I Wish I Had Not Wished

Mary and John Clark had the pleasure of begetting Joshua, after about twelve years of their marriage. They craved for a child. Mary had two miscarriages and when Joshua was born, she felt as if she were born anew. Joshua was their only son. In fact, he was their whole world. They cherished him and loved him more than anything or anyone else in the world. At times, they would slightly open the door of his room to check if he was sleeping and then they would look at him for a long time as if this was one of the most mesmerizing moments as if Josh was magic.

                       Everything in the house was set according to Josh’s taste. The whole house was a reflection of Josh. All the vases in the house were filled with fresh lilies every morning, for Joshua loved lilies. Although the house was not full of superfluous commodities, yet it was neatly and lovingly decorated. And the most amazing was Josh’s room. Mary and John worked hard to ensure that Josh had every luxury, that he was never short on anything, and that he got whatever he wanted. More like a hall, one side of Josh’s room was full of his sports equipment, the other corner was more like a study point. The roof was all decorated in a way to make it look like the real starry sky. Not every child in the locality was as privileged as Josh was, and Josh was sometimes pretentious about this too.

                       Josh was admitted to the most highly-ranking schools in the area. He joined a swimming club, he went for sporting lessons – and to make all of this possible, Mary and John had to work extra hours. Yet there was something getting utterly wrong in the once happy loving family. Josh was getting distant from his parents. His friends at school belonged to filthy rich families, where parents just left their children alone to do whatever they wanted. Josh had been hanging out with them for a long time now. On most nights, Josh came home drowsy and he smelt strange. John and Mary were having their doubts about the bunch of boys, Josh hanged out with. They came to know that they went to a pub every alternative night, they drank and danced. John was very conscious about morality and etiquette. He didn’t want his only son to get spoiled by the company of those reckless boys. Mary and John decided to talk to Josh about this.

“Josh honey, I and your father have been thinking lately that you should change your friends. Those boys are not a good influence for you. And we don’t want you to end up… to… You know, we just want the best for you”.

Josh gave a shrug, “ To end up.. what? What do you want to say, mum? I don’t understand you guys. You never have objected on anything I do, and now, all of a sudden, what makes you think that my friends are not good for me?”

John could see Mary’s cheeks flushing. He interrupted, “Josh, I think it’s time to object then if we did not object before. Those boys are no friends of yours. I don’t want you to end up being a drunkard, going to the pub every night, and flirting with roadside girls. This is not what we expect of you. You mean the world to us. We want you to be with us, to support us, to spend time with us, but you just waste all your day with those boys. You come home late and then go straight to your bed without even bothering to say good night.”

“Oh, guys, you are just acting like spoiled children… Oh, what am I to do with you… Can’t you just sleep without me saying a stupid ‘good night’? Josh snapped his fingers in a ridiculous way which made John furious.

“Don’t you dare do that in front of me!! Look, Josh, your mother is very sensitive when it comes to you. We both love you very much. It’s only because we care…”

                       Josh didn’t want any further delay in his plans, so he just acquiesced with them and left. In the evening when Josh returned home, Mary told him to get ready, for they were supposed to go to the barbeque carnival in the woods by the lake.

“But mum, I don’t want to go. You know that I don’t like party stuff. Why do you keep forcing me?”

“But my darling, it’s Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s carnival in the woods. Didn’t you like going there and playing with Samantha?”

“But that was a long time ago. I don’t want to go to this stupid food fest. Just go. You go with dad. Leave me alone. Bobby might come and pick me up. We’ll spend some time together. You don’t have to worry.”

                      John was patiently listening to all these arguments. He knew that Josh would go out with that druggy, Bobby, and go off to get some girl. He didn’t want his son to get spoiled like that. Josh had never spoken back to Mary, but today, he was literally shouting at her. Mary’s eyes filled with tears upon this outburst from Joshua. She tried to grab Joshua’s sleeve, but turned aside and went into her room. John followed Joshua angrily into his room.

           “Josh! When did you start talking back to your mother? This is what we were talking about. Your behavior is changing. You are changing. Do you even have any idea how much you hurt her? I won’t listen to any arguments. Just get ready”.

