To the Moon and Back

The car burning on the side of the road as he passed around the turn reminded him of something he couldn’t quite remember. The dark green paint shimmered a molten black in the darkness of the wooded state road. He wondered if maybe he should call someone. Perhaps he should stop and take a look? Maybe someone needed help.

But no.

He pushed the thought away. The accident was too severe, and there would be little he could do to help. Besides, he didn’t need to get caught up in whatever drama would ensue if the police arrived and found him there, not with his son in the car with him.

“Hey, look, dad,” The boy said from the passenger seat. “It’s just like our car. Wow. Scary.”

“Yeah.” Said the realization causing a shiver to pass down his spine. It was just like the decade-old Mercury he was driving now. The same car he’d bought with his wife in the first year of their relationship. Back when things had still been good.

Back when life had still made sense. Before everything turned dark. Before everything had started to rot and fall apart around him. He still wasn’t sure what had caused it all. Maybe the rot had been there from the start, and he’d just been unable to see it.

Everyone had warned him. But he’d been so in love.

“Where are we going, dad?” The boy asked.

He blinked. The child’s voice snapping him from his thoughts. “Oh, um…” He said, searching for an answer that would make sense. Something believable to cover the simple fact that other than a direction, he wasn’t really sure. He didn’t want to lie to the boy. He’d never lied to him before, not about anything.

Not even the small lies people typically tell our children. Not even about things like the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause. In fact, when his son had asked about Santa, he’d answered with a question that he knew the boy would understand.

The question had been, “Well, you know the Avengers, right?”

“Yeah!” The boys said, lighting up at the thought of his favorite superheroes. “Thors the best!”

“Right. Well, you know they’re not exactly real. They’re pretend, but we love them anyway. They’re fun to believe in because they’re so cool.” He’d said.

“They’re real to me!” The boy had answered. “Oh!”

“Exactly. Santa’s like the Avengers. He’s made up, but we believe in them anyway because it just makes life more fun.” He’d said.

“They’re totally real, to me.” The boy said. “Like Santa. He’s cool too.”

But this was different. This time, he didn’t have an easy answer to give the kid. So, he decided to do what he always did, find a way to just tell him the truth. “I’m not really sure, bud. Sometimes, well…” He considered. “Sometimes things just get so bad, you have to get away. Things between your mom and I, I don’t even know what to do anymore.”

“Yeah…” The boy said. He knew. He’d been on the sidelines of the fights between his parents too many times to have any illusions about their relationship. “Mom is mad a lot.”

“I know. And she can’t help it.” He said. “That’s the thing. She really can’t. Remember what I told you?”

“Yeah, she has a hard time remembering what’s real and what’s just in her head sometimes. That’s why she sees the doctor.”

“Exactly. But lately, it’s getting so bad, I don’t even know how to talk to her anymore.”

“So, are we leaving, mom?” The boy asked.

“I don’t want to ever leave your mom. I can’t even stand to be away from her for a day, no matter what she says to me. No matter how much she hates me sometimes.” He said.

The boy sat quietly for a while.

He just drove, letting the child think. The kid was smart, more intelligent than he was. He knew that already. The boy was going to grow up to be a better version of his dad in every way. Sometimes, that thought alone terrified him. He didn’t want to let his son down. He knew the boy looked up to him, idolized him even. It scared the hell out of him.

“Dad.” The boy said.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I know you love mom, and I can’t tell you what to do because you’re my dad….” The boy trailed off.

“What’s up, man?” He asked.

“It’s just. I don’t think it’s going to work. You keep trying all these different ways to stop fighting with her, but it just, it keeps happening over and over. And the last time….” The boy said, trailing off again.

He knew what the kid was thinking. He was thinking about the last fight he’d seen between his parents.

“I know, bud. I know.” He said to the child.

“You can’t keep doing it. It’s not; it’s not good for either of you.” The kid said.

Wise beyond his years. “I know, bud, I know.” He said again.

They dove on for a while, the silence between them heavy in the night air. Only them, and the darkness of the road. The trees seemed to drift by, obscuring the world around them. It was almost as if they were alone in the world now. Just the two of them, driving through an empty world.

He thought of his wife and how desperately he loved her. He could still remember the way she looked when they’d been out for one of their rando walks around town. The way she smiled, coy and sly at the same time over her should when she’d caught him staring at her. He remembered the scent of her skin, hot from the summer sun. The way her skin glistened in the light. He remembered how she tasted.

The tears were falling down his cheeks before he even realized he was crying again.

“Dad?” The boy said.

“I’m alright. I’m sorry. Here…” He reached forward and flicked the screen on the phone in its cradle on the dash. The device lit up, and he tapped the button on the bottom. “Alexa, play my soundtrack.” He said.

“Playing your Soundtrack, on Amazon Music.” The calm female voice said.

Music began to drift through the car. His soundtrack station was eclectic, playing anything from heavy metal, to industrial, to 90’s synth-pop or gothic instrumental. The first song that played was ‘Too the Moon and Back’ by Savage Garden.

A well of emotion in his chest threatened to choke him. The song was one of many that always reminded him of his wife. This one, he thought, seemed to explain her more accurately than even seemed possible. The pain and confusion she’d suffered when he’d met her and during the first chaotic but exciting months of their relationship. Her fear of trust and her desperation to be loved. He could feel the tears rising inside of him again.

