A Different Path

Emily had been frightened of the woods even when she was alive.

It was now ten months since she’d been brought here by her father,crying and screaming for her mummy.He’d been calling her the cruellest,most horrible names,half carrying her,half dragging her across the forest floor,scratching her arms and legs as they went.

When they’d come to a halt he put his hands around her neck.She remembered how big they were,how rough they seemed.She recalled how he couldn’t look at her face.

She’d fallen asleep after that.When she woke up she saw her daddy digging.Her vision was blurred because her eyes were sore from crying and she couldn’t speak because her throat ached from screaming.

When her daddy had finished she saw him pick something up and throw it in the hole.The object filled both his arms.She thought it might be a dog,but,looking more intently,she saw it was wearing clothes,a little girl’s clothes.Her daddy heaped soil and leaves on whatever he’d put in the ground.This all made no sense to her.Why was her daddy burying a dolly in the forest?

Her father halted in his task and looked around him.When his gaze reached her face she tried to speak,but no sound came out.He looked straight at her and then away again as if he hadn’t seen her.She was suddenly aware of how cold she was.She’d been cold many times before.When she was “naughty” her parents would lock her out of the house and she’d have to sit alone in the garden,wearing only her nightgown,whatever the weather.But this cold was a thousand times worse,she couldn’t summon the words to describe it.She’d experienced having her hands and feet so numb she thought they might drop off,but this chill inhabited her entire being,her little bones felt turned to ice.

She looked up and saw her daddy walking away.She yelled out,he turned around briefly,then carried on walking.Why was he pretending he couldn’t see her? She shouted again and started to cry.She was angry with her daddy for hurting her,but she couldn’t bear the thought of being left here alone.It was so dark and she was so very,very cold.

She tried to run after him,but her legs were sore and wouldn’t work as they normally did.She was so confused.Why was she being left? She didn’t think she’d been bad,though often she got punished when she hadn’t realised she’d done anything wrong.

She followed her daddy,as quickly as she was able,until she saw him get back in the car.She tried even harder to run towards him,but she couldn’t move,it was like she was stuck.

She watched her daddy drive away and she was alone in the forest.She didn’t usually cry as much as other little girls because when she did she was smacked,but she cried now.She bawled,she wailed,she lay on the ground,choking with sobs.

When she had no more tears left she tried one last time to walk out of the woods,but she was already resigned to the knowledge she’d be unable to manage it.

The forest seemed so vast and threatening,but it no longer appeared so dark.She was surprised by how clearly she could see.And everything was so loud.She could hear little animals scurrying through the fallen leaves and birds twittering high above her in the trees.It was overwhelming,but she carried on walking.She hadn’t intended to return to the spot her daddy had left her,but that’s where her feet led.She stood staring at the pile of leaves her dad had placed at the point he’d buried.....

The knowledge slapped her,it slapped her harder than her parents ever had.It was her,it was her that was buried in the cold,forest earth.She collapsed in despair.She cried until she was so exhausted she fell asleep on top of her own little grave.

She was woken the next morning by a cacophony of bird song.She looked up to see she was blanketed by the sky,then looked down at where she was lying and began to cry again,but only briefly.She was no longer sure if this was real or a dream.She tried to remember what had happened last night.She recalled her daddy’s hands around her neck,but when she touched it there was no pain.She inspected her arms and legs.She thought she’d been yanked along the ground,but there were no cuts and bruises.Memories were gradually trickling back.Her daddy looking at her yet not seeing her,the way she’d followed him to where the trees ended,then seen him drive away without being able to go after him.

She walked again to the very edge of the woods.The journey was longer than she’d remembered,but she didn’t feel tired and when she looked down she saw she wore no shoes yet hadn’t even been aware of it.She reached the exact location she’d been the previous night,tried to step into the open and.....nothing.Her legs wouldn’t move no matter how she strained.She started to get upset again.Not sad this time,but frustrated.

She spotted an old man walking a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel,her favourite kind of dog.She’d ask him to help her.

“Excuse me......excuse me.” The man was very rude,he just ignored her.The little dog didn’t,she was jumping up and down,barking and wagging her tail,all at the same time.Emily desperately wanted to stroke her,but the old man was so grumpy,disregarding her and shouting at the dog,she feared she might be told off.

