Tom Orrow's Detective Agency

The phone rang, screen flashing while upbeat electronic music played. Kai opened his eyes, head leaning back against the worn office chair.

    Yawning, he scooped up the phone and held it to his ear. “Tom Orrow’s Private Detective Agency, we strive to find, solve, and resolve your issues. How can I help you?” he said, legs propped up on the desktop.

The fractured colors of sunlight danced with the motes as it threw different colors into the air. A woman hovered in the doorway, watching with round brown eyes. Light moved through her green dress as she moved. The black dog lying on the couch lifted its head, blinking its red eyes.

Kai nodded, listening as he tapped his finger against the head of a bobblehead corgi figurine sitting on his desk. The raven perched on a shelf behind him hopped down and tapped at the corgi, clicking its beak together.

“Salem,” he said, “you don’t need to call this number every time you need me to help you with something. I know it’s important, but it’s not an emergency. Yes, I understand that Wilhelm is important. I—Salem, it’ll be all right. I’ll find him. Yes,” he rose from his chair, and grabbed the coat off the back of his chair, “I’m leaving right now. I’ll keep you posted.”

The woman watched as he hung up with a sigh. “Another one’s gone missing?” she asked, moving out of the doorway.

The raven flew to the windowsill and tapped on the glass. Lien waved her hand and the window opened. Cawing, the raven took to the skies, black wings cutting through the air.

     Kai flipped his brown hair over his shoulder, fixing the collar of his coat. “Not missing, escaped. With how many retrievals I do for her, one would almost think that her charges don’t want to stay with her,” he replied, slipping into his tan trench coat. Wonder where Wilhelm hid himself today. “I’ll be back in a bit, Lien.”

    Kai waved and slipped out the door with a grin as he shut it behind him. He took the stairs, passing by a woman with writhing hair. Her yellow eyes flashed at him as she nodded her head, thin lips curled back into a smile to reveal sharp teeth.

“Afternoon, Aella,” he said.

She hissed out a reply, readjusting the woven bag hanging over her shoulder.

     Kai’s shoes brushed against the polished wooden steps soundlessly. The old brass scrollwork along the molding hosted images of flowers and birds, the warm golden color mixing with the rich red of the carpets. He followed the winding staircase down to the lobby of the apartment complex.

      He stopped at the last stair and looked over at the “Out of Order” sign hanging from the gilded gates of the elevator. “Every morning I walk down these stairs and hope to find the elevator working, yet my prayers are never answered…” he muttered.

      “And I keep wakin’ up hopin’ for by back to quit hurtin’ and for a winnin’ lottery ticket to pay for your elevator repairs,” a woman said with a swaying voice like warm molasses with a hint of spice.

She flipped through a book as she sat behind the front desk, running a wrinkled brown finger along the page. Her wild white hair was pulled back and wound into long dreads and held up on her head by a thick hair tie. Dark sunglasses rested on her nose. Her sunflower-yellow dress reached the floor, the hem bunched up over her sandaled feet.

    “No simple tonic or potion to make you feel like you’re twenty again, Mama Suga?” Kai asked. “Or a magic spell to make the elevator work again?” If it’s ever really worked.

     “No matter how many times one tries to escape the clutches of age, it always finds them in the end,” she replied, stroking the white cat sitting on her lap.

      “Very insightful. Still, you’re too young to be complaining about back pains. Wait until you’re my age and start reminiscing about the good old days when colonialism was just getting started and people believed the Earth was flat,” he said.

      “Cheeky this mornin’, ain’t ya? I don’t need to be ancient to feel ancient. May not have lived as many lives as you, but I’ve seen enough of ‘em.”

      “This seems like the perfect opportunity to make a sight joke about a blind Seer, but that would be in poor taste.”

      Mama Suga glanced up, fixing him with a blank look. “Don’t you have a job to do? Or would you like me to read some tea leaves or read your palms to decipher those dreams of yours?”

      He stopped at the door, fingers tapping against the glass of the door. “Maybe next Tuesday,” Kai said and stepped out onto the street.

He squinted against the bright overcast day that greeted him. Harbor fog clung to the red silhouette of the Golden Gate Bridge in the distance above the sloped houses. A few old trees grew up from between the storefronts, occupying the sidewalks with gnarled roots barely contained by rot iron rails.

Hands shoved in his coat pockets against the chill, he followed the steeply inclined street. A minitour and a spriggan walked by with briefcases in hand and dressed in dark suits. Small fairies and quick-winged sprites danced among the leaves. Light cut through their semi-translucent bodies from the broken clouds.

    The smell of coffee and baked goods reached Kai’s nose, and something slithered up his arm. “Stop here,” a voice hissed.

A black inky shape popped out from under the cuff of his sleeve. Sharp red eyes peered out from a dark void of a head, a jagged mouth cracking open as tendrils snaked out.

