My Musical Masterpiece

The concert hall thundered with applause as my last note faded into the room. I took a big breath, lowered my clarinet and  stepped away from the music stand. I walked to the front of the beautiful wooden stage to take my bows, smiling the entire way. As I attempted to peer through the bright stage lights to see how many people attended my concert I saw that the hall was very full. I wouldn’t know the total number of guests in attendance until later that night, but it was very hard to spot an empty seat from my vantage point. Through the blinding lights, I am able to see my parents beaming up at me. My mom looks absolutely gorgeous wearing her beautiful, long, navy blue gown and a brilliant smile adorning her face and my dad looks very dashing in his grey suit looking very proud. Next to them were my two younger brothers, who somehow managed to sit quietly through my entire performance, and my fiancé who flew all the way from sunny San Diego to Seattle to hear me perform.

It is almost impossible for me to think that all of these people standing here cheering and clapping came here to see me perform tonight! I thought back to how nervous I was as I cautiously walked across the stage to the music stand, being very careful not to trip over anything and embarrass myself. I stood in front of all these people, took a shaky breath and introduced myself and the piece I would be playing. I organized my music on the stand, took a deep breath and started to play. As soon as the notes started, I was instantly transported into the music, completely forgetting that there was a room full of people there to listen to me perform. When I am performing a song I enter my own little world with just me, my clarinet, and the music. Everything else just fades away into the darkness.

After my nearly flawless performance, all of the nerves and anxiety I had up to this point seemed to have no place here anymore. Every note and rhythm, key change and dynamic was played with as much care and passion as I had within myself. The piece I created is magnificent and I still can’t believe it’s mine! It sounds like an elegant love song, a graceful dance between two lovers. It is full of soaring, twinkling, romantic melodies high above the staff that gently fall to contrasting deep, slow notes that almost sound like a sweet lullaby. Daring crescendos rising from small subtle pianissimos and falling gently back down to a gentle whisper between the two imaginary dancers. Even the sheet music looks artistic with the long runs of notes that look like tiny creatures marching up and down the pages. I have spent years creating this piece. I edited and rewrote, improved and polished each note until everything was just the way I wanted it to be.

I think back to all of those countless hours rehearsing and going over the piece- measure by measure, note by note, until I had it memorized. After that, I went over it again and again to make sure everything was flawless. I remember sitting alone in a practice room late at night practicing until my lips became chapped from the wooden reed of my clarinet and the muscles in my face became sore from maintaining the correct embouchure needed for the bubbly clarinet sound I desired.

It is hard for me to recall a time that I am not listening to some kind of music. I suppose that is what inspired me to go to school for music composition. I have always felt that being able to read and understand music, a universal language of little black lines and dots all over a page, connects people from very diverse cultures and backgrounds. I love being able to share a moment with others through music and seeing how it can transport someone to a lighter, carefree or even magical place. It has always  been my dream to create my own music- something that is so dazzling that the listener can imagine themselves as someone else or someplace else. The idea to create my own piece of music to be performed by myself came to me my senior year of college. I had always struggled with anxiety and thought that there was absolutely no way I would ever be able to perform on a stage in front of a room full of strangers. I always pictured myself sitting in the audience watching and enjoying my composition while someone else was on the stage performing it. I don’t know what exactly changed, but I decided to prove to myself that I could do this. I would overcome my fears and anxieties and show the world what I can do with my clarinet. 

As I stand on the stage taking in all of the applause and congratulations from the audience, I ponder what started my love of instrumental music. I told my parents that I wanted to learn how to play music. My father had then taken me to a music store and showed me all of the instruments I could learn to play. I got to try a few out, but fell in love with the elegant design and bubbly sound of the clarinet. After my first music lesson, I was so excited to show my dad what I learned and I made that poor clarinet squeak and squawk all over the house. Even when I was young I wrote my own songs and made my family suffer through the long squeaky concerts I would perform for them.

 When the last of the audience members trickle out of the concert hall into the cool night, I walk back to my practice room to put my clarinet back into its case and collect my things. Through years of practice and dedication, I have vastly improved my musical and composition skills. I was also able to overcome my fears and doubts about myself while making a connection with each of the people here tonight. I am so grateful to be able to share my composition with each and every one of them and I can’t wait to perform again!