61 comments

Speculative Funny Contemporary

"Let me get this straight: you summoned me because of a toaster?"


"Yeah, you got it, bucko. That orange one right there. See it?"


"Of course I see it, mortal."


"Okay. Good. So, I was thinking. Maybe you could just wave your hands and do your magic mumbo jumbo and make it work again, Satan."


"Satan?"


"That's your name, isn't it?"


"No."


"Lucifer, then?"


"No."


"Beelzebub?"


"Now you're just being racist."


"Well, you don't have to say it like that. And you can nip that eye-rolling in the bud, too. I tell you, kids these days have no manners. No respect for their elders whatsoever." 


"You speak of respect, yet we're having this conversation because you called me the wrong name. Thrice."


"Backtalk. That's another thing you kids are good at."


"I'll have you know, unlike your precious bedtime fables would lead you to believe, my name is neither Satan nor Lucifer nor Beelzebub. It's Jimothy."


"What kind of name is that for the devil? Timothy."


"No. Jimothy."


"Jimothy."


"Yes."


"Hmm. Well, can you fix the toaster or not, Jimbo? It's on the fritz. See, look. I put the bread in and it comes out just as white as my keister. What kind of morning is it if there's no toast?"


"I cannot believe you summoned me for this."


"My wife used to be the one who did this stuff. She was real good with all those fancy contraptions. Toasters, computers, light bulbs. That kind of stuff."


"You don't know how to change a light bulb?"


"What, you think I have this pentagram of candles here because I'm trying to set the mood or something? Anyway, she up and died on me last year, my wife. Well, you probably know about that. I figure she's down there with you now, pestering people about using drink coasters and pissing in the toilet instead of the shower. She always did like hot weather."


"Do you have any idea how many eternally damned souls—"


"Hey, here's an idea. Maybe you can take a look for her after you're done here. Her name's Mary-Ellen Ross. Maybe you've seen her. About yea high. Missing two of her teeth, here and here. A real silver vixen."


"A repairman first and a messenger second? Does your insolence know no bounds, human?"


"Tell her that her husband Lester's thinking about her with all his love. Would you do that for me, Jimbo? Would you grant an old man his dying wish? After you're done with the toaster, I mean."


"No. And you're not dying. Not yet, that is. On my schedule it says you're not set to join us for another few—"


"Oh, come on. You're not still ruffled about the Beelzebub comment, are you? I didn't mean anything by it. Honest, I didn't."


"Listen well, mortal! Invoking the name of the devil is a serious endeavor. In the past, I have helped men win wars, conquer lands, gain political power, and leave the tattered remains of enemies in their wake. I have aided the likes of Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, Mister Rogers. People call upon me when they want to see the life drain from the eyes of their adversaries. I have no time to be bothered with a simple toaster."


"Hmm. Okay. Okay, I think I get it now. So, what you're saying is, if I wanted to become the mayor of this town, you could use your powers to make that happen?"


"Easily."


"And if I have someone I want to see bite the big one, you can help me with that too?"


"With a snap of my fingers."


"And if—and I'm just spitballing here, just thinking out loud—if I, as town mayor, wanted that person to meet their untimely demise by way of electric toaster, that's something you could arrange as well? You can nip that sighing in the bud too, Jimbo. I was only asking a question."


"Jesus Christ."


"Are you allowed to say that? I mean, being the devil and all. God, I'm all jumbled up now. Oops. Sorry. Was that offensive? Using 'God' like that, I mean. It's not another one of those Beelzebub situations, is it? You know, there used to be a time when Freedom of Speech meant something in this country and—"


"Enough! You win! If you wish to destroy your enemy with that toaster, if you truly need it to carry out the reign of evil, I will make it so."


"Really? Well, you don't have to go through all that trouble, but since you're offering, who am I to stop you? Hey, what'd I tell you about that sighing? And the eye-rolling? And watch out for the candles, don't knock them over. You know how hard it is to set up a pentagram when you don't have any light bulbs to guide you?"


"Unbelievable."


"Oh, I see. You have to be next to the toaster to use your powers to fix it, huh? That makes sense. Oh. Oh! You're supposed to plug that thing into the wall. Gee, Mary-Ellen could've at least told me that before she kicked the bucket, don't you think? So it works now?"


"Try it if you don't believe me."


"Alright...Boy almighty, would you look at that! Good as new. You ever seen a more evenly-toasted piece of bread in your life? Just smell that."


"Yes, yes. Very good. Now, the time has come to destroy your enemies and bathe in the rivers of their hot, red—"


"Oh. Yeah. About that. You know, on second thought, I sort of changed my mind."


