it’s like to be what I am!”

           “What are you talking about?”

           Her face flushed with anger. “What am I—have you been paying attention at all?”

           “If anyone hasn’t been paying attention, it’s you,” I countered, smiling wide.

           “What do you—oh. Oh.” Thunderstruck, she gently pressed a finger against one of my exposed fangs. “You are... impossible. How did this happen? When?”

           I pulled the collar of my flannel shirt down, exposing four red dots set into the pale flesh of my neck. “What can I say? You give one hell of a hickey, babe.”