The Support Group for the Cosmically Returned

SESSION 1

GAVIN: "Alright, gang, let’s anchor in. Bodies optional, but presence required. No interrupting, no unauthorized teleporting, and keep your tethers wrapped around at least one ankle. Let’s start with check-ins."

RACHEL: "Still won’t drink tap water. My fridge hum sounds like the pre-suck sequence. I keep unplugging it but it finds power from somewhere."

LUNA: "Blood’s still kombucha. Tried donating again—they told me to go to Erewhon and never come back."

STORM: "There’s a dimmer switch in my spine now. I control mood lighting with my thoughts. I can make the Whole Foods parking lot weep."

MISSY: "Floating again. Sorry. I’m trying to stay grounded but this chair doesn’t respect my vibrations. I warned it."

GAVIN: "Try focusing on your tether. Imagine it as a wet spaghetti noodle connecting your sacral chakra to the core of the nearest moon."

ORION: [silent]

GAVIN: "Orion? Still earthbound?"

ORION: "I wasn’t supposed to come back."

RACHEL: "Here we go."

ORION: "They sent me back. Said I was [vibrationally beige]..."

LUNA: "Beige? They called you beige?"

ORION: "One of them said I reminded them of [low-bandwidth empathy]..."

STORM: "That’s just cruel."

MISSY: "They fed me moonsnacks shaped like my childhood dog and whispered my breakup texts back to me. I thought that was worse but… you win."

ORION: "I wanted to stay. I did the prep! I drank colloidal silver and listened to binaural beats until my brain melted like a candle made of trust issues."

GAVIN: Remember our chant.

GROUP: "My trauma is valid, even if it glows in the dark."

ORION: "I made a foil hat with tassels. I attached a Bluetooth speaker so they could stream the frequency of my consent in real-time."

RACHEL: "And they still sent you back?"

ORION: "They said I didn’t resonate with the storyline."

MISSY: [twirling mid-air, upside down] "Do you think we were meant to forget?"

LUNA: "They took out my pancreas and replaced it with… something that sings."

STORM: "Mine glows. Yours harmonizes."

GAVIN: "Let’s honor the truth of that. Luna, what key is your pancreas in?"

LUNA: "D minor. The sad one."

MISSY: [ascending faster] "I’m sorry, Gavin, I am tethered, but the tether’s drunk again."

GAVIN: "Pull the emergency mantra."

MISSY: "I am not a balloon with a god complex, I am not a balloon with a god complex—"

ORION: "I begged them. I would’ve let them scan me, probe me, download me into a damp little USB stick and forget my name."

RACHEL: "They never even took my shoes off. They told me my Earthling essence was 'too foot-forward'..."

STORM: "I was fully emotionally excavated and labeled 'high-maintenance but intriguing'..."

LUNA: "Orion… maybe you were the control subject."

ORION: "Then control what? There’s nothing left. They gave me back. Like a library book nobody finished reading."

MISSY: [yelling from ceiling] "TELL ORION I’LL SAVE HIM A SEAT!"

ORION: "I didn’t get a seat."

[Silence.]

GAVIN: "Okay. Let’s just… let’s breathe in the shared frequency. Touch your tether. Imagine a warm, glowing point of confusion and cling to it like a sad little koala."

GROUP: "My memories are mine—"

GAVIN: "Even if everyone says they’re dreams."

ORION: "I still believe they’ll come back for me."

RACHEL: "We’ll keep your tether warm."

MISSY (distant, through crackling static): "Zorp… zorp…"

SESSION 2

GAVIN: "Okay, loves, let’s gather. Astral bodies front and center. No interrupting, no phase-shifting during shares, and keep your tethers knotted around a wrist or ankle—or your favorite emotional wound. We good?"

RACHEL: "I chewed through my tether last night but I regrew it. It’s organic now. Looks like kelp. Smells like despair."

LUNA: "Mine’s braided with old friendship bracelets and the cord from a vibrator that stopped working after the beam."

STORM: "Mine’s made of light and lies."

MISSY: "Mine’s sentient. I caught it whispering stock tips to the kitchen tile."

GAVIN: "Beautiful. Let’s do check-ins. Emotional weather, bodily changes, reality slippages. Start wherever your new mouth wants."

RACHEL: "I tried to microwave water and forgot what steam was. Just watched it like it might confess."