"What?"


"I mean, what the hell am I going to do as town mayor at my age? Honestly. It would be a waste of my time, I think, and there's nothing I hate more than wasting time. God knows I probably don't have much of it left. Oops, there I go, using the G-word again."


"You dare renege on a deal with the devil?"


"'Renege'? Now who's being racist?"


"Silence! To hell with the schedule. Lester Ross, the day of judgment is upon you. For your impudence and insubordination, I now sentence you to a fiery, smoldering, merciless—what is that infernal smell?"


"Jeez, Jimbo, you don't look so hot. You're all red in the face. Well, you know what I mean. You need a glass of water or something? That cough sounds pretty nasty."


"That bread. What did you do to it?"


"Hmm? This? It's just poppy seed. You want some? Mary-Ellen used to bake it all the time. It's not as bad as it smells."


"Poppy seed?"


"Funny, she can pass along the recipe to that, but when it comes to working the toaster, it's like breaking into Fort Knox. Hey, maybe you should lie down or something. Seriously, you're rocking like a three-legged horse at the Kentucky Derby."


"That smell. Can't breathe."


"What are you, allergic or something? Oh. Well, you should've said so earlier. Still, it's pretty good. Made it myself. Here, I'll break you off a little piece. Oh please, it doesn't have that many poppy seeds. You'll be fine. Stop being a baby. That's the problem with you kids nowadays. Hell, back in my day, we had to walk three miles to school, uphill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow. And then we had to eat the snow!"


"Must...retreat."


"Hey, where are you going? You didn't even take a bite. Huh. Alrighty then. Well, thanks for fixing the toaster, Jimbo. Guess I'll see ya when I see ya. If you run into her down there, don't forget to tell Mary-Ellen I said hello. And thanks for the recipe."

February 22, 2023 07:44

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61 comments

Michał Przywara
21:51 Feb 22, 2023

Amusing :) Although, given the whole "selling your soul" thing is meant to be short-sighted, maybe it's also very fitting to do it for something as trivial as toaster repair. Then again, I wonder what the legal ramifications here are, with the devil fleeing. Is Lester off the hook? I gotta go buy some poppy seeds. "Oh! You're supposed to plug that thing into the wall." Oof, just got a massive flashback from when I did tech support for an ISP :) A big thing in dialogue-only is voice, and both characters come across well here. Lester stu...

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Zack Powell
01:00 Feb 23, 2023

Thanks for making sense of my nonsense, Michał. You're quite adept at seeing deeper meanings in things (this isn't news, I know, but it bears repeating). You got just what I was shooting for too - kind of a love letter to instant gratification, no matter the cost, and when that need has been satisfied, we're off to the next need and the next person. Great idea you've got, though - the devil constantly getting "tech support" summonings. Now there's a fun story. (And I can only imagine the amount of times "Have you tried turning it on and off ...

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Michał Przywara
03:47 Feb 23, 2023

Ah, yes, "instant gratification" - that's a perfect fit. Metaphor for a generation (or is it several generations, now?) Although, it is funny that while he struggles with the toaster, he seems to have no problem with his wife's bread recipe and can bake in an oven. There's something to that too - the narrow super-expert who's completely helpless in another context. Reminds me of Asimov's "Profession", with its Olympics. And also, of being stuck when Google doesn't have an answer :P

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Delbert Griffith
14:56 Feb 22, 2023

Wow! Shades of "Dr. Faustus," but with a lot more comedy. This is a wonderfully-written story with nice themes. The man was henpecked in his marriage yet still loves his wife - or he was being facetious. I love that this part is open to interpretation. I also like the allusion to a belief by many Christians that the power that Satan has over one is the power one gives to him. The man didn't stand in awe of Satan; he saw Satan as someone who could perform a minor task for him. He gave Satan (and hell) little respect. Brilliant. Great tal...

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Zack Powell
01:42 Feb 23, 2023

I'm happy to see you caught onto the ambiguity of the relationship with the wife, Delbert. That's the fun thing about not having tags and cues for dialogue - because the words themselves are the only things you have to go by, you're free to "hear" them as you please. And bonus points for your interpretation of the disrespect of Satan. That's a great interpretation! Thanks again, my friend.

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Wally Schmidt
20:31 Feb 22, 2023

Brilliant as always Plus you hit on something.. Dial-a-Devil. Could come in handy. And not just for fixing appliances and passing on messages to friends that are residing on the other side. How you do what you do in these contests, I'm not sure, but I am glad you do.