     “No,” Kai told it. “You already ate. Wait until after I complete this job.”

    “A donut isn’t going to hurt,” the smoke shape said as it strained towards the coffee shop as they passed by. “Bear claw. Glazed. Boston cream. Ooh. A dozen old-fashioned curlers might be good.”

    “Not now, Nue. Focus or take another nap.”

    Nue coiled around his neck. Two hands sprouted from its tendril body and rested on top of Kai’s head. “Don’t be like that. I’m hungry.”

     “You’re always hungry.”

     Kai waited at the crosswalk, cars darting past in colored blurs. The clouds thickened overhead, blocking out any rays of sunshine. He rocked back on his heels as the orange numbers across the street counted down. An old man with a dog hobbled down the street and stopped on the opposite side. Wrapped around the weathered hand was a hot pink leash attached to a tiny fat chihuahua with bulging eyes, a tongue permanently stuck out, wrapped in a fuzzy pink sweater. Kai tried to keep his eyes on the dog and the pair of brown loafers next to it, but he felt the draw to look up.

      A shudder ran through him as he met the abysmal slits of the Old Man’s eyes, the endless void he felt himself falling into. The Old Man’s constant slack smile turned his bones to ice as he let out a small, airy laugh. Shuddering, Kai crossed the street before the light turned, ignoring the honking of horns from cars that avoided hitting him. He walked quickly away, feeling the stare of the ancient eldritch being on him.

      “That thing still gives me the creeps,” Nue muttered, eyes narrowed at the Old Man.

      “Must be bad if you’re scared of something.”

      A pair of harpies walked out of a boutique and took to the sky, laughing as their dresses fluttered in the wind. The welcome bell on the door of a restaurant chimed as a dwarf in a plaid shirt and jeans stepped out, shooing away a group of gnomes moving around his legs as he talked on a phone. A bugbear and a satyr sat in a booth with a basket of bread rolls and salads between them. Nue snapped at a pixie that fluttered by.

      “Don’t eat the neighbors.”

      Turning a corner, Kai stopped as he caught sight of a brown and white llama with a red woven bridle standing near a yellow fire hydrant, chewing on the grass growing up through the cracks in the sidewalk. It lifted its head and stared at him with dark brown eyes.

       “Well, that’s a new one,” Kai said, crossing his arms. “Here I thought I’d seen it all.”

       “Can I eat it?” Nue asked, eyeing the llama.

       “No. Why is that the first thing that pops into your head? I thought you would have learned a bit of social decorum and what is socially acceptable by now,” he said, stepping towards the llama. A thick cord with a bronze medallion hung around the animal’s neck. “Besides, I think this may be no ordinary llama.”

       “The smell of something extra makes it more appealing.”

       A heavy sigh escaped Kai and he turned down the alley, following a familiar smell. He felt the tingle and invisible repellent of a ward ahead, but he passed through it. The alley opened up into a small garden behind a storefront with a tree overlooking a fountain and various plants. A metal windmill spun behind a stone bench. Kai turned towards the tree and met the yellow eyes of a long-haired brown and white cat lounging in the branches.

      “We meet again, Wilhelm,” he said to the cat. “What trouble have you gotten into this time?”

The cat meowed at him, bushy tail swishing back and forth. He turned his nose up at Kai and yawned.

“So, it’s going to be like that, eh? Salem’s worried about you, so it’s time to go back home.”

     “If I eat him, then you won’t have to chase down missing pets and can focus on real detective work,” Nue told him, tongue forking out towards the cat.

      Wilhelm growled. “That’s an interesting solution, but we’re going to try something else.”

     “I agree with your parasite, detective.” A blue-haired water nymph poked her head out of the fountain, resting her glittering scaled arms on the edge. “This familiar has been harassing the birds that visit the garden and eying me to the point that I want to file a restraining order,” she said, flipping a wet lock over her shoulder.

      “My apologies, Sypha, but there are those that would prefer him to be alive,” Kai told her.

      “Then those people should keep better track of their cat. Perhaps put a spell on it to make sure it stays put,” the nymph said, teeth catching the sunlight.

      “Some of the new animal familiar protection laws would say that such spells are considered animal cruelty,” he told her. “Maybe Wilhelm just really likes you.”

       Sypha scoffed, flicking a leaf out of the fountain. “If he keeps it up, he may end up disappearing.”

      “I’ll make sure to pass it along.” Kai glanced back up at Wilhelm. “Nue, can you? Without eating him.”

     “There better be a burger with fries in this for me.”

Nue shot towards the cat and wrapped his form around it. Wilhelm hissed as Nue pulled him from the tree and dropped him into Kai’s arm. The cat swiped at the Nue as it curled back around Kai’s throat.

“The cat’s starting to look good,” Nue said, mouth hanging open.

    “What happened to donuts?” Kai asked.

