The Greatest Person in the Universe

Patrick “Trick” Pearl had been terrified of elevators his whole life. Despite being a naturally funny and prankster kind of guy (these traits were what earned him his nickname - that and that it was an abbreviation of his name), Trick wasn’t the chill, aloof, or easygoing person everyone had known him to be, when he came into contact with his fears. Trick only had two fears: elevators and cats. Ugh, cats. He shuddered when anyone even mentioned the awful creature. Meanwhile, elevators were nearly as bad. Trapping yourself in a dark, tiny, box just so you don’t have to take the stairs. Take the stairs, people. It’s good exercise. But, of course, Trick’s boss, Vienna - or The Cat, as Trick referred to her as (he hated cats) - was the kind of person who was just too busy to be wasting her time with stairs. And that was how Trick got into this whole terrible mess.

“Yes, there’s a new case I’m thinking you could be good for - providing your OK with helping someone obviously guilty, of course,” Vienna laughed as she neared the end of her sentence. Trick, though a mildly distinguished lawyer, could never believe the kinds of things his coworkers found funny. Honestly, no wonder the whole world hates lawyers, he thought as he smiled and nodded to Vienna’s “joke”.  

“Yeah, I’ll take the case,” he replied.

“Cool. Epic, epic. Fun times.” Vienna said awkwardly.

Trick didn’t even bother raising an eyebrow. His boss was a strange person. She had the worst sense of humor and the strangest, most unprofessional way of speaking. It was hard to believe she had got so high up in the company. Trick liked Vienna - she wasn’t like most bosses he had encountered in his twenty years of lawyering. Trick had started law school young, at the age of nineteen; originally he didn’t want to go, convinced his dreams of somehow starting a career in comedy would take off, but as an extremely gifted individual, scholarships were battling each other all around him - everyone wanted to get a taste of Trick Pearl (who could probably be some kind of musician with that name). 

Vienna stepped into the elevator, still talking about the case, expecting Trick to follow her in. He didn’t follow. No case was worth being trapped inside a metal box. “Patrick.” she said firmly with a hint of confusion across her pale face that used to house the makeup that had worn off after a hard day’s work.

“Yeah?” Trick asked, trying to avoid Vienna’s sceptical gaze. “Are ‘ya getting in the lift?” 

“Huh?”

“Are ‘ya getting in the lift?” she repeated.

“What’s a lift?” Trick asked genuinely.

“Oh, sorry. I’m British. We call elevators lifts where I’m from.”

“Wait, you’re British?? You seem so American.”

Vienna looked confused for a moment then announced that yes, it was true, she was not from the isle of the Brits, and yes, that was an idiotic thing to say. This was a reason that Trick liked Vienna. She just did the most clueless, random things from time to time. 

“Anyway, are you getting on the lift?”

“Yup,” Trick replied, distracted by his thoughts concerning Vienna, elevators/lifts, and Britain.

Little did he know, he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. Or maybe it was the greatest thing he had ever done. Either way, there’s dramatic effect.

Standing nervously in the corner of the elevator, Trick tried not to look scared out of his mind so that Vienna wouldn’t think he was weak or something. Suddenly, the elevator went black. All the lights were out; Vienna shrieked, then the elevator slowed to a stop. No no no no no, Trick thought, this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. Trick had just entered the evil lair of one of his biggest fears. He was stuck in a dark elevator. “W-what’s happening?” Trick managed to gasp out. 

“Power outage, I think.” Vienna replied with much more confidence than one usually would have after screaming so loud like she did.

“Ffffrick.” Trick stopped himself from swearing just in case it was perceived as unprofessional. It wouldn’t have mattered if Vienna cared or not, though, as she wasn’t listening to Trick, and was instead mashing all of the buttons in a vain attempt to start the elevator up again. She eventually gave up and turned to Trick. “Sorry,” she said, “I just really hate elevators.”

“Oh my gosh, me too!” Trick agreed.

“Are you serious? We could have taken the stairs? I mean, I take the elevator all the time, but that doesn’t mean I like them. And I especially don’t like them at the moment.” she smiled at Trick, whose eyes had adjusted to the light now.

“You can say that again.”

“We could have taken the stairs? Are you serious? I take the elevator all the time but that doesn’t mean I like it. And I especially don’t like them right now.” Vienna repeated.

“It’s an expression.” Trick laughed.

“I know.” Vienna replied cheerfully.

“You’re really cool, y’know.” Vienna said to Trick. The two of them were sitting on the floor of the elevator, just talking. They had been in there for around twenty minutes, according to Trick’s watch, but it felt like hours had passed. “Thanks,” Trick smiled. “You’re really cool too. Like, really cool.”

Vienna smiled back at him, then looked down. She was kind of like a middle schooler who had just been partnered with their crush on a project: awkward, lovestruck, and happy. Wait a sec, Trick thought, lovestruck?? He looked at her, trying to somehow read her mind. Did she like him back? No, even if she did like me back it’s not like we could date or anything. She’s my boss. And she probably has a husband or something anyway. Before Trick could continue thinking about all of that, Vienna started talking. “Oh my gosh, Trick, guess what happened yesterday?” she said. 

“What?” Trick asked, genuinely interested.

“Ok, so I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but you know John?”

“Wait, which one? Young John, old John, party John, fancy John, gay John, annoying John?” Trick listed off all the Johns in the office. There were a lot, the youngest only nineteen and the eldest ninety.

“Um, gay John.”

“Ooh gay John. I like him.” Trick exclaimed. 

“Well, turns out he’s not gay.”

“What?? Are you serious?” Trick gasped. “Doesn’t he have a husband though?”

“No. Turns out his wife is called Kaiden. Well, his ex-wife.”

“Oh my gosh. That’s so weird.”

“It gets weirder.” Vienna spoke dramatically. “He asked me out.” she announced.

Trick was taken aback. “Did you say yes?”

“No! Of course not!”

“Ah yes, because of your husband.” Trick said sadly.

Vienna was confused. “I’m not married.”

“Oh, because of your long-term boyfriend.”

“I’m single.”

Trick’s heart leapt. 

“It’s because,” she began, 

“of my long-term crush.” she finished. 

An average reaction to that sentence would probably have been ‘crush? what is this, 7th grade?’, but Trick was far too concerned with who Vienna was interested in to care about how un-adult the conversation seemed. 

“WHO?” he practically yelled.

Just then, the lights turned back on and the elevator went up to the 5th floor, where Vienna’s office was located. She didn’t answer his question and instead told him to go home and rest, for he had been at work for long enough tonight.

Being stuck in an elevator wasn’t so bad when you were stuck with the greatest person in the universe.