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Zack Powell
00:00 Feb 23, 2023

Thanks, Wally! Don't tell anyone, but I'm secretly hoping to see a story from you this week. Given your most recent one, I think you could easily tackle this same prompt. You do some great dialogue. Will be keeping an eye out for you this week, just in case.

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Wally Schmidt
17:48 Feb 24, 2023

Sliding in under the wire with a new story, I decided this form business is really about editing, which proved to be both difficult and useful. Did you ever edit a story so much that when you've finished, you don't know if it even makes sense anymore? That's where I'm at right now.

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Riel Rosehill
14:18 Feb 22, 2023

Hey, I didn't expect to see a story from you here on a Wednesday, not-so-last-minute-Zaddy! This was a fun read and most welcome procrastination. Guy summons demon from hell because he doesn't know to plug in his toaster? And the demon's called Jimothy?! Love it. Is there something said about poppy seeds and the devil..? I tried googling it but the article that came up just said "Poppy seeds are the devil" LOL My favourite bits: "It's Jimothy." Hahaha - Sorry Jimbo! "Oh, I see. You have to be next to the toaster to use your powers to fix i...

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Zack Powell
23:58 Feb 22, 2023

Thank you, my dear! And long time no talk (totally my fault, LOL - got sick after my birthday vacation week, and am just now getting back to the grind). Procrastination, you say? 👀 Are you up to something fun, writing-wise? Side note: How is/was Midnight NYC going? Heard anything from them yet? Let me know if you're ever in the market for feedback. I'm more than happy to give it. Double side note: The big reason this is up so early in the week is because I have a second story in mind for this contest that's more in my wheelhouse (what can ...

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Riel Rosehill
08:58 Feb 23, 2023

See what happens when you party too hard at your old age! Just kidding. Glad you're back! And yes, the feedback incentive is really cool! Which prompt did you pick? Story within a story within a story?👀 Or one of the mad ones? 😂 Believe it or not NYC Midnight results for the first round are not until sometime in April, but next week is Writer's Playground and Globe Soup results - I don't think you've seen the GS story. And yeah I'm working on 1, that CURSED novel, and 2, on a longer short story for an anthology, which is going to be a swee...

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Zack Powell
19:10 Feb 23, 2023

Don't worry, you're gonna be this old in a few months too, and then you'll understand my pain and suffering. 😂 And apparently I'm choosing one of the mad ones, because I'm trying to write for the fragments prompt. I've got a bucket list format idea that I want to try out. April until the second round! Look at me being impatient. But I guess when you're giving feedback to that many contestants, it makes sense that it'd take a while. Fingers crossed on the other two contests next week, though! (And I totally want to read that GS story. 👀) Th...

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Riel Rosehill
19:38 Feb 23, 2023

Oh no! Tumblr spoiled it all for me big time too, but I still loved watching it. My boyfriend kept falling asleep on it so now we're watching it for a second time one episode at the time so he can stay awake - it's such a fun show, but with the ending, I equally can't wait for and I'm dreading season two! 😱 I don't know how it would be after reading summaries of each episode though but I think I'd still recommend! I watched Black Sails too which was also great but also traumatizing, so OFMD is by far the most fun pirate show I've ever watch...

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Zack Powell
20:09 Feb 23, 2023

Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I've been spoiled via Tumblr, I'd probably have eleven dollars, give or take. But if you still recommend it even after the spoilers, I might just give it a watch anyhow. Might even enhance the experience, knowing what comes before and trying to analyze how the writers pull the strings to get to those conclusions. The fragment prompt honestly seemed like the second easiest one to me. (Hardest was the math one, second hardest was the double story-within-a-story, and the repeating sentence one was in the mi...

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Lily Finch
14:02 Feb 22, 2023

Zack, this story is so entertaining. Fun! A great job too! Thanks for the good read. LF6.

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Zack Powell
02:15 Feb 23, 2023

Thanks, Lily! Wanted to try something completely out of my wheelhouse, so I'm glad this entertained. You never quite know these things.

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12:49 Feb 22, 2023

Amazing, as usual :D

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Zack Powell
00:00 Feb 23, 2023

Thank you, as usual, Ms. Wafflez!

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Steven Taylor
12:59 Jun 11, 2023

It was the line about the Devil aiding Mister Rogers for me. Great use of strictly dialogue!

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Zack Powell
16:12 Jun 11, 2023

Thanks again, Steven! The Mister Rogers line was a last-minute addition, so I'm happy to hear it earned its place in the story.