    “Now I’m craving burgers,” Nue said. “Fries. Milkshake. And a toy.”

    “A toy? Really?” Kai nodded to the nymph as he left the garden. “Hopefully this will be the last time I have to get a cat out of a tree in your garden.”

     “Take that llama with you too. It keeps eating our plants,” Sypha said, pointing back to the street.

    “Llama?”

Kai looked up to find the llama still eating on the sidewalk.

    “It showed up today and somehow made it past the wards we set up.”

    “How? It’s a llama, right? Unless it’s a vegetarian changeling or something,” Kai said.

     “You’ve obviously never seen a llama scale rooftops. Didn’t think we needed to ward higher than the street,” the nymph said as she splashed around in the fountain. “Take it to that little witch and make sure she figures out how to keep a better rein on her familiars.”

      Kai approached the llama, staring at its deep eyes. “Guess we’ll see if Salem wants a llama…” he muttered and grabbed the llama by the bridle.

It followed behind him, drawing the attention of a group of elves passing by. Wilhelm slipped out of Kai’s arm and climbed onto the llama’s back where he began licking his paws.

       Salem’s Animal Familiar Rescue sat at the top of a hill, storefront painted blue with white trip and gold script written across the front window. A few cat trees and perches decorated the windows, occupied by cats, various birds, and an iguana. Kai stepped inside, greeted by the cawing of a parrot and the smell of burning sage and vanilla. A few bats hung from the beams of the roof huddled together.

    “You’ll be happy to know that I’ve returned with not one but two friends for you, Salem,” Kai said to the room.

A thud came from the large wood desk piled high with books, scattered files, and a skull covered in scribbled marker. A woman’s face appeared from behind the desk, dark pointed hat askew and brown hair hanging in her eyes. She fixed the flyaways and hurried over to Kai.

“You found him?!” she exclaimed. “Wilhelm. Olliewoggle. I was so worried about you two.”

     “I take it the llama is a new familiar you’ve taken in?” he asked as Salem took the bridle, stroking the llama’s fur before picking up the cat.

      “Yes. He was brought in a few weeks ago. Tragic. His former owner died of a bee sting. Left this poor guy all alone,” Salem said.

      “I was told this poor guy managed to sneak into a garden somehow that was warded up. Might want to advertise that on his adoption profile,” Kai said as a snake slithered over his shoes.

      “He is a bit of a troublemaker. I think Wilhelm is a bad influence on him. Ollie is somehow able to slip past wards. I’m not sure if he picked up some spells from his previous mistress. I have a few that can do that,” Salem told him.

      “A llama though? What witch has a llama familiar? What was wrong with good old cats and bats?”

      She looked up at him and adjusted her glasses. “Uncommon familiars have been popular the last few centuries,” she said and set Wilhelm down on the desk. “Thank you so much for

finding them, Kai.”

      “It was a nice morning walk. Gets the blood flowing, you know?” he said with a smile. “Is there really no spell that can keep animals like Wilhelm and…”

      “Olliewoggle.”

      “There has to be some spell that can prevent them from escaping. Or maybe convince him nicely to stay put,” he said.

A white mouse with red eyes climbed up the sleeve of his coat, crawling up onto his shoulder. Nue slithered out and circled around the mouse, jaws opening. Kai scooped the mouse up and set it back on the desk.

“No,” he said and flicked the.

    “Some of these familiars have come from abusive situations, and I didn’t want to put them through it again,” she told him as she led Olliewoggle to the back of the store.

     “You could ask for consent or set up an invisible fence possibly.”

     “I’m sorry. I must be so irritating always calling to have you find Wilhelm,” Salem said, casting a sad look on the floor as she returned to the front desk. “I-I promise—witch’s honor—that it won’t happen again.”

      “It’s not a problem, Salem. But there are a few in the neighborhood that might see it as a problem. I would hate for anything to happen to Wilhelm or any of your animals. Syhpa down by the flower store threatened to eat him.”

      She sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

      “Otherwise one of those tasty treats might go missing,” Nue chuckled.

      “Pay him no mind. Enjoy the rest of your day,” Kai said and left the store. The sunlight hit his face, and he squinted. Just another ordinary day, he thought.

      “Now, I believe you promised burgers,” Nue said, slithering up his arm.

       “Hades is just around that corner.”

       “What if I want McDonald’s?”

       The harbor breeze twisted up the street, bringing the smell of salt over the scent of car exhaust. “Well then tough. We buy local and support our local neighborhood joints,” Kai told him, hands shoved in his pockets.

       “Just make sure they don’t forget the toy.”  

       The sidewalk sloped downhill, the colored houses slanted like skewed gumdrops. Pixies with iridescent wings fluttered overhead while cars drove by. The Golden Gate Bridge stood in the distance, it’s rusty smile cutting across the horizon. Kai whistled under his breath, the sound mixing with the hum of the city.