                      Without even listening to Josh, John locked his room from outside and went straight to Mary. “It’s not your fault, sweetheart. He’ll come round. It’s the first time that I had to shout at him. I feel bad now, but I can’t help it. I can’t let him destroy himself. Compose yourself, Mary dear. Please. Now let’s get you something to cheer you up”.

                      Josh was furiously knocking on the door to be opened. John shouted from downstairs, “You better get ready for the party. Tomorrow will be your day, do whatever you want with it. But for God’s sake, get ready tonight. Mrs. Smith insisted on meeting you.”

           ‘The hell with Mrs. Smith and her damn ‘barbeque fest’. Oh, I just wish I was not their son, all this over-exaggerated care and morality stuff. I would sneak off from the party and I just wish, they don’t see me getting away from the party. And then I would be free to be with Bobby’, thinking all these things, Josh put on a new shirt, he didn’t bother to do anything else.

He was sitting very silently in the car as if he was going to the party willingly. Mary and John were happy that he was with them, and that he understood their idea, finally. Josh, immediately caught a glimpse of Samantha, his childhood crush. He just thought of spending some time with Samantha and then going away.

                      Samantha came towards him and gave him a beaming smile. “Oh Josh, I’ve been waiting to see you for so long now. I requested mummy to arrange this carnival here so that we could meet again. It’s been four months now. You never respond to my letters.”

           “Ugh, Saman, I’ve just been busy lately. I hope you didn’t mind.”

           “No, no, now that you’re here, it’s perfectly fine. Do you remember these woods, Jo? We used to come here for our walks.” She held his hand tightly.

           “Oh, yeah, sure. I do. I remember”. But before he could think, they were already walking deep into the woods. A warm breeze touched their faces. Josh looked at Samantha. Her beautiful face, her shining moony shoulders, her fluttering hair, he was in love with her, or so he thought. He looked at her lips, soft, pink, and radiant. He thought what it would be like to have those lips touch his own. He put his finger on her lips, and with urgency, Samantha threw herself upon him. They didn’t notice how fast time flew, or for how long had their tongues and lips been entwined with each other’s, when Mrs. Smith called for Samantha.

           “Jo, you stay here. I’ll be back.”

                      Josh started walking into the woods. He had enjoyed the taste of her lips, and he no longer wanted to leave the carnival. He walked for some time and then decided to return and apologize to his mum. He heard a lot of noise coming back to the tent. Everyone was looking for him, including Samantha. He hurried off towards the tent. He went straight to his dad and called out to him, yet no one seemed to notice his presence. It was all strange. Mary was frantically crying his name amidst fits of unconsciousness. Samantha who was no longer wearing the bright blue dress, which she was wearing when they kissed stood there right in front of him with tears in her eyes.

                      It was as if he was invisible. He could not touch them, for his hands passed right through them as if he were smoke. They could not hear him. Mary was running about madly. He heard a girl, one he didn’t even know. Yet everyone acted as if they didn’t know her.

           “I heard a cry in the forest. The spiders have taken the boy. He cannot be back”, she said, “I am the keeper’s daughter. My father sent me to tell you not to look for the boy. You’ll never see him”.

                      Mary banged her head in the wall. “It’s all because of me. It’s all my fault. Oh John, John! My darling, my son, look for him. Bring me my child. My child is lost. My Josh. Joshhh… Joshh… Mum loves you, Josh. Please come back, Josh”. And she fell to the ground, her face covered in blood.

                      Josh tried to touch his mother’s face. He was continuously telling her that he was there, but she couldn’t see him. He was lost. Lost for her, forever. Josh could not understand anything. He was dumbfounded. He remembered himself saying, ‘I just wish they don’t see me. He held his head in his hands, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I just wish I had not wished for them not to see me. I just wish I had not made any wish. Mum, Mum, please wake up, mum. I’m sorry, mum. Josh… Your Josh is here, mum. Right here, mum. Please see me, mum. Look at me, mum.”

                      No matter how hard he shouted, everyone just looked around for him, as if he were still lost, lost in the woods somewhere.