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Karinna Perez
17:32 Jun 09, 2023

This is absolutely lovely. I know it isn’t the main focus of the story but I adored the relationship between the man and his wife. The intimate knowledge of each other and comfort that people that have been together that long share is honestly inspiring. I also love how teasingly he still talks about her even after her death, truly shows how much joy he got from the relationship and how at peace he is with death in my opinion. I might be way off base of course, but point is I enjoyed the story a lot:)

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Zack Powell
23:51 Jun 09, 2023

Thank you so much for this, Karinna, and you're not at all off base! That was exactly what I was going for, trying to humanize the husband (with all his many, many faults) by showing his love for his wife, even after her death. I personally think that's the sweetest, most endearing type of love, and I'm happy to see that you responded to that. Thanks again! :)

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Amanda Lieser
19:40 Mar 03, 2023

Hey Zack, This one was fun and a big unexpected in all the usual ways. I loved the way this story answered the prompt and at the core of it-I adored this love story. I was thinking the other day of all the little things my husband just does for me-without me having to ask about it. I think I’d be ill equipped to do life without him. I also really liked what the bread represents for this story-it’s very “body of Christ” in its power against the devil, but maybe I’m reading between too many lines. Speaking of lines, my favorite was the one ...

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Zack Powell
06:32 Mar 05, 2023

Thanks, Amanda. Glad you saw it as a love story too. That's how I was thinking of this when writing it, even though it probably doesn't read like one in the conventional sense. Love your interpretation about the body of Christ too. That's really good and I hadn't considered that reading at all, so thank you for making me think harder about my own story.

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Kelsey H
10:13 Mar 03, 2023

Fun story, I like the interactions between the grumpy old man who has no respect for the devil's time, and the devil who is baffled at being summoned for a non-working toaster. Also I loved the lightbulb being thrown in there as an example of technology that he can't deal with! I like how each character has such a distinct style, you never have to stop and try and work out who is speaking. The way the conversation moved between a lot of different topics was great and kept it flowing. Lots of great lines - as always! -On my schedule it sa...

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Zack Powell
11:10 Mar 03, 2023

Thanks again, Kelsey! The lightbulb joke was a personal favorite of mine - though I imagine there are actual adults out there who don't know how to change one, so I'm not sure how funny they'd find that, haha. Glad the characters sounded distinct enough - you never know writing these things, and I tried hard to make it obvious without the dialogue tags (which I thought I failed to do the last time I wrote an all-dialogue story), so that's reassuring here. And as for the "schedule" bit, I figure Lester just isn't a great listener, so even if ...

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03:55 Mar 02, 2023

This is hilarious! Exactly the kind of mind-bending, non-standard presentation of what is often a tired trope. I have a mad-scientist story out in the Interwebs with a similar off-kilter presentation. Zach, I really enjoyed this story and I agree with some of the comments below that suggest that this could be one of many! Great work!

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Zack Powell
08:11 Mar 03, 2023

Thank you very much, Noel! Thought this prompt itself was non-standard enough that my story's plot should have a plot that's just as wacky. Appreciate the kindness. (And you should totally link me to your mad scientist story - I love unconventional presentation in fiction, so that sounds like it's right up my alley.)

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Ronnie King
10:44 Feb 27, 2023

This was funny. Great work.

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Zack Powell
18:35 Feb 27, 2023

Thank you very much, Ronnie!

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Charlie Murphy
02:01 Feb 27, 2023

That was funny!

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Zack Powell
08:23 Mar 03, 2023

A belated thank you to you, Charlie!

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K.E. MacPhie
00:52 Feb 27, 2023

This was a good one :) The summoner reminds me of my neighbor here in the good ol suburban Midwest!

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Zack Powell
09:01 Mar 03, 2023

Very late, but thank you for this, K.E.! Funny enough, I was imagining the summoner as a Midwesterner when I wrote this, so props to you for catching those connections.

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Kathryn Kahn
20:41 Feb 26, 2023

Very funny! I really wanted it to be an evil plan to kill the devil, but I couldn't quite make the connections in my head. Very witty dialogue.

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Zack Powell
08:37 Mar 03, 2023

A very late thank you, Kathryn! Dialogue is not my forte, so "witty" is the highest praise of adjective.

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Aeris Walker
12:51 Feb 25, 2023

Well, you’re killing it this week: two stories and one done long before Friday at midnight 😉 I don’t know what you’re putting in your coffee, but I could use some. This prompt did not appeal to me, as I think I rely too heavily on sensory descriptions, but somehow, you managed to work in mention of facial expressions, sounds of sighing, the sight and feel of candles burning, and the smell of toasting poppy seed bread. So, great job taking this dialogue-only format and really beefing it up. I saw a YouTube video a few weeks ago about an ol...

