THE LAST LAUGH

THE  LAST LAUGH

   “ Oh  My “ I  exclaimed as I tried to stop my heavy anatomical figure from hitting the sandy terrain.  The  contents of my big beige suitcase flew as it flung open. I managed to lift myself from the ground and tried to salvage my belonging. The desert wind whistled as it carried away the light  items. I stared helplessly as pieces which had been ripped from my  precious  book were literally flying everywhere. I stood wondering and worrying ad also cursing my fate, stubbornness.   I had adamantly rejected any advice of learning the new writing skill. Maybe if I had stored y writing in a computer. I  wouldn’t  have been going  through  this.

    Here you are I heard a familiar voice .Startled, I turned round and saw Abe holding crumpled paper in his hands. He had taken the risk of racing against the strong wind to collect  my papers...I  remembered how I had inflicted this pupil with a flexible cane got from the b ranch of a slender guava  tree;  for failing miserably in the contest thus denying me the opportunity of bagging THE TEACHER OF  THE YEAR  award.

     The wind  had stopped blowing. Abe helped me organize the writing systematically. I realized that ABE wasn’t a word and letters person but he could use numerals and figures not only comfortably but also competently. Teacher, kindly allow me to come to school. I   apologize sincerely for  running  away. I  nodded, fighting tears. I hugged him and watched him running until he had disappeared the beyond horizon.

       I took large strides towards the station.  I had a firm grip on my suitcase to ensure the nightmarish occurrence doesn’t  present itself again.

       There was a large crowd at the station. The  singing urchins raised their voices expectantly anytime they thought that someone had arrived but had not noticed them. Perhaps their singing had nothing to do with me or my fellow  travellers  ,  but  it made me uncomfortable. I  tried  to squeeze  my  body towards the interior so as to escape their pitiful gazes. A  street preacher announced his arrival by singing a hymn using his already hoarse voice. The hawkers could also be heard straining their vocals as they AND n advertising their goods

   I put my hand in my pocket and found an old coin and walked towards the blind duo who were now overwhelmed by the noise and stopped singing. AS I  dropped the coin, all the remaining beggars raised the rusty metallic bowls as if expecting me to fill all  of  them at once.  I Left hurriedly and boarded the minivan which was about to set off.

“CEASARS! CEASERS!” Shouted  the tout  while swishing the wad of  notes like a ballerina’s skirt. 

 I sat next to a lass with screaming red painted lips and long shinny eye lashes which attracted blinking to my eyes any time my gaze roamed and wondered towards her . She was browsing. She could as well might be chatting. I didn’t care. I decided to mind my business ‘.   Suddenly ,  I fell off to new haven.  

I  opened my eyes to find my beautiful neighbour had alighted and had been replaced by a dreadlocked man. He wore  a long purple gown and looked as if some demon lived in him. A strong stench came from his direction. I needed fresh air, my lungs failed me. Involuntarily, I found myself throwing up. Someone joined me from behind. In a moment the bus was full of confusion. The driver had no option but to stop, park the vehicle and wash it by the river.

I was dead tired on alighting. I went straight  to the hotel and straight to bed after I  with the receptionist. The morning mail bore bold  head line   : PLAGUE IN A BUS. The government was calling upon or the travellers who had boarded the ill-  fated bus to report and be quarantined. I feigned ignorance and never showed up to the venue. Instead, I headed straight to the conference

 Lady Luck smiled  a t  me . Nobody  came up to identify me even after images were posted on social media. Be  it  : face book,  twitter,  Instagram , all the photos only showed my back partially hidden. “  PHEW !”   I breathed a sigh of relief

At the seminar I was able to use the book ABE had helped me stitch together. Of course I received a standing ovation after my speech. After all got the runners up award.

Meanwhile the travellers were put in quarantine under close  doctors’  watch. Televisions had their identities shown everywhere. They got several loathsome titles. I was greatly relieved since I hadn’t been entwined by that ugly  web  .  The  government  offered to reward whoever would bring the  unidentified  person. Just six  hours  after  the  announcement  , a lady showed up and became  my substitute. Her desire for the fat reward turned her into being the sacrificial lamb.

At the seminar things moved  as I  had anticipated,  save for few moment s  when  a participant mentioned the famous bus  incident  which filled my stomach with butterflies. I made sure to evade such situations. 

“Your presentation really impressed me,”   Mr  James told  me 

“Thank you so  much  “       I  answered even though I WAS BURNING WITH ENVY. I managed  an artificial   smile  .    Thank  goodness my face did not give my pretentious smile away.

“Tell  me; How did you do to win the second prize?”

 I avoided his eyes .I was getting angry. “He  has come to show off  !” I thought.

       “  If it had not been for one very weak child, I could have been at your POSTIOON

M r  James started as if to walk away but decided to face me.

           “Madam,  Make provisions for each  individual child without despising or intimidating the ones  you presume to be very weak. You may end up realizing that they also have particular strengths.” 

         I  closed my eyes and envisioned  Abraham racing in the wind  arranging  my papers and the out-lawed corporal punishment I administered on him after his  miserable failure.

I nodded with clouded eyes. Regret replaced envy. I  held Mr  James’ hand  with  a sincere smile.

               `During his presentation Mr  James made the  following remarks

“Dear colleagues our children are neither robots nor computers to  be programmed. They  are  humans  to be nurtured and loved. Never let your desire to win destroy them.  Their destruction

EQUALS OUR TOTAL DESTRUCTION. This has been my secret  to success. Thank you for listening”

There was a deafening applause.

                 I  purchased a book: DATING AND DANCING WITH  NUMBERS 

As a gift to  Abe.

          My return journey was as uneventful as I had wished. I arrived safely to my serene and calm  environment  awaiting  new school term.

During the morning assembly I called Abraham, apologized for ever demeaning  him  , thanked him for his help and finally presented the gift to him. A wide grin rep laced the once shy and frustrated  face. Excitement filled the air as he received an additional basket full of fresh fruits and a packet  who had been subject of ridicule and stigma after the publicized  quarantine. Media houses and newspaper publishing houses had to share in  the  government’s  bitter  pill. I remembered with nostalgia how I pioneered the throwing up without benefit.

                  The global economic crisis hit me hard. I had loans  in banks and other financial institutions. In  fact  I was backlisted. Despite the embarrassment, murmurs and stares I persistently tried my luck to get a loan. This is where I met this banker who offered to contract me to be a  part- time tutor to his son. He paid me highly. I reciprocated by giving the child my whole.

                 One day after the banker’s son had excelled in the National  Examinations and had been awarded a scholarship in a prestigious high school, I was invited to attend a party to celebrate the success.

“I  hereby  show my gratitude to one particular teacher who contributed immensely  to very my success more than a decade ago. Every  head (including  mine) turned to unravel the  

In bewilderment and confusion. Before you recognized and  appreciated my worth  several Calendars  ago  ,I had to race with the wind and vie for this trophy.” He showed me an old book which was well taken of. I read the  title  ; DATING AND DANCING WITH ---------- 

         The following morning  I found myself in bed at a high cost hospital. On the day of my discharge  , the accounts clerk handed me a brown envelope. I  opened  it and found a card with

Golden writing;  THANK  YOU

                   ABRAHAM MPOLE.

There was a cheque of an awesome amount.  The one that equals  A JACKPOT LOTTERY WIN. I have  never  set eyes on this. 

     HEY  READER  , BE MY MANAGER AND ADVISE ME APPROPRIATELY.