She saw two other people with their dogs.They too paid her no attention whilst their pets became highly agitated.She was only a little girl,but she knew something odd was happening.She remembered her mummy telling her that if you ever thought you might be dreaming then you should pinch yourself to see if it was possible to wake up.Well,she pinched herself over and over,on her arms,her legs,even her face and yet,here she stayed and,what’s more,she felt no pain at all.

She strode through the forest for the rest of the day trying to work things out .The answer she kept returning to was the one that couldn’t possibly be true. “Am I.....am I a ghost?” Mummy had told her there was no such thing as ghosts,but she didn’t think her mummy always told the truth.

..........

As time passed,she began to feel at home in the forest.She wasn’t deliriously happy,but she was content.She lost her fear of the dark and she enjoyed being outdoors without ever feeling cold.She adored the little animals that dwelled there,but what she loved most was that no one could hurt her anymore.

Wondrously,she discovered that little children could see her.She’d run and play with them,then laugh at their parents who thought their offspring had made an imaginary friend.

In the summer there were so many children and dogs about that she had the most lovely time,playing well into the evening and never getting worn out.Then,at night,the little woodland creatures would flit and scurry,reclaiming their territory.She knew they could see her,but they weren’t frightened and treated her as much a part of the environment as the trees,the grass and the flowers.

As the weather got colder there were fewer people walking their dogs,the children were back at school and even the animals grew scarcer.Emily was touched by loneliness.Not sad,but melancholic.It gave her time to reflect on her previous life.She missed her mummy sometimes,there were occasions when she’d been good to her,like she saw other mummies behaving with their children,though there were other times.....

She didn’t miss her daddy at all,but there were friends she wished she could see again,especially Sophie.She was tiny and funny and kind.She missed Sophie more than anyone and tried not to think of her lest the ache became too great.

She was surprised,after a spell of her home growing ever quieter,to witness a sudden influx of visitors,especially younger ones.Some were little kids with their parents,but others were teenagers dressed in costumes that were intended to be scary,though they didn’t scare Emily.It would be silly to be scared of someone pretending to be a ghost when she herself was a real one!

She realised it was Halloween and these people were in her woods because they considered it a spooky location.She knew there was nothing to be frightened of here,unlike the world outside.She had such fun startling the smaller children.She’d sneak up on them or leap from behind a tree and they’d squeal with shock,then delight.Emily knew all too well the difference between a fright followed by laughter and one followed by tears.

She kept her distance from the teenagers.She knew they’d be unable to see her and besides she was aware they were doing things with each other that grown ups usually did.

When the little ones had departed she decided it was time to sleep.She was happy to lay down anywhere in the forest,but every once in a while she liked to return to “her” spot,the place her daddy had left her.

She walked into the clearing where she was.....she was buried.She still got upset when that word came into her head.She grew even more annoyed when she saw a group of older kids had congregated there.Eight she counted,four girls and four boys.They’d lit a fire near.....near her....no it was on top.They were burning leaves and twigs.

She’d never been so angry.She wanted to cry,but,more than that,she wanted to scream with rage.She strode purposefully towards them.She didn’t know what she would do or what she could do,but she advanced anyway.

As she got closer she realised the sound she’d taken for laughter was actually crying.The girls were hugging each other,the boys standing helpless,dazed,their faces pale in the flickering firelight.She inched closer,then closer again.She felt no warmth from the flames,but they did provide useful illumination.That’s how she saw the hole the teenagers had dug and that’s how she saw the flowered nightdress she’d been wearing the night she was dumped here.She couldn’t move,she just stared into the hole,stared at the body she’d left behind.

She finally dragged herself away and sat at the edge of the circle of trees.She observed how distraught these older kids were and was sad that it was because of her.She watched as the forest was lit up by a sea of torches as more police officers than she could count arrived on the scene and spoke to the youngsters before ushering them away from the hole.And she looked on as people in strange,baggy white suits,looking like spacemen,took samples of soil and leaves and twigs from the scene,then sat riveted with sorrow as she was gently lifted from the ground and placed with extreme care in a large white bag,then carried away.

She cried herself to sleep that night and she wasn’t entirely sure why.It had been strangely comforting to have her previous self close by,but she was also happy that her.....her body didn’t have to lie in such abject loneliness any longer.She wondered if,now it had left the forest,she would have to do so as well.Would she even be a ghost anymore?

When she awoke she saw the dirty grey sky still spread out above her and caught,in her peripheral vision, the sight of trees blown by the wind.The gentlest smile brushed her lips,for she knew she was still at home.