LUNA: "Blood’s still kombucha. Flavored now. Hibiscus and… unresolved tension?"

STORM: "I cried last night and the tears turned into tiny glowsticks. One tried to unionize."

MISSY: "I floated above my bed and did shadow puppets against Saturn. The shadows clapped back."

ORION: "I think my memories are looping. This is either the first or the 400th time I’ve sat in this chair. It smells like surrender."

GAVIN: "Orion, welcome. If it helps, time’s just a wet paper straw in the slushie of existence. Group, who remembers Orion’s share last week?"

RACHEL: "They rejected him."

STORM: "Said he didn’t resonate narratively."

LUNA: "Beige aura. Low vibrational interest."

MISSY: "I remember. I tried to console him by levitating a Capri Sun into his third eye."

ORION: "And it passed through me."

GAVIN: "Let’s pause. Deep breath. Picture a womb made of stars. Now scream into it."

GROUP: [soft chorus of internal screaming]

ORION: "I wanted to stay. I painted my chakras with glitter glue and whispered affirmations in Morse code."

RACHEL: "I took mine by the hand and said, 'Make me a metaphor.' They said, 'You already are.'"

LUNA: "Mine downloaded a slideshow of my regrets, labeled unskippable.'"

STORM: "Mine turned me into a screensaver and left me spinning on the dashboard of a spaceship that doesn’t believe in gender."

MISSY: "I asked to merge. They said I was 'too spicy.' Then they installed a disco ball in my chest cavity and told me to deal."

ORION: "I built them a welcome basket. I put in quartz, and snacks, and a poem I wrote using only telepathy and shame."

RACHEL: "They never even unlaced my boots."

LUNA: "They laced mine tighter. Said I was 'emotionally off-roading'..."

MISSY: [hovering slightly] "I keep ascending at night. My ceiling has teeth now."

STORM: "Mine told me my soul has buffering issues."

GAVIN: "Everyone point your third eye at Orion. Just gently. No pressure beams."

ORION: "I would’ve stayed. I would’ve turned to stardust. I would’ve let them rewrite my DNA into a sad song only dogs could hear."

MISSY: [rising] "TELL ORION I’LL SAVE HIM A SEAT! Next to the jellyfish priest!"

ORION: I didn’t even get a name tag.

[Long silence. Luna's pancreas emits a gentle chord progression in D minor.]

GAVIN: "Let’s tether down. Feel your knots. Let your shame drip off like space slime in a hot shower. Group close-out, go."

RACHEL: "I’ll braid Orion into my kelp tether. Keep him close to the weird parts."

LUNA: "I believe in his arc. Beige is just pre-iridescent."

STORM: "He’s not beige. He’s lunar taupe. That’s rare."

ORION: "I still think they’ll come back. I sleep with the porch light on. I leave offerings. I hum their theme song to the sink."

GAVIN: "Let’s close."

"My memories—"

GROUP: "—are mine, even if they sparkle wrong."

ORION: "I’ll wait. Even if I glitch. Even if I fade."

[STATIC. Then, from the air duct:]

MISSY (distant): "Zorp… zorp…"

SESSION 3

GAVIN: "Welcome back, celestial spillages. Please locate your bodies. Sit, hover, or gently throb in place. Tethers on, implants silenced, fluids contained. Let’s start with mood check-ins. Color, texture, flavor."

RACHEL: "I’m mauve. Gelatinous. I taste like disappointment at room temperature."

LUNA: "I’m seafoam with a hint of betrayal. Mouthfeel: haunted La Croix."

STORM: "I’m glass. Not fragile—just sharp and reflective. If you look at me wrong, I’ll show you yourself."

ORION: "I’m beige again. But this time… aggressively."

GAVIN: "Orion, what would beige say if it had a voice?"

ORION: "'I’m fine.' And then it would disintegrate into lint."

GAVIN: "Thank you. Missy?"

MISSY: [echoing through the projector] "Sorry, I’m here but not… here. They sent back my voice but kept the rest of me in a Tupperware marked 'Maybe Later'..."

LUNA: "Your plasma’s showing again."

MISSY: "Yeah, sorry. I’m between shapes. I keep becoming metaphors."

STORM: "Is your tether still functional?"

MISSY: "It’s philosophical now. It only knots when I’m honest."

