Thriving Garden

Children weren’t supposed to feel worthless, they weren’t supposed to feel like a waste of space. It took years of therapy to come to these conclusions, but they were true. She wanted to talk to her like she was still a child but JayLee was done putting up with it. 

Jessica wasn’t a parent. She wasn’t even a good babysitter. JayLee had gone through the troubles of raising herself, and she really didn’t see the point in keeping Jessica in her life. She didn’t like her, and they would never get along. Both of them were sick of the crap so why keep in touch. They had been fine without one another for far longer. It would just take a phone call and a fight would start out. She really didn’t feel like that either. A text message would be faster. What would be the proper way to say such a thing? 

Maybe just don’t call and don’t text? She could answer if needed but otherwise just let it die.  That seemed like the easiest route to take. No awkward conversations, no yelling, or passive-aggressive texting back and forth; just silence. How wonderful would that be? No more late nights wondering if a mother who never cared suddenly cares, or why she never cared to began with. Something's were just better not thought about.

JayLee left her therapist session feeling better than ever. She didn’t have to call Jessica and let her know what she was doing or where she was going. She didn’t have to be the person responsible for her mother’s happiness. Jessica might be her mother, but she was never supposed to be responsible for her happiness. It was something she had never believed in the past. How did it all come to this?

The apartment was quiet when she walked in. The cat was asleep on the sofa, the lights were all out and her girlfriend wasn’t in the main room. She set her keys down in the bowl and walked out on to the patio where her garden thrived. Green was in every corner. A lemon tree in a pot, three rose bushes, a long pot full of herbs, and a special snapdragon she had dug up and put in a pot before leaving Jessica’s house.

She watered all of her lovely plants and fed the cat. Tubby practically owned the place, but that was what cats did so no one was surprised. Hanna wasn’t home or she was asleep. There was an odd peace in the apartment that usually wasn’t present. She could breathe without feeling like she was a failure or an intruder in her own life.

She could just step away from it and even though it was a stressful decision to come to it was still important and liberating. Her life had always been about making her mother happy and keeping her feelings to herself. Hanna had been the whole reason she had gone to therapy to began with. She needed to deal with her own mess before she tried to bring a permanent partner into it.

How was this going to go? The question just kept coming back. There had to be a how to cut ties with your mom YouTube video or something, right? Personal issues were never a strong suit of hers. If Hanna needed something fixed she could fix it, if one of her many friends needed something done she was always the one they could count on, but she couldn’t do anything for herself. How was that fair? 

“Hey, Jay are you home?” Hanna’s voice wafted through the peace of the apartment. JayLee turned her head to see her sleepy lover standing in the doorway of their bedroom. “How was therapy?” She sprawled out on the couch next to Tubby. She had her curly hair in a messy bun and one of JayLee’s hoodies on.

“I think I’m going to stop talking to mom, but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I want to be kind about it, but I can’t think of how to do it in away that won’t lead to a fight.” JayLee informed her. JayLee was sitting in the beanbag chair by the bookshelf she had put up last year. It was so full of books they were considering buying a second bookshelf but had nowhere to put it.

“Give me your phone.” Hanna said holding her hand out.

“Why?” JayLee asked her, while pulling her phone out of her pocket to give to Hanna.

“I’ll call her and I can start the conversation, and then she’s going to yell at me, and you will do the thing where you can help so long as it isn’t about you.” Hanna’s smirk just made JayLee more nerves, but she really didn’t know how else to go about this, so she handed over her phone unlocked.

 Hanna dialed the number under “Mom” and waited. It rang five times before Jessica picked up. “What do you want? Don’t you know I’m busy?” She sounded angry as usual. 

“Hey Ms. Jessica I was calling to ask you if you would be upset if Jay never spoke to you again?” Hanna was always to blunt for her own good.

“I cannot believe you just asked me that! She is my child even if she refuses to do what’s good for herself!-” She had started to rant, but Hanna decided to interrupt her.

“Great so you agree that your toxic attitude about everything would be best removed from your daughters life. After all she’s never more miserable than when she’s just spoken to you.” Jessica was quiet for a moment.

“What do you mean my toxic attitude?” She demanded.

“Oh you know when you call her stupid or irresponsible or say she can’t do anything right every time she talks to you. Oh! Or that onetime you said you should have had an abortion. Most people call that toxic. You're not a kind person and a rather terrible mother you know.” Hanna and her filter-less mouth were going to be the death of JayLee one day.

“Well if the ungrateful child doesn’t want to speak to me ever again that’s fine by me, lose my number I never want to hear from either of you useless children!” Jessica screamed into the phone before hanging up. JayLee was shaking and pale. Her skin was clammy and her breathing heavy. 

Hanna got off the couch and put her arms around her shoulders waiting for her to calm down. Then JayLee busted out laughing hysterically. Her problem was solved, and she never had to speak to her mother again.