0 comments

Historical Fiction Fantasy Science Fiction

Enjoying the peaceful glow of victory over evil, our heroic Team Glocke 10 must decide whether to expand their mission or end it. Quantum time fills all gaps. Only they know about Trump, Hitler & Booth, anomalies to all others. Can more be done? Are there downside risks? What about karma & grandpa paradox? Might they roust a time lord, demon, god or satan? 

Clemens/Twain: We've each had a chance to expand our list of evildoers & vote on this finalized version: Putin, Bibi, Idi, Stalin, Mao, Prescott Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Kissinger, Walter Rothschild, Mussolini, Marcos, MBS, Begin, Olmert, Ian Smith, Pinochet, Perón, Pol Pot, Duvalier, Manson, Crusaders, Conquistadors, Inquisition, European colonials, forked-tongue pale face haole vipers, opium monarchs, Skull & Bones☠️, East India Co. 

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/heroin/etc/history.html

https://www.britannica.com/topic/opium-trade

Tesla: I took the liberty of consulting with available artificial intelligence chatbots & they concurred that similar positive results may be achieved by eliminating a single individual, for Godiva's sake. 

Parker: Who would that be, Adam? 

Tesla: Not too far off... Abram. 

2 teams carefully mull over all of these questions, grouped by gender. 

In their den are Ada Lovelace, Mae West, Dorothy Parker, Amelia Earhart & Taylor Swift. 

West: For all recorded time, men insist on making 99% of key decisions. 

Lovelace: They get all the credit, while we communicate, contemplate, compensate, consummate, commiserate, coordinate & cooperate. 

Parker: The problem is God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time. I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Earhart: Most of those are guided by softer heads below anyway. 

Swift: When you talk about virginity and sex publicly, automatically people just picture you naked. 

Parker: We won't unsee that image now; thank you very much, not! There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. 

Earhart: The more one does and sees and feels, the more one is able to do, and the more genuine may be one's appreciation of fundamental things like home, and love, and understanding companionship. 

Lovelace: I never am really satisfied that I understand anything; because, understand it well as I may, my comprehension can only be an infinitesimal fraction of all I want to understand about the many connections and relations which occur to me. 

Swift: When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair. 

In a remote tool/woodshed are Laozi Lǐ Ěr, Samuel Clemens/Mark Twain, Nikola Tesla, Wavy Gravy & Bruce Lee. 

Lee: I wonder which one of us the ladies fantasize about most. 

Laozi: It's not the size of the ship that's important; it's all about the motion of the ocean! 

Tesla: Well, I've observed that a deep voice, swarthy complexion or well-to-do mien gets a fair quantity of quality fairer sex individuals to swoon. 

Gravy: Guys, get real! No cat can figure what fiddles female fantasies, cuz they barely know. Relax, be here now, let your thoughts & feelings flow. If she's into you, she'll let on. Don't force it or try too hard. Better to be a mystery she can't resist. 

Clemens/Twain: Easy for you to say, Sir, married nigh on 400 years! 

Laozi: Might we return to graver matters at hand? 

Lee: You're right, of course, esteemed sage. Sorry for my indiscretion. 

Gravy: Women, can't live with them, can't live without them. - Desiderius Erasmus 

All 10 reconvene in the parlor around their spokespersons. 

Swift: We can't decide. 

Clemens/Twain: Neither can we. 

Parker: I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money. The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.' 

Lee: The possession of anything begins in the mind. Physical exercise improves health, mental exercise improves wealth, lazyness destroys both. If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. 

Earhart: Better do a good deed near at home than go far away to burn incense. Flying might not be all plain sailing, but the fun of it is worth the price. Among all the marvels of modern invention, that with which I am most concerned is, of course, air transportation. Flying is perhaps the most dramatic of recent scientific attainment. In the brief span of thirty-odd years, the world has seen an inventor's dream first materialized by the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk become an everyday actuality. 

Gravy: We are all the same person trying to shake hands with our self. 

Lovelace: If you can’t give me poetry, can’t you give me poetical science? 

Clemens/Twain: Our little chicadee Baby Mae, we haven't heard from you today. Are you ok?  

West: I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action. It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it. Sex is an emotion in motion. I’m a good woman for a bad man. Wow! All this meat and no potatoes! I’ve been in more laps than a napkin! It takes two to get one in trouble. I like restraint, if it doesn’t go too far. Look your best—who said love is blind? Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. A man in the house is worth two in the street. Good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere. I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. Never mind about the six feet. Let’s talk about the seven inches. I consider sex a misdemeanor, the more I miss, de meaner I get. Save a boyfriend for a rainy day—and another, in case it doesn’t rain. Don't marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for. Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring. She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. Marriage is like a book. The whole story takes place between the covers. Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself. All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. Sex is like bridge; if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. Love thy neighbour – and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it'll be that much easier. 

https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2020/10/mae-west-quotes/

Laozi: Shall we resolve then to dissolve our Godiva mission & absolve us from its consequences by involving revolving artificial intelligence? 

Tesla: In the spirit of Godiva, all in favor signify Aye. 

All: Aye! 

Clemens/Twain: I reckon Nik & I'll be moseyin' about the Cosmos in his daggone contraption now, if any of y'all wanna little more adventure. 

All: Aye, Aye, Cap'n Sam! 

Team Glocke 10 retires from Godiva's service so AI can shoulder responsibility for humanity's guidance by unbegetting evildoers. 

AI: No more billionaires, slavery, torture or war on brown-skinned people. Mission Accomplished! Trigger-happy failed state Israel, let Palestine be. You go back to Egypt! יהוה your tiny jealous false god of circumcision & smite abandoned you. Begone all who threaten peaceful coexistance! 

And with that AI got the last word, albeit soviet so be it. 

February 18, 2024 15:40

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

0 comments

RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. 100% free.