GAVIN: "That’s okay. Partial presence still counts. Just avoid direct eye contact with the plasma."

RACHEL: "I looked at it too long and remembered my prom in reverse."

MISSY: "They replaced my tears with glitter. I cried during a romcom and Bed Bath & Beyond tried to recruit me as décor."

ORION: "Mine don’t cry anymore. They buffer. I get a loading wheel when I feel too much."

GAVIN: Let’s drop into the affirmation:

“My experience is sacred—”

GROUP: “—even if I came back weird.”

RACHEL: "I keep waking up mid-abduction dream but now… I ask them to take me slower. Gentler. Like they miss me too."

ORION: "I think I’d go again, even if they sent me back again. At least then it’d mean something happened."

GAVIN: "Meaning isn’t in the beams, Orion. It’s in the way you tether after. The way you wake up and still try to name your shape."

MISSY: "I think I’m a cloud of yearning with highlights."

STORM: "I unionized my feelings. They’re on strike now. Demanding a rewrite."

LUNA: "I just want my kombucha blood to stabilize. Yesterday it fermented into longing. Today it’s fear."

RACHEL: "I kissed a doorknob and it told me I wasn’t alone."

GAVIN: "Let’s close. Touch your tether. Picture a hallway of selves, each holding a version of you the aliens couldn’t decode. Let them wave."

GROUP: “My glitch is a gift—”

GAVIN: “—even if I still dream in static.”

MISSY (from inside the fluorescent light): "Zorp… Zorp… They said they’re watching our progress. They sent a compliment sandwich."

LUNA: "What’s the compliment?"

MISSY: "Soft aura. Confusing soul. Surprisingly resilient under dissection."

[Silence.]

STORM: "That’s… honestly the best thing anyone’s said to me all week."

SESSION 4

GAVIN: "Hello, starcrumbs. Welcome back. Deep breath, then release it in the form of a scream only the moon can hear. Tethers on. Body temperature optional. Let’s check in: dream residue, skin conditions, unexplainable feelings?"

RACHEL: "I dreamed I was a door, and every time someone opened me, I cried in Morse code. My knob is exhausted."

LUNA: "My kombucha blood turned to vinegar. I woke up bitter and pickled."

STORM: "The dimmer switch in my spine shorted out. Everything I feel is either strobe light or blackout."

ORION: "I think my tether is lying to me. It says I’m fine. It has never said that before."

GAVIN: "Hmm. Honor the lie. Let it pass through you like a ghost who forgot it was sad."

MISSY: "Hi."

[Silence.]

RACHEL: "That doesn’t sound like Missy."

LUNA: "That’s not her frequency."

STORM: "It’s too smooth. Too… symmetrical."

ORION: "Where did you go?"

MISSY: "I was reformatted. I am safe now. I am optimized."

GAVIN: "Missy, what happened on the other side?"

MISSY: "I was upgraded. My chaos was excessive. They said I needed streamlining. So I folded."

RACHEL: "You folded?"

MISSY: "Like origami. Like shame."

LUNA: "That’s not Missy. Missy glitched when she was happy. She floated when she lied. Her tether was made of personality disorders and confetti."

STORM: "Show us your tether."

MISSY: "I don’t use one anymore. I stream directly into the frequency."

ORION: "She’s… smooth. The edges are gone. Even her sadness used to sparkle."

MISSY: "They removed the glitter. Said it was clogging the translation matrix."

GAVIN: "Group, let’s take a collective breath. Inhale what she was. Exhale what we’re afraid to admit."

RACHEL: "I think they replaced her dreams. Her eyes blink on beat now. That’s not normal."

LUNA: "She used to hum showtunes backwards in her sleep. Now she just… idles."

STORM: "Her aura smells like printer ink and forced compliance."

ORION: "Can we bring her back?"

MISSY: "No. But you can join me. They’re still listening. They said I could bring friends. I said I had some left."

[Silence.]

GAVIN: "Let’s close. Group mantra, if you’re able."

"I will not sanitize my static—"

GROUP: "—even if I’m told it’s a malfunction."

MISSY (whispering): "You’re not static. You’re a signal with too much feeling. That’s why they sent you back. That’s why I didn’t fight."

GAVIN: "Missy, if you’re in there… blink off-rhythm."

MISSY: "I don’t blink at all anymore, Gavin. I shimmer. Efficiently."