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Zack Powell
15:53 Feb 25, 2023

Confession: I kept refreshing my activity feed yesterday, because I was SO sure you were going to post a story for this exact prompt. (Why I was so unerringly confident about that, I'll never know - I just think you would've done this prompt a lot of justice.) I really appreciate you mentioning the facial expressions/sighing/candles/smell more than you know, as that was the thing I wanted most to accomplish here: weaving in the senses, even in all-dialogue format. And I didn't think I'd be spending my Saturday looking up possessed toasted Yo...

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Aeris Walker
16:31 Feb 25, 2023

Ah last week was already packed with too many writing commitments, but hopefully this week will be more relaxed. And I actually do not lean toward dialogue heavy stories. I just don’t think it’s my strong suit, but hey I’ll take that vote of confidence! At least you have a reason to be looking up videos of possessed toasters. I had no excuse lol. And thank you for that. Maybe I will polish it up and try to find it a second life somewhere else. 😉

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Wendy Kaminski
19:33 Feb 24, 2023

Just LOL, Zack! hahaha This is outstanding! I love that he escalates the situation to the ultimate "Toaster's not working: let me speak to your supervisor" scenario. Impudent cur! hah Thanks for a rollicking good read. :)

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Zack Powell
05:32 Feb 25, 2023

Having just come from your story for the week, I'm gonna send that LOL right back to you. High praise to have someone with your comedy chops leave such a nice comment. (And now I'm even kicking myself for not going full "let me speak to your supervisor, Satan" mode!)

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Wendy Kaminski
05:41 Feb 25, 2023

hahaha :) It was implied, for sure! *grin*

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Michelle Oliver
09:58 Feb 24, 2023

Oh my goodness Zach, this was so much fun to read! I envy people who can make whole characters out of just dialogue. Jimothy is the absolute best name for the devil. (It’s actually my daughter’s nick name… don’t ask.) “Jeez, Jimbo, you don't look so hot. You're all red in the face.” Hahaha way to mock the lord of the underworld. "What, you think I have this pentagram of candles here because I'm trying to set the mood or something?“ loved it! As usual, your stories are masterful and clever. Thanks for sharing and for giving me a laugh at ...

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Zack Powell
11:05 Feb 24, 2023

Thank you, Michelle! I love how much you can learn about a person just from how they speak, so this piece was a fun thought experiment (plus, there's something about writing a story that's completely out of your wheelhouse that's incredibly liberating). And hey, as long as it gets even one laugh out of someone, I've done my job. And even though you said not to ask, I'm very curious how your daughter's nickname became Jimothy. Like, VERY curious.

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Michelle Oliver
11:55 Feb 24, 2023

Imogen Immy Immy-jimmy Jim Jimothy. Not sure if it’s an Australian thing, but yeah, her friends call her Jimothy and she calls herself that for fun. I know just weird, but you did ask.

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Marty B
04:40 Feb 24, 2023

An orange toaster? Poppy seed bread sounds good, and soul-saving :) The story flowed well through the dialogue- good one!

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Zack Powell
05:24 Feb 24, 2023

Thanks, Marty. Hoping to see a story from you for this contest. And good luck with your Rothko one tomorrow.

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J.C. Lovero
01:21 Feb 24, 2023

Hey there prompt partner! Good to see another one from you. You should know, your dialogue game is great here. I think one of the tricky things with dialogue only is making sure we know who is speaking without the tags. You did a nice job of keeping the voice between each character distinct: Jimbo with flowery language like bathe, fiery, infernal, thrice! (I cackled at the usage of that word). And Lester had his own distinct style - very easy to point out. I think it's interesting how you took something so serious and made it comedic. At ...

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Zack Powell
03:35 Feb 24, 2023

Have you ever seen "Wayne's World"? Because I'm just coming from your story and the only thing I can think of is the "We're not worthy" scene in that movie. Coming from a dialogue wizard like you, this is high praise. Confession: This story was initially going to be more serious/sad (in exactly the way you indicated, no less), but how many times do you actually get to make a fool of the devil, amirite? Had to take the opportunity when it presented itself. Side note: I felt awful writing that Mr. Rogers line. 😭 May he rest in peace, hopefu...

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J.C. Lovero
12:22 Feb 24, 2023

I have indeed seen "Wayne's World"! Don't sell yourself short, my friend! You're definitely worthy, but I appreciate the compliment regardless. I'm glad you took the humorous approach, because like you said, we never get enough chances to make fun of the red man. Plus, I think humor is a great way to deal with serious subjects in a way that is less invasive, especially for topics as heavy as death and grief. Glad you had the Mr. Rogers line though - fit the piece and added to the humor.

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