He double-tapped the button on the side of the phone. “Skip.” He said.

Another song began to play, something heavier.

“Nice.” The boy said.

A while later, his mind beginning to fog from the exhaustion of the night, he spotted the dim lights of the gas station ahead. “Surprised there’s one of those out here.” He said.

“Yeah?” The boy asked, blinking sleep from his eyes.

“Yeah, and open too. Decent.” He said.

“Decent.” The boy repeated.

He pulled the car into one of the parking spaces on the side and put it in park. “Want to come in?” He asked.

“Nah.” The boy said.

“Need anything?” He asked.

“Taki’s,” The boy said. “And a tea.”

“Got it.” He said, getting out of the car.

The door to the old gas station was heavy, and he struggled to open it at first. As he walked in, the music playing through the small convenience store made him pause. It was ‘To the Moon and Back.’ The same song from in the car.

That wasn’t right, was it? He looked around, momentarily blinded by the harsh light. But, no, it was a popular song, wasn’t it? Back in the ’90s, maybe? It was one of Savage Garden’s bigger hits. But when was the last time he’d heard it played on the radio?

He looked around, his eyes quickly adjusting to the light. The gas station was run down. Everything looked old, rotten. It was as if he’d walked into a brightly lit abandoned building. Nothing made sense. The lights overhead seemed to buzz in his ears, like a million mosquitos trapped in the small building, all trying desperately to escape. The noise grew louder, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to block out the overwhelming sensation that tore through his mind.

Then it was gone.

He looked around; everything was fine. The gas station, though still brightly lit, was normal. He tried to ignore the music playing overhead as he moved further into the store. He grabbed the snacks for the boy and an Honest Tea he knew the kid liked. Then decided, against his better judgment, to grab a Real Sugar Pepsi and a bag of Dorritos for himself. He usually avoided both sugary drinks and junk food, but it had been a rough day, and he just wanted some comfort snacks. So he took the snacks and drinks up to the register and sat them on the counter.

“Hello?” He called out.

Silence answered. He glanced around, realizing that he hadn’t seen anyone else in the store since he’d walked in. Come to think of it, the song had ended too. But why hadn’t something else come on over the radio?

“Hello?” He called out again. “Anyone here, I’m sorry….”

The teenager who stepped out from the back room wore an annoyed expression as he regarded him. “Yeah, sorry about that.” The young man said. “Was on my phone. Texting my girl, you know. My bad.”

“No, it’s cool; I was just….” The man paused as the music started again. It was the same song. Again. ‘To the Moon and Back.’

“You alright?” The young man asked.

“Yeah, I…” He paused. “No, what’s playing?”

“The radio.” The young man said.

“I mean, the station?” He asked.

“I dunno. Company stuff.” The young man said. “You alright?”

He stared at the teenager, trying to guess his age when he realized something. He knew the kid. He knew him from…

“No.” He started to back away from the young man, something horrible creeping through his mind.

“What’s up, man?” The teenager asked. “You want this stuff?”

“No, I…” He turned and darted from the convenience store. Something wasn’t right. None of this was right. He ran towards the car and pulled the door open.

“An…” His son was gone.

He snapped. His mind doing a thousand things at once now. He screamed his son’s name into the night, frozen between running in circles and falling to his knees. None of this was real. None of it could be right. What was going on? What had happened? What had he…?

Distorted memories seemed to blur together in his mind. Images of screaming and crying that made no sense. Ideas that didn’t seem to fit together in any linear order.

The squealing of tires caught his attention, and he spun his head to see taillights pull away from the parking lot and into the night. He could see them glowing, bright red like the eyes of a demon in the darkness. The total darkness. The gas station was dead; he realized that now. No lights were shining from inside, none illuminating the parking lot. Only the deep, cold darkness of the night.

He jumped into the driver’s seat of the car and pulled the door closed. His tires screamed on the pavement as he pulled away from the gas station and onto the road, following the glowing lights in the distance.

He pushed the car as fast as he could, struggling to keep up with the taillights as they seemed to pull ever further away from him. The music in the car had changed again, ‘To the Moon and Back’ was playing, one more time.

The road ahead of him curved, and he tried to follow it, realizing he’d lost the lights somehow. He was alone on the road now. Whoever had been in that car was gone. He was only chasing ghosts.

Something slammed against the back seat. Something from inside the trunk.

A woman screamed.

He cried out, turning to look at the source of the noise. Something slammed against the inside of the trunk again. On instinct, he turned back to the road, but it was too late.

He couldn’t catch the turn in time and pulled the wheel too hard to compensate for his mistake. As a result, the car began to skid, the wheels screaming as they tore on the asphalt.

When he hit the tree, everything went black.

The car burning on the side of the road as he passed around the turn reminded him of something he couldn’t quite remember. The dark green paint shimmered a molten black in the darkness of the wooded state road. He wondered if maybe he should call someone. Perhaps he should stop and take a look? Maybe someone needed help.

But no.

He pushed the thought away. The accident was too severe, and there would be little he could do to help. Besides, he didn’t need to get caught up in whatever drama would ensue if the police arrived and found him there, not with his son in the car with him.

“Hey, look, dad,” The boy said from the passenger seat. “It’s just like our car. Wow. Scary.”

“Yeah.” Said the realization causing a shiver